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So I get a call today, and the lady's already revved up. OK, we were busy as hell for some reason and the queues were through the roof so I figure she's just pissed from stewing on hold. While doing my initial glance at the main screen to get some clues on what's in store for me I notice two things:
1. Her balance is 75 days past due.
2. Because of that, she's been disconnected at the pole.
These details will become important later.
So the deal is, tech went to the house to pull the plug and the lady flips out because she just mailed in her payment earlier that day (which was dumb since it takes 5-7 business days to post to the account, but it ended up not mattering). After some back and forth with the tech where she was trying to beg, barter, and/or scream her way into keeping her service on; it all came down to no money = tech pulls the plug. Customer calls in and screams at random phone rep who apparently told her someone would call back (not noted on the account, but again it ended up not mattering).
Now the really amazing part is this lady was able to run to the Post Office and intercept the check out of the mailman's bag before he put it in the pile to be processed. Apparently her town has the World's Slowest Mailman for her to be able to do that, but I guess you do what you gotta do to get that Spongebob fix. This made her late to her son's football game which only added to her fury.
Fast forward to about 2 hours later from the initial hilarity and she's calling in to me. She's OUTRAGED that no one called her back and she's DEMANDING that someone come out NOW NOW NOW because she knows the techs work til 8pm (this is at like 7:45 so there's no effing way anyone's getting there tonight) so WE BETTER BE THERE OR WE'LL LOSE HER AS A CUSTOMER. Now that's where I start to lose the ability to keep from being a smartass, since if you recall, she's already been disconnected and as such already lost to us as a customer. She's going nuts over a line of retarded marketing-speak on our bills where it says to "Demand More" from our company and she's going on how she expected more from us than to disconnect her like that. My snark shields momentarily failed as I mentioned we expected more from her than letting her bill fall 75 days behind, and of course she demanded to speak to a supervisor. I politely explained I would have to leave a message for a supervisor to call her back (which is true since we had about 100 calls in queue, but the screamers never believe it ). She then delivers the ultimatum to me that we have FIFTEEN MINUTES to follow her demands or she's going to satellite, and we're going to lose a great customer like her. I simply respond by pointing out that since her service with us has already been disconnected, she's free to go with one of our competitors if that's what she decides to do. More screaming follows and she's stuck in that wonderful SC infinite loop where they think endless repetition of their dumbshittery is going to make it happen. I have to execute a combo breaker to get a word in edgewise and inform her I will certainly leave a message with a supervisor, but there's no way we can fulfill her request in the timeframe demanded. We'd be more than willing to restart her service if she pays the past due + reconnect fees.
So in short, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day Ma'am!
I SAID GOOD DAY!@!
1. Her balance is 75 days past due.
2. Because of that, she's been disconnected at the pole.
These details will become important later.
So the deal is, tech went to the house to pull the plug and the lady flips out because she just mailed in her payment earlier that day (which was dumb since it takes 5-7 business days to post to the account, but it ended up not mattering). After some back and forth with the tech where she was trying to beg, barter, and/or scream her way into keeping her service on; it all came down to no money = tech pulls the plug. Customer calls in and screams at random phone rep who apparently told her someone would call back (not noted on the account, but again it ended up not mattering).
Now the really amazing part is this lady was able to run to the Post Office and intercept the check out of the mailman's bag before he put it in the pile to be processed. Apparently her town has the World's Slowest Mailman for her to be able to do that, but I guess you do what you gotta do to get that Spongebob fix. This made her late to her son's football game which only added to her fury.
Fast forward to about 2 hours later from the initial hilarity and she's calling in to me. She's OUTRAGED that no one called her back and she's DEMANDING that someone come out NOW NOW NOW because she knows the techs work til 8pm (this is at like 7:45 so there's no effing way anyone's getting there tonight) so WE BETTER BE THERE OR WE'LL LOSE HER AS A CUSTOMER. Now that's where I start to lose the ability to keep from being a smartass, since if you recall, she's already been disconnected and as such already lost to us as a customer. She's going nuts over a line of retarded marketing-speak on our bills where it says to "Demand More" from our company and she's going on how she expected more from us than to disconnect her like that. My snark shields momentarily failed as I mentioned we expected more from her than letting her bill fall 75 days behind, and of course she demanded to speak to a supervisor. I politely explained I would have to leave a message for a supervisor to call her back (which is true since we had about 100 calls in queue, but the screamers never believe it ). She then delivers the ultimatum to me that we have FIFTEEN MINUTES to follow her demands or she's going to satellite, and we're going to lose a great customer like her. I simply respond by pointing out that since her service with us has already been disconnected, she's free to go with one of our competitors if that's what she decides to do. More screaming follows and she's stuck in that wonderful SC infinite loop where they think endless repetition of their dumbshittery is going to make it happen. I have to execute a combo breaker to get a word in edgewise and inform her I will certainly leave a message with a supervisor, but there's no way we can fulfill her request in the timeframe demanded. We'd be more than willing to restart her service if she pays the past due + reconnect fees.
So in short, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day Ma'am!
I SAID GOOD DAY!@!
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