Dating/Girl Horror Stories....

[Whiskey]

Soooooooooo, Whiskey, got anymore stories? Take your time, I'll wait. *Grabs diet soda and settles in*

I've got the popcorn!

I've got chocolate covered Doritos & cheap champane.

I'd love to read some more Whiskey stories. I'll even be patient this time, write it whenever you can, I'll be back whenever I get a chance to read it

Dear lord what have I started. Am I going to have to start dating again just to sate the lust for creepy date stories?

We're going to call this Why I Don't Drink With Minors: A preface for CreepyInternetKid

Okay so this one happened a couple New Years Eve's ago. It was me, my soon to be boyfriend, my best friend and my boyfriends best friend and his girlfriend. I had met his best friend before and he developed an obvious thing for me. He's a typical teenage nerd, 19, in a committed relationship with the first chick to have sex with him, clingy, creepy, 12lbs soaking wet and full o' rage. And he likes me. Eesh.

New years rolls around, everyone shows up at my and my soon to be boyfriends apartment. We're drinking and chatting, playing video games, having a good time. I take over the liquor area and start passing high proof drinks around because I'm some kind of real life supervillian. Naturally, the grown folk know when to palm their drinks. The kid and his girlfriend, however, had apparently never had a drink in their life before or something. His girlfriend wanders off somewhere to cry, and he continues drinking in the kitchen.

I don't even know what happened here but before I knew it I was being humped by Nerdboy on my recliner. I'm too drunk to find it anything but hilarious because my best friend saw this (as did everyone else) so my best friend hopped on and started humping HIM. There are photos of this. I am bright red from unending laughter. Eventually he got tired of being humped by some random dude and wandered off.

After a while, my best friend said something to him, to this day no one knows what it was, but Nerdboy decided he was going to beat the shit out of my best friend. He charges my friend in the kitchen, and in a very bugs bunny-esque side step, leaves Nerdboy to run directly into the stove. We all just laugh while he sulks and feels stupid.

An hour or so later, Nerdboy is still drinking. No ones babysitting him, since he's an adult, and his girlfriend is still nowhere to be found. Since I'm the designated Mama Drunk, I go find his girlfriend. Shes outside crying about how she doesnt feel good and is going home. I try to comfort her, tell her she can't drive home as she's got to be 1000x over the limit and try to take her keys (should have done it at the beginning of the night, but didnt). She refused to give me her keys and she had like 300lbs on me. I wasn't getting those keys. I kept trying to convince her to at least sleep it off here on our couch when I heard screaming from inside the apartment.

I run inside and theres Nerdboy threatening to beat up my soon to be boyfriend and my best friend while they try to calm him down. He, for some random reason, is incensed with rage. He's SCREAMING that he has alcohol poisoning, but wont go to the hospital because he has "something" on his record and he'll go to jail. I tell my boys to go get him some water and a bag because its a matter of time at this point.

So wheres the creepy? Yeah.

The second their out of the room, he grabs my hand and shoves it down his pants. I pull my hand, holler for the guys and they come running back in and and he starts going off on a ridiculous tirade at full volume.

I'm god damn pissed off. We have neighbors, you're acting like a child. Whiskey isn't cute or friendly when shes angry. I've had it. I have three voices. I have my normal voice, which is fairly quiet. I have my receptionist voice, which is moderate volume and happy. I have my authoritarian voice, which is loud, curt and threatening. The authoritarian voice gets scary when I'm angry because I get the outright crazy face. You know something is about to get burnt the fuck down.

I grabbed him by the throat and slammed his head into the wall. He opened his mouth to say something and I slapped him in the face and screamed at him to sit the fuck down and SHUT UP. He sat down and sulked.

His girlfriend walked in during the commotion and decided leaving was a wonderful idea. They made it home apparently.

edit: I had to add something before the stove incident. Also his mom called the next day to lecture my soon to be boyfriend about forcing minors to drink.

[ArcticChicken]

Dear lord what have I started. Am I going to have to start dating again just to sate the lust for creepy date stories?

You'd do that for us?!

[Whiskey]

You'd do that for us?!

I'm only working 15 hours a week because my boss hates me. What else have I got to do?

[Victory Sabre]

I dated a woman about 12 years ago, who I knew before we dated. We went out 3 times, with me paying every time, and her bitching about tips left (they were at least 15%). After the third time we went out, I never heard from her again, because her job took her out of the area.

I found out why I didn't hear back from her a few years later. A month after the last time we went out she went out, had a one night stand, and got knocked up.

I'm so glad she's gone.

I also support Whiskey dating so we can hear horror stories (I mean this in the nicest way, Whiskey).

[Mishi]

I also support Whiskey dating so we can hear horror stories (I mean this in the nicest way, Whiskey).

Seconded, because Whiskey is a great writer.


My 'horror' stories involve 3 different blokes, but only one was REALLY bad.
First date (ever) at 13, with a 14 year old boy. Met up at the local fair, got separated because he was in the school band. I was bored s**tless so I wandered off to the reptile display and got sidetracked by the army guys. One army camo-paint makeover later, my patronising date attempted to order me to remove my pretty, pretty makeup and attempted to lecture me about the reptile display, ignoring the fact that (a) He was just reading the signs to me and (b) I'm a much faster reader. The night ended with him picking up a 'safe sex kit', me blanching and saying "Hell NO!" and a lousy attempt on his part at a kiss, which ended up with me gagging on an unexpected tongue.

The next time that I saw him, I told him there wouldn't be another date. I ended up barely dodging a football that grazed my ear. What a winner!

The other two were just truly bad pick-up lines:
- "You used to be REALLY ugly, but now you're not!"
- "Black's my favourite colour" *arched eyebrow* (I was wearing black from head-to-toe).

I still give those two grief about it, especially when they're trying to be smooth.

[Amina516]

The next time that I saw him, I told him there wouldn't be another date. I ended up barely dodging a football that grazed my ear. What a winner!

What a douche.....

[Misanthropical]

First date, he was upset because he got lost on the way to the movie. I tried to tell him it was fine and we could do something else. He barely spoke the rest of the night and didn't even try to hold my hand or give me a kiss. I know some of you might think he was being a gentleman, but I found it a bit weird.

I left the state for awhile and when I came back my mother told me he wouldn't stop asking about me and talking about me. Okay, so I agree to give it another shot.

He picks me up on his motorcycle (A point in his favor!) he takes me to an open house of a beautiful home, but it made me uneasy that on a second date that he tells me this is house he wants to buy for us and did I like it? That was the last date we went on. And, no, he didn't try to hold my hand or kiss me on that date either. I may be weird, but he was in another galaxy of weird that I wanted no part of.


I went out with another guy for awhile and we hadn't slept together yet, so I bought a teddy and wore it for him. He told me I was blocking the TV. I changed clothes while sobbing thinking something was wrong with me. His friends found out about what he did and told him he had to be gay and they would kill to see me in a teddy. Yes, it did make feel better about what had happened.

[Whiskey]

but it made me uneasy that on a second date that he tells me this is house he wants to buy for us and did I like it? .

GIRL RUN RIGHT NOW GIRL RUN RUN.

[Plaidman]

GIRL RUN RIGHT NOW GIRL RUN RUN.

*cough* She's married. (....Wait. She was last I checked....?).


Yeah. Creepy guy.


Though I'm in the same boat. Last times I tried to hold a girl's hand on a date, I've been slapped.

So yeah. It's hard to date. I'm always nervous. Distracted by them. Unsure of my own ability to impress them. When I try to hold hand, or even hug, I get utter disgusted looks.


I'm undateable it seem.s

[Whiskey]

*cough* She's married. (....Wait. She was last I checked....?).


Yeah. Creepy guy.


Though I'm in the same boat. Last times I tried to hold a girl's hand on a date, I've been slapped.

So yeah. It's hard to date. I'm always nervous. Distracted by them. Unsure of my own ability to impress them. When I try to hold hand, or even hug, I get utter disgusted looks.


I'm undateable it seem.s

you lack confidence.

[Plaidman]

That's an understatement of my life.

Just... very difficult to have confidence.

It's funny. Endless amount of confidence for others. None for myself.

[Whiskey]

None for myself.

google Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

You are only as good as you believe you are. Everyone else will fall in line.


(do as i say, not as I do)

I will post a horror story tomorrow I promise, kids.

[Misanthropical]

*cough* She's married. (....Wait. She was last I checked....?).


Yeah. Creepy guy.


Though I'm in the same boat. Last times I tried to hold a girl's hand on a date, I've been slapped.

So yeah. It's hard to date. I'm always nervous. Distracted by them. Unsure of my own ability to impress them. When I try to hold hand, or even hug, I get utter disgusted looks.


I'm undateable it seem.s

Yes, I am married and have been for the last 19 years to someone who didn't want to buy me a house on our second date.

I am confused by why a girl would slap you for trying to hold her hand on a date, I find that strange.

You should work on building your confidence day to day a little at a time and you will build it up.

[Plaidman]

Well, she did eventally told me she only agreed to a date to build up my confidence.

That and a free meal, small gifts and a semi-intresting date.

She thought it would give me the wrong impression if she let me hold her hand.

I've had intresting crappy life when it comes to romance.

[Seshat]

<sends Whiskey and Plaid on a blind date together>

What?

At least this way they can be sure the other person is a generally worthwhile person, even if they don't have the chemistry. And if they do, there's a bonus.

And we get a story. It's a win all the way around!