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Now, you at home can laugh along, with these stupid retail songs. I will tell every one so you can laugh along.
So, join right in, laugh along with these stupid retail songs, once you've read every one, you'll want to laugh along.
These customers have the brain of a Ping-Pong
How is it that customers can't see they're wrong?
Laugh along isn't hard, just follow the giggling mirth.
You'll find out before you're done, customers are fools in front of everyone
So join right in and laugh along with retail laugh along songs!
Kudos to you if you figure out which theme song I made this parody from.
Whistle While You Work
A lady comes up to my line. As I'm ringing her up, she looks at me and says, "Come on! Smile! The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and everyone here is having a happy fantabulous day! Maybe you'll feel better after smiling and whistling a little tune!" Maybe I'll feel better after a black hole forms over your house and swallows you whole.
Painting the Roses Red
Along with food and supplies needed for your everyday hygiene needs, we also sell flowers. We're not a flourist, but we sell flowers you might decorate your house with or your grandmother's grave with. Anyways, this guy comes up and tells me that he can't find any red roses, only white. Do we have any red roses. I go over to the flowers, and I see no red roses. I tell him that I'm sorry but we've run out of red roses. He asks if we have any "in the back." I go "in the back" just to check and see if we made a mistake and forgot to put out all the roses. That happens sometimes. Not this time. I tell him and he gets mad. He says he needs red roses, dammit, not white and what am I going to do about it? I tell him there's nothing I can do. He demands the manager who tells him the same thing I told him. The guy then leaves saying we're being unhelpful and he'll never shop here again. An hour later, I saw him in another line buying white roses and one of those kiddie watercolor paints.
Zip-a-Dee-Do-Da
Mr. Bluebird's on his shoulder. Well, almost. Technically, it wasn't a bluebird. It was a blue and gold macaw. When the manager saw this guy with the parrot come in, he tells this pirate wannabe that he can't come in with animals unless they're service animals due to health reasons. The guy says that the parrot is his seeing eye bird. Manager doesn't buy it, and asks him to leave. Guy tries to argue that his bird wouldn't hurt anyone. To prove his point, he strokes the parrot and the parrot responds by biting his finger. Hard. Guy screams and curses down the parking lot into his car.
Be Prepared
Lady comes in with almost every canned food we have in this store. She says that she had her husband build a bomb shelter in the basement and she's buying food to stock up the shelter. The thing is, the shelter wasn't built for bombs, it was built for when the aliens come, destroy the human race, and take over the planet. She advised that I follow her lead. What? Check myself into the nearest mental institution?
Grim Grinning Ghosts
Had another lady in my line, and she asks if we have any "paranormal-spirits repellant" Apparantly, she tells me that her horrid aunt died a month ago and is now haunting her house. I told her that we didn't have that kind of "repellant." She then asks if we had any spinach because her aunt hated spinach. She hoped that by covering her house in spinach, it would make her aunt go away. I believe in ghosts and whatnot, but I think that you're going to need more than spinach and repellant to keep them away.
I Won't Say I'm in Love
I'm restocking the shelves in the cookie aisle when I overhear a conversation between two teenage girls.
G1 and G2.
G1: So, do you like him?
G2: As a friend, I guess.
G1: You're lying. I saw the way you were holding hands.
G2: Well, yeah. We held hands. And we went to the movies and McDonald's together, but that's it! I swear!
G1: Liar.
G2: Okay, okay, we also kissed after we left McDonald's but that doesn't really mean I like him romantically. *cheeks turn red*
G1: You are so full of it. You're blushing and you're shivering like we're at a ski resort. (she was shivering, by the way) You know what the next symptom is right?
G2: Oh please. I'm not in love with him and I'm not lying. Oooh! Oreos! What's your favorite part of the oreo? Mine's the middle.
G1: The next symptom, changing the subject to something totally stupid and changing it back when confronted.
G2: That's a lie! We just kissed and held hands and leaned in close to one another while watching the movie. Doesn't mean I'm in love with him!
Who'd ya think you're kidding? He's the Earth and heaven to ya...
So, join right in, laugh along with these stupid retail songs, once you've read every one, you'll want to laugh along.
These customers have the brain of a Ping-Pong
How is it that customers can't see they're wrong?
Laugh along isn't hard, just follow the giggling mirth.
You'll find out before you're done, customers are fools in front of everyone
So join right in and laugh along with retail laugh along songs!
Kudos to you if you figure out which theme song I made this parody from.
Whistle While You Work
A lady comes up to my line. As I'm ringing her up, she looks at me and says, "Come on! Smile! The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and everyone here is having a happy fantabulous day! Maybe you'll feel better after smiling and whistling a little tune!" Maybe I'll feel better after a black hole forms over your house and swallows you whole.
Painting the Roses Red
Along with food and supplies needed for your everyday hygiene needs, we also sell flowers. We're not a flourist, but we sell flowers you might decorate your house with or your grandmother's grave with. Anyways, this guy comes up and tells me that he can't find any red roses, only white. Do we have any red roses. I go over to the flowers, and I see no red roses. I tell him that I'm sorry but we've run out of red roses. He asks if we have any "in the back." I go "in the back" just to check and see if we made a mistake and forgot to put out all the roses. That happens sometimes. Not this time. I tell him and he gets mad. He says he needs red roses, dammit, not white and what am I going to do about it? I tell him there's nothing I can do. He demands the manager who tells him the same thing I told him. The guy then leaves saying we're being unhelpful and he'll never shop here again. An hour later, I saw him in another line buying white roses and one of those kiddie watercolor paints.
Zip-a-Dee-Do-Da
Mr. Bluebird's on his shoulder. Well, almost. Technically, it wasn't a bluebird. It was a blue and gold macaw. When the manager saw this guy with the parrot come in, he tells this pirate wannabe that he can't come in with animals unless they're service animals due to health reasons. The guy says that the parrot is his seeing eye bird. Manager doesn't buy it, and asks him to leave. Guy tries to argue that his bird wouldn't hurt anyone. To prove his point, he strokes the parrot and the parrot responds by biting his finger. Hard. Guy screams and curses down the parking lot into his car.
Be Prepared
Lady comes in with almost every canned food we have in this store. She says that she had her husband build a bomb shelter in the basement and she's buying food to stock up the shelter. The thing is, the shelter wasn't built for bombs, it was built for when the aliens come, destroy the human race, and take over the planet. She advised that I follow her lead. What? Check myself into the nearest mental institution?
Grim Grinning Ghosts
Had another lady in my line, and she asks if we have any "paranormal-spirits repellant" Apparantly, she tells me that her horrid aunt died a month ago and is now haunting her house. I told her that we didn't have that kind of "repellant." She then asks if we had any spinach because her aunt hated spinach. She hoped that by covering her house in spinach, it would make her aunt go away. I believe in ghosts and whatnot, but I think that you're going to need more than spinach and repellant to keep them away.
I Won't Say I'm in Love
I'm restocking the shelves in the cookie aisle when I overhear a conversation between two teenage girls.
G1 and G2.
G1: So, do you like him?
G2: As a friend, I guess.
G1: You're lying. I saw the way you were holding hands.
G2: Well, yeah. We held hands. And we went to the movies and McDonald's together, but that's it! I swear!
G1: Liar.
G2: Okay, okay, we also kissed after we left McDonald's but that doesn't really mean I like him romantically. *cheeks turn red*
G1: You are so full of it. You're blushing and you're shivering like we're at a ski resort. (she was shivering, by the way) You know what the next symptom is right?
G2: Oh please. I'm not in love with him and I'm not lying. Oooh! Oreos! What's your favorite part of the oreo? Mine's the middle.
G1: The next symptom, changing the subject to something totally stupid and changing it back when confronted.
G2: That's a lie! We just kissed and held hands and leaned in close to one another while watching the movie. Doesn't mean I'm in love with him!
Who'd ya think you're kidding? He's the Earth and heaven to ya...
)
Wow, that's as fine an example of case-in-point laughs as I've ever seen in a TV show. Oh, and 'Awwwwwww'... you know they'll (G2 and the guy) hate each other forever in two months, then be back together three weeks after that.
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