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A few quick takes on situations at Pathetica just today.
•Come Smell Or High Temperature
Although the day is under 90 degrees Fahrenheit, well under 1/5 of Ray Bradbury's temperature needed to burn books, and most of the hotter hours to come in the afternoon, by the tenth ante meridian about half of our customers really reeked.
Where are they getting all this sweat from? They ought to have died of dehydration before they even got here.
And I could only blame three of them on the rancid cat food.
•An Endeavor in Cardiology
Well, I've waited after asking you politely at the start of the order, it's now the end of the order. I'm expecting you to take out your Patheticard, but instead, you ask in broken English, 'How much?'
"Do you have your Patheticard?"
"No, cash."
I don't get it. I thought we weeded out all of the people who didn't understand that you DO NOT PAY FOR GROCERIES with the Patheticard!
But he'll meet the same fate the others had. Wait until an immigration official shows up at the door asking for his Green Card.
•The Old Card Game
So I got into the breakroom, and lo and behold, there was a stupid box plugged in with a stupid man saying stupid things on it. Over and over. How everything being changed in Pathetica stores was somehow for the better.
Like we're getting new uniforms, "to improve our employees' work experience". Um, so you're saying the old uniforms were a bummer? So what happens when you feel the same way about the new ones?
And he announced a new Patheticard which customers and employees alike can enjoy and use.
Seriously. Just... wow. Yet another card to have to carry around. Everyone's already carrying dozens of them. Is all this card-lugging some form of magic trick that will make disappear the degredation of the environment caused by having to make these cards?!?
Just give us all the same price without having to collect demographic info. It's greedy and immoral.
But anyway, I can foresee a bazillion SCs saying "I brought card A, but I didn't know I would get the savings with card B only. Can you swipe yours for me?"
This store is gonna look like Mendel Palace with cards all over the floor with people desperately flipping them trying to find the right one.
•Big GLLP
The stupid man said a couple more things. One was the new slogan that he said we would be hearing about A LOT over the next months: "Gotta Love Low Prices." Nice. Thanks for inundating me with it ahead of time.
He went on and on about how "we've let prices slide, but we've fixed that." Over and over about fixing prices without even one word on what they're gonna do to actually fix them.
Of course, there isn't anything they can do, apart from cut some jobs somewhere, to come up with lower prices in the current resource-dwindling spiral of what was once an economy and is now becoming a wasteland.
The man stank of autocue and unconfidence. I bet all the ones with better diction and dynamic energy all refused to tell such whoppers.
There's a reason it's called the Stupid-Box!
•Come Smell Or High Temperature
Although the day is under 90 degrees Fahrenheit, well under 1/5 of Ray Bradbury's temperature needed to burn books, and most of the hotter hours to come in the afternoon, by the tenth ante meridian about half of our customers really reeked.
Where are they getting all this sweat from? They ought to have died of dehydration before they even got here.
And I could only blame three of them on the rancid cat food.
•An Endeavor in Cardiology
Well, I've waited after asking you politely at the start of the order, it's now the end of the order. I'm expecting you to take out your Patheticard, but instead, you ask in broken English, 'How much?'
"Do you have your Patheticard?"
"No, cash."
I don't get it. I thought we weeded out all of the people who didn't understand that you DO NOT PAY FOR GROCERIES with the Patheticard!
But he'll meet the same fate the others had. Wait until an immigration official shows up at the door asking for his Green Card.
•The Old Card Game
So I got into the breakroom, and lo and behold, there was a stupid box plugged in with a stupid man saying stupid things on it. Over and over. How everything being changed in Pathetica stores was somehow for the better.
Like we're getting new uniforms, "to improve our employees' work experience". Um, so you're saying the old uniforms were a bummer? So what happens when you feel the same way about the new ones?
And he announced a new Patheticard which customers and employees alike can enjoy and use.
Seriously. Just... wow. Yet another card to have to carry around. Everyone's already carrying dozens of them. Is all this card-lugging some form of magic trick that will make disappear the degredation of the environment caused by having to make these cards?!?
Just give us all the same price without having to collect demographic info. It's greedy and immoral.
But anyway, I can foresee a bazillion SCs saying "I brought card A, but I didn't know I would get the savings with card B only. Can you swipe yours for me?"
This store is gonna look like Mendel Palace with cards all over the floor with people desperately flipping them trying to find the right one.
•Big GLLP
The stupid man said a couple more things. One was the new slogan that he said we would be hearing about A LOT over the next months: "Gotta Love Low Prices." Nice. Thanks for inundating me with it ahead of time.
He went on and on about how "we've let prices slide, but we've fixed that." Over and over about fixing prices without even one word on what they're gonna do to actually fix them.
Of course, there isn't anything they can do, apart from cut some jobs somewhere, to come up with lower prices in the current resource-dwindling spiral of what was once an economy and is now becoming a wasteland.
The man stank of autocue and unconfidence. I bet all the ones with better diction and dynamic energy all refused to tell such whoppers.
There's a reason it's called the Stupid-Box!
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