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I swear one caller made my night last night..
Pack Mentality
( For reference, Granville is the busiest foot traffic street in Vancouver. They're doing construction on one part of it and they had to close off half of the sideway on each side. Making it fairly narrow... )
Don't you hate it when some wilderbeast herd of subconscious ass miners is standing RIGHT in the way of foot traffic? IE a pack of morons on Granville blocking half that narrow stretch of sidewalk ( Because of the construction ). Oh, and they're standing there complaining about how the construction is taking up half the sidewalk. and there's no room. Argh…..how do you people even reach adulthood? At least half of you should have been picked off by wolves by now.
Magical Journey
Me: "and what airline were you on?"
SC: "…..uh……that is…..er……I…..um...."
Ok, lemme try and phrase this a bit better: What did it say on the side of the magic flying steel dragon tube that whisked you here from faraway lands?
Time Travel
Caller ID: "2010"
Wow, a phone call from the FUTURE! What does the future sound like you ask? Kind of like someone ringing a fire alarm from the bottom of a well. Then it hung up.
The future hung up on me. That can't be a good omen.
Jerktard
Alarm station calls, building fire alarm is going off, fire depts there. Stuff is burning. So I try to get a hold of the building manager for the property.....you know, the guy that's on call for emergencies.
SO: "<line picks up, I hear assorted sounds of someone rummaging around.>"
Me: "……..<I patiently wait for a "hello">"
SC: "…..<click>"
……did you just hang up on me? Lets try that again…..( Lesbian super powers ACTIVATE! )
SO: "<line picks up>"
Me: "…….hel-"
SC: "<click>"
Oh no you didn't. You blistering ass cheek. You're not getting away that easy.
SO: "<line picks up>…HELLO!?"
Me: "Hi, Gravekeeper from <my company> here!"
You will take your message and you will LIKE it you lazy bastard. Even if I have to shove it down your throat while humming Knights of Cydonia. Get the $@^& up and do your job. You remember that right? The thing they're paying you for? Yeah, that.
But wait, there's more!
Rimjob the Slackjawed took down all the info I gave him. Told me he'd take care of it. Then went back to %*@^ing bed. You *asshat*. I have every tenant in the building calling me because the alarms are going off. I have the security guards on site calling me. I have the alarm company calling me. I have the fire dept calling me and I've been telling ALL of them that I notified you and you would be getting on scene shortly to deal with it.
After 20 minutes of this I should not have to go "Wait a second.....he didn't....did he?" and call you again to babysit you and make sure you do your farkin' job! You get paid more then I do. GET THE HELL UP, your customers are on fire.
<pant pant>
Politics
I've gotten a couple calls now on random lines trying to get me to "Vote for x" in the 2008 presidential election. Then it hangs up right away after telling me to vote. I can't quite make out who it says to vote for though..it sounded like it started with a P. But whomever he is, he's a wanker. Having an automated recording call people at 1-4am? ( 4-7 on the east coast? ) telling them to vote for you? I don't think you've thought all the way through your cunning plan.
Wow
Caller: "We have a flood out here at <university dorm>. Someone got into the fire hose in the stairwell and now 20 units are flooded."
......someone either just won or lost a bet.
20 units? Wow. What were they doing? Just knocking on people's doors at random then telling them they get to drink from the fire hose?
( Brownie points as always....easy ones too. )
Made My Night
( It was hard not to laugh....really hard....this is a US embassy sort of line... )
SC: "Yeah, I'm an American citizen in Canada and I'm being detained on false accusations!"
Suuuure you are, and DUIs are "unfair" because you only had a few beers, right?"
SC: "They're charging me with domestic assault because a Canadian bit me!"
….hahahahahaha, wait, what?
SC: "Actually it was my fiancé-"
hahahahaha, do go on.
SC: "Well, my ex-fiancé now."
Let me get this straight. You came up to visit your Canadian fiancee's in-laws, did something stupid, got into a fight, she bit you and had you arrested.....and now the weddings off?
Ahahahahahahahahahha!
You made my night. Thank you. Have a cookie.
( Yeah, I'm a jerk. )
Pack Mentality
( For reference, Granville is the busiest foot traffic street in Vancouver. They're doing construction on one part of it and they had to close off half of the sideway on each side. Making it fairly narrow... )
Don't you hate it when some wilderbeast herd of subconscious ass miners is standing RIGHT in the way of foot traffic? IE a pack of morons on Granville blocking half that narrow stretch of sidewalk ( Because of the construction ). Oh, and they're standing there complaining about how the construction is taking up half the sidewalk. and there's no room. Argh…..how do you people even reach adulthood? At least half of you should have been picked off by wolves by now.
Magical Journey
Me: "and what airline were you on?"
SC: "…..uh……that is…..er……I…..um...."
Ok, lemme try and phrase this a bit better: What did it say on the side of the magic flying steel dragon tube that whisked you here from faraway lands?
Time Travel
Caller ID: "2010"
Wow, a phone call from the FUTURE! What does the future sound like you ask? Kind of like someone ringing a fire alarm from the bottom of a well. Then it hung up.
The future hung up on me. That can't be a good omen.
Jerktard
Alarm station calls, building fire alarm is going off, fire depts there. Stuff is burning. So I try to get a hold of the building manager for the property.....you know, the guy that's on call for emergencies.
SO: "<line picks up, I hear assorted sounds of someone rummaging around.>"
Me: "……..<I patiently wait for a "hello">"
SC: "…..<click>"
……did you just hang up on me? Lets try that again…..( Lesbian super powers ACTIVATE! )
SO: "<line picks up>"
Me: "…….hel-"
SC: "<click>"
Oh no you didn't. You blistering ass cheek. You're not getting away that easy.
SO: "<line picks up>…HELLO!?"
Me: "Hi, Gravekeeper from <my company> here!"
You will take your message and you will LIKE it you lazy bastard. Even if I have to shove it down your throat while humming Knights of Cydonia. Get the $@^& up and do your job. You remember that right? The thing they're paying you for? Yeah, that.
But wait, there's more!
Rimjob the Slackjawed took down all the info I gave him. Told me he'd take care of it. Then went back to %*@^ing bed. You *asshat*. I have every tenant in the building calling me because the alarms are going off. I have the security guards on site calling me. I have the alarm company calling me. I have the fire dept calling me and I've been telling ALL of them that I notified you and you would be getting on scene shortly to deal with it.
After 20 minutes of this I should not have to go "Wait a second.....he didn't....did he?" and call you again to babysit you and make sure you do your farkin' job! You get paid more then I do. GET THE HELL UP, your customers are on fire.
<pant pant>
Politics
I've gotten a couple calls now on random lines trying to get me to "Vote for x" in the 2008 presidential election. Then it hangs up right away after telling me to vote. I can't quite make out who it says to vote for though..it sounded like it started with a P. But whomever he is, he's a wanker. Having an automated recording call people at 1-4am? ( 4-7 on the east coast? ) telling them to vote for you? I don't think you've thought all the way through your cunning plan.
Wow
Caller: "We have a flood out here at <university dorm>. Someone got into the fire hose in the stairwell and now 20 units are flooded."
......someone either just won or lost a bet.
20 units? Wow. What were they doing? Just knocking on people's doors at random then telling them they get to drink from the fire hose?
( Brownie points as always....easy ones too. )
Made My Night
( It was hard not to laugh....really hard....this is a US embassy sort of line... )
SC: "Yeah, I'm an American citizen in Canada and I'm being detained on false accusations!"
Suuuure you are, and DUIs are "unfair" because you only had a few beers, right?"
SC: "They're charging me with domestic assault because a Canadian bit me!"
….hahahahahaha, wait, what?
SC: "Actually it was my fiancé-"
hahahahaha, do go on.
SC: "Well, my ex-fiancé now."
Let me get this straight. You came up to visit your Canadian fiancee's in-laws, did something stupid, got into a fight, she bit you and had you arrested.....and now the weddings off?
Ahahahahahahahahahha!
You made my night. Thank you. Have a cookie.
( Yeah, I'm a jerk. )
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