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Okay, I teared up a bit writing the title to this, because it reminded me how long it has been since we last heard a Gravekeeper tale... but, in lieu of Nunavut, we can at least share in the insanity that is Las Vegas.
You're asking me to break the law
So, let me give you a brief overview of Nevada law. We honestly don't give a damn if you follow DOT rules, we really don't... what we care about is that you pay registration for whatever weight you will actually be operating at.
Caller: I don't understand this assessment.
Me: Well, when NHP pulled over your truck they weighed it as (weight), but you were only registered at (weight over 10,000 pounds less). Nevada law gives you 30 days to correct your registration to the weight that you were actually operating at and you did not do so, so we sent you an assessment for the unpaid registration.
Caller: But the higher weight would violate bridge weight*
*for those who aren't familiar, bridge weight is the weight on any two adjacent axles. There are some fairly complicated rules on what bridge weights are allowed depending on the total number of axles and how far apart they are.
Me: I understand that, but registration, at least up to 80,000 pounds has nothing to do with weight distribution, up to 80,000 you could meet any and all DOT bridge weight requirements by using a trailer, we do not question how you intend to meet DOT requirements, just what weight you will be putting on Nevada roads.*
*Nevada does not register trailers by weight, any weight in a trailer needs to be included in the truck's registered weight.
Caller: You're telling me I have to break the law. Besides, the counter people won't register me at that high of a weight, they'll make me fill out a diagram on how I plan on distributing the weight and refuse the registration.
Me: I've never heard of the counter people doing that, but if you can hold, I can call the office that you go through and verify with them.
*places caller on hold, calls up the supervisor for the office he does his registration at, explain what the guy is claiming*
Supervisor: Is that guy on drugs? We have literally never made someone diagram their weight distribution for under 80,000 pounds.
Yeah, nice try... I give you an A for effort, but sadly, it was in vain.
You mean you want to know how far I actually traveled?
*phone rings, 702 area code, braces self*
Me: Audit section, this is Smiley, how may I help you?
Caller: Yeah, I have a question about this letter you sent me.
Me: Okay, and what is your account number?
Caller: It's (number).
*I pull it up... we just sent them a letter with the results of their records review, a step below a full audit, all the records review does is verify that there are no math errors in calculating tax returns and give advice on how to improve records... that is unless they are found to be so inadequate that a full audit is needed.
Me: Okay, I've pulled up your account, what did you need help with?
Caller: Well, it says in the letter than you sent me that what I sent in looked like a summary instead of distance logs and that everything looked rounded.
Me: That is correct, for the distance review we need to see the actual distance logs so that we can insure that distance was accurately added for the tax return.
Caller: Well, I never kept a distance log. I figured as long as I told you how far I drove in each state it didn't matter if I kept an actual log or not.
Me: How can you know how far you went in each state if you didn't keep a log?
Caller: Well, I'm good at guessing, why does it matter how I come up with the numbers?
Me: Well, first off, because you signed an agreement on what records you would keep, and second you said that you traveled the entire length of I-15 in Utah in 350 miles multiple times.
Caller: So, what's wrong with that?
Me: I-15 is over 400 miles long through Utah.
Caller: That doesn't sound right...
Me: *facepalm*
Even by mail they haunt me
Okay, this was mailed, but still, the zip code is within the 702 area code, so I'm counting it.
The deadline to file a 4th quarter tax return is the end of January. Come the end of April the carrier had not yet filed a tax return. We created an estimated return based on the average of his previous returns along with a bill and a deadline to appeal the assessment with a tax return and supporting docs.
Carrier mailed in a tax return and supporting docs... but there was a problem... okay, several problems.
1. No distance records were sent in to support the distance reported on the tax return. Lots of hours of service logs, but not a single thing listing miles.
2. The hours of service logs included all his stops, so I could use a mapping program to determine an estimated mileage... which was several thousand miles more than the tax return he submitted.
3. He thought that for some reason I needed the receipts for his oil changes and new tires... nope, don't care.
4. He only sent fuel receipts for the first two months of the quarter... umm... no, kind of need all of them.
Thank God this was a voicemail...
... because the level of insanity is more than I think I could have handled had I been on the line.
I will attempt to do as close to a word for word transcription as I can from memory.
"Yes, 702-XXX-XXXX, what you will not do is delete this message. My name is (crazy lady). I know the NSA, feds, Monsanto and others are creating license plates that aren't registered with the DMV. They are using them to track and spread subliminal messages about terrorism, moving money, and armaments. You have been covering this up for far too long, it is time you investigate yourselves and stop this or you will regret it. The Illuminati has been stalking me because they know that I have lots of proof that this is going on. This cover up had better not keep my daughter from getting her drivers license. Remember my name (crazy lady), because you are going to be hearing it a lot."
Oh, indeed, I am going to remember it... and I will be initiating an investigation into what you've said... not quite the investigation that you want, but I'm sure the the Department of Public Safety would be fascinated to know how you will make us "regret it".
As a word of advice, it was never a good idea to make vague threats against government agencies, but especially after 9/11, vague threats are taken very seriously. With something vague like that, we have no way if you mean you are going to release your supposed evidence to the media and their will be public outcry, or if you plan on taking an AK-47 into one of the offices and going out in a blaze of glory.
You're asking me to break the law
So, let me give you a brief overview of Nevada law. We honestly don't give a damn if you follow DOT rules, we really don't... what we care about is that you pay registration for whatever weight you will actually be operating at.
Caller: I don't understand this assessment.
Me: Well, when NHP pulled over your truck they weighed it as (weight), but you were only registered at (weight over 10,000 pounds less). Nevada law gives you 30 days to correct your registration to the weight that you were actually operating at and you did not do so, so we sent you an assessment for the unpaid registration.
Caller: But the higher weight would violate bridge weight*
*for those who aren't familiar, bridge weight is the weight on any two adjacent axles. There are some fairly complicated rules on what bridge weights are allowed depending on the total number of axles and how far apart they are.
Me: I understand that, but registration, at least up to 80,000 pounds has nothing to do with weight distribution, up to 80,000 you could meet any and all DOT bridge weight requirements by using a trailer, we do not question how you intend to meet DOT requirements, just what weight you will be putting on Nevada roads.*
*Nevada does not register trailers by weight, any weight in a trailer needs to be included in the truck's registered weight.
Caller: You're telling me I have to break the law. Besides, the counter people won't register me at that high of a weight, they'll make me fill out a diagram on how I plan on distributing the weight and refuse the registration.
Me: I've never heard of the counter people doing that, but if you can hold, I can call the office that you go through and verify with them.
*places caller on hold, calls up the supervisor for the office he does his registration at, explain what the guy is claiming*
Supervisor: Is that guy on drugs? We have literally never made someone diagram their weight distribution for under 80,000 pounds.
Yeah, nice try... I give you an A for effort, but sadly, it was in vain.
You mean you want to know how far I actually traveled?
*phone rings, 702 area code, braces self*
Me: Audit section, this is Smiley, how may I help you?
Caller: Yeah, I have a question about this letter you sent me.
Me: Okay, and what is your account number?
Caller: It's (number).
*I pull it up... we just sent them a letter with the results of their records review, a step below a full audit, all the records review does is verify that there are no math errors in calculating tax returns and give advice on how to improve records... that is unless they are found to be so inadequate that a full audit is needed.
Me: Okay, I've pulled up your account, what did you need help with?
Caller: Well, it says in the letter than you sent me that what I sent in looked like a summary instead of distance logs and that everything looked rounded.
Me: That is correct, for the distance review we need to see the actual distance logs so that we can insure that distance was accurately added for the tax return.
Caller: Well, I never kept a distance log. I figured as long as I told you how far I drove in each state it didn't matter if I kept an actual log or not.
Me: How can you know how far you went in each state if you didn't keep a log?
Caller: Well, I'm good at guessing, why does it matter how I come up with the numbers?
Me: Well, first off, because you signed an agreement on what records you would keep, and second you said that you traveled the entire length of I-15 in Utah in 350 miles multiple times.
Caller: So, what's wrong with that?
Me: I-15 is over 400 miles long through Utah.
Caller: That doesn't sound right...
Me: *facepalm*
Even by mail they haunt me
Okay, this was mailed, but still, the zip code is within the 702 area code, so I'm counting it.
The deadline to file a 4th quarter tax return is the end of January. Come the end of April the carrier had not yet filed a tax return. We created an estimated return based on the average of his previous returns along with a bill and a deadline to appeal the assessment with a tax return and supporting docs.
Carrier mailed in a tax return and supporting docs... but there was a problem... okay, several problems.
1. No distance records were sent in to support the distance reported on the tax return. Lots of hours of service logs, but not a single thing listing miles.
2. The hours of service logs included all his stops, so I could use a mapping program to determine an estimated mileage... which was several thousand miles more than the tax return he submitted.
3. He thought that for some reason I needed the receipts for his oil changes and new tires... nope, don't care.
4. He only sent fuel receipts for the first two months of the quarter... umm... no, kind of need all of them.
Thank God this was a voicemail...
... because the level of insanity is more than I think I could have handled had I been on the line.
I will attempt to do as close to a word for word transcription as I can from memory.
"Yes, 702-XXX-XXXX, what you will not do is delete this message. My name is (crazy lady). I know the NSA, feds, Monsanto and others are creating license plates that aren't registered with the DMV. They are using them to track and spread subliminal messages about terrorism, moving money, and armaments. You have been covering this up for far too long, it is time you investigate yourselves and stop this or you will regret it. The Illuminati has been stalking me because they know that I have lots of proof that this is going on. This cover up had better not keep my daughter from getting her drivers license. Remember my name (crazy lady), because you are going to be hearing it a lot."
Oh, indeed, I am going to remember it... and I will be initiating an investigation into what you've said... not quite the investigation that you want, but I'm sure the the Department of Public Safety would be fascinated to know how you will make us "regret it".
As a word of advice, it was never a good idea to make vague threats against government agencies, but especially after 9/11, vague threats are taken very seriously. With something vague like that, we have no way if you mean you are going to release your supposed evidence to the media and their will be public outcry, or if you plan on taking an AK-47 into one of the offices and going out in a blaze of glory.
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