Dear....

[Princess-Snake]

Dear idrinkarum,
I hear ya on the pills. I can't figure out what's worse: choking on a godzilla pill mixed with an ungodly amount of water trying to get it down, or choking on a godzilla pill that tastes lik someone had stuck a cherry up his ass and farted it into the medicine cup.

Feel better soon!

[the_std]

Dear Sleep,

I know I've been neglecting you lately. It's hard when there is a pretty, pretty man in my bed! So please, tonight, when there are no men and no distractions and no anything elses, can you and I spend some, ahem, quality time?

I promise to buy you dinner first!

Longingly,
Me

[Misanthropical]

Dear BossMan,

You rock out loud! First for getting the hint when I said a girl could use Whiner's desk, since Whiner doesn't get in till 3:15 3:20. Yes, I saw you run outside at 3 and I knew it was to see when she would get to work.

Tonight you called from your desk to hers, but she didn't pick up, because she was actually taking a call. You walked over to her and said "I called the ONE TIME you are working?" Thank you for letting me see that ice burn!

Also, you got it where I would get to stay home on Christmas Eve and New Years Eve by switching my time around and getting paid for it all. YOU ROCK!

[RetailWorkhorse]

EVERYONE DO A HAPPY DANCE WITH ME ABOUT MY HUSBAND QUITTING HIS WEEKEND JOB OR ELSE!

Dear Mis,

*NUMA NUMA DANCE*

Tired now,
RW


Dear Sore Throat,

Please oh please oh please for the love of Dog, don't get worse!

-The Rest Of Me

Dear Dog,

Thanks for sending me into a spiral of self-loathing. That was fun. Now that that's over with, THIS MEANS WAR, YOU SLOBBERING MUTT! I'LL SHOW YOU TO BEAT ME DOWN LIKE THAT!

-Your (pissed) Devoted

[Evil Queen]

Dear RW,

Get this stuff:



Much love,
Your Sis.

[Shangri-laschild]

Dear Matt,

I don't think I'll ever understand you. I'm actually ok with that though. The random text last night was fun. I get that you're as bad if not a bit worse than me at remembering to call people and keeping in touch and I miss us hanging out. I was amused to see you wanted to chat and even though the result was that I didn't get completely to sleep till 01:34 or so, I'm still glad. I'm hoping that we actually will hang out sometime soon because I miss my movie buddy.

Bectar

[iradney]

Dear TTO

Don't you DARE get all passive aggressive about how there aren't any clean dishes. I AM NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS HOUSE! In fact, I think you should talk to your sister about how maybe SHE can help out around the house while she's staying here, and turning the lights OFF when she leaves the spare room.
PLEH on you!

Not taking this PA bullshit
Rads

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Rads,



Hope it gets better soon!
Rummy

[RootedPhoenix]

Dear ice,

Could you please LOOK like ice? I really want to get to my finals in one piece. Thanks.

--RP

Dear PMS,

DIAF! One fueled by grease and a pile of rubber tires.

--RP

Dear pain meds and yoga,

You rock.

--RP

[Misanthropical]

Dear husband,

I should have known that you are not good at getting hints, since it took you almost a month to realize that much younger woman was totally into you. Luckily, you figured it out and we have now been married 17 years.

Given that, I should know that unless I come right out and say it, you are not going to pick up on the fact that I miss you. Yes, we see each other for a few hours a night, but I miss the times we had time together ALONE!


Dear BossMan,

Thank you for letting me go home tonight, since I was in pain. I hope you are not too upset that I won't be in tomorrow. Yes, my friend won't be in either, but we didn't plan it that way, so don't think we are together playing hooky.

I realize I was out last week, but every time I have taken off I came back with a doctor's note. I won't have one on Friday, since I have the medication I need here. I hope you don't get upset with me.

You know I do my job and I don't slack off at work, nor do I always try to cut out early, so please don't get all bent out of shape about it, okay? I like my job and don't want to lose it, so forgive me.


Dear fake Christian woman who sits next to me,

I realize you think I'm some sort of evil, since I have a voodoo doll and plastic skulls on my desk, but I'm actually a good person with a warped sense of humor.

You are extremely rude to me, you won't speak to me unless I speak to you first and then you act like it's a horrible burden. I come in 12:30 PM while you guys are having your party and you don't even offer me so much as a crumb, but when the slut girl (who flat out told you she wants to get pregnant by some random guy who will take off after getting her pregnant) comes in at 3:20 PM you can't offer her enough food or drink? I was upset that you didn't think to offer me so much as a cookie, since I was really hungry, but I didn't say anything, but explain to me how I'm the more evil one, after all, I married the man I wanted to be the father of my children and am still married to him. He is the father of all three of my children, but I'm some how more evil than the slut girl?

I really wanted to ask you how you justify your behavior towards me and still call yourself a Christian. You haven't done a single thing to make me want to ask you where you go to church and if I could go with you. You actually prove my point that those who scream the loudest about being good Christians are actually quite the opposite.


Dear friend,

You never cease to crack me up! A huge chicken needed for a voodoo sacrifice? You really are warped! That is one of the reasons I like you!


Dear Whiner,

You actually came in only 5 minutes late? I take it BossMan ripped a strip out of you yesterday when you tried to stroll in 15 minutes late. I wish I could have seen it!

Yes, I did leave when you were busy doing what ever you do when you pretend to work, because I was in pain and didn't want to deal with your wanting to know every little thing that goes on. I hope you didn't bug the shit out of my friend to find out why I left. She hates that, since she thinks if I wanted you to know I would have told you.

Yes, I did pretend to not notice that you got new glasses the other day, because I refuse to be drawn into your constant need for attention. I find it tiring and wish you would get a life. The rest of us have a life and don't feel the need to constantly need to be the center of attention. It's why the rest of us don't dress in the brightest flashiest clothes we can find and don't dress in clothes that scream to look at our fat. You should know that none of it is flattering or sexy or what ever the hell look you are going for.

Grow up and start acting your age.

[RetailWorkhorse]

Dear RW,

Get this stuff:



Much love,
Your Sis.

Dear EQ,

Wally WOrld only had the cherry flavour! EWWWWWWW!

-RW

Dear Dog,

Today I tossed my cookies. I didn't get buy 3 hours of sleep thanks to the sore throat getting worse. I had a really shitty day at work because I had no energy to do anything and I felt REALLY bad about that. And the Big Boss is supposed to be coming tomorrow.

Touche, Dog, touche.

But you will not get the best of me!

I have Zicam. It works on me now.

I have Ricola. It soothes my throat even though I have to eat just about all of them like CANDY.

I have Ginger Ale.

You will not hear the last of me.

- Your (still peeved) Devoted.

[monolayth]

Dear Body,

Ok I get it. you don't like me this week. Please give me warning ok?

ill,

Mono.

[iradney]

Dear self

Pull yourself together! You have 2 days of work left, and then you're on 4 glorious weeks of leave! Better still, TBS will be buggering off to another state on Saturday for 2 weeks, so you and your BF can actually, I dunno, have some time alone!!
I have a sneaking suspicion, self, that you might be heading for a breakdown at some point down the line. Pull your farking socks up!

Rads

Dear TBS

I have given you numbers and names of estate agents. I have looked online for apartments. Yesterday I got the newspaper and gave you the property section. Which you haven't even looked at. I swear to Dog, if you are still here by the end of January, I will NOT be impressed with you. I love you to bits, I do. But TTO and I have CHOSEN to live ALONE for a REASON. I might be forced to do PA things like have really really loud sex with your brother so that you will get the hint and GET YOUR OWN PLACE.
By the way, since you're staying here RENT FREE, would it kill you to help out around the house? All you do when you get home is plonk your skinny butt in front of your PC and watch series. I know it doesn't look like TTO and I do much, but FFS, when you INVITE YOURSELF to stay with someone, and you don't pay rent, the LEAST you can do is load and unload the fsking dishwasher.

Rads

Dear TTO

I'm sorry. I'm going a bit mad. I hate this time of year. My parents are in Canuckistan, my BFF's mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer (treatable, but still, now BFF has to go for tests to see if she carries the gene). Another friend's baby had a HUGE operation on Friday on her HEART when she was just under 2 weeks old.

I'm worried as hell about you because I know you're under a shit load of stress trying to get your business up and running again after you spent about a month visiting your mom, dealing with your sister's drama and worrying about YOUR mom - Btw, I'm also worried to death about her, and I wish you would talk to me about it.

I also hate this time of year because I'm always reminded of how my sister isn't here anymore. Yes, I know it's been 7.5 years, but seeing your older sister pass away in a hospital bed isn't exactly something you can just forget that easily.

I'm ticked off with work because I STILL haven't gotten a decent PC - the one I have freezes if I try to open a new tab in Firefox and it ticks me the hell off!

I'm worried as all hell about my finances as work doesn't seem to be paying me enough, and I'm struggling to get my farking credit card paid off without having to do things like live on ramen for a month. I feel like I'm stagnating because I'm slowly starting to hate my job, and think that I'm never going to get anywhere. I'm sorry for taking it out on you, especially when it's a case of the straw that broke the camel's back. Just bear with me. I'm going to start looking for a new job, and we can actually get the paperwork for Canada started when I'm on leave.

Worried about my (and your) mental health

Rads

Dear Forum

Sorry for whinging so much. I promise I'll be better soon. Hopefully. Maybe if I take enough alcohol this year will be over soon enough and I can actually start again.

Rads

[RootedPhoenix]

Dear Rads,

*hugs and offers chocolate* Hope it gets better.

--RP

[MannersMakethMan]

Dear Rads,

Never feel you have to apologise to us - we're here for you to do just that if you need to *sends all manner of baked goods your way*. I hope all gets better, but don't feel you have to wait until next year to start again - each day is a brand new start to something.

Best wishes,

MMM

Dear Sister,

No, we are not a taxi service, and this is not a hotel. Quarter to four in the morning is extracting the michael. Grow up, put on your big girl pants, and for goodness sake give us a hand with something. Anything. Because it's mostly your mess, and I'm fed up of wading through it.

Running out of patience,

Your brother