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  • #31
    (I'm laughing so hard from the letter that I have tears falling down my face.)

    Dear Miss B. N. Laid,

    We apologize for the lack of sex received on Christmas. I also like to point out that your husband would not have wanted to sleep with you on that night because he was with me all night. For your inconvenience I will be mailing you the divorce papers from your husband and you will never have to worry about there not being any more...uh...Strawberry Licorice flavored lube cream.

    Sincerely,
    The Store Manager

    ************************************************** ************

    Dear Vet Hospital,

    I went to get medication for my kitty at your clinic. Since I had not called I was informed that I would have to actually wait because they were busy with the 50 other people in the lobby. I had to wait an entire ten minutes to get my medication. And to make things worse your receptionist would not make the other clients take their dogs outside. I had to actually look at those slobbering mangy creatures while I waited! I demand that you compensate me with a $100 gift card and make dog owners wait outside in the -15 degree weather when I come in from now on.

    Anita Meds

    Comment


    • #32
      Dear Mrs Meds,

      Thank you for your letter. However, I discussed this issue with my little Snookums; a pure bred Shitzu. He showed quite clearly that he disapproves of your demands and that he wished you to be barred from the clinic. I am quite happy to carry out his wishes, as I do in fact walk Snookums with many of the dog owners you insulted. Therefore, I prefer to take their side over yours.

      Have a nice day,

      Top Vet



      Dear Crapmart Manager,

      I came to the door at just five minutes past closing time. Imagine my horror when the jumped up bitch of a shop assistant refused to let me in. She should realise that it's customers like myself who pay her wages and quit giving out such terrible customer service. There were loads of customers inside, so I really don't understand why it was too much to ask for her to let me in as all I wanted was milk for my babies. I would like a gift card, or else I will never shop in your store again.

      Yours sincerely,

      I. Cantelltime.
      People who don't like cats were probably mice in an earlier life.
      My DeviantArt.

      Comment


      • #33
        Dear Cantelltime,

        Our store policy states that no customers are allowed in after closing under any circumstances. The reason for this is because someone got in after closing, broke into the cash room, and stole all the money from the tills. Also, the customers that were in the store came before closing time. Therefore, your request for a gift card is denied.

        Sincerely,

        Store Manager


        Dear Ms. Manager,


        I was in your store today and your employee Alicia was very rude to me. I requested that she help me find something I needed and she told me that she was off the clock and tried to pass me off to another employee. I told her that I was a mystery shopper and I didn't tolerate her rudeness. I want you to talk to Alicia about the importance of customer service and I will be mentioning her rude behavior in my mystery shopper report.

        Sincerely,

        Miss Terry Shopper
        My Fanfic Page
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        My Pet Social Group
        My You Tube Channel

        Comment


        • #34
          Dear Miss Terry Shopper,

          Thank you for your letter. Unfortunately, we were closed today for defumigation, and we do not have, nor have we ever had, anyone called Alicia in our employment. Your letter wasn't a complete waste though, since I was out of kindling for my fire.

          Sincerely Yours,

          Mr. Manager (no relation)



          Dear Head Office,

          I was in your shop the other day, and was simply outraged by the level of service I received. I had just found my new perfect £10000 television, when I noticed a small dent in the box caused by me picking it up. Naturally, I asked for a 99.9% discount, which I'm sure you'll agree is reasonable given the condition, only to be flatly refused. Now I'm a reasonable man, and would have settled for 99.8% off, but there wasn't even an attempt at a compromise by the underlings in this store, except for a derisory 5% offer. I demand you fire them all, and send me the contents of your warehouse in compensation.

          Kind Regards,

          Honour Creditt-Cardagain.
          "I'll probably come round and steal the food out of your fridge later too, then run a key down the side of your car as I walk away from your house, which I've idly set ablaze" - Mil Millington

          Comment


          • #35
            Dear Credit-Cardagain:

            I would like to apologize for the rude treatment your received in our store, and promise we will deliver to you the contents of our warehouse.

            However, all our delivery trucks are currently in the shop, so we've contracted with the United States Air Force to have everything airlifted by cargo transport planes and dropped in the general vicinity of your residence. So unfortunately our aim may be off a few times. However, a good many items should hit their target exactly. Hope your roof is sturdy.

            Head Office

            ================================================== ================

            Dear Pet Shop:

            You sold my brother a snake, and he ate my hamster! Give me whatever animal it is that eats snakes.

            Go to hell,
            Ima Bratt
            Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

            "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

            Comment


            • #36
              Dear Ima Bratt,

              Sending you a crocodile. Either he eats your brother's snake, or he eats you. Either suits me.

              Yours,

              Pet Shop Drone.


              Dear Meat Feast Steakhouse Manager,

              I went to your restaurant and was appalled to find that you had only two vegetarian options. This is disgraceful; you should have an entire menu devoted to the more healthy and less cruel vegetarian lifestyle. I demand that you do this, or else I will boycott your restaurant and so will all my friends, my friends' families and my friends' families' tennis partners.

              Yours annoyedly,

              Peta Member. (Ms)
              People who don't like cats were probably mice in an earlier life.
              My DeviantArt.

              Comment


              • #37
                Dear Ms Peta Member-

                We're sorry to hear of your dissatisfaction during your visit to our restuarant. We strive to satisfy all of our patrons and try our best to meet various dietary needs and/or preferences.

                However, that being said, our primary clientele prefers a meat-based menu. We already have several items on our menu already that should satisfy the vegan/vegetarian preferences.

                Or better yet . . . have a cow on me, which should be delivered via Ralph's Livestock Services within the next 7 to 10 business days.

                Regards-
                Mabel MouMou (pronounced Moo-Moo)
                Regional VP

                Dear Pansy's Petite Palace-

                I was visiting your store in Dumbasse, VA last Monday (12-21-09) and was appalled at the lack of clothing sizes for taller persons.

                Being a taller person (6'2") I could not find a single thing to wear in your store. This is unacceptable and redeculous. I demand you start selling clothes for taller peoples.

                Besides, your salespeople are rude as Hell . . . some pock-faced kid named Sheila (if that's in fact her real name) rolled her eyes at me and told me to go to the Tall Shop across the mall. I don't wanna walk all that way and want to buy clothes for me while I'm there . . .

                At least with short people they can buy longer clothes and hem them up.

                I want a $25000 gift card, an official letter of apology from "Sheila" (I'm still not sure if that's her real name or just some alias she made up) and I want at least 20% of your company's stock. And if I don't get any of that, then I'm gonna report you to the news media, the BBB and the Department of Justice.

                Sincerely-

                Ida Totalloon
                Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

                Comment


                • #38
                  Dear Mrs totalloon,

                  It looks like you've found us out. You see, "Shelia" is a very valuable asset to us who is wanted by many terrorist groups and international spies. If her cover is blown, we could be looking at a code red national emergancy. Therefore, in order to make sure you don't blow her cover, we will comply with your demands. However, don't be surprised if we need your assistance with future missions.

                  Signed, Chuck Bartoski.



                  Dear Colgate,

                  I bought your colgate toothpaste, the one with tarter control, and it made me feel like a piece of shit!

                  Signed, Danny Tourettes.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Dear Mr Tourettes,

                    I'm sorry to hear of your bad experience with us. Please accept a lorry load of Colgate on us.

                    Yours sincerely,

                    Colgate.


                    Dear Petrol Station Manager,

                    Picture the scene. It's New Year's Eve, and I'm on my way to a party. I decide to stop over on the way to the local petrol station to fill my car. Imagine my horror when I see that the entrance is blocked off with cones. It's only seven o'clock! I then drive round to the back entrance. I try to use a pump, but it's locked up. I can see the employees thru the window in the shop, so they're obviously still working. Besides, everyone knows that shop assistants don't have lives. I try and get their attention by getting out my car and banging on the window, but they ignore me. This is disgraceful! I demand that the employees be punished for closing up so early, and also I should get free petrol for the whole of next year.

                    Yours,

                    Mr. Robin Meeblind
                    People who don't like cats were probably mice in an earlier life.
                    My DeviantArt.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Dear Mr Meeblind,
                      I am VERY sorry to hear of your troubles...seems that a lack of planning on your part is affecting my own employees personal time. I will personally make sure that they fill your gas for the whole part of next year...PLEASE make sure to come around on tuesdays. Also known as "all you can eat bean buffet" day at the mexican restruant next door.

                      kindly yours, Manager.

                      ---------------------------

                      Dear big box store

                      I went into your store at 10pm christmas eve looking for a Wii, and was shocked and APPALED to find that not only were you sold out, but was so RUDELY informed that you were closing! I DEMAND that you not only give me 20 free Wiis but also a $25,000 gift card for my troubles and for RUINING my christmas or I'll boycott your store and tell all my friends on my myspace AND facebook!

                      Emerald Whittiker
                      It is by snark alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire 'tude, the lips acquire mouthiness, the glares become a warning.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Dear Mr Whittiker,

                        Have you ever seen the movie "Jingle all the Way" staring Arnold Schwarzenegger? This movie might enlighten you as to why you don't want to do your Christmas shopping for the hottest gifts on Christmas Eve, especially at 10:00pm.

                        I'm not going to give you any Wii's or gift card, but I will give you the movie. It didn't do so well in the box office, but I thought it was funny. You might find it educational.

                        Sincerely, smart ass manager.



                        To mini mart

                        Your clerk was very rude to me after I had purchased a scratch off lottery ticket from your store in losersville. I specifically asked him for the winning ticket worth $100,000 but the ticket he gave me was a losing ticket! As if that wasn't bad enough, when I went to return it to get my money back, he laughed at me! He made me feel like it was my fault when it was him who didn't give me the right ticket.

                        I demand that clerk be fired, and I also demand that I get the winning ticket worth $100,000. If I don't get what I payed for, I will post my complaint on every consumer complaint website and let the world know what kind of fraud you run.

                        Louis Sir,
                        Last edited by rageaholic; 01-02-2010, 05:31 AM. Reason: Typo

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Dear Mr. Sir,

                          I apologize for the clerk laughing at you for requesting a return on your lottery ticket. I will take care of that situation. Also, when you buy scratch offs, you're gambling which means that no one knows where the winning ticket is. Our store policy is that we're not allowed to refund lottery tickets when they lose so the money you spent on the ticket went down the drain.

                          Sincerely,

                          Store Manager


                          Dear Supermarket Manager,

                          I saw a young man at the register with his light off so I went over there, put my stuff on the belt, and he had the nerve to tell me he was closed. I told him that I wasn't moving and he had to ring me up. A supervisor came over and told me that he was leaving since he was a minor and couldn't work past a certain time. I find this unacceptable and demand that you force all your employees to be available for all hours that your store is open and fire the ones that can't.

                          Sincerely,

                          Shopping Queen
                          My Fanfic Page
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                          My Social Group
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                          My You Tube Channel

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Dear Shopping Queen,

                            That young man you bitched at is my son. As a result, you are banned from every one of our stores.

                            Good Day.

                            Supermarket Manager.


                            Dear Restaurant Owner,

                            I went into your restaurant and was incensed to see a group of your waitstaff sitting at a table eating dinner. How dare they when there are customers waiting to be served? I had to wait a whole minute before someone came to seat me, and then another minute before I got some service. I demand you talk to your staff and teach them some respect for those who pay their wages, ie myself and other customers.

                            Yours sincerely,

                            Mrs I M Speshul.
                            People who don't like cats were probably mice in an earlier life.
                            My DeviantArt.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Dear Mrs. Speshul,

                              Wow, I am impressed! It sounds like you know so much about customer service, and how a business should be run. I am willing to offer you a full time job, as a server. We'll play along to your rules, though: No dinner or any other breaks during your shift, and you must approach all customers within a millisecond. Oh, and you'll be working open-close, seven days a week.

                              I look forward to seeing how well you do!

                              Sincerely,

                              Restaurant Owner

                              Deer Manujur,

                              I wuz att yore storr yestiday an I neded a baffroom. I aksed teh emmploii annd hee sed rite ovur theyr undur teh siyn taht sed Restrooms. Wel I caint reed annd I doeznt theenk itz rite 2 maek yore cuztmers haff 2 reed! I wanna millin dollas 4 mah trubble!

                              Sinseerlee,
                              L. Itterate
                              I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
                              My LiveJournal
                              A page we can all agree with!

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Dear Mr. L. Itterate-

                                I'm sorry to hear you had so much difficulty. I'm sending to you a beginner's reader book . . . Read With Dick and Jane.

                                And also a Webster's Dictionary. Please accept with our warmest regards-

                                Ms. Speekenspell Wright
                                Regional VP

                                Dear FoodMart . .

                                I was in your store on Christmas Eve and was told you were closing. NOT FAIR . . . I wasn't even done with my shopping yet and now because you dared to close at 5:58 pm (which is what my watch said, while your employee said it was after 6)

                                I still had to get all my dinner stuff for the 90 relatives that are staying with me for the holidays, so we ended up having to starve with NO CHRISTMAS DINNER because I couldn't come in and get what I needed when I needed it.

                                I demand a $1000 gift card and a year's worth of free groceries before I will consider shopping in your store again.

                                Sincerely-

                                Ms. Cant Telltime
                                Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

                                Comment

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