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Shoplifters and the like

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  • Shoplifters and the like

    Oh yay, more tips on how not to shoplift.

    I'm sitting behind my desk, completely bored, no customers for an hour. Now, my desk is right near the young men's clothes department, and there's this table with a display of shirts on it. That effectively blocks off the department from the door, so you have to go around it. It's like... ten steps extra to get around, but it provides a barrier so someone can't just go straight from the clothes to the door, you've got to actually walk into the aisle where we can see you before you leave.

    So, there's this group of kids, ranging from about 7 to 16, they all vault over the display table and bolt for the door. One of them was carrying this ugly checkered shirt that I wasn't sure was ours or not. Now, as they're making a mad dash for the door, one kid (the ham of the group, I guess) screams "It's a cop!!" Mmkay. Quick call to security. He didn't see any of them carrying anything, and the bus stop is right outside our door, so he figured they were running for a bus or something. Well, about thirty seconds later, the kids sent in one of the younger ones who promptly jumped over the display, grabbed another checkered shirt (oh, it IS ours!), vaults over the display again, and calmly walks to the door. Ah. Smarter one, then. No running or screaming. Well, this time I know they're stealing stuff, so I make another call to security, but he's not answering right then. Turns out he had just left his office, gone out the door, and as soon as the kids saw him, they dropped the shirts and ran. They had about twelve of them or something.

    With the age range of those little punks, what is this, the Big Brothers Big Sisters Klepto Club or something?


    Then there was a more recent shoplifter. I didn't see her, but I'm guessing it was a preteen girl judging by the size zero South Pole clothes and fashion jewelry she had. Well, she had stolen one of our World Wildlife Fund canvas bags and used that to shove all the clothes and jewelry in. Saving the environment while shoplifting? Sure.

  • #2
    Quoth BoxGirl View Post
    With the age range of those little punks, what is this, the Big Brothers Big Sisters Klepto Club or something?
    We've been spotted! Quick, steal the pens and run!

    *Flees*
    Now a member of that alien race called Management.

    Yeah, you see that right. Pink. Harness.

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    • #3
      I'd bet those kids parents are probably incarcerated somewhere...
      "If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant

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      • #4
        What's the thrill to stealing, anyways? Can't be that great.

        Sex is better.
        Ridiculous 2009 Predictions: Evil Queen will beat Martha Stewart to death with a muffin pan. All hail Evil Queen! (Some things don't need elaboration.....) -- Jester

        Ridiculous 2010 Predictions: Evil Queen, after escaping prison for last years prediction, goes out and waffle irons Rachel Ray to death. -- SG15Z

        Ridiculous 2011 Prediction: Evil Queen will beat Gordon Ramsay over the head with a cast-iron skillet. -- FireHeart

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        • #5
          I'm imagining it's the adrenaline rush you get as you're sitting in the security office waiting for the cops to show up. But ding dong ditch can give you the same "run and hide" rush, so..... maybe they're just stupid. Customers are sucky, even the non paying ones

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          • #6
            Major wtf moment. They were stealing clothes. As in.. things you wear... as in stuff that you wouldn't expect children to try and steal?
            MMO Addicts group

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            • #7
              Shirts that would fit a very tall young man. Baggy fit. And these kids were like.... three-foot-nothing.

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              • #8
                Quoth Evil Queen View Post
                What's the thrill to stealing, anyways? Can't be that great.

                Sex is better.
                gone in 60 seconds

                Sway: What do you think is more exciting , having sex or boosting cars?
                Memphis: Having sex or boosting cars... Um, oo! Uh. How about having sex WHILE boosting cars?

                its the thrill lol

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                • #9
                  Quoth Sliceanddice View Post
                  gone in 60 seconds
                  Hehe, thought you were giving a critique...
                  "If you find yourself fantasizing about throwing actual users into a blender, please get help... they're heavy." - Tom Dickson

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                  • #10
                    Quoth froglet View Post
                    Hehe, thought you were giving a critique...
                    Yeah, I thought that to...but then I figured it would be worded "done in 60 seconds!"
                    "I'm still walking, so I'm sure that I can dance!" from Saint of Circumstance - Grateful Dead

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                    • #11
                      I had Smoking Gun on yesterday on TruTV. They were having a marathon of stupid criminals. Most of them figured that, hey, maybe if I get naked... Or, if Ricky got naked and started to Hula for the register worker...
                      "I call murder on that!"

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