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  • The Dumbest Tech of All Time (language, ranty)

    The longer I work on computers, the more annoyed I become with so-called technicians who know just enough to be dangerous.

    Backstory: client is getting a new TV system installed. Part of that installation includes a component that would allow them to watch TV wirelessly in any room of the house with their laptops. End backstory.

    I expect any tech to know that turning the wireless radio off on a router renders the device useless. I would also expect any tech to know that reinstalling Windows does not fix a wireless router when it isn't emitting a signal. This guy...was a fucking idiot among idiots.

    Because the moron changed everything to the point I couldn't remote into anything, I got to have a nice conversation with the guy that was nice for all of about five seconds. I normally have a little patience, but I knew this wasn't going to be easy as soon as my client put this guy on the phone. We'll call him Captain FUBAR.

    "What's a router?"

    How do I explain this? It's that little box with all the blinking lights on it that you've so kindly decided to install version 2.0 of the PEBCAK firmware on today.

    "I didn't change anything on the router."

    Bull-fucking-shit, Einstein. My client tells me everything worked before you came in and lolly-dicked around with the router. That tells me you changed something. Nice try.

    "But it's working fine!"

    I highly doubt that. If it was working fine, I could access my client's machine remotely from my office. Wouldja look at that? None of my client's machines are in my list of remote machines! You're lying.

    "I reinstalled Windows for her, and it still didn't fix it!"

    Seriously, what the hell are you doing jacking around with Windows when you're a fucking TV service installer?

    "I have a bachelor's in computer science."

    You know, Captain FUBAR, I'm going to call bullshit on that, too. If you had a bachelor's in computer science, you would have known that reinstalling Windows wouldn't fix the problem in the first place. Kindly call the clown college that gave you your degree and ask for a refund while I assess how many hours of time it will take me to fix what you've needlessly fucked up. I'm betting at least 10.

    "<rattles off something about SQL Server in an attempt to make himself sound smart, except it seems like he's reading it verbatim from some kind of book>"

    Dude...SQL Server has not the slightest thing to do with the destruction you've caused. I'm permabanning you from my client's equipment. Step away before you cause it to emit flames.

    This brings up another one of my hatreds. I really hate it when someone has fucked something to smithereens and tries to get you to reinstall the OS or x program or blames everything on your computer to avoid responsibility for their idiocy. I don't give two shits if you don't support any of this. If you didn't mess it up in the first place, nobody would be asking you to take responsibility for your mistakes.

    I got back on the phone with my client and asked them to what extent Captain FUBAR dicked everything up. Imagine my surprise when my client told me CF had attempted to reinstall Windows on three machines in an attempt to get the router to emit signal.

    I was able to fix the router. Turns out all CF did was disable the wireless radio from broadcasting while piss-farting his way through a bunch of things I guess he thought were shiny enough to be clicked. That took all of 15 seconds to fix after I connected my own working machine. Sadly, I ended up bringing three laptops back with me that will have to be completely rebuilt. They're sitting in my workshop right now. There's no way I'd even dream of charging my client for any of this work. They've been through enough as it is.

    I really hope to hell my client gets a ton of bill credits out of this, and I hope the company sees fit to fire Captain FUBAR for this massive failure of a job. Believe me--I've seen a lot in all the time I've been doing IT work. However, I've never seen anything like this until today, and I hope I don't see anything like this again. Fingers crossed.

  • #2
    I wonder if the client can claim damages? Because it sounds like Captain FUBAR is incompetent enough to wipe and reinstall windows without doing any sort of backup.

    Now granted, if I was the client I'd have told him to get the hell away from my computers after screwing up the first one, let alone three. (I wouldn't have let him touch Windows on any of the computers to begin with, actually...)

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    • #3
      The story went that he was supposed to be installing the software on the machines that let the client and her family watch TV wirelessly on their laptops, but the guy somehow disabled the wireless radio on their router and got into the recovery partition on each of the systems to try to "fix" the problem. That, of course, didn't work.

      The client trusted Captain FUBAR to do only what he said he was going to do, but he ended up doing exactly what his name stated instead: fucking everything up beyond all repair. I've heard from the client since all this happened. She called up the customer service line for this company, and they claim they aren't responsible for damages. I've advised her to document everything and keep records, and she said she's already documented a lot. That can only be beneficial if someone who does care hears the recording of that call and decides to deal with Captain FUBAR in the best way possible. Sadly, this is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my dealing with this company and their techs. Their whole company is a Mickey Mouse operation if I've ever seen one, and it's not likely "care" is even in their dictionary.

      I'm currently under contract with this same company for a few services of my own, and when my contracts are up, they can go fuck themselves for all I care. I'm not a fan of their company to begin with, and this just sends my dislike for them right up to the very top.

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      • #4
        Good god...I'm a self-admitted nub when it comes to routers (I know enough to set them up and get them protected, maybe a bit of port forwarding, and that's it), but even I know the Tech Support mantra: Start with the small stuff, then work big.

        You don't reinstall the OS and buy 20 parts for the computer to get the internet to work before you checked if it's plugged in, for instance. But then, my Common Sense is tingling again...
        "That's too bad. Hospitals aren't fun to fight through."
        "What IS fun to fight through?"
        "Gardens. Electronics shops. Antique stores, but only if they're classy."

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        • #5
          When I first connected to cable, my ISP told me I would need a technician to "install" software so I could get online. The cable modem comes with a CD that contains some sort of Adware that my ISP wants you to install so they can see what you are running on your computer (or blast Ads out or something like that).

          Anyway I needed the technician to connect the cable modem to the cable. After he ran the wiring and while he was busy plugging it in, I had my computer connected to the cable modem and as soon as it synced I was web browsing.

          This was before the technician even got up off the floor. He sounded genuinely surprised when I said "I'm on" and he replied "Oh! You really don't need the software to get online!"

          He wasn't getting anywhere near my computer. I already had networking set up with a firewall ready to plug in as soon as I was sure everything up to the modem was working and stable.

          "We don't support that" he whined in my ear.
          "I don't need you to support it", I said.
          "OK" and then he left.

          Since then their support (telephone) has been hopeless. Every time I ring up there appears to be something wrong with my computer and nothing wrong with their network. This is despite the modem sync light being out, or every other website in the world still working except theirs.

          "I can't help you if you won't troubleshoot" is what they have been trained to say, and it's useless trying to get them to do anything else.

          The last time I got a new modem (faster! faster!) I was told I needed a technician to visit to hook it up. I got it in the mail, hooked it up myself, rang the number in the paperwork so they could turn on their end, and told them to cancel the technician.

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          • #6
            Quoth Bob The Random Boy Wonder View Post
            "I have a bachelor's in computer science."

            You know, Captain FUBAR, I'm going to call bullshit on that, too. If you had a bachelor's in computer science, you would have known that reinstalling Windows wouldn't fix the problem in the first place. Kindly call the clown college that gave you your degree and ask for a refund while I assess how many hours of time it will take me to fix what you've needlessly fucked up. I'm betting at least 10.
            I have a BS in CS, and my university didn't teach me anything about Windows.

            Oh wait, that's cos it hadn't been invented yet.
            Smile, or I'll smack you silly!
            At what age does a vampire become a crazy old bat? :[

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