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  #21  
Old 06-23-2009, 02:05 AM
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Oh fun thread!

"We were on the roof of America, and all we could do was yell." - Kerouac

"And you, to whom adversity has dealt the final blow
With smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go
Turn to, and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain
And like the Mary Ellen Carter, rise again.
Rise again, rise again - though your heart it be broken
Or life about to end.
No matter what you've lost, be it a home, a love, a friend,
Like the Mary Ellen Carter, rise again." -Stan Rogers 'The Mary Ellen Carter'

"You will hardly know who I am or what I mean,
But I shall be good health to you nevertheless,
And filter and fibre your blood.

Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,
Missing me one place search another,
I stop somewhere waiting for you." Walt Whitman

"42" D.N.A

I have more.....I'll have to remember them

  #22  
Old 06-23-2009, 02:12 AM
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BookstoreEscapee BookstoreEscapee is offline
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The big advantage of a book is it’s very easy to rewind. Close it and you’re right back at the beginning. –Jerry Seinfeld

You can’t have everything; where would you put it? –Steven Wright

I couldn’t wait for success, so I went ahead without it. –Jonathan Winters

I'm liberal on some issues and conservative on others. For example, I would not burn a flag, but neither would I put one out. -Garry Shandling

I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go. –Rita Rudner

Do unto others, then run. –Benny Hill

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. –Steven Wright

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. –Douglas Adams


Personally, I’m waiting for caller IQ. –Sandra Bernhard

I haven’t slept for ten days because that would be too long. –Mitch Hedburg

Congress wants to require television manufacturers to install a V-chip, which would keep children from viewing violent or explicit programming. The chip would cost about five-hundred dollars and would replace the current free-of-charge device known as the on-off switch. –Dennis Miller

Famed anthropologist Mary Leakey died at the age of eighty-three. Leakey was buried near her home, where she will rest in peace until some nosy anthropologist digs her up. –Norm McDonald

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come. –Matt Groening

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals, and 362 to heterosexuals. This doesn’t mean God doesn’t love heterosexuals; it’s just that they need more supervision. –Lynn Lavner

The thing about life that no one can believe is that what we’re doing is actually it. When you’re a kid, you look forward to it. You’re seriously concerned when you’re a kid that you might not be able to take the excitement of being an adult, of driving around and people calling on the phone and getting mail addressed directly to you. Now, it’s like: “You drive; tell ‘em I’m not here; and I can’t believe all this junk mail!” –Jerry Seinfeld

Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard. –Johnny Carson

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made president should on no account be allowed to do the job. -Douglas Adams
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I don't go in for ancient wisdom
I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

  #23  
Old 06-23-2009, 02:21 AM
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Jack T. Chance Jack T. Chance is offline
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And now, the wisdom of the Late, Great Douglas Adams...

These are from the beginning of The Restaurant at the End of the Universe...
Quote:
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another which states that this has already happened.
Quote:
The story so far:

In the beginning the Universe was created.

This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
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  #24  
Old 06-23-2009, 02:24 AM
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Bandit Bandit is offline
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"YES! YES! JESUS H. TAP-DANCING CHRIST... I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT! " - Jake Blues

"Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now. " - Elwood Blues

Elwood - "It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses. "
Jake - "Hit it!"

"I've never been able to get the hang of Thursdays" - Douglas Adams

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - A. Einstein

B
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"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."- Albert Einstein.
I never knew how happy paint could make people until I started selling it.

Last edited by Bandit; 06-23-2009 at 02:55 AM.

  #25  
Old 06-23-2009, 02:31 AM
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Jack T. Chance Jack T. Chance is offline
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Here's another of my many personal favorites...
Quote:
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.

Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.

This planet has -- or rather had -- a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole, it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.

And so the problem remained; lots of the people were mean, and most of them were miserable, even the ones with digital watches.

Many were increasingly of the opinion that they'd all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans.

And then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, a girl sitting on her own in a small café in Rickmansworth suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right, it would work, and no one would have to get nailed to anything.

Sadly, however, before she could get to a phone to tell anyone about it, a terrible, stupid catastrophe occurred, and the idea was lost forever.

This is not her story.

But it is the story of that terrible, stupid catastrophe and some of its consequences.

It is also the story of a book, a book called The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy...
From the opening chapter of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by the Late, Great Douglas Adams!
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  #26  
Old 06-23-2009, 02:37 AM
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More DNA goodness:


He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.

In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.


Okay....that is enough Adams from me

  #27  
Old 06-23-2009, 03:36 AM
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Jack T. Chance Jack T. Chance is offline
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Time to change direction for a bit...

From the über-classic G.I.*Joe: A Real American Hero issue # 27... "Snake-Eyes: The Origin, Part II"...

Hawk (referring to Snake-Eyes' pet wolf, Timber): "He's going to leave that poor animal behind all by itself?"

Stalker: "Hawk, that 'poor animal' is a wolf. He don't need no walkies and he thinks Alpo's for sissies."

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"Eventually one outgrows the fairy tales of childhood, belief in Santa and the Easter Bunny, and believing that SCs are even capable of imagining themselves in our position."
--StanFlouride

  #28  
Old 06-23-2009, 03:38 AM
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~ Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.- Gandhi

~How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterwards. - Spanish Proverb

~Remember some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them.- Lez Barker
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  #29  
Old 06-23-2009, 03:58 AM
crazyofficeclerk crazyofficeclerk is offline
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"Outside a book, dog is man's best friend... inside a dog its too dark to read" Marx

  #30  
Old 06-23-2009, 06:17 AM
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derangedperson derangedperson is offline
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You cannot achieve success without the risk of failure. And I learned a long time ago, you cannot achieve success if you fear failure. If you're not afraid to fail...man, you have a chance to succeed! But you're never gonna get there unless you risk it all the way. I was a failure. Sometimes half the fun is failing--learning from your mistakes, waking up the next morning and saying, "Okay, watch out, here I come again. A little bit smarter, licking my wounds and really not looking forward to getting my ass kicked the way I just did yesterday. And now I'm just a little more dangerous."
--Paul Heyman (Founder of ECW)

Of what use is freedom of speech to those who fear to offend?
--Roger Ebert

Remember...it's just a ride.
--Bill Hicks
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