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Have you ever felt done?

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  • #16
    Quoth Arcus View Post
    I'm right there with you. I'm 46. I know I will never find love. I will never have a family. I will never be able to buy my own home. I'm trapped helping to care for my father as he battles MS. I work, go home, care for my dad, go to bed and do it all again. And my nieces bitch me out because they think I don't do enough for my parents. They can't be bothered to drive 10 miles to visit them once a week. When they do visit, they stay for 2 hours so they can get a free meal. Somehow they got it in their heads that I'm just being lazy.
    This situation I can REAALY understand. but without the family bitchin about perceived lazyiness. I know I have posted about this before so Reader's Digest super condensed version.

    GF and I got together 13 years ago. 11 years ago I moved in with her at the house she owned. 7 years ago she was diagnosed with a terminal degenerative brain disease (5 - 6 year end of life time limit that was all too accurate). she passed on 2 years ago.

    Now I could have walked/ran away from this ( as I have prior experience with my Ex DW who had 9 total major surgeries and required LOTS of caregiving and had hoped that aspect of my life was OVER) or stay and taken help care of her. I chose to stay and be co full time caregiver alongside GF's DD. It was NOT easy and there was NOT a lot of help forthcoming until near the end (GF's immediate family had started to die off during this time and some were not ones you would want around or even trying to help out). Yeah there were times where I really did want to give up and walk away

    The relationship as a whole had allowed me to "rebuild" from literally nothing $$$ wise to a nice nest egg (not a whole lot mind you but still....). but that was not my driving reason. assisting a person I deeply loved and cared for overrode everything else.

    Find a support group for caregivers whether local or online. Reach out to whatever local/county resources are available (I know in my state EVERY county has a Aging and Disability Resource Center that is open to EVERYONE as an advocacy agency and they have the knowledge and resources to point you in the right direction for services and resources that can be accessed in your area for YOU AND YOUR FATHER).

    Do NOT despair there are resources that you can get somewhere.

    I know it seems hard and is a BIG slog but just ignore what the Flying Monkeys say since they can't be arsed to lift a finger to help out and all they want to do is complain. TUNE THEM OUT IGNORE THEM as best as you can. put them on an info diet or refuse all contact unless they have something to meaningfully contribute like real help or better than lip service support. I hate to say but tell them to F' off and die and go no contact. your mental and physical well being and the well being of your Father is more important than their bullshit whinning and false complaints.
    Last edited by Racket_Man; 07-23-2018, 08:01 AM.
    I'm lost without a paddle and headed up SH*T creek.
    -- Life Sucks Then You Die.


    "I'll believe corp. are people when Texas executes one."

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    • #17
      I've been feeling that way at my job for the last few years. It used to be a nice place to work. Even if you were in a non union-eligible position, you still got a decent pay raise every year. Note: Please do not turn this thread into a debate about unions. We have another board for that sort of thing.

      Unfortunately, over the last few years, the company has been taking things away from its employees. Fortunately, my immediate supervisors have been great. I haven't had a crappy immediate supervisor in over 20 years. But the upper management leaves a lot to be desired. We don't get annual pay raises like we used to. We're lucky if we get anything at all. One year, they gave us a half a percent raise. I felt like the butler in Trading Places after he got his $5 Christmas bonus. "Maybe I'll go to a movie. By myself."

      People in my department used to get a little extra money for being on call. It was only 10% of our normal pay, but if I was on call for end of month processing, I might take home an extra $100 or so. But apparently the extra $100 I was taking home was killing the company, and yet somehow it could easily afford the six figures it was paying the CEO. I don't understand it, maybe it's that "new math" I keep hearing about. Oh, and apparently there was plenty of money for a completely unnecessary remodel that the company did, which everyone hated.

      It's funny how upper management keeps taking things away, and then has the nerve to wonder why morale is in the shitter, and why no one wants to work for them. If the company doesn't start treating its employees better, there isn't going to be a company anymore. Even just a year ago, if I was late coming in in the morning or coming back from lunch, I might not be able to find a spot in the parking garage, and have to use the lot across the street. Now there are plenty of empty spaces no matter when I arrive. I see a lot of empty cubes in my department. The cube next to mine has been empty since forever. One time they put someone there, and then he left after a week. And I heard in a meeting a couple of months ago that our call center has an almost 100% turnover rate.

      It seems like the only people who are sticking around are people who are just hanging in there until they can retire. I'm only six years from that myself, and lately I'm finding the idea quite appealing. I have to get some stuff paid off first, so I'll have to burn that bridge when I come to it. And I'm going to have plenty to say in the exit interview. If they ask me if I'd recommend the company to my friends, I'll tell them, "No. I'd like to keep my friends."

      It's getting to the point where even the chatter of my coworkers just gets on my last nerve. Thankfully, we're allowed to listen to music through headphones. They haven't taken that away. And since I've been there as long as I have, I get a lot of vacation time, which is something else they took away for new hires, I think anyone hired after 2011. I'm surprised they didn't try to take that away from everyone.
      Sometimes life is altered.
      Break from the ropes your hands are tied.
      Uneasy with confrontation.
      Won't turn out right. Can't turn out right

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      • #18
        Quoth MadMike View Post
        Unfortunately, over the last few years, the company has been taking things away from its employees. Fortunately, my immediate supervisors have been great. I haven't had a crappy immediate supervisor in over 20 years. But the upper management leaves a lot to be desired. We don't get annual pay raises like we used to. We're lucky if we get anything at all. One year, they gave us a half a percent raise. I felt like the butler in Trading Places after he got his $5 Christmas bonus. "Maybe I'll go to a movie. By myself."

        <snip>
        Yeah I feel the same way about my pizza franchise.

        When the company first bought my franchise they immediately got rid of the Safe Driving Bonus for us drivers. Work a certain amount of hours (say 3K to 5K) and get a $1000 bonus. Had one driver who qualified just before the transistion. The franchise killed the program BUT offered the driver a nice nylon jacket with the company logo on it. Fine said the driver. He wore that jacket to literal tatters. WHen management told him he could not wear that jacket anymore he told them NOPE this jacket is worth $1000 and I am going to get my money's worth out of it.

        They used to offer profit sharing, decent health insurance, 100% discount employee meals (within reason), decent vacation pay, and a 15% discount on an order off the clock. Now the only thing left is the vacation pay but the upped the number of hours your need to average to get vacation pay.

        The company has cried poor for the last 8 or 9 years even though they just got the 40% tax cut this year. they have deferred or cut back on preventative maintenance, opted for cheaping out on stuff and when it breaks they have to do the usual pay double or triple to fix.

        I foresee problems as I have hear rumors of bills being paid way late (not had a pay check bounce but we are all electronic there so at midnight on payday I hit the 3d party payroll site for info).

        Yeah this is a nice gig but I may have had enough in the near term future.
        I'm lost without a paddle and headed up SH*T creek.
        -- Life Sucks Then You Die.


        "I'll believe corp. are people when Texas executes one."

        Comment


        • #19
          Quoth Moirae View Post
          I feel trapped...I don't know what to do. We have no money left in the bank due to this blood sucking car...Like I said, I feel trapped. But I feel done too.
          Quoth Victory Sabre View Post
          I'm really starting to do the math on how much debt I'd have if I did walk now, that's how done I am.
          Quoth Arcus View Post
          I'm 46. I know I will never find love. I will never have a family. I will never be able to buy my own home.
          I can relate somewhat to all of you. My car is a large source of debt and I didn't need it before I got this job. I feel trapped because I am having trouble finding another company that will pay me this much. If I walk away and go back to retail I won't be able to afford the debt (car repair and otherwise) that I've accrued while at this job.

          Fortunately I don't want kids and I gave up on relationships long ago. I'll be single until I die and I don't care much about that. I just want to be out of debt and not the person who always needs financial help but the one who helps other people.
          "Is it hot in here to you? It's very warm, isn't it?"--Nero, probably

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          • #20
            Worked for a company for over 7 years, got crapped on and basically did the work of 4 people for the pay of one, long hours and crazy stress. Asked for 1 month off for a long over due vacation, boss would only give me 3 weeks, even tho i did not take any time off for over 3 years, and basically worked my ass off for them that previous year because several people walked out.

            Took my 3 weeks, and while sitting by the waters in Sydney Australia, decided I was done. Had money saved up, and dad's cancer recently spread, i gave my 2 months notice the day I got back. Never looked back since, and glad I made the decision. I have a year to take care of dad before he passed and that is time i will never regret.

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            • #21
              Quoth Racket_Man View Post
              Yeah this is a nice gig but I may have had enough in the near term future.
              OH I forgot about the one BIG THING -- we no longer get raises and have not now for 8 years.
              I'm lost without a paddle and headed up SH*T creek.
              -- Life Sucks Then You Die.


              "I'll believe corp. are people when Texas executes one."

              Comment


              • #22
                I have my citizenship interview on the 9th. Once it's finally over with (I don't doubt I'll pass), I'm looking for a new job with Monday to Friday and regular hours. No more early mornings, no more late evenings, no more weekends, and no more 45 minute drive twice a working day. And while I do that, I'm looking at becoming a virtual assistant to work at home.

                It's time. I can't keep this up anymore.

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                • #23
                  Late to the party, but definitely. I've been here 8 1/2 years, but I'm totally done with my current workplace. Between ridiculous upper management & the fact that I received my first write up which is also 'final notice' based on complete BS reasoning with no personal improvement plan attached...yeah, I'm done.

                  Good luck in your own job search!

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                  • #24
                    Starting to feel that way with my chosen career path. After finding the job, the one I thought I'd be at until I retired, a new superintendent comes in and decides I'm gone after 6 years. I've been looking and applying and going to interviews for the past 4 months now with nothing. All of the interviews have been 'Good interview, but we decided to choose another person'. Can't help that I'm approaching 50 soon...

                    Doesn't help that all of the good tech jobs seem to be too far away, to the South or West of where I'm at. I've started applying to those jobs as close to me as possible, but they're over an hour's drive.

                    I've tried applying for USPS work, but haven't heard back from them even though they told me that they would let me know either or, and that was the beginning of last month. I don't know what I'm going to do.

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                    • #25
                      Quoth RichS View Post
                      Doesn't help that all of the good tech jobs seem to be too far away, to the South or West of where I'm at. I've started applying to those jobs as close to me as possible, but they're over an hour's drive.
                      I don't know what your situation is, but are you in a position to move closer to the work? If you don't have family to worry about, it wouldn't hurt to apply to those other places and, if you manage to land a job, relocate. If nothing else even if it falls through you have a new area to try to find another job, rather than one that seems to be tapped out.
                      "It is traditional when asking for help or advice to listen to the answers you receive" - RealUnimportant

                      Rev that Engine Louder, I Can't Hear How Small Your Dick Is - Jay 2K Winger

                      The Darwin Awards The best site to visit to restore your faith in instant karma.

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                      • #26
                        Quoth greek_jester View Post
                        I don't know what your situation is, but are you in a position to move closer to the work?
                        Unfortunately, no; I have a house here with a mortgage, my wife has a great job she's been at for 30+ years, and family. However, I've been thinking and talking it over with my wife about taking a job farther and temporarily staying there if the pay was right. Also, my dad is in the starting stages of dimentia, and my mom is having a hard time, so I've been looking for employment where they're at and helping my parents out.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Is there somewhere about half-way between your wife's job and any potential new job with a commute that's doable for both of you? You said that it's over an hour's drive to where you might be able to find something; moving closer but not all the way would mean your wife would increase her commute, but you'd decrease yours to on or under an hour, and if it would mean you could both sit down at the same dinner table each night.

                          Living apart in the week while you work out whether the job is worth it and whether you'll be kept on after the trial period is reasonable, but long term it can put a real strain on a marriage. Selling up and moving isn't easy, but sometimes it's the only way to have any quality of life.
                          "It is traditional when asking for help or advice to listen to the answers you receive" - RealUnimportant

                          Rev that Engine Louder, I Can't Hear How Small Your Dick Is - Jay 2K Winger

                          The Darwin Awards The best site to visit to restore your faith in instant karma.

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