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So don't call us when you wipe out.
We will not be an accessory after-the-fact for your felony.
(and why is almost always, without fail, a guy in a Subaru WRX who does this?)
It was also probably the most poorly disguised attempt at such in a while because:
1. The call came in at 11:40pm
2. The location given was "the 700 block of Yahoo Hill Road, just after the bridge" a stretch of road with a notoriously tight and negatively-banked hairpin immediately after a bridge that can ramp you if you go too fast. This is a turn that gets it's fair share of accidents, even with lots of warning signs.
It's insideous, because the degree of it changes halfway through. It starts out gentle... and you think "I got this" , and at the apex, it TIGHTENS and turns even harder.
The drunk, the drowsy and the inattentive don't notice this, until they see the wall of grass and dirt coming at them..... and soaring up the embankment they go, like an Eagle. An Eagle who's had a few.
3. The guy asked that we "hurry" Nobody with a local breakdown along a dinky little rural road ever requests we hurry, it's assumed we'll respond with due rapidity as-is, they know they're not far from home, and it's more of an inconvenience than an emergency. People saying we hurry is a big red flag, in this regard.
We quoted him the price, he accepted, and we dispatched our driver. No sooner had he pulled clear of the gates than the other driver turned to me and said:
"Bet he was drunk, and wrecked"
"Probably" I concur
Five minutes later, the phone rings again. It's the cops. They're requesting one wrecker at the 700 block of Yahoo Hill Road, just after the bridge, for an accident.
Other driver and I look at each other and try to stifle laughing as we tell the cops our ETA on that one is "two minutes" since our driver should be there any second as it is.
And he does get on scene in two additional minutes where he finds a Subaru WRX up the aforementioned embankment, rolled over on it's driver's side, with grass, pine needles, and tree bark stuck in between every single body panel.
Somehow, the customer forgot to mention to us on the phone that it wasn't really a conventional breakdown... but hey, any car would call it quits after a roll-over. There literally wasn't a straight piece of sheet metal left on the whole thing. Must've crawled out through the sunroof, just lucky to be alive and uninjured.
The cops, who were called to the scene by a person driving BEHIND him who saw him go off the road, already deduced what we'd deduced and given him a field sobriety check, which he'd failed. (Driver fessed up he'd been drinking, and said he was doing okay, until he tried to fish that second cheeseburger out of the McD's bag, taking your eyes off the road for 10 seconds, while hammered, is a supper-bad idea kids)
OUR driver found the burger amongst the debris trail from trees to road while sweeping up.
The price for this just went up, now it's not a tow, it's wreck rates, and your insurance probably won't cover that, seeing as you were DUI.
In this day and age, where everyone's got a cellphone, you no longer have the luxury of only having to look around for cop cars when you drunkenly turn your car into an abstract art display.... at best, you have 60 seconds before the next car that comes along sees you and the concerned citizen behind the wheel calls you in.....
Just take yer medicine, and don't try and make us accomplices, it wouldn't have worked anyway....
We will not be an accessory after-the-fact for your felony.
(and why is almost always, without fail, a guy in a Subaru WRX who does this?)
It was also probably the most poorly disguised attempt at such in a while because:
1. The call came in at 11:40pm
2. The location given was "the 700 block of Yahoo Hill Road, just after the bridge" a stretch of road with a notoriously tight and negatively-banked hairpin immediately after a bridge that can ramp you if you go too fast. This is a turn that gets it's fair share of accidents, even with lots of warning signs.
It's insideous, because the degree of it changes halfway through. It starts out gentle... and you think "I got this" , and at the apex, it TIGHTENS and turns even harder.
The drunk, the drowsy and the inattentive don't notice this, until they see the wall of grass and dirt coming at them..... and soaring up the embankment they go, like an Eagle. An Eagle who's had a few.
3. The guy asked that we "hurry" Nobody with a local breakdown along a dinky little rural road ever requests we hurry, it's assumed we'll respond with due rapidity as-is, they know they're not far from home, and it's more of an inconvenience than an emergency. People saying we hurry is a big red flag, in this regard.
We quoted him the price, he accepted, and we dispatched our driver. No sooner had he pulled clear of the gates than the other driver turned to me and said:
"Bet he was drunk, and wrecked"
"Probably" I concur
Five minutes later, the phone rings again. It's the cops. They're requesting one wrecker at the 700 block of Yahoo Hill Road, just after the bridge, for an accident.
Other driver and I look at each other and try to stifle laughing as we tell the cops our ETA on that one is "two minutes" since our driver should be there any second as it is.
And he does get on scene in two additional minutes where he finds a Subaru WRX up the aforementioned embankment, rolled over on it's driver's side, with grass, pine needles, and tree bark stuck in between every single body panel.
Somehow, the customer forgot to mention to us on the phone that it wasn't really a conventional breakdown... but hey, any car would call it quits after a roll-over. There literally wasn't a straight piece of sheet metal left on the whole thing. Must've crawled out through the sunroof, just lucky to be alive and uninjured.
The cops, who were called to the scene by a person driving BEHIND him who saw him go off the road, already deduced what we'd deduced and given him a field sobriety check, which he'd failed. (Driver fessed up he'd been drinking, and said he was doing okay, until he tried to fish that second cheeseburger out of the McD's bag, taking your eyes off the road for 10 seconds, while hammered, is a supper-bad idea kids)
OUR driver found the burger amongst the debris trail from trees to road while sweeping up.
The price for this just went up, now it's not a tow, it's wreck rates, and your insurance probably won't cover that, seeing as you were DUI.
In this day and age, where everyone's got a cellphone, you no longer have the luxury of only having to look around for cop cars when you drunkenly turn your car into an abstract art display.... at best, you have 60 seconds before the next car that comes along sees you and the concerned citizen behind the wheel calls you in.....
Just take yer medicine, and don't try and make us accomplices, it wouldn't have worked anyway....
at the thought of the cheeseburger.
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