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  • #46
    Quoth incognitocook View Post
    Seshat. Oh my gosh. You understand. You really, really understand.

    After 15 years of this, yeah, there's something messed up in my brain. I know that. If I could find a combination of anything that brings me up to zero, that would be amazing.
    Thank you.

    Cook: the pharmaceutical library of antidepressants is huge and growing.

    Panacea and trailerparkmedic can correct me on this if I misspeak, but here's my understanding:

    The brain is protected by a filter called the 'Circle of Willis'. Therefore, the blood supply (and neurochemistry) in the brain is isolated from the rest of the body. The only way we currently have of taking a 'blood sample' or a neurochemistry sample on the brain side of the Circle of Willis would be to drill a hole in the skull.

    That is too damn dangerous, so we don't do that.

    This means that finding out WHICH antidepressant is going to fix your biochemistry is a process of trial and error.

    Your doctor will (or should) listen to you, ask pertinent questions, then decide to try you first on an SSRI. Or a tricyclic. Or one of the other families of antidepressant.

    You spend three to six weeks building up enough of a stock of the thing in your brain to get things going properly.

    You go back to your doctor and say 'this is helping a little bit' or 'this is helping a lot' or 'this is helping but now I sunburn really easily' or 'this isn't helping at all' or whatever is appropriate.

    The doctor goes 'hrm. SSRIs work, but this one gives her side effect X. So let's try this other SSRI'. Or 'SSRIs don't work, so let's try tricyclics'. Or 'okay, this seems to help, let's up the dosage'. Or whatever.

    If it's a dosage change, you should start to see an effect within a week or two. Otherwise you need to come off the old drug and onto the new.

    Then back to the doctor...

    ... and so on.

    BUT!!!

    I am no longer at MINUS LOTS. I've been through that process, and now I hover just below zero. Sometimes I've even hit the low positives.

    I still do have days when I'm at MINUS QUITE A BIT. But not the same degree of minus as I have when I'm unmedicated.


    Once you and your doctor find a right drug for YOUR particular type of depression, you can go up towards the zero point. You might even exceed it.


    Now... you will also need the mental physiotherapy. Your brain quite literally has neural pathways in it that go to depression. It's like you have roads in your brain, and all roads lead to Rome. Er, to depression.
    Your mental physiotherapist's job is going to be to help you make new roads.

    But Anna (my schizoaffective best friend) found that until she was medicated to nearly-right, mental physiotherapy didn't help her. She literally couldn't learn it.


    In both Anna's and my experience; there are things that can be done.

    For your husband's sake, consider our experience, and give the medical community a try.
    Seshat's self-help guide:
    1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
    2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
    3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
    4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

    "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

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    • #47
      Seshat, thank you for all of that. Very helpful information and I'm sorry for what you're going through as well.

      Pedersen...I double dog dare you to do the glitter car thing
      "I was only LOOKING, I didn't mean to enter my card's CVV and actually ORDER! REFUND ME RIGHT NOW!!"

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      • #48
        Quoth BeenThereDoneThat View Post
        Seshat, thank you for all of that. Very helpful information and I'm sorry for what you're going through as well.
        Thank you.
        Seshat's self-help guide:
        1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
        2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
        3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
        4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

        "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

        Comment


        • #49
          Heheh Isn't that what I said earlier? You can't do this alone, you need the help. Not ours, professionals.

          And again, if you would like the moodchart from me, ask. It would be very helpful for you and the doctors to chart the data. Plus, you may just find a pattern.
          In my heart, in my soul, I'm a woman for rock & roll.
          She's as fast as slugs on barbituates.

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          • #50
            This week is going to feel weird. It does already. In all my planning, this was the week I was going to go through with it. I wanted one last Christmas with my husband, but no desire to see 2012. I never got the supplies, so I couldn't now this week if I wanted to. It all just feels so surreal to still be here. In my mind for so long, this was where it all ended. I don't know if that will go away as the week wears on or next week or feel weirder. I'm not really planning to do anything now. It just feels...strange. I don't know if I'm making any sense.
            The original Cookie in a multitude of cookies.

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            • #51
              You're making a lot of sense..and you can lean on anyone here all week if you need to. If you want, pm me and I'll give you my cell and you can call me anytime.
              Remember, stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

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              • #52
                If you need my number, PM me and I will give it to you

                Comment


                • #53
                  I'm really glad to hear you're not planning anything...though I'm sad to know that you did before. I have been there and am going through some pretty major depression myself, so please feel free to PM me any time as well. Thinking of you.... *hug*
                  "I was only LOOKING, I didn't mean to enter my card's CVV and actually ORDER! REFUND ME RIGHT NOW!!"

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Quoth incognitocook View Post
                    This week is going to feel weird. It does already. In all my planning, this was the week I was going to go through with it. I wanted one last Christmas with my husband, but no desire to see 2012. I never got the supplies, so I couldn't now this week if I wanted to. It all just feels so surreal to still be here. In my mind for so long, this was where it all ended. I don't know if that will go away as the week wears on or next week or feel weirder. I'm not really planning to do anything now. It just feels...strange. I don't know if I'm making any sense.
                    Quoth Victory Sabre View Post
                    Whatever you do - DON'T DO IT!

                    Keep talking to your husband. Lean on him for support, because, right now, you need it.

                    There's a lot of people out there who care about you, and a lot here who do. I didn't know Plaid well, I'll admit, but his death (by his own hand) hurt. Please don't do it, and I'm thinking about you, and sending my thoughts to you.
                    This is what I said before, and I will say it again. Don't do it!
                    "Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid" Redd Foxx as Al Royal - The Royal Family - Pilot Episode - 1991.

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                    • #55
                      Quoth incognitocook View Post
                      This week is going to feel weird.
                      For me it was July 17, 1990. And I had such a spiffy exit planned... But I've had a lot of small quiet joys since then.
                      I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
                      Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
                      Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Ok, here's some thing I rarely, if ever discuss. I was picked on in HS. All the time. My parents had a lengthy, bitter divorce, that if anything screwed me up pretty bad. I'm still trying to work everything out. My point is that lots of people thought I might be suicidal (loner type, quiet, kept to myself). I never was, and that is because of this logic, that I have yet to refute:

                        "You cannot solve your problems if you are no longer around to do so."

                        Death doesn't solve anything, it merely transfers the problem to someone else, who is now grieving you.

                        Now some advice (most parrotting others):

                        1.) Keep talking. The more you talk the more likely it is you'll be able to see a beter way, and it might help relieve some of the burden. Also, the more people who know about it, the more people who can BOLO for you to enact your plan.

                        2.) Raps has very kindly put multiple Suicide Prevention resources at the top of this page. Avail yourself of them! Please call any suicide prevention hotline (there is a Nat'l # if you are in the states)!

                        3.) Take it one day at a time. Tell yourself that today is not the day, every day.

                        4.) I have been burned by professional counselors a few times myself. I would recommend going to a local church and talking to the pastor. Most are very adept at dealing with this, and they do not charge for the service (and it doesn't matter if you are a congregant or not).

                        5.) Post on CS.com at least 1 time per day to keep us up to date. Try and do it at the same approximate time daily, so that we can be a back up line of defense should all other methods fail. Let at least one person you trust here know your location (I know, Kara has your #), so they can contact emergency services, if you can't be reached.

                        Keep your head up,

                        SC
                        "...four of his five wits went halting off, and now is the whole man governed with one..." W. Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing Act I, Sc I

                        Do you like Shakespeare? Join us The Globe Theater!

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