Today, I'm the weak one.

[Seshat]

I'm only going to be strong for my pets.

Seph - known here as ElderlyCat - is having trouble breathing.

She's 18 years old. Frail aged. There's no way we're going to put her through distressing medical procedures she won't understand; at her age, it might give her a few extra months of life, or it might not.

Today is probably Decision Day.

If this isn't something very easy to fix, we're going to have the vet give her the euthanasia needle. And we'll bury her under the Camellia. (Camellias have a special meaning for my family.)

For today, and - if we have to say goodbye - the next week or so, I'm not going to be the strong one. I'm going to be grieving.

[Mishi]

*big gentle cuddles* Oh Seshat, that is an awfully hard thing to have to do. Don't feel bad for being fragile. Give Seph a pat for us, and look after yourself.

[Tama]

Big hugs from me, too. And as Mishi said, look after yourself.

[flybye023]

I'm sorry you're facing this. We put our cat to sleep on April 5. He'd just turned 15 on April 1.

It's been really hard but I take great comfort in knowing that it was the right time and the best decision for him. Like your cat, he was old and the treatments available weren't going to cure anything, just extend his current existence (and not necessarily even improve things much).

One thing that has helped is looking back at pictures of him when he was younger--even just a year or two ago. To compare those with how he looked recently just reinforced to me that it was time.

[MoonCat]

I'm sorry Seshat. I grieve with you. May she live forever in your heart.

[Seshat]

It's done. She's gone.

Thank you for your support. I will be wanting hugs - net or otherwise - for a while.

Edit to add: I commissioned Spark to make a painting of Seph. Linked it here so you can see her.

[ArcticChicken]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[dalesys]

Weak? Yep. Weak enough to love.

[Teysa]

*Hugs* Seshat. I'm so sorry. We're all here if you need us.

[flybye023]

((hugs)) Seshat, I'm sorry. (My guy was a tuxedo also. They're pretty special)

[RootedPhoenix]

<3 *hugs Seshat*

You don;t have to be strong. Just be you, and how you feel right now. *squishy hugs*

[Teefies2]

I'm so sorry

[Akasa]

I'm so sorry. The loss of a beloved fur baby is a sad time. If you need to lock yourself in the bathroom for a cry.

[Seshat]

I don't need to lock myself in the bathroom - my family is supportive of my need to cry. The sound of sniffles and outright bawling keeps happening in the house today.

A few days ago, she was still occasionally poinging around the back yard like a kitten. We sometimes found her on the roof of the house or the shed, basking in the sun and surveying her domain (as best she could with cataracts).

Even yesterday she seemed fine.

This morning when I woke up, I heard her 'I need a human' mewl. Went looking for her, found her next to the heater I usually turn on in winter. I picked her up to cuddle her, but she struggled out of my arms - and that's when I noticed that not only was she incredibly weak and wobbly, but her breathing was laboured, difficult.

She wobbled away from my end of the computer table, and settled down near D's chair. I knelt and stroked her, watched her breathe, and then went and woke everyone; told them what was happening with Seph.

D checked on her, and confirmed that yes, it seemed she was a very sick little girl.

We helped her get comfortable - then after a while, when it was warmer out, we brought her out to let her bask in the sunshine. We were hoping it was just some asthma attack or something that would clear up...

... but she just kept getting sicker, though not unhappy. Dancer made the call to the vet, then brought her in and helped her settle on my lap.

I spent almost an hour with her, before she decided she couldn't find a comfortable position on my lap anymore, and went to sit on the router and have it warm her.

The vet arrived, and confirmed what we already knew. It wasn't going to be worth it to diagnose precisely what was wrong, and try to fix it. The most likely of the problems were going to cause ongoing distressing treatments, and the less likely problems would need invasive treatments, and neither would necessarily keep her alive for a long time.

We each said goodbye, and A held her while the vet injected her. She protested the needle, briefly (just the ouch of the injection itself), but then became peaceful - and then she .. left the building.

Some of the fluid that had been choking her lungs dribbled out, but otherwise it was .. quiet and peaceful. And she was no longer conscious by that stage anyway.

She's wrapped in one of her favourite things - one of D's unwashed shirts - and buried beneath the Camellia.

[Seraph]

Seshat...there's not much one can say about the loss of a pet. It hurts like a mother, and it seems like it'll never end.

I am truly, truly sorry, and offer my strongest of internet hugs. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. <hugs>