Dog Thief! (a Psycho Aunt Sally experience)

[Palsgraf]

This involves the same people I've discussed in The Return of Psycho Aunt Sally
http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ad.php?t=82686


Mother-in-law "Caroline" is in an assisted-living facility in the city, where her day revolves around caring for her dog (walks, etc.) that she & her husband picked-out shortly before he passed away.

Caroline's sister, Psycho Aunt Sally, needs to control everyone's lives ... and anyone who doesn't appreciate it is selfish, rude, disrespectful, ungrateful, etc.


One recent Saturday morning, we received a call from Psycho explaining that Caroline was disoriented and that she (Psycho) had to take the dog because Caroline could no longer care for it.

What?!

That morning, the dog had had an accident in the apartment.

Sally arrived and told Caroline that the people running the facility said that the dog would have to go.

Odd thing is ... NO ONE told Sally that she had to take the dog. NO ONE told her that she COULD take the dog. Sally just grabbed it and left.

Sally did tell the people working there that she was taking care of things while my wife was out-of-town and unreachable.

Here's another odd thing: my wife was NOT out of town. We were both home, but had missed their earlier call that morning.

When my wife arrived at her mother's apartment, Caroline was VERY upset about no longer being able to have her dog. (An emotional event like that is the WORST thing that can happen to an Alzheimer's patient!!!)

My wife called her brother Mike to speak with Psycho about returning the dog, but Psycho told him that she wouldn't have time to drive the dog back, and that Sunday would be the earliest she could get back into the city.

So my wife brought Caroline to our home where we loaded everyone up for a road-trip to the suburbs ... to rescue a dog from a demented nutcase.

When we arrived, Psycho wanted my wife to come in and sit down to talk. Sorry. No time. [Palsgraf] is already late to work because of this. Give us the dog now.

We stopped at a grocery store on the way back to Caroline's apartment, because Psycho said that Caroline had no food at all for the dog . Here's one more odd thing: Surprise, surprise, there was plenty of dog food at Caroline's.


Here's what I think happened ...

Psycho made plans with Caroline to take her out for breakfast Saturday morning. But Caroline forgot about it because she didn't write it down. Psycho called to say, "Are you ready? What? You forgot that we're having breakfast?! Well, I'm almost there. You'd better hurry up and get dressed because I don't have much time!" And that threw Caroline out of her morning routine, causing the dog to have an accident when his walk was delayed.

I also think that Psycho had been obsessing about the day that the dog would have to go, and when it had a small accident, she sprung into action and took over.


The people running the facility said that an animal having one accident is not a reason to take it away from a resident. Animals have accidents all the time. And - agreeing with my wife - they said that taking the dog away was the worst thing that could be done to an Alzheimer's patient.


I suppose Psycho is furious that we never thanked her for "helping."

[LillFilly]

I don't suppose there's any way to warn the home that Psycho is NOT to make any decisions for Caroline nor is she authorized to take/move/change anything? I forget, are you guys still her power of attorney, or did Psycho get that changed? Psycho just sounds like a servant of Loth; she seems to love spreading chaos and throwing people into a tizzy.

[Squeaksmyalias]

If you haven't done it already tell the home these things. Hopefully I can help you out with this since my job was working with different elderly housing to help residents care for their pets.
If you or your wife are away YOU will tell them, then all calls go to your wife's brother. Aunt Sally has no say, they are not the listen to her about that.

If Aunt Sally has any issue with the dog and thinks the dog should go, the care of the dog until one of you arrive goes to someone of the staff of the home (you should be able to work something out, normally the social worker you deal with at the home can set that up, they might also have pet taxi services to work with too) Aunt Sally is NOT to remove the dog from the property, including vet emergency (staff can take the dog) if she tries they are to call the police for theft. Make sure to include things like if she says the dog has bitten or attacked someone, be honest that she lies.

Also talk to the home about other "welfare checks" for the dog, example if the dog has food and is going out regularly and other stuff which already likely is being done since staff tend to keep an eye on that anyway normally but get it in writing that you, your wife and her brother sign, they will understand they deal with crazy family members trying to interfere with care of residents. Even if you don't think they are needed, it's in writing the dog is being cared for and there is someone checking should she try to interfere with the authorities.

Basically this keeps Aunt Sally from lying and trying to take the dog again, I know most of these types of homes will set something up with the family of the person they are caring for, even if it is helping them work with a outside company to come in and do the walking and cleaning of the pet. Also I know there is normally a staff member who loves animals and might be willing to be the person who in case of emergency can be asked to take the dog to the vet or somewhere safe until you can take the dog. (Once again get things in writing, including what should be done if they can't get a hold of you or your wife's brother.)

You should also be able to set up something that whenever Aunt Sally shows up, the front desk will email you or call you after she signs in, if she complains they nod politely otherwise make her think she is being listened to, but ignore her and do what you say.

They want their residents happy so give them a call, work something out and you will have someone working with you who very, very likely knows how to deal with nuts like her.

[Soulstealer]

I am concerned that the home believed Aunt Sally when she said she was doing things for your wife while she was out of town. They need to be notified not to believe her and perhaps a list should be set up on who has authority to make decisions.

[Kristev]

Yes. It needs to be made perfectly clear she is to have no say over any decisions.

[Pixilated]

After reading these threads, I think what puzzles me is that Psycho continues to call people and let them know what she's just done -- despite the fact that the people she calls more often than not proceed to UNDO what she's just done.

Ditto re: the home staff, they need to be alerted that Psycho has NO say in ANYTHING involving Caroline or her dog or anything else.

P.S. Does Caroline actually enjoy these visits from Psycho? We had an incident in our family in which an elderly relative was being exploited by two kids (the ones she'd spoiled all their lives -- go figure) and when she was finally moved into a seniors' home, they were barred from visiting. She was apparently more than OK with that.

[strawbabies]

P.S. Does Caroline actually enjoy these visits from Psycho? We had an incident in our family in which an elderly relative was being exploited by two kids (the ones she'd spoiled all their lives -- go figure) and when she was finally moved into a seniors' home, they were barred from visiting. She was apparently more than OK with that.

That's what I'm wondering. Psycho doesn't really seem to have Caroline's best interests at heart.

[Palsgraf]

Psycho doesn't visit Caroline and take her out for trips as often as she used to ... probably because she can't spend Caroline's money on it any more (though she did state in an e-mail to "Mike" that she'll be submitting receipts for all expenses and expects full compensation ... as any loving, caring sister would, I suppose).

My wife has figured out how to tell when Psycho has visited. Caroline calls us and tells us that she's depressed. Is Psycho a soul-sucking monster that steals every ounce of happiness from those unfortunate to come in close contact with her? Possibly. But I think that she just obsesses about the down-side of everything with Caroline's illness and, unintentionally, that's all she wants to talk about with her.

That's what we suspect.

And of the many things that Caroline has forgotten, Psycho Aunt Sally stealing her dog is not one of them!

When we took the kids for a short visit today, Caroline asked me more than once if it was my first visit to her apartment. I politely told her each time that I think I've been there once or twice before. (I've actually been there many times). But that's okay.

I believe everyone at the facility is aware now who Psycho is and what to watch for and not let her get away with. Or perhaps that's just wishful thinking on my part.

Oh, and Psycho doesn't really talk with us at all now. That's VERY nice.

[Sapphire Silk]

Psycho doesn't visit Caroline and take her out for trips as often as she used to ... probably because she can't spend Caroline's money on it any more (though she did state in an e-mail to "Mike" that she'll be submitting receipts for all expenses and expects full compensation ... as any loving, caring sister would, I suppose).

Ugh. This makes me SICK.

My brother and I had to put our mother into Assisted Living last September--a locked unit for Alzheimer's Patients.

Since then we've been cleaning up and fixing up our mothers house, in order to sell it. I've spent several hundred bucks of my own money doing this, not including gas money (about $120 each trip, round way and I visit once a month). I keep no receipts and haven't asked my brother for a nickel (he controls Mom's money). I even sent Mom (via Brother) a check for the loose change I found all around the house while cleaning it up last visit.

Caring for an aging relative can get real expensive. I'm just thankful Mom's nest egg is in good shape, and Brother and I shouldn't be on the hook for much.

Mom used to complain that she didn't want to be a burden on either of us. My response was always, "It's not a burden. It's an honor."

[Dreamstalker]

When my grandmother (mom's mom) went into a facility, Mom and I spent thousands of dollars out of our own pockets--that neither of us could really spare--working on the house and keeping it until we could finally sell it. Did mom's brother offer to help? No.

And then there was the visiting nurse friend of grandma who offered to live in the house until it was sold to take care of things...many valuable items (cast-iron treadle sewing machine in impeccable condition, furs, Spode china, beautiful papier-mache lion head mask made by a great-uncle which was supposed to go to me, jewelry, etc) vanished from the attic that year and while we have no solid proof he sold them, he did admit to having an 'antiques dealer friend' in the house to 'look at some things' so we have a pretty good idea what happened (the items were there before this visit, then they weren't...). The utilities were never taken out of grandma's name and he stopped paying, then his lawyer showed up at the sale closing and tried to claim we owed him money yet could not produce any bills or invoices.

[Palsgraf]

... many valuable items [...] vanished from the attic that year and while we have no solid proof he sold them, he did admit to having an 'antiques dealer friend' in the house to 'look at some things' so we have a pretty good idea what happened (the items were there before this visit, then they weren't...)

Psycho and Caroline's other sister told us recently that, if she passes before Psycho does, then Psycho Aunt Sally is not to be even allowed to enter her house! It gave me a laugh when I heard it (... one of those sad-but-true laughs).

And just to show that nobody's perfect:

When Psycho and Caroline's mother passed away years ago, we all flew down for the funeral. Coming from different directions, our flights in & out were at different times & on different days. Afterward, Caroline was the first to fly home. Then ... Psycho claimed that a lot of their mother's jewelry was missing. Okay, maybe it was missing, and maybe it wasn't. BUT Caroline had had to pay quite a hefty fee/penalty at the airport for her flight back home because her suitcase was SO heavy!

Unrelated: Oh, and Psycho was also an antiques dealer for a while. It was her "business," though I'm not sure it made her any money (but rather was only a status symbol for her). So she knows enough about the value of things to know what she "must" have and what can be left for other family members.

[tropicsgoddess]

When Psycho and Caroline's mother passed away years ago, we all flew down for the funeral. Coming from different directions, our flights in & out were at different times & on different days. Afterward, Caroline was the first to fly home. Then ... Psycho claimed that a lot of their mother's jewelry was missing. Okay, maybe it was missing, and maybe it wasn't. BUT Caroline had had to pay quite a hefty fee/penalty at the airport for her flight back home because her suitcase was SO heavy!

Unrelated: Oh, and Psycho was also an antiques dealer for a while. It was her "business," though I'm not sure it made her any money (but rather was only a status symbol for her). So she knows enough about the value of things to know what she "must" have and what can be left for other family members.

Sounds like Aunt Psycho is a big time gimme pig and a control freak. I mean wow, to outright steal somebody else's dog?!! That's just fucked up. I'd be armed to the teeth to kick her ass if that was me. Sorry, but my dog is part of the family and to steal him is like somebody kidnapping a child to me.