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...presumably because mere customers can't even comprehend them.
Sunday we had no trains. They were working on the nearby road bridge that crosses the entire line, meaning nothing could get in or out of the 13 stations in my patch due to the risk of falling debris, not to mention the massive scaffold that had been erected across the middle pair of lines.
Naturally we had been advertising this all week. Naturally people just don't pay attention. Not to the signs we had all week, not to the extra signs that go up on the day to try & prevent people coming all the way down our road, not to the hazard tape put up across all the ticket barriers, and especially not to the 15 square foot board with "NO TRAINS TODAY" emblazoned across it, that was intentionally placed in front of the only working barrier (because we need to keep one working for our own purposes and to allow the workmen access.) It's amazing. It's not even aliteracy, it's a steadfast conviction that if you don't look at something then it ceases to exist.
"No trains today," says my colleague outside the station, but they keep coming. "No trains today," say I, but they keep staring at the departure board and willing it to say "your train will be here in 30 seconds" regardless of when they arrive or when the train would normally be expected. "------" says the barrier, offering no reaction at all when the hopeful customer tries to use some form of ticket. And this is when they start casting about, actually seeing rather than just pointing their eyes at stuff, searching for someone to explain this failure.
"There's no trains today," I repeat helpfully. My movement triggers the lizard hindbrain, and their heads swivel towards me. Arms reach up & extract earbuds, exposing their soft, squishy brains to outside stimuli for the first time in aeons.
"There's no trains today," I again intone, as if repeating the mantra long enough will act as some kind of spell to ward off more of these strange beasts.
"I need to get to X."
"The buses go from around the corner, every 5-10 minutes. If you go now you may just catch the next one."
"But I just need to go to X. When's the next train?"
"Tomorrow, 5:30am. There's no trains on this line today due to works."
"Why, what happened?"
Damn, my timeturner must have glitched; I said that too soon. Better say it again:
"There's no trains today due to scheduled work on the line."
"I just need to go to X. Or Y, I guess I could go to Y instead."
"There's no trains anywhere today."
"Not even to X?"
Huh? Come on, you already accepted this! Did you not study your script?
"No, no trains at all."
"How about to Y? I could go to Y I suppose. I'll just catch the train to Y & connect from there..."
"No trains to Y either. No trains at all today along this line. None."
"How about later?"
"Later is still today, so no."
Damn, that should have been internal monologue... Ah heck I'll be fine, they're not listening anyway - are they?
"How about to X, are they running later?"
Saved! But dear mercies, how dumb are you?
"No. No trains all day, as it says on that sign you'e standing right in front of."
I swear I could hear the gears grinding as they swung their heads back to look again at the large white board they'd been so intent on walking through.
"Oh."
Success!
"How about from *next station on the same line, with absolutely no way a train could get there without passing through here first*?"
... And repeat about 50 times over the course of 8 hours.
Bonus story:
Monday we had an entirely unrelated problem with trains along one specific line. Not our line, but one we connect to. The main hub on that line had power issues meaning anything going that way was stranded & couldn't proceed.
Naturally, someone had to get to a station on the same line as that hub. The station just before it, actually. One served by an underground line that was entirely unaffected, and that we could steer people through with minimal effort.
But nooo. One guy comes in, his wife's called him via cellphone from the station where they have to switch from our line to the dud line to ask him how she can get to Pre-hub. And suggesting the correct way around was just not acceptable! No, I had to know exactly when they could go from Interchange to Pre-hub, because they had to be there soon. How soon? Not so soon that they couldn't easily have made the detour with time to spare... Oy. No amount of "that line's got problems, any/every service going that way is stuck" would penetrate his skull. Eventually I got him to hand me the phone and I explained it to her, and she completely accepted this information without any problems; as he left, I think she was still trying to get him to understand as he kept muttering into the phone about how she just needed to go to Pre-hub...
Sunday we had no trains. They were working on the nearby road bridge that crosses the entire line, meaning nothing could get in or out of the 13 stations in my patch due to the risk of falling debris, not to mention the massive scaffold that had been erected across the middle pair of lines.
Naturally we had been advertising this all week. Naturally people just don't pay attention. Not to the signs we had all week, not to the extra signs that go up on the day to try & prevent people coming all the way down our road, not to the hazard tape put up across all the ticket barriers, and especially not to the 15 square foot board with "NO TRAINS TODAY" emblazoned across it, that was intentionally placed in front of the only working barrier (because we need to keep one working for our own purposes and to allow the workmen access.) It's amazing. It's not even aliteracy, it's a steadfast conviction that if you don't look at something then it ceases to exist.
"No trains today," says my colleague outside the station, but they keep coming. "No trains today," say I, but they keep staring at the departure board and willing it to say "your train will be here in 30 seconds" regardless of when they arrive or when the train would normally be expected. "------" says the barrier, offering no reaction at all when the hopeful customer tries to use some form of ticket. And this is when they start casting about, actually seeing rather than just pointing their eyes at stuff, searching for someone to explain this failure.
"There's no trains today," I repeat helpfully. My movement triggers the lizard hindbrain, and their heads swivel towards me. Arms reach up & extract earbuds, exposing their soft, squishy brains to outside stimuli for the first time in aeons.
"There's no trains today," I again intone, as if repeating the mantra long enough will act as some kind of spell to ward off more of these strange beasts.
"I need to get to X."
"The buses go from around the corner, every 5-10 minutes. If you go now you may just catch the next one."
"But I just need to go to X. When's the next train?"
"Tomorrow, 5:30am. There's no trains on this line today due to works."
"Why, what happened?"
Damn, my timeturner must have glitched; I said that too soon. Better say it again:
"There's no trains today due to scheduled work on the line."
"I just need to go to X. Or Y, I guess I could go to Y instead."
"There's no trains anywhere today."
"Not even to X?"
Huh? Come on, you already accepted this! Did you not study your script?
"No, no trains at all."
"How about to Y? I could go to Y I suppose. I'll just catch the train to Y & connect from there..."
"No trains to Y either. No trains at all today along this line. None."
"How about later?"
"Later is still today, so no."
Damn, that should have been internal monologue... Ah heck I'll be fine, they're not listening anyway - are they?
"How about to X, are they running later?"
Saved! But dear mercies, how dumb are you?
"No. No trains all day, as it says on that sign you'e standing right in front of."
I swear I could hear the gears grinding as they swung their heads back to look again at the large white board they'd been so intent on walking through.
"Oh."
Success!
"How about from *next station on the same line, with absolutely no way a train could get there without passing through here first*?"
... And repeat about 50 times over the course of 8 hours.
Bonus story:
Monday we had an entirely unrelated problem with trains along one specific line. Not our line, but one we connect to. The main hub on that line had power issues meaning anything going that way was stranded & couldn't proceed.
Naturally, someone had to get to a station on the same line as that hub. The station just before it, actually. One served by an underground line that was entirely unaffected, and that we could steer people through with minimal effort.
But nooo. One guy comes in, his wife's called him via cellphone from the station where they have to switch from our line to the dud line to ask him how she can get to Pre-hub. And suggesting the correct way around was just not acceptable! No, I had to know exactly when they could go from Interchange to Pre-hub, because they had to be there soon. How soon? Not so soon that they couldn't easily have made the detour with time to spare... Oy. No amount of "that line's got problems, any/every service going that way is stuck" would penetrate his skull. Eventually I got him to hand me the phone and I explained it to her, and she completely accepted this information without any problems; as he left, I think she was still trying to get him to understand as he kept muttering into the phone about how she just needed to go to Pre-hub...
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