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  • Idiots with Accounts

    Or, more accurately, "A Tale of Why one should never be rude as hell to someone who has direct control over your access to your company account, and especially not if you're a repeat offender."

    Dear oh dear, accounts. If you own a business, you can register at Latekin's Aussie "Totally not a Ripoff of Home Depot" Hardware Store. You can get an account, with a $10, 000 limit. You can also get sued to hell and back for not paying that account, but that's another story. Your account is accessed through a nifty little card. Your card belongs to you. Nobody else. If your employees need access to this account, we can get them cards too. We can also set extra security up for you, so that when we scan a card on your account, it displays a nice little warning for us. "Needs Purchase Order and Job ID No," or "Must Show Company I.D," or even "Purchase Order book **** stolen, don't use numbers 1800-1900."

    Now many people, upon realizing that registering your business with us means that you're now 900% more accountable for your behavior in store, tend to treat the people working the Trade Desk with a measure of cordiality and respect, because these people can cut off your account access for even looking slightly shifty during a sale. When you're dealing with large companies, you do not want to wrongly charge their accounts department.

    Some people though...

    Draft Order Fail

    One business has repeatedly been trying to purchase things with a "Draft" PO. We have explained to them that they cannot do that, because of the sheer number of naughty people who try to put a draft through, then send the actual order through authorizing less money than they actually spent (basically so that under the terms of their purchase order, we have to refund the order because we've charged more than they gave us authorization to. Attempts to show the PO that they gave us fail, because we shouldn't have relied on a draft... argh! They get free stuff, we loose a tonne of money.)
    So they start doing this at other desks, like our Tool Desk, or our Service Desk.
    They refuse to stop doing this when called out, then claim that they weren't doing anything of the sort conflarn it!
    They get a warning from Latekin that further breaches of the terms and conditions of their account will lead to account termination. Office manager somehow now doesn't speak English. My colleague repeats it in Italian for the gentleman. He's now apparently Greek. News to us, (since you told us you were Italian, duh, while speaking perfect English!) but whatever, point still stands, those terms and conditions were in your agreement, that you signed, saying that you understood what your obligations were.
    Then you tried it at Toolshop. With Latekin's housemate. THE NEXT FRAKKIN WEEK!

    No account for you sir!

    Me Thinks the Tradie Doth Protest Too Much

    Every. Single. time. Every single time you come in and park your overly sweaty self in front of my desk, you throw a tantrum because I ask you for a purchase order. Your company account requires one. Every single time. Yep, that security warning is still there, because your accounts department has not asked us to change that warning. It's to protect them. Yep, I really don't give a single flying monkey fart that no other store asks for this, they are actually supposed to.

    By all means, get pissy again, worked out well for you last time, huh? Y'know, when I made you wait for half an hour while I called your accounts department* and verified your id and affiliation with your multinational corporation. Over two dollars and thirty cents. I absolutely AM that petty.

    The more you protest, the more I become convinced that you're doing something naughty. All your purchases are under $100. Your accounts department has not given you an exception to the PO rule despite your multitude of excuses and wobbly tantrums. And then there's the fact my manager is now watching you.

    But hey, you can learn. You can get a PO. Or you can keep dealing with me.
    And I'm fully authorized to keep your account as safe as possible.

    *(I fully suspect that the lady I spoke to in accounts actually works there, but that Tradie guy is her boyfriend, and doesn't work there. I suspect she gave him her card, or a coworkers. Unfortunately, the only number I could get from him to verify his identity was directly off of his phone...and her direct mobile number. I've forwarded this suspicion onto our fraud department).

    There are a lot of people who do things like this, but tbh, these two stick out because they are serial offenders at my store. I'll post more if I remember them.
    Patient has severely impacted cranial rectosis. There's probably no cure. - Overheard in ER

  • #2
    Throwing a tantrum is a good way draw attention to oneself. This attention indicates to staff that not only are you possibly a fraud but you are likely a blindingly stupid fraud.

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    • #3
      Now to print that out and staple it to the forehead of the next idiot who starts yelling at me for asking security questions....

      (Is a joke. I don't have a stapler that'll get through anything that thick.)
      Patient has severely impacted cranial rectosis. There's probably no cure. - Overheard in ER

      Comment


      • #4
        Quoth Latekin View Post
        Now to print that out and staple it to the forehead of the next idiot who starts yelling at me for asking security questions....

        (Is a joke. I don't have a stapler that'll get through anything that thick.)

        Since you work in a home improvement store, I'm sure you have a Pneumatic Staple Gun in stock that would do that nicely.
        Just sliding down the razor blade of life.

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        • #5
          Quoth drunkenwildmage View Post
          Since you work in a home improvement store, I'm sure you have a Pneumatic Staple Gun in stock that would do that nicely.
          I can't get the image of Tim Allen shouting "More Power!" out of my head.
          "If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant

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          • #6
            Quoth Latekin View Post
            Now to print that out and staple it to the forehead of the next idiot who starts yelling at me for asking security questions....

            (Is a joke. I don't have a stapler that'll get through anything that thick.)
            Quoth drunkenwildmage View Post
            Since you work in a home improvement store, I'm sure you have a Pneumatic Staple Gun in stock that would do that nicely.
            No, a pneumatic staple gun is still limited by the strength of the staple itself. Home improvement stores sell Hilti guns - use a blank .22 cartridge to sink a nail in one shot. One of those firing a concrete nail should do the job.

            Edit: For those not familiar with them, Hilti guns (one brand of powder-actuated tools) have a captive piston design. Blank cartridge drives the piston, which then drives the nail. If the muzzle is not pressed in (over an inch of travel, unlike pneumatic nailers where it's a short travel and some idiots tie it down to go "hunting Pinnochio" - a stupid and dangerous form of horseplay), the firing pin can't come in contact with the cartridge. Due to these measures, which prevent its use as a projectile weapon rather than its intended purpose, they are exempt from most of the regulations covering firearms. Some models, to speed things up, take a disk or strip of charges - these ones may or may not be .22. In all cases, the nails are single-load.
            Last edited by wolfie; 04-22-2016, 07:39 PM.
            Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

            Comment


            • #7
              Office manager somehow now doesn't speak English. My colleague repeats it in Italian for the gentleman. He's now apparently Greek. News to us, (since you told us you were Italian, duh, while speaking perfect English!) but whatever, point still stands, those terms and conditions were in your agreement, that you signed, saying that you understood what your obligations were.
              For he himself has said it
              How to hang onto your credit
              In plain English, man!

              CHORUS:
              Sweet, succinct English, man.

              While you may claim to be Russian
              Or French, or Turk, or Prussian
              Or perhaps I-TAL-I-AN!

              CHORUS:
              Strangely Greek I-TAL-I-AN!

              Though you may yield to temptations
              Of disgracing other nations
              We know you speak English, man!
              Our terms are the same even for non-E-E-E-Ennnnng-lish men!

              CHORUS
              For all those who cause frustration
              With claims of lacking translation
              It's the same as English, man!
              Rules don't change if you're not E-E-E-E-E-E-E-Ennnng-lish, man!


              Sincerest apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan, but it had to be said.

              Comment


              • #8
                Enough with the staple/nailguns, guys. Especially with the detailed info. Back on topic, if you please.
                "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
                "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
                "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
                "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
                "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
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                Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
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                • #9
                  I read that "Sweet succulent English"

                  Snigger...

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                  • #10
                    Thanks to idiots with accounts, I spend every day accounting for idiots.
                    - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

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