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  • New Zealand condoms.

    This one's written in a New Zealand accent, it appears here as copy/pasted from an email I recieved:

    ------
    Helen Clarke, Prime Minister of New Zulland, is rudely awoken at 4 am by the telephone.

    'Hillen, its the Hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency! I've just received word thet the Durex fectory en uckland has burned to the ground. It is istimated the the entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week.!!!'

    PM: 'Shut - the economy wull niver be able to cope with all those unwanted babies - wi'll be ruined!'

    Hilth Munister: 'We're going to hef to shup some in from... Brutain?...'

    PM: 'No chence!! The Poms will have a field day on thus one!'

    Hilth Munister: 'What about Australia ?'

    PM: 'I'll call Kevin Rudd - tell hum we need one million condoms; ten unches long and eight unches thuck! That way they'll continue to respect the All Blacks!!'


    Three days later a delighted Hillen rushes out to open the boxes. She finds condoms; 10 unches long; 8 unches thuck, all coloured green and gold. With small writing on each one.........



    'MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE: SMALL'

  • #2
    *Is thankful that coffee is gone to avoid a "rule number one" violation.



    I could have sworn this one would end in a "sheepskin" punchline. Thanks!
    I pray for the strength to change what I can, the inability to change what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes

    Being a pessimist and cynical wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't right so often!

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    • #3
      Reminds me of one...

      Before the D-Day landings each soldier was to be issued a number of condoms, they were placed over the muzzle of their rifles, and soldiers being soldiers also found they were great for hanging off their kit to hold things like pens et cetera. Winston Churchill insisted that even though they were medium size they were to be labelled small incase the germans got hold of them!
      A PSA, if I may, as well as another.

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      • #4
        BTW, a hint for all the ladies out there - if you're going to have sex with a trucker, you should supply the condom. After all, gladhand rubbers have holes in them.

        "gladhand rubbers" are for sealing the airline connections between the tractor and trailer - the hole is to let the air through.
        Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

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        • #5
          Quoth wolfie View Post
          BTW, a hint for all the ladies out there - if you're going to have sex with a trucker, you should supply the condom. After all, gladhand rubbers have holes in them.

          "gladhand rubbers" are for sealing the airline connections between the tractor and trailer - the hole is to let the air through.
          Condoms are redundant if the airline connection has been cut.
          Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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          • #6
            Quoth crazylegs View Post
            Reminds me of one...

            Before the D-Day landings each soldier was to be issued a number of condoms, they were placed over the muzzle of their rifles, and soldiers being soldiers also found they were great for hanging off their kit to hold things like pens et cetera. Winston Churchill insisted that even though they were medium size they were to be labelled small incase the germans got hold of them!
            These days most condom companies supply regular, large and extra large because the ones labelled "small" don't sell very well.

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            • #7
              Sorry Hat - I'm confused... is that really a joke? Because other than the opening line about the factory burning down, everything else seemed pretty truthful...


              hehehehe :P :waves: to Kiwi
              When I said "From my research", what I actually meant to say was "Made shit up" - from a thottbot thread

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