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The Tower's Summer of Not-Love

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  • The Tower's Summer of Not-Love

    Or, those who've annoyed us quite a bit as of late.


    Oh, You're MOVING Alright.

    I've seen my share of "Please don't tow me" notes in my time

    Some pleading, some threatening, some arguing they've got this really great one-of-a-kind excuse that makes it okay, some defiantly saying that they'll park where they please. But this.... This was a new one for me.

    Car in a permit lot with no permit, just a piece of paper on the dash that said, and I quote:

    "MOVING OUT"

    Yep, that's all it said:

    "MOVING OUT"

    Now, you oughta now by now
    That kind of thing won't get you nowhere.

    And if that's what you have in mind
    Yaeh that's what your all about,
    Good luck movin up, cause I'm movin' you out!

    And it's easier town' a Chevy than a Cadillac -ac-ac-ac-ac........

    Sorry, got off track there.

    Anyway, just add that one to the list of pleas for mercy that have been left for me in the apparently mistaken belief that I have any shred of mercy left in me after five years of encountering people like you. Spoiler alert: I don't.

    At this point I've gone to the well of compassion so many times, for my benefit and yours, it's beyond dry, it's a solid chunk of sandstone down there now. Much like the hardened lump of rock in my ribcage where my heart used to be....

    And if you don't like it, you have nobody to blame but yourselves, illegal parkers! Because there were plenty of signs in that lot, and had you just stopped by the rental office first, a mere two blocks away, they would have GIVEN you a FREE one-day permit so you could move out in TOTAL ACCORDANCE WITH THE RULES!


    But no, you insisted on doing it YOUR way. And for that, you will now SUFFER! *lightning crash*

    I sometimes wonder if the dreamy-eyed kid I used to be would even recognize me if you showed him my picture, aghast at the comic-book supervillain levels of evil and uncaringness I've descended into since then. I have actually caught myself laughing a la' Vincent Price at the end of Thriller as I tow these chumps away along with their notes, their begging falling on deaf ears.

    Even Darth Vader, with a trail of force-choked Admirals lying dead on the ground behind him would think I might be judging others a bit too harsh at this point.....

    Even Robespierre might tell me that surely not EVERYONE need have their head cut off to preserve order at this point....

    You know what I say? BUNCH A' SOFTIES!!!!

    And yes, dear reader, your thoughts while reading this were entirely correct. For barely 10 feet away from where they illegally parked with their note was a perfectly good street where curbside parking was legal, free and available in excess at the time they got towed....

    "Why?" I hear you cry, "WHY are they this blind? Why do they insist on making it hard when it needent be?"

    Wish I knew. It's like they WANT me to punish them, and the harder the better, I don't think I'm ready for that level of intimacy just yet, buttercup.


    A Gift From the Public

    Ooh, a present? For me? Really? Why you shouldn't have!

    *rip* *rip* *tear*

    Oh! A license plate! You know that's great, just another one for the collection! (I do collect them, shock! I know! A tow truck driver collecting license plates!)

    Wait a sec, something seems to be attached to this one......

    Looks like it's attached to a Ford Explorer.......

    Wait a minute, this isn't a gift for me at all! This is just a license plate that someone wrapped up in paper in the hopes that if I couldn't read the numbers, I couldn't tow it for being in a private parking lot without a permit, or something.

    Hmm, this looks to have actually been a note of some kind, the paper had writing on it, let's put these pieces back together.... and it says........

    "MOVING OUT: APT 33"

    You too?

    Is everyone leaving this town except me?!

    Is there something big coming that I missed all the meetings for?

    Plague?

    Meteor strike?

    Earthquake?

    Zombie Apocalypse?

    I hope not, I mean, I'd hate to live in a world where the dead have returned from the grave, and are now showing a total wanton disregard for local towing ordinances.... as I suspect they would. I mean, people with allegedly functioning brains, as you can see, can't figure it out. Can't imagine they'd get any better with large, festering, rotten holes in their grey matter.

    Oh well, anyone needs me, I'll be over here welding some spikes onto my truck bumper and drilling out home-made hollowpoints.

    Just in case.


    S-O-B Says We're D-U-I Because he's M-A-D

    Your car has been towed, for the fourth time it looks like, for not having your permit up for the lot you were in.

    I can see how that may put a cramp in your style, but, they GAVE you that little hangtag for your rearview mirror for a reason! It's not our fault you seem to have great difficulty remembering to actually PUT IT IN THE CAR, even though we've tried to drive home the importance of doing such via our $115-a-session correspondence course that you've taken, and failed, several times.

    So, when you got towed for the FIFTH time, you were so indignant that you did the only thing that made sense to you.

    You didn't call a manager to complain.

    You didn't call the property owner to complain.

    You didn't call the papers to complain.

    You called the cops.....

    And alleged that our driver who towed your car away only minutes ago was driving drunk....

    Uh huh.

    The only thing we're drunk with around here, is power, specifically, the power to make YOU look like the total toss-pot that you are.

    Especially after the cop responding to your complaint informed you that despite your allegations, neither driver on duty, nether the one who towed you or the one who didn't, looked, sounded or smelled intoxicated when he arrived at our garage within the hour to follow-up. And furthermore, both drivers voluntarily submitted to a breathalyzer just to humiliate you some more, and both promptly scored a Blutarsky on the machine. AKA: zero-point-zero.

    End result, cop told you you could pick up your car for $115 at our garage, you should learn to follow the rules, and that he better not get another call from you ever again.

    YOU LOSE! GOOD DAY SIR!

    And now the kick-in-the-pants, kiddies. He was a UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR! (Hopefully not in ethics!)


    I Can Haz a Bad Check?

    Randy is sent after an illegally parked minivan that seems to be your boilerplate kind of tow, no permit, in a lot where you need one, fetch, boy, fetch!

    Well, no sooner is it lifted than the owner comes running out.

    The usual pleasantries are explained, and the usual excuses generated. Randy tells him that "This ain't my first rodeo" and he's not going to waste time arguing, either the owner comes up with $65 for a drop, or it's going to be towed.

    Owner opens his wallet and shows the $20 inside. Says that's all he's got, he's broke, he has nothing in his bank account and his credit cards are all maxed out.

    Randy says that's too bad, as if he can't pay he'll be towed.

    Owner asks if he can write a check.

    Randy points out the obvious "You have no money in your bank account, and you want to write me a check? Sorry, no checks"

    Owner starts deliberately getting in the way of Randy trying to keep him from loading, Randy warns him that will only get the cops involved, and, the cops won't appreciate having their time wasted.

    Owner insists on calling the cops.

    Randy sighs and waits a few minutes for their arrival.

    Once they do arrive, Owner starts in with the sob story again. Again shows the pitiful contents of his billfold, and explains that the only way he can pay is by check because his account is empty and his cards are maxed out.

    "Wait, you say you know there's no funds in your account, but you want to write a check?" Says the cop. a bit surprised, before continuing "You can't write a check you know is no good, that's illegal, son, you can get arrested for that"

    Owner finally realizes that he's been basically threatening to break the law now for at lest 20 minutes, part of the time IN FRONT OF A UNIFORMED OFFICER and now pleads that we just show some mercy on him since he's broke.

    Cop shakes his head, "It's all very cut and dried, the towing ordinance says you have to pay $65 for a drop. if you can't pay it, then he can take your car, and it'll cost you $115. So, if you cannot pay right now, then you need to get out of the man's way and make arrangements to pay with the company."

    Randy finished loading and left with the car.

    Whipping out the checkbook is only impressive if you can make GOOD on writing the check, not so much when you basically tell us that it was printed on paper... made from a rubber tree.

    And yes, dear reader, scarcely 50 feet away, parking was available, in surplus, out on the street, for FREE until 2AM....

    WHY?

    Why does humanity WANT me to hate it so?!

    And why is it SUCCEEDING???

    WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??????
    - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

  • #2
    We called the cops on a guy in the mall because he parked outside one of our more upscale stores and went inside after covering his license plate with paper....yeah, not suspicious at all! (turns out he thought he was still banned from a retail theft years ago; his ban had expired, but he had to sit in the police car while they ran his information and he explained why he did it). This store was wary because it had had a rash of people running in, making a grab and booking it back to their car.
    "If anyone wants this old box containing the broken bits of my former faith in humanity, I'll take your best offer now. You may be able to salvage a few of em' for parts..... " - Quote by Argabarga

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    • #3
      He was a UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR! (Hopefully not in ethics!)
      Also not in any course that involves deductive reasoning, and not in English (since he apparently can't read signs).

      As for people covering their license plates up....isn't that illegal?
      When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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      • #4
        And here I thought people were crazy just WALKING.
        Eh, one day I'll have something useful here. Until then, have a cookie or two.

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        • #5
          They're moving out because parking is too expensive. They're gonna move to a place with none of them no-parking signs because reading or parking properly is too hard.

          Comment


          • #6
            It really saddens me that I saw the word "defiantly" and immediately thought "great, another one who can't spell "definitely" correctly only to see that you did in fact intend to use defiantly, and that you used it correctly...

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            • #7
              Quoth Argabarga View Post
              Wish I knew. It's like they WANT me to punish them, and the harder the better, I don't think I'm ready for that level of intimacy just yet, buttercup.
              So when they wan that level of punishment, have you hired her?
              I AM the evil bastard!
              A+ Certified IT Technician

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth MoonCat View Post
                Also not in any course that involves deductive reasoning, and not in English (since he apparently can't read signs).

                As for people covering their license plates up....isn't that illegal?
                Completely? Yes. Those covers that obscure them? Depends on the state.
                They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth Sapphire Silk View Post
                  Completely? Yes. Those covers that obscure them? Depends on the state.
                  North Carolina won't allow plate covers at all now. Even the clear ones that protect your plate aren't allowed now - LEOs have to be able to read your plate completely and clearly at all times in event of an accident or even a random plate check.

                  Mom found this out a few years back b/c she had to remove her transparent clear cover off the plate due to a random check one night (we were out on Bessemer Avenue headed toward Wendy's for a late night Frosty IIRC) and was informed by the officer that they weren't allowed at all.
                  Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth DGoddessChardonnay View Post
                    North Carolina won't allow plate covers at all now. Even the clear ones that protect your plate aren't allowed now - LEOs have to be able to read your plate completely and clearly at all times in event of an accident or even a random plate check.
                    Heck, they've even gone so far as to ban the little trim plates that dealers install on most cars. Citing that even the smaller types tend to cut off at least a portion of of the numerals on a plate.
                    But the paint on me is beginning to dry
                    And it's not what I wanted to be
                    The weight on me
                    Is Hanging on to a weary angel - Sister Hazel

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Just to clarify, he obviously covered his plate AFTER he parked to try and keep it from being towed, there's no way he was driving around like that.
                      - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth Ophbalance View Post
                        Heck, they've even gone so far as to ban the little trim plates that dealers install on most cars. Citing that even the smaller types tend to cut off at least a portion of of the numerals on a plate.
                        They don't cut off the numbers as much as the cover the corners where the registration stickers belong, they also tend to cover up the name of the home state, and while each one is different, at a distance, there are several that look too much alike to say for sure until you get up close to them. Especially since everyone went on the "commemorative" plate craze so that there's widly varying colors/schemes even WITHIN a given state.

                        Though, as usual, when it comes to bungling, my state takes the lead.

                        They had one that was so hard to read, the State Police got a court order demanding it's discontinuation.

                        The infamous "Flagship Niagra" plate, white..... on BEIGE. YOU TRY reading that at more than arm's length.

                        Go on, I dare ya!
                        - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I miss the old Navy/Royal blue PA plates. Funny story... I SAW one of those bad boys down here on a beat to hell smaller pickup. And we're talking, saw it within the last 5 years. I doubt that truck has seen an inspection in at least 15 years, and I'm surprised it's not been caught.
                          But the paint on me is beginning to dry
                          And it's not what I wanted to be
                          The weight on me
                          Is Hanging on to a weary angel - Sister Hazel

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Quoth DGoddessChardonnay View Post
                            North Carolina won't allow plate covers at all now. Even the clear ones that protect your plate aren't allowed now - LEOs have to be able to read your plate completely and clearly at all times in event of an accident or even a random plate check.
                            Yeah, I got really mad when they did this. I had to take my ER Nurse Trauma Queen frames off my cars
                            They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Quoth Argabarga View Post
                              Is everyone leaving this town except me?!

                              Is there something big coming that I missed all the meetings for?

                              Plague?

                              Meteor strike?

                              Earthquake?

                              Zombie Apocalypse?
                              Yup. You missed it. Thankfully, someone recorded it. http://thebest404pageever.com/swf/ebs2.swf

                              Comment

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