Or, those who've annoyed us quite a bit as of late.
Oh, You're MOVING Alright.
I've seen my share of "Please don't tow me" notes in my time
Some pleading, some threatening, some arguing they've got this really great one-of-a-kind excuse that makes it okay, some defiantly saying that they'll park where they please. But this.... This was a new one for me.
Car in a permit lot with no permit, just a piece of paper on the dash that said, and I quote:
"MOVING OUT"
Yep, that's all it said:
"MOVING OUT"
Now, you oughta now by now
That kind of thing won't get you nowhere.
And if that's what you have in mind
Yaeh that's what your all about,
Good luck movin up, cause I'm movin' you out!
And it's easier town' a Chevy than a Cadillac -ac-ac-ac-ac........
Sorry, got off track there.
Anyway, just add that one to the list of pleas for mercy that have been left for me in the apparently mistaken belief that I have any shred of mercy left in me after five years of encountering people like you. Spoiler alert: I don't.
At this point I've gone to the well of compassion so many times, for my benefit and yours, it's beyond dry, it's a solid chunk of sandstone down there now. Much like the hardened lump of rock in my ribcage where my heart used to be....
And if you don't like it, you have nobody to blame but yourselves, illegal parkers! Because there were plenty of signs in that lot, and had you just stopped by the rental office first, a mere two blocks away, they would have GIVEN you a FREE one-day permit so you could move out in TOTAL ACCORDANCE WITH THE RULES!
But no, you insisted on doing it YOUR way. And for that, you will now SUFFER! *lightning crash*
I sometimes wonder if the dreamy-eyed kid I used to be would even recognize me if you showed him my picture, aghast at the comic-book supervillain levels of evil and uncaringness I've descended into since then. I have actually caught myself laughing a la' Vincent Price at the end of Thriller as I tow these chumps away along with their notes, their begging falling on deaf ears.
Even Darth Vader, with a trail of force-choked Admirals lying dead on the ground behind him would think I might be judging others a bit too harsh at this point.....
Even Robespierre might tell me that surely not EVERYONE need have their head cut off to preserve order at this point....
You know what I say? BUNCH A' SOFTIES!!!!
And yes, dear reader, your thoughts while reading this were entirely correct. For barely 10 feet away from where they illegally parked with their note was a perfectly good street where curbside parking was legal, free and available in excess at the time they got towed....
"Why?" I hear you cry, "WHY are they this blind? Why do they insist on making it hard when it needent be?"
Wish I knew. It's like they WANT me to punish them, and the harder the better, I don't think I'm ready for that level of intimacy just yet, buttercup.
A Gift From the Public
Ooh, a present? For me? Really? Why you shouldn't have!
*rip* *rip* *tear*
Oh! A license plate! You know that's great, just another one for the collection! (I do collect them, shock! I know! A tow truck driver collecting license plates!)
Wait a sec, something seems to be attached to this one......
Looks like it's attached to a Ford Explorer.......
Wait a minute, this isn't a gift for me at all! This is just a license plate that someone wrapped up in paper in the hopes that if I couldn't read the numbers, I couldn't tow it for being in a private parking lot without a permit, or something.
Hmm, this looks to have actually been a note of some kind, the paper had writing on it, let's put these pieces back together.... and it says........
"MOVING OUT: APT 33"
You too?
Is everyone leaving this town except me?!
Is there something big coming that I missed all the meetings for?
Plague?
Meteor strike?
Earthquake?
Zombie Apocalypse?
I hope not, I mean, I'd hate to live in a world where the dead have returned from the grave, and are now showing a total wanton disregard for local towing ordinances.... as I suspect they would. I mean, people with allegedly functioning brains, as you can see, can't figure it out. Can't imagine they'd get any better with large, festering, rotten holes in their grey matter.
Oh well, anyone needs me, I'll be over here welding some spikes onto my truck bumper and drilling out home-made hollowpoints.
Just in case.
S-O-B Says We're D-U-I Because he's M-A-D
Your car has been towed, for the fourth time it looks like, for not having your permit up for the lot you were in.
I can see how that may put a cramp in your style, but, they GAVE you that little hangtag for your rearview mirror for a reason! It's not our fault you seem to have great difficulty remembering to actually PUT IT IN THE CAR, even though we've tried to drive home the importance of doing such via our $115-a-session correspondence course that you've taken, and failed, several times.
So, when you got towed for the FIFTH time, you were so indignant that you did the only thing that made sense to you.
You didn't call a manager to complain.
You didn't call the property owner to complain.
You didn't call the papers to complain.
You called the cops.....
And alleged that our driver who towed your car away only minutes ago was driving drunk....
Uh huh.
The only thing we're drunk with around here, is power, specifically, the power to make YOU look like the total toss-pot that you are.
Especially after the cop responding to your complaint informed you that despite your allegations, neither driver on duty, nether the one who towed you or the one who didn't, looked, sounded or smelled intoxicated when he arrived at our garage within the hour to follow-up. And furthermore, both drivers voluntarily submitted to a breathalyzer just to humiliate you some more, and both promptly scored a Blutarsky on the machine. AKA: zero-point-zero.
End result, cop told you you could pick up your car for $115 at our garage, you should learn to follow the rules, and that he better not get another call from you ever again.
YOU LOSE! GOOD DAY SIR!
And now the kick-in-the-pants, kiddies. He was a UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR! (Hopefully not in ethics!)
I Can Haz a Bad Check?
Randy is sent after an illegally parked minivan that seems to be your boilerplate kind of tow, no permit, in a lot where you need one, fetch, boy, fetch!
Well, no sooner is it lifted than the owner comes running out.
The usual pleasantries are explained, and the usual excuses generated. Randy tells him that "This ain't my first rodeo" and he's not going to waste time arguing, either the owner comes up with $65 for a drop, or it's going to be towed.
Owner opens his wallet and shows the $20 inside. Says that's all he's got, he's broke, he has nothing in his bank account and his credit cards are all maxed out.
Randy says that's too bad, as if he can't pay he'll be towed.
Owner asks if he can write a check.
Randy points out the obvious "You have no money in your bank account, and you want to write me a check? Sorry, no checks"
Owner starts deliberately getting in the way of Randy trying to keep him from loading, Randy warns him that will only get the cops involved, and, the cops won't appreciate having their time wasted.
Owner insists on calling the cops.
Randy sighs and waits a few minutes for their arrival.
Once they do arrive, Owner starts in with the sob story again. Again shows the pitiful contents of his billfold, and explains that the only way he can pay is by check because his account is empty and his cards are maxed out.
"Wait, you say you know there's no funds in your account, but you want to write a check?" Says the cop. a bit surprised, before continuing "You can't write a check you know is no good, that's illegal, son, you can get arrested for that"
Owner finally realizes that he's been basically threatening to break the law now for at lest 20 minutes, part of the time IN FRONT OF A UNIFORMED OFFICER and now pleads that we just show some mercy on him since he's broke.
Cop shakes his head, "It's all very cut and dried, the towing ordinance says you have to pay $65 for a drop. if you can't pay it, then he can take your car, and it'll cost you $115. So, if you cannot pay right now, then you need to get out of the man's way and make arrangements to pay with the company."
Randy finished loading and left with the car.
Whipping out the checkbook is only impressive if you can make GOOD on writing the check, not so much when you basically tell us that it was printed on paper... made from a rubber tree.
And yes, dear reader, scarcely 50 feet away, parking was available, in surplus, out on the street, for FREE until 2AM....
WHY?
Why does humanity WANT me to hate it so?!
And why is it SUCCEEDING???
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??????
Oh, You're MOVING Alright.
I've seen my share of "Please don't tow me" notes in my time
Some pleading, some threatening, some arguing they've got this really great one-of-a-kind excuse that makes it okay, some defiantly saying that they'll park where they please. But this.... This was a new one for me.
Car in a permit lot with no permit, just a piece of paper on the dash that said, and I quote:
"MOVING OUT"
Yep, that's all it said:
"MOVING OUT"
Now, you oughta now by now
That kind of thing won't get you nowhere.
And if that's what you have in mind
Yaeh that's what your all about,
Good luck movin up, cause I'm movin' you out!
And it's easier town' a Chevy than a Cadillac -ac-ac-ac-ac........
Sorry, got off track there.
Anyway, just add that one to the list of pleas for mercy that have been left for me in the apparently mistaken belief that I have any shred of mercy left in me after five years of encountering people like you. Spoiler alert: I don't.
At this point I've gone to the well of compassion so many times, for my benefit and yours, it's beyond dry, it's a solid chunk of sandstone down there now. Much like the hardened lump of rock in my ribcage where my heart used to be....
And if you don't like it, you have nobody to blame but yourselves, illegal parkers! Because there were plenty of signs in that lot, and had you just stopped by the rental office first, a mere two blocks away, they would have GIVEN you a FREE one-day permit so you could move out in TOTAL ACCORDANCE WITH THE RULES!
But no, you insisted on doing it YOUR way. And for that, you will now SUFFER! *lightning crash*
I sometimes wonder if the dreamy-eyed kid I used to be would even recognize me if you showed him my picture, aghast at the comic-book supervillain levels of evil and uncaringness I've descended into since then. I have actually caught myself laughing a la' Vincent Price at the end of Thriller as I tow these chumps away along with their notes, their begging falling on deaf ears.
Even Darth Vader, with a trail of force-choked Admirals lying dead on the ground behind him would think I might be judging others a bit too harsh at this point.....
Even Robespierre might tell me that surely not EVERYONE need have their head cut off to preserve order at this point....
You know what I say? BUNCH A' SOFTIES!!!!
And yes, dear reader, your thoughts while reading this were entirely correct. For barely 10 feet away from where they illegally parked with their note was a perfectly good street where curbside parking was legal, free and available in excess at the time they got towed....
"Why?" I hear you cry, "WHY are they this blind? Why do they insist on making it hard when it needent be?"
Wish I knew. It's like they WANT me to punish them, and the harder the better, I don't think I'm ready for that level of intimacy just yet, buttercup.
A Gift From the Public
Ooh, a present? For me? Really? Why you shouldn't have!
*rip* *rip* *tear*
Oh! A license plate! You know that's great, just another one for the collection! (I do collect them, shock! I know! A tow truck driver collecting license plates!)
Wait a sec, something seems to be attached to this one......
Looks like it's attached to a Ford Explorer.......
Wait a minute, this isn't a gift for me at all! This is just a license plate that someone wrapped up in paper in the hopes that if I couldn't read the numbers, I couldn't tow it for being in a private parking lot without a permit, or something.
Hmm, this looks to have actually been a note of some kind, the paper had writing on it, let's put these pieces back together.... and it says........
"MOVING OUT: APT 33"
You too?
Is everyone leaving this town except me?!
Is there something big coming that I missed all the meetings for?
Plague?
Meteor strike?
Earthquake?
Zombie Apocalypse?
I hope not, I mean, I'd hate to live in a world where the dead have returned from the grave, and are now showing a total wanton disregard for local towing ordinances.... as I suspect they would. I mean, people with allegedly functioning brains, as you can see, can't figure it out. Can't imagine they'd get any better with large, festering, rotten holes in their grey matter.
Oh well, anyone needs me, I'll be over here welding some spikes onto my truck bumper and drilling out home-made hollowpoints.
Just in case.
S-O-B Says We're D-U-I Because he's M-A-D
Your car has been towed, for the fourth time it looks like, for not having your permit up for the lot you were in.
I can see how that may put a cramp in your style, but, they GAVE you that little hangtag for your rearview mirror for a reason! It's not our fault you seem to have great difficulty remembering to actually PUT IT IN THE CAR, even though we've tried to drive home the importance of doing such via our $115-a-session correspondence course that you've taken, and failed, several times.
So, when you got towed for the FIFTH time, you were so indignant that you did the only thing that made sense to you.
You didn't call a manager to complain.
You didn't call the property owner to complain.
You didn't call the papers to complain.
You called the cops.....
And alleged that our driver who towed your car away only minutes ago was driving drunk....
Uh huh.
The only thing we're drunk with around here, is power, specifically, the power to make YOU look like the total toss-pot that you are.
Especially after the cop responding to your complaint informed you that despite your allegations, neither driver on duty, nether the one who towed you or the one who didn't, looked, sounded or smelled intoxicated when he arrived at our garage within the hour to follow-up. And furthermore, both drivers voluntarily submitted to a breathalyzer just to humiliate you some more, and both promptly scored a Blutarsky on the machine. AKA: zero-point-zero.
End result, cop told you you could pick up your car for $115 at our garage, you should learn to follow the rules, and that he better not get another call from you ever again.
YOU LOSE! GOOD DAY SIR!
And now the kick-in-the-pants, kiddies. He was a UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR! (Hopefully not in ethics!)
I Can Haz a Bad Check?
Randy is sent after an illegally parked minivan that seems to be your boilerplate kind of tow, no permit, in a lot where you need one, fetch, boy, fetch!
Well, no sooner is it lifted than the owner comes running out.
The usual pleasantries are explained, and the usual excuses generated. Randy tells him that "This ain't my first rodeo" and he's not going to waste time arguing, either the owner comes up with $65 for a drop, or it's going to be towed.
Owner opens his wallet and shows the $20 inside. Says that's all he's got, he's broke, he has nothing in his bank account and his credit cards are all maxed out.
Randy says that's too bad, as if he can't pay he'll be towed.
Owner asks if he can write a check.
Randy points out the obvious "You have no money in your bank account, and you want to write me a check? Sorry, no checks"
Owner starts deliberately getting in the way of Randy trying to keep him from loading, Randy warns him that will only get the cops involved, and, the cops won't appreciate having their time wasted.
Owner insists on calling the cops.
Randy sighs and waits a few minutes for their arrival.
Once they do arrive, Owner starts in with the sob story again. Again shows the pitiful contents of his billfold, and explains that the only way he can pay is by check because his account is empty and his cards are maxed out.
"Wait, you say you know there's no funds in your account, but you want to write a check?" Says the cop. a bit surprised, before continuing "You can't write a check you know is no good, that's illegal, son, you can get arrested for that"
Owner finally realizes that he's been basically threatening to break the law now for at lest 20 minutes, part of the time IN FRONT OF A UNIFORMED OFFICER and now pleads that we just show some mercy on him since he's broke.
Cop shakes his head, "It's all very cut and dried, the towing ordinance says you have to pay $65 for a drop. if you can't pay it, then he can take your car, and it'll cost you $115. So, if you cannot pay right now, then you need to get out of the man's way and make arrangements to pay with the company."
Randy finished loading and left with the car.
Whipping out the checkbook is only impressive if you can make GOOD on writing the check, not so much when you basically tell us that it was printed on paper... made from a rubber tree.
And yes, dear reader, scarcely 50 feet away, parking was available, in surplus, out on the street, for FREE until 2AM....
WHY?
Why does humanity WANT me to hate it so?!
And why is it SUCCEEDING???
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??????
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