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When my husband and I got married, he had both his grandmother and his mother to take care of. His mother was 17 when he was born, and his grandmother was 36, so they were both quite young. His mother dropped out of highschool when he was born and started working, while his grandmother took care of him.
When I met him, his grandmother had been on dialysis for many years, had diabetes, as well as dementia. His mother has rheumatoid arthritis, vitiligo, and has several learning disabilities as well as a low IQ. His grandmother got progressively worse, until she passed away in January of 2012.
He's told me that his mother has always been verbally abusive to him, including calling him names, telling him that she wishes he'd never been born, etc. The problem is, when he was 18, he'd gotten in trouble with the law, and was arrested and sent to prison for 2 years. His mother refinanced the house and bailed him out. As a result, he has been paying for that refinance since then.
Also, because of her low IQ and her learning disabilities, she is unable to use a computer, and is unwilling to learn. She doesn't pay for her cable, her credit card bills, her insurance, etc. I loaned her an old car on the stipulation that she would pay for it, which she doesn't. But because my husband feels like he owes her, he pays for all of this to keep her credit in good standing.
I can't say anything to her because she will turn on him, and verbally abuse him more, which makes him very unhappy, to the point that he says he'll stop paying for all of her bills and let her fend for herself. She won't say anything to me, but when we go to church, she thinks that everyone is talking about her, or is saying bad things about her. I often take her to doctor visits because I know she can't understand what the doctor says, and have to make sure she takes her medicine for her rheumatoid arthritis. I explain the questionnaires to her, etc., and I found out from my husband that she thinks I hate her and want her to die because of this, and that I don't respect her.
I have a few theories as to what is going on with her, one of which stems from the fact that her mother was an alcoholic up until after my husband was born, which makes me think that she might have fetal alcohol syndrome, or she might now be in the early stages of either psychosis or dementia. I wish I could get her to see a psychiatrist to get her diagnosed and on some sort of medication, but can't broach the subject with her, and my husband can't either, because he doesn't want to be verbally abused, and will try to avoid her as much as possible.
I really don't know what to do here.
When I met him, his grandmother had been on dialysis for many years, had diabetes, as well as dementia. His mother has rheumatoid arthritis, vitiligo, and has several learning disabilities as well as a low IQ. His grandmother got progressively worse, until she passed away in January of 2012.
He's told me that his mother has always been verbally abusive to him, including calling him names, telling him that she wishes he'd never been born, etc. The problem is, when he was 18, he'd gotten in trouble with the law, and was arrested and sent to prison for 2 years. His mother refinanced the house and bailed him out. As a result, he has been paying for that refinance since then.
Also, because of her low IQ and her learning disabilities, she is unable to use a computer, and is unwilling to learn. She doesn't pay for her cable, her credit card bills, her insurance, etc. I loaned her an old car on the stipulation that she would pay for it, which she doesn't. But because my husband feels like he owes her, he pays for all of this to keep her credit in good standing.
I can't say anything to her because she will turn on him, and verbally abuse him more, which makes him very unhappy, to the point that he says he'll stop paying for all of her bills and let her fend for herself. She won't say anything to me, but when we go to church, she thinks that everyone is talking about her, or is saying bad things about her. I often take her to doctor visits because I know she can't understand what the doctor says, and have to make sure she takes her medicine for her rheumatoid arthritis. I explain the questionnaires to her, etc., and I found out from my husband that she thinks I hate her and want her to die because of this, and that I don't respect her.
I have a few theories as to what is going on with her, one of which stems from the fact that her mother was an alcoholic up until after my husband was born, which makes me think that she might have fetal alcohol syndrome, or she might now be in the early stages of either psychosis or dementia. I wish I could get her to see a psychiatrist to get her diagnosed and on some sort of medication, but can't broach the subject with her, and my husband can't either, because he doesn't want to be verbally abused, and will try to avoid her as much as possible.
I really don't know what to do here.
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