Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[TelephoneAngel]

At our call centre, the phone does not ring, there is merely a beep in your headset, then the customeris right there.

for this reason i am not allowed to

talk to my colleagues lest i miss the beep and the customer hears us larking about

eat at my desk lest i accidently munch into a customers ear.

also all phone calls are recorded therefore i am not allowed to

tell the customer to go and get stuffed then pretend i didn't say it.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

When some old codger asks you where "those huggies" are, resist the temptation to take him over by the diapers when you know he means he wants a Snuggie.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Irv: perhaps this song would be allowed?

http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/song...ackson/2378029

Nope. Not allowed.

Also not allowed for Irv to sing at holiday time: Dick in a Box.

[Sunflash]

--Not allowed to drag noisy children outside and bury them in a snow drift.
...Even if their parents say go for it. D:


--Please do not use the pool brooms as makeshift javlins.
--Or swords.
--Or anything beside a broom.


--While spraying a noisy patron with the cold-water hose to convince them to get out WOULD be rather effective, it is frowned upon.
...Even if the parents offer to pay you extra to do so.

[fireheart]

I am not allowed to sing Rockin Robin on the clock.

[Sunsetsky]

* The needles are not for stabbing.
* I cannot train the clinic cat to attack people.
* Filling the surgery gloves with water and throwing them at clients and coworkers are a bad idea.
* Duck and cover is not an acceptable way to greet a client I don't like.
* Directing sarcasm towards clients is frowned upon even if the client doesn't get it.

[SuperRTL]

*Not allowed to do the Dead Parrot Sketch at the checkout
~ unless it's with one of the other managers.

*Really not allowed to do the entire Life of Brian over the radios

*Can't top-stock all of the noise making singing dolls
~ even if I did leave one on the corner of the cut table as a "display"
~ especially when I turn it on randomly to annoy some of the girls who work there

*Must stop referring to the Valentines Aisle as the VD in all of my paperwork
~ even if the Store Manager thinks it's funny
~ because the DM doesn't think it's funny
~ yes, the DM knows what VD is!

*Big Brother is not watching me
~ that we know of

*Fleece Top Stock is not for sleeping on
~ neither are the 5" HD foam slabs
~ even if you've been there for 12 hours
~ no, we can't just set up a bed and a shower in the back
~ go home, your family misses you

*Family is not allowed to come visit you at work
~ unless they bring Mexican food for all the managers

[BeeMused]

I'm not allowed to set the Narwhal song as the waiting music in our telephone system.

[RestaurantDude]

If the phone rings, and it's an annoying customer on the other end, i am not to say "hold please" then transfer them to the kitchen.

I am to answer the phone in English, not French. ... Or German. ...Or Dutch. ... Or Spanish, Russian or Klingon. ... Or any language other than English.

The restaurant's pickup truck is for official use only. It is not a 'mobile shagatorium.' (not me... i swear!)

Yes, the camera above the loading dock really does work. I should not throw snowballs at it. I should especially not hit it with a snowball, requiring the use of a ladder to clear the lens.

When the boss comes in in the morning, the appropriate greeting is "Morning sir", not "'s cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey, innit!?"

When one of the POS terminals stops responding, it is probably not appropriate to grab a hammer and say "Right, i'll fix it!"

I should not do doughnuts in the parking lot every time it snows. ... Unless the boss isn't watching!

The appropriate response to a power failure greater than 10 minutes is to settle any open checks, then safely evacuate customers. The staff shall then enjoy beer on tap for as long as it remains cold. It is, however, inappropriate (not to mention counter-productive) to shout "Weyhe! BEER!" while trying to get customers out of the building safely. (also not me)

[Hobbs]

*I am not allowed to sell uniforms and/or items for profit in order to keep our overage at or under 20%.

*When my squadron commander tells me to do something, I'm not allowed to say "Bite me."
-Unless there are no cadet-airmen around.

*Cadet-airmen are not "free labor" to be used however we see fit.

*We can't hand out uniforms by dropping them in a pile and telling the cadet-airmen "Have at it!"

*As a corollary, we cannot stage gladiatorial events with cadet-airmen as participants.

[SuperRTL]

In my capacity as "official groupie" I am not allowed to:

* heckle the other bands
~ even if it's funny
~ yes, even if they were being complete douche bags before the show

* Tell some of the girls watching that the gay guitar player is totally hot for them
~ Even when they're being completely obnoxious in front of his boyfriend
~ Especially if he's wearing the leather pants (yummy!)

* Do not tease the bass player or the lead singer in front of their wives
~ especially since I've been to more shows than the both of them combined
~ even if the guys like it
~ especially if I'm wearing *that* bra with *that* shirt

* I am, however, encouraged to cuddle on the couch in the green room with the lead singer while wearing *that* bra with *that* shirt in front of the other bands that are being douche bags.
~ Yes, he does enjoy the view.

[fireheart]

-I'm not allowed to refer to one of my coworkers as Princeton (his fiancee's name is Kate)
-I'm not allowed to sing Purpose, Mix Tape or The Internet Is For Porn when he's around. (the first two because of that, the third one because of the same reason I couldn't sing it at my old store)
-Singing "Special" will cause some VERY funny looks.
-I'm not allowed to configure the mini "Beanie Kids" into um....special poses.
-I'm not allowed to mention Crosshair's activities in one of the posts...most likely because someone WILL actually do them.
-I can however, make faces, retching noises and start laughing at one of the night captains weird food choices.

[Hobbs]

When getting together to do inventory, we cannot title the e-mail "LRS Inventory Party"

LRS can't have motto's

I can't call out cadets at PT by telling them "You are wrong!"

GMC are not free labor.

I can't dance in the office.

LRS is the closest you can get to active-duty (nooo!)

I can't sigh (audibly) when a GMC asks me for help.

[Rapscallion]

I am probably not allowed to snort derisively when a customer signs off an email "yours VEGANLY" (capitalisation as per their email).

Rapscallion

[Geek King]

I am probably not allowed to snort derisively when a customer signs off an email "yours VEGANLY" (capitalisation as per their email).

Rapscallion

Well, I guess its better than "Tofu it may concern,"