I am Jester. Hear me whimper.

[Jester]

Me. I am so in.

I'm in.

You go, Jester! I am so in.

I'm in after I have this baby in two or so weeks.

I'd like to call this first meeting of the "Fuck This Shit!" Club to order....

Housework is a lot of physical energy, but it clearly does not get you into shape.

Ditto bartending. I run my ass off at work, and that is one thing that probably has kept me from pearing out like my father did at the same age, since he had a much more sedentary job (sales).

For the first time in my life, I don't have definition in my thighs. Not cool.

My legs have always been rocks, steel cords, whatever metaphor you want to use. People seeing me, the skinny guy, would assume I have chicken legs, but then they saw me in shorts and realized I didn't. Well, they still aren't chicken legs, but they are mushier than they've ever been, and this upsets me as much if not more than my ballooning midsection. This. Must. Change.

You, me. Pact. (picture Kink holding out her pinky)

Fist bump, baby. We are ON.

My birthday is June 8th. I want to see significant change in myself by then. It's only about 3 months away. Sadly, when I joined the gym in August, that was my same goal, and that gave me ten months. While I initially was at the gym constantly, the last few months I have just pissed away.

No more excuses. Six out of seven days in the week I have the time in my schedule to be at the gym. Hell, I could even be there on Wednesdays if I wake up early, but that is just not my nature, and one does need a day of rest, right? (Not making excuses, just being honest....good training does involve a day off, and frankly, me waking up at 6 or 7 to hit the gym and be at work by 10? Bullshit.)

Ya gotta have a plan. Failing to plan is planning to fail.

As cheesy as that is (and yes, it really is), it's true. I need to figure out my plan of attack. My schedule is pretty set: Monday/Tuesday/Thursday/Friday day shift at The Bar, starting at 10, getting off anywhere between 5 and 7 (depending on business), Wednesday magic 10-4 at the toy store and 6-9 at the restaurant, Saturday/Sunday off. The gym closes at 9, 8 on Friday, 7 on Saturday, 4 on Sunday. So realistically, Wednesdays are a no gym day, and Fridays can be close, as they often keep me till 7, so I should be able to be at the gym Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and some Fridays, and should be able to do the gym and/or my bike Saturdays and Sundays. I won't ride my bike after dark here due to all the drunks and idiot tourists driving around, which is why I only list the bike for weekends. I need to actually make a hard schedule to stick to, as going to the gym "when it's right" ain't happening.

The only other major thing in my schedule (other than partying, which is another story), is the first Tuesday of every month is a cookoff, plus random cookoffs here and there, but I can make exceptions for those, and that should not interfere with my making a hard schedule for the rest of the time.

I also adjusted my diet. I've almost completely cut out sodas, and increased water. I cut back on portion sizes. I'm trying to include more fresh vegetables and fruits (this is the really hard part since I loathe vegetables.

I need to work on my diet. I need to, for a while, start cutting back on carbs (which is tough for me, as I love sandwiches and pastas). I have virtually cut sodas out of my diet completely (other than the occasional one a week or so), I don't really do sweets that much anyway, and I love produce (I've been known to eat a 2 pound salad), so now I just have to start focusing on eating smarter. And since football season is months away, I won't be doing wings (other than next Sunday, when I have a wings cookoff).

The one thing I refuse to do is cut out alcohol. Sorry Bob and Jillian, but this boy parties, and I can cut back in other ways to compensate. I am not obese, I am just larger in the middle than I would like and more out of shape than I can stand, but still in better shape than a lot of people, so I feel I can do this without hugely altering my lifestyle. I will go out less, sure, but not going out at all? That ain't Jester. I love my beer, I love my rum, I love partying and meeting people. (And sometimes that last part results in a whole different kind of workout, if you get my meaning. )

Well, you did say we wouldn't like you when you were angry.

The Hulk has nothing on me when I'm pissed off!

If you want brutal, get a physiotherapist's help. Not a fitness instructor, but an actual physiotherapist.

Great. What is a physiotherapist, and where do I find one?

I DO know a personal trainer (used to date her, we're still friends, she works at my gym), but don't have a clue if I know of any physiotherapists.

You have year-round warm weather in Key West no? So no excuses. I'd love to be able to run all year round, and not just spring-summer.

Weather is almost never an excuse here, other than rain, tropical storms, or hurricanes. The coldest recorded temp in Key West ever is 41F, and while that is colder than it sounds, due to the wind coming off the ocean (BRRR!!!), it is not cold enough to prevent a workout.

,,,but fresh produce is expensive. Especially out of season.

For whatever reason, produce is pretty cheap down here. Or maybe it just seems cheap compared to the other food, which may be more expensive than elsewhere in the country. (Key West is notoriously expensive.) Either way, neither hatred of produce nor price is a viable excuse for me, as it's cheap here and I love most produce. (And avoiding that which I hate--I'm looking at YOU, grapefruits, olives, and avocados!--is pretty easy.)

I should throw my name onto the list of people who want to get fit.

"Should"? Or "am"? Lots of people SHOULD get in better shape, but not all DO. So, are you in or not? Sounds like you're a bit on the fence there....

Especially after buying a new pair of jeans two days ago in a size and style that I normally fit without any problems...and literally having to lay down on the bed to get the damn things done up.

The last few pants/slacks I've bought are in a waist size I've never had to buy before, and that is simply unacceptable. For YEARS I wore the same pants size, and damn it, I am going to fit into those pants again.

I currently have only one or two pairs of dress slacks that I can fit into comfortably. That is not good.

Muffin-tops only belong on muffins.

Brilliant! That should be our rallying cry.

Everyone, say it with me:

MUFFIN TOPS ONLY BELONG ON MUFFINS!
MUFFIN TOPS ONLY BELONG ON MUFFINS!
MUFFIN TOPS ONLY BELONG ON MUFFINS!

[hinakiba777]

You are all so inspiring. It makes me feel guilty for not tossing my name in.

Sadly, I can't afford the gym right now, and where I go to school will be in Winter mode probably until I go home in April. I still walk daily, but I know that's not enough.

I plan to actually put aside 200 dollars this summer so I can get a Super Recreation pass next year for both semesters. That is the one down side of my school compared to my old school, gym fees are not included in tuition. Which a few people think is awesome, but I hate. You can't use any rec services here if you don't have a rec pass, and when you haven't got all your money for tuition yet it kind of starts looking like a really unneeded cost. I tried sneaking some pool time this semester, like my friends did last year when they didn't have passes. Sadly, the school cracked down so if you don't have a rec pass, you can't do anything.

During the summer I'm going to walk and bike a lot more, and next year I will get myself gym access. For now, I will just cheer you all on from the sidelines feeling really bad about the excuses I made.

I actually tried doing some workouts in my apartment, but my roommates are kind of bitchy so it really didn't pan out.

[Jester]

Sadly, I can't afford the gym right now...

Not a valid excuse! Yeah, yeah, your roommates are kind of bitchy. So what? Work out at home when they aren't there. Or tell them to stuff it, as you pay rent, too. Or work out elsewhere. You don't need a gym.

Here's an easy workout, inside, no gym membership needed, can do almost anywhere: does your school have buildings with stairs? Run. The. Stairs. Up and down, as many times as you can. If you think that won't work you out, you've never done it.

Also, there are many things you can do at home that are silent. Pull-ups/chin-ups if you have a bar (and if you don't, they're relatively cheap). Sit-ups, crunches, pushups, etc. Hell, the Wii, if you have it, has that fitness game.

You live in a winter place? How about ice-skating? Inside or outside. Hell, if you dress right, you CAN run or job in the winter. Give you one hell of a workout.

Is there a local community rec center? Get into some pick-up basketball games. Or handball. Or racquetball. Or volleyball.

The above ideas are just off the top of my head, and I'm sure there are plenty of others out there beyond them.

Look, only you can decide when you are ready, but don't use your wallet or the weather as an excuse. I'm not buying it, and if you think about it, neither are you.

[shankyknitter]

Count me in! The weather finally turned nice hear and I realized that I've been sitting on my (ever growing) ass all winter. Hell I cheated and bought a corset to give me back the shape I had in high school because it was so yucky I didn't want to work out. I'm only 22 I should be able to walk up 4 flights of stairs without being out of breath. I should be able to hike The Hill in less than half an hour. This is unacceptable.

Can I join the 'Fuck this Shit' Club?

[Jester]

Can I join the 'Fuck this Shit' Club?

Fuck an A yeah!

[Jester]

Okay, as the founder of the Fuck This Shit Club, let me put things really simply for y'all:

Fuck this shit. We've been too lazy too long. Time to get cracking. No more excuses, no more bullshit.

I have three goals:

1. Be in better shape by my birthday (June 8th).
2. In the September sprint triathlon (which I'll still only be doing a biathlon--fuck that swimming shit!), I want to smash my March sprint times.
3. By this time next year, I want to be in the shape I feel I should be in. Easy date to remember: St. Patrick's Day. That is D Day, kids.

One year. No excuses. Time to kick some ass. Our own ass.

[ArcticChicken]

I am so in.

I've already been working out for a couple months, but I need to keep myself motivated. I've never been in shape, and I'd love to know what that feels like.

[Jester]

Next St. Patty's Day, on the bar crawl, I have every intention of going shirtless if it's hot like it was yesterday. And not being embarrassed by the idea. Which, right now, I would be.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

MUFFIN TOPS ONLY BELONG ON MUFFINS!

I should make a threat/promise to myself to wear something tight and stretchy on my birthday. Regardless.

If that ain't motivation, I dont' know what is.

I want you to know I was able to turn down big fat chocolate chip cookies today. I thought of this thread every single time I walked past the plate.

MUFFIN TOPS ONLY BELONG ON MUFFINS!
MUFFIN TOPS ONLY BELONG ON MUFFINS!

I ate a few of those fried chip things with the bunless burger I had a little while ago, thought of this thread, and stopped eating them.

MUFFIN TOPS ONLY BELONG ON MUFFINS!

[Jester]

My screen saver, which had been a slide show of different Arizona sunsets, is now simply my two times, for biking and running. A constant reminder.

Because muffin tops only belong on muffins. Assalamu alaikum.

[raw456]

Count me in too!!!
(ive been offline for a few days and only just caught up on this)

I'm currently in training to do the Sydney City to Surf in August. It's a 14km (8.7miles) run. At the moment I am only going to walk it, but if I can improve my running I will run it. I havent run in almost 20 years and at the moment can only do short bursts for 2-3 mins

I joined a gym 6 months ago and was doing really well untill Christmas time when things just went to hell in a handbasket. Time to get back into serious workouts at least 4 days a week.

My birhtday is at the end of August and I want to lose at least another 15kg (33lbs) by then.

[hinakiba777]

See I needed that. I needed my ass kicked a little.

Okay So hiking every Saturday. We have amazing hiking trails here, and i have very expensive hiking boots. I will Use my pilates rowing equipment daily, and do crunches. I will work now! And once i get home next month I will bike, far and hard.

Then in the fall, when I have gym access I will work twice as hard. Just keep kicking my ass, so I can move forward. Motivate me to motivate myself!

[Jester]

I'm currently in training to do the Sydney City to Surf in August. It's a 14km (8.7miles) run. At the moment I am only going to walk it, but if I can improve my running I will run it.

That is about 5 months away. No way you are walking it. Not only will you run it, you will run it a better time than you thought possible. Having never run or seen a 14km run, I have no idea what kind of time that would be, but damn it, you're gonna do it.

Okay, did a little research on your event. Apparently they do the run in several groups. Wikipedia explains it pretty well:

As of 2010[update], the course starts in several groups in order to give preference to faster runners. There are invitation-only seeded and preferred runner groups, followed by runners with previous race times under 75 minutes, runners with previous race times under 100 minutes, an open entry running group, an open entry jogging group, and finally an open entry "Back of the Pack" group for walking, using a wheelchair or pushing child strollers. Entry to all groups is limited to a certain number of competitors and, except for the invitation-only groups, allocated on a first-come first-served basis.

With no previous time, obviously you'll have to be in an open entry group. Depending on when you register and how you feel about your training level at that time, you could enter in either the open running or open jogging group. (I would HOPE you wouldn't enter in the Back of the Pack group!) I sincerely hope that you enter the open running group, but if you feel more comfortable entering the open jogging group (especially with the group limits that they set forcing you to register perhaps earlier than you would want to), I think that would be fair.

If you're gonna kick your own ass (as we all plan to kick ours), I think that a time of under 100 minutes for you is absolutely reasonable. And I'm rooting for

And remember: muffin tops only belong on muffins. Shalom.

[BlaqueKatt]

why do I get the feeling I'm invisible, and that no one read the article I linked to?

[Sapphire Silk]

why do I get the feeling I'm invisible, and that no one read the article I linked to?

Did someone speak?

*ducks and hides*

Just kidding. Actually, it's a great article. One of the things I like about Martial Arts is the self discipline. I focus on my attitude, and "can do" spirit (Can't is a 4 letter word), and it really does make a difference in terms of sticking to my plan and keeping up with the work out.

MUFFIN TOPS ONLY BELONG ON MUFFINS! MUFFIN TOPS ONLY BELONG ON MUFFINS!

I doubt I'll lose enough weight to ever wear a bikini again (haven't worn one since I was about 13), but I'll be happy if I'm simply not embarrassed if my shirt rides up when I lift my arms over my head.

My goal for June 19 (since I started Tae Dwon Do on Jan 19) is to lose 30lbs. I've lost 18. My goal for Jan 19, 2012 is a total of 60 pounds. My ultimate goal is to get my weight to the 160-170lb range, which is normal weight for my height.

TheShadow was right . . . I shouldn't panic over the slowdown, and wait a bit longer to see if the slowdown is really a plateau or simply that I'm building up more muscle, which weighs more than fat. My calves are looking much better . . . I didn't have cankles, but I was on my way there when I started working out.

Right now I'm doing 3 days/week at martial arts, plus 2 days a week with the physical therapist (I've had some knee problems, nothing serious, just making sure I don't cause myself permanent damage with my program). I do stretching exercises every day. I'm not using the elliptical as much now that I started the Tae Kwon Do . . . probably wasted money on it, but it's a good back up if I can't make class or the weather is bad and I have to work out indoors.

Count me in as a charter member of the Fuck this Shit club