Questions I've been asked/ My inner answers (Language)

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

How big of a box does this (random piece of furniture) come in?
Too big for your vehicle, if you even have to ask.

Will you have any trouble getting my recliner into my Chevy Aveo/Smart Car/other absurdly-small vehicle?
Nah, I'll just get the forklift and drop it on your roof. I hope you've got a good suspension.

Can I get the senior discount on this?
Sure. Just turn 55 and show up on the first Wednesday of the following month.

But I can't make it in on Senior Day!
Do I need to get out the chalkboard and the finger puppets? Senior discount are on the first Wednesday of the month ONLY.

Can you come to my house and get my (big piece(s) of furniture) inside and put them all together?
Sorry, not allowed to after the Mr. Peenywhacker incident. Who knew a chair leg could be inserted so deeply into a person's eye socket?

I have beer. :waggle:
It's probably Natty Ice. Or Camo.

[ShadowTiger]

(My key machine is on a counter that's behind yet another counter, so I'm between two counters.)

*Scans desk* ... Do I pay here? ...
No. *Motions hands at the same desk* I do not have a register here. Please pay up front.

Are you sure?
Actually, I'm not. I don't know what they have on this desk. I only take occasional cursory glances at it. If you can find a register, you let me know, and I'll take your money.

So are the registers I pay at near the registers or over here? (Asked immediately after the previous two questions. O.o )
... ... Well, registers are registers. The point is to exchange keys for money. So you give your money to any register you see up front near the registers. Any one at all.

But I don't want to give up my money!
.. .. But .. .. .. you .. .. I . ... .. what .. .. ..... ... .. how do ... ... can't you .. .. .. .. ... ... ... ... ... ... what

[bean]

My favorite is a semi regular who used to say "Hey I'm friends with <Smith>, I need a discount!"

Smith was the store manager a couple of years ago. Dipshit is still pulling it, when he pulls it with me I very, very loudly announce that Smith left the store almost 2 years ago and would you like to call him right now?

When a cashier asked Smith about Dipshit, Smith stated he had no idea who Dipshit was. The only bond they have is they're both immigrants from the same country. Apparently that was enough for Dipshit to say he was friends with Smith.

He'll still go on to say Smith would give him an employee discount, Smith wouldn't even repair air conditioners when they broke down, so why the hell would he buy someone dinner? Until Smith left we were using 15 year old, beat to hell shopping carts, new SM got us new ones. Ones that aren't missing wheels, handles, etc.

For some reason Dipshit no longer comes through my line, but pulls the same shit with newer cashiers. The newer ones have no friggin idea who "Smith" is.

[fireheart]

My turn:

Do you sell <umbrellas, handbags, hand trolleys, CDs, board games?>
What part of "we are a supermarket" do people not get? (We do not sell the first two, we have maybe 3 hand trolleys total in our stock, we only sell blank CDs and we don't sell board games)

Do you have <Light/Low-Tar Cigarette brand?>
No, it's become illegal to sell them since 2005. I can go by colour packet, I can go by the "type". If you do not know either, then STFU and GTFO.

Do you sell Alpine Menthols?
ALL ALPINE CIGARETTES ARE MENTHOL! (Seriously-they go by similar names to other brands i.e. Rich, Fine, Filter, Supreme etc., but ALL of them are menthol)

What time do you guys close?
When the pretty blue sign on the door says so!

I want to do <thing that is considered to be an abuse of our system>. Can I?
If you do, we will tear up all the vouchers you are trying to pull from us.

Do you take American Express/Diners/Debit Cards?
If the signs say we do, then we do!

[HYHYBT]

Do you sell <umbrellas, handbags, hand trolleys, CDs, board games?>
What part of "we are a supermarket" do people not get? (We do not sell the first two, we have maybe 3 hand trolleys total in our stock, we only sell blank CDs and we don't sell board games)

I think all stores with an exit directly to the outside would be wise to keep a rack of umbrellas around, priced perhaps slightly higher than normal, and set it out near the checkouts whenever it's raining. Because there are always people who didn't realize it was going to rain when they left home or the car, and you can never have too many.

[superhotelworker]

Can I have a room for the week?
No. Because I'm sold out Saturday. You'd be able to stay Thursday and Friday, and have to leave Saturday Morning.. thank the gods.

But why if I was already there?
Because OTHER PEOPLE THOUGHT AHEAD!

[Chromatix]

Basic compact umbrellas sell for about €5 in my local supermarket. I *have* bought one when I realised it had started raining. Other places could sell them for €10 quite reasonably.