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Oh the joys of working in a call center...
M = Me
SCs = well, you know
America's #1, dickwad!
You may recall I posted awhile back about a gentleman who demanded to be transferred to the US and barked on about how outsourcing stole jobs from his neighbours and bankrupted his relatives....this week I think had a run-in with one of his cousins...
M: Can I get your cell phone number please?
SC: Where are you located?
(for the record I sound american enough I could've said I was in New York state and he'd have believed me, but my honesty got the better of me)
M: This center is located in Canada sir.
SC: Ok, listen up buttwipe, would you please transfer me to the United States and don't tell me you can't because I know you can!
(actually we can NOT transfer people there)
M: I'm sorry sir I don't have any way to transfer you to the US
SC: You're lying! I know you can do it asshole, transfer me!
M: Sir, I have NO WAY to transfer you to the US
SC: TRANSFER ME TO THE UNITED STATES BUTTWIPE!!
M: I have no way to transfer you there sir.
SC: WELL THEN MAYBE YOUR DAMNED MANAGER DOES!
M: One moment sir.
*CLICK* (he hung up, I didn't)
You know I like to think myself capable of doing anything an american can do for the most part, I just don't get why some people are so hardcore. Good riddance.
What I can do vs. What I WILL do
I played Sup on this call, basically the guy wanted an extension because he could not pay his bill. He'd already been given one on a promise to pay $150 but never paid his end of it. Suffice to say I'm not given him another freebie.
M: Sir I understand what you are asking but we made an arrangment with you, you failed to keep your end of it, you will not be getting another one.
SC: Come on man, I only need until Friday. I got my wife and kids that be needin' to call me!
M: Sir, you made a promise to pay us once and you broke it, what guarantee do I have you won't do it again?
SC: Look, I SWEAR to you man, this time I'ma pay up! I promise you
M: Well sir, you promised before and nothing happened. I do apologize but you are not getting another extension
SC: Don't do this to me man, isn't this Customer Service, why ain't you serving the customer like you supposed to be doing?
M: Sir, once again, you made a promise to us, broke it and we will not be doing it again. You are limited to one extension per bill cycle. Besides, even I did put a credit on this account it would not be enough to restore your service.
SC: Oh so you mean you can and you're not going to?
M: Excuse me?
SC: You said "If I put another credit on" like you were thinking of doing it, obviously you can do it in the system so why won't you help me out?
M: AGAIN sir, you made a promise to us, did not fulfill it and we will not be making another one with you.
SC: But that's not customer service! Just press a few buttons and help me out. How can you play me like this? You can do it, you just don't want to!
M: Sir whether or not I can is not the issue here. I certainly could do it if I wanted do, but given the circumstances I must follow our standard procedure and not do it.
SC: What kind of service is this?? I'm asking for THREE days man! My wife and my kids, they need this! Just help me out man!
M: For the LAST TIME SIR, you made a promise to pay us and you did not fulfill that, so we will not be giving you another change. Thanks for calling and have a good day.
M: (puts headset down and lets guy keep venting until he eventually hangs up)
Walmart COULD discount a Plasma TV $500 for you if they wanted to, but just because you ask them doesn't mean they will. Some people don't understand.
Notable humor
Not a call, just a funny account note I saw today:
CUST MUST STOP TELLING US TO DO STUFF AND THEN HANG UP, SINCE WE NEED HIM ON THE CALL TO CONFIRM EVERYTHING. ADVISED CUST OF THIS.
CUST HUNG UP.
I know it's not roll on the floor funny, but for some reason it just gave me a really good laugh.
Power Play
M: And the password on the account?
SC: Man I don't know, I just need to get it changed to my name.
Me: So you don't know the password or security info, but you want us to put your name on this account?
SC: Yeah!
Me
thinking: 
) Well sir, firstly we can't change the name on an account over the phone, secondly we couldn't possibly change the name on an account at the request of someone who can't verify any information on the account.
SC: Damn!...Am I ever going to be able to use this phone?
Me: Excuse me?
SC: She gave me this phone and now I can't use it.
Me: (light bulb) Oh so you need to get the PHONE active on YOUR account
SC: Yeah! That's what I told you!
Me: Well in order for that to happen she has to pay her bill first.
SC: DAMN. We'll I'ma hafta call her up. Thanks.
It made sense eventually, but at first it was a serious "WHO does this person think he is?" kind of moment.
Sob Story Soiree
And finally I thought it'd be fun to list some of the reasons people use to convince me to restore their service, even if they are hundreds of dollars in the hole.
"You need to turn my phone on because...
...my mother/brother/sister/uncle/dog is having major, life threatnening surgery"
...I just got out of jail/someone I know is in jail"
...I'm on a fixed income/retired/social assistance"
...It's the Christian thing to do"
...It's an American thing to do"
...I'm going to miss a really important party/date/birthday/anniversary/wedding"
...I need to stay in touch with my babies!"
...I have <insert ANY medical condition here> and you should feel sorry for me"
...I have <insert ANY psychological condition here> and you should feel sorry for me"
...I just got in a car accident and nearly died" (sucks for you, but what does that have to do with your phone?)
And... *drum roll please* My all time favourite from last Spring:
...I live in Virgina and all of us here have been going through hell since the shootings (VA Tech), It's been so awful around here and I'd really appreciate the help"
(She lived over 150 MILES from VA Tech!! Yeah...nice try lady)
M = Me
SCs = well, you know
America's #1, dickwad!
You may recall I posted awhile back about a gentleman who demanded to be transferred to the US and barked on about how outsourcing stole jobs from his neighbours and bankrupted his relatives....this week I think had a run-in with one of his cousins...
M: Can I get your cell phone number please?
SC: Where are you located?
(for the record I sound american enough I could've said I was in New York state and he'd have believed me, but my honesty got the better of me)
M: This center is located in Canada sir.
SC: Ok, listen up buttwipe, would you please transfer me to the United States and don't tell me you can't because I know you can!
(actually we can NOT transfer people there)
M: I'm sorry sir I don't have any way to transfer you to the US
SC: You're lying! I know you can do it asshole, transfer me!
M: Sir, I have NO WAY to transfer you to the US
SC: TRANSFER ME TO THE UNITED STATES BUTTWIPE!!
M: I have no way to transfer you there sir.
SC: WELL THEN MAYBE YOUR DAMNED MANAGER DOES!
M: One moment sir.
*CLICK* (he hung up, I didn't)
You know I like to think myself capable of doing anything an american can do for the most part, I just don't get why some people are so hardcore. Good riddance.
What I can do vs. What I WILL do
I played Sup on this call, basically the guy wanted an extension because he could not pay his bill. He'd already been given one on a promise to pay $150 but never paid his end of it. Suffice to say I'm not given him another freebie.
M: Sir I understand what you are asking but we made an arrangment with you, you failed to keep your end of it, you will not be getting another one.
SC: Come on man, I only need until Friday. I got my wife and kids that be needin' to call me!
M: Sir, you made a promise to pay us once and you broke it, what guarantee do I have you won't do it again?
SC: Look, I SWEAR to you man, this time I'ma pay up! I promise you
M: Well sir, you promised before and nothing happened. I do apologize but you are not getting another extension
SC: Don't do this to me man, isn't this Customer Service, why ain't you serving the customer like you supposed to be doing?
M: Sir, once again, you made a promise to us, broke it and we will not be doing it again. You are limited to one extension per bill cycle. Besides, even I did put a credit on this account it would not be enough to restore your service.
SC: Oh so you mean you can and you're not going to?
M: Excuse me?
SC: You said "If I put another credit on" like you were thinking of doing it, obviously you can do it in the system so why won't you help me out?
M: AGAIN sir, you made a promise to us, did not fulfill it and we will not be making another one with you.
SC: But that's not customer service! Just press a few buttons and help me out. How can you play me like this? You can do it, you just don't want to!
M: Sir whether or not I can is not the issue here. I certainly could do it if I wanted do, but given the circumstances I must follow our standard procedure and not do it.
SC: What kind of service is this?? I'm asking for THREE days man! My wife and my kids, they need this! Just help me out man!
M: For the LAST TIME SIR, you made a promise to pay us and you did not fulfill that, so we will not be giving you another change. Thanks for calling and have a good day.
M: (puts headset down and lets guy keep venting until he eventually hangs up)
Walmart COULD discount a Plasma TV $500 for you if they wanted to, but just because you ask them doesn't mean they will. Some people don't understand.
Notable humor
Not a call, just a funny account note I saw today:
CUST MUST STOP TELLING US TO DO STUFF AND THEN HANG UP, SINCE WE NEED HIM ON THE CALL TO CONFIRM EVERYTHING. ADVISED CUST OF THIS.
CUST HUNG UP.
I know it's not roll on the floor funny, but for some reason it just gave me a really good laugh.
Power Play
M: And the password on the account?
SC: Man I don't know, I just need to get it changed to my name.
Me: So you don't know the password or security info, but you want us to put your name on this account?
SC: Yeah!
Me
thinking: ) Well sir, firstly we can't change the name on an account over the phone, secondly we couldn't possibly change the name on an account at the request of someone who can't verify any information on the account.SC: Damn!...Am I ever going to be able to use this phone?
Me: Excuse me?
SC: She gave me this phone and now I can't use it.
Me: (light bulb) Oh so you need to get the PHONE active on YOUR account
SC: Yeah! That's what I told you!
Me: Well in order for that to happen she has to pay her bill first.
SC: DAMN. We'll I'ma hafta call her up. Thanks.
It made sense eventually, but at first it was a serious "WHO does this person think he is?" kind of moment.
Sob Story Soiree
And finally I thought it'd be fun to list some of the reasons people use to convince me to restore their service, even if they are hundreds of dollars in the hole.
"You need to turn my phone on because...
...my mother/brother/sister/uncle/dog is having major, life threatnening surgery"
...I just got out of jail/someone I know is in jail"
...I'm on a fixed income/retired/social assistance"
...It's the Christian thing to do"
...It's an American thing to do"
...I'm going to miss a really important party/date/birthday/anniversary/wedding"
...I need to stay in touch with my babies!"
...I have <insert ANY medical condition here> and you should feel sorry for me"
...I have <insert ANY psychological condition here> and you should feel sorry for me"
...I just got in a car accident and nearly died" (sucks for you, but what does that have to do with your phone?)
And... *drum roll please* My all time favourite from last Spring:
...I live in Virgina and all of us here have been going through hell since the shootings (VA Tech), It's been so awful around here and I'd really appreciate the help"
(She lived over 150 MILES from VA Tech!! Yeah...nice try lady)
: "Aren't customers by definition people who pay for services? Why ain't you paying us like you supposed to be doing?"
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