Nosy landlord won't mind his own biz

[dendawg]

Skeevy guys like that won't back off until they see you with another guy, because they consider female bodies the proper property of males, and will only stop trying to "stake a claim" if someone else was there first.

I wouldn't count on that. Some guys won't get the hint even then. That's what mace and stun guns are for.

[Ironclad Alibi]

I wouldn't count on that. Some guys won't get the hint even then. That's what mace and stun guns are for.

Be sure to use both types of mace, the chemical kind and the medieval kind, for maximum effect.

[bhskittykatt]

I asked the husband if he would help me install some new locks before he moved out and he said, "why don't I just change the deadbolt?" So we're locking the landlord out. If the landlord protests, then obviously he found out while trying to get in.

Worst-case scenario I do have a BFF with a spare room. It's not an ideal solution because it's super-cramped there already but if it comes down to it, I could survive there for a time with the pets.

[Jay 2K Winger]

I dunno why, but I'm getting Domicile of Despair flashbacks reading this thread.

Stay safe, bhskitty.

[paxillated]

I send you Zen hugs.

I send both men barbed-wire underwear.

Get a big fat bolt for the inside of the door.

[catcul]

I really have any better advice, but alerting the police will help the situation.

I send you Zen hugs.

I send both men barbed-wire rusty razor-wire underwear.

Get a big fat bolt for the inside of the door.

I fixed it for you.

[Seshat]

Seconded. The police can only consider something a 'first incident' when they've been officially notified.

You CAN officially notify them of behaviour that is merely creepy, not actually illegal. Even better is asking for advice (and yes, you can ask for advice from a policewoman, or from someone who is used to handling harassment or creepy-behaviour cases).

I strongly recommend making it clear that it's NOT a 'domestic' or 'family' issue, but an issue with the landlord; who you want to have being purely business-y with you. Or maybe business-y and vague-acquaintence-y, but definitely not close-friends-y.
Police are often wary (with good reason) of getting caught in the middle of domestic issues; whereas issues between business acquaintences or (even better) strangers tend to be comparitively easy to handle.

[mathnerd]

I asked the husband if he would help me install some new locks before he moved out and he said, "why don't I just change the deadbolt?" So we're locking the landlord out. If the landlord protests, then obviously he found out while trying to get in.

While I completely and totally understand the reason you want to do this, I will very strongly caution you not to. Even if he only finds out because he's trying to gain unauthorized access to your unit, locking your landlord out can quickly result in you being homeless. In any lease I've ever been a part of, as either the tenant or the landlord, changing the locks without giving a key to the landlord is a major lease violation, and can easily result in your eviction. The landlord has to maintain access in case of emergency. While emergencies are rare, they do happen. We evicted a tenant after we had to break in through a window to deal with a broken water pipe that was flooding out the inside of the house. The tenant wasn't home and had changed the locks without telling us and providing us with a key. The eviction papers were filed that day, along with a request to cover damages caused by the delay in gaining access to the property. If they hand't locked us out, they wouldn't have been responsible for anything, but instead they found themselves evicted with a $15K judgement against them. It's a truly sucky situation for you, but I wouldn't change the locks and risk being homeless with an eviction and possibly large judgement in your background.

Instead, I'd go the document with the police route. You have a right to live in peace, so his behavior is a lease violation on his part. Send him a certified, return receipt letter stating that you will let him know DH's move out date, and you expect that he will refrain from asking until such notification is received (maybe somebody else can help with better wording). Keep documenting every incident. If you have a smart phone mark the day and time every time he says something. If there are any renters advocacy groups in your area, reach out to them for advise.

[notalwaysright]

I have this bar thing which fits under the door handle, it would only be used if you are home. The only thing is if you were asleep and your apartment caught on fire, it might be hard for the firemen to get in. Anyway, I used it briefly when I lived above a (suspected) drug dealer and felt that it was worth it. Amazon. A chair would probably also work temporarily.

If I read that right, you ex is gone now, has the landlord been bugging you since?

[Seshat]

Instead, I'd go the document with the police route. You have a right to live in peace, so his behavior is a lease violation on his part. Send him a certified, return receipt letter stating that you will let him know DH's move out date, and you expect that he will refrain from asking until such notification is received (maybe somebody else can help with better wording).

<Make sure to date the letter. Consider including both your address and his (professional) address.>
Dear <Landlord's Full Name>,

It is my right as a tenant to have peaceful enjoyment of the rented premises. As such, I request that you cease and desist from continuing to ask me about personal matters; including but not limited to the state of my marriage, the living arrangements between myself and my husband, and my romantic situation.

I am aware of my responsibilities as a tenant, and shall inform you promptly should the circumstances of the lease change. This includes the possibility that I, or my husband, should wish to leave the apartment.

Sincerely,

<Your full name>
<signature>
<date>

[greensinestro]

Wow. Sounds like maybe you need to move out as soon as you are able to as well. He's asking as if he is desperate for you to become available as soon as possible.

Does you landlord have a key to your apartment? If so, that would be another cause for concern. I had a neighbor below me that changed the locks on his apartment (against his lease, I might add), and that was because of things like this.

How does this guy even know about your situation? It sounds like you don't talk much about it, but I wonder if your estranged husband had told the entire world.

Good luck to you on this.