Gypsies, Scams, and Thieves (Long)

[Jester]

And that being a slut is NOT how one gets out of trouble.)

A good lesson to teach young women. That being said, from a purely practical standpoint, ignoring morals and ethics, the Slut Mom was actually right. Because, despite what you or I may think of it, being or acting like a slut often DOES get one out of trouble.

Makes one wonder if Mom isn't pimping her out for other things as well.

If she's not doing it yet, she will be. Or teaching her daughter to do it herself at some point.

At the time, I remember thinking, "I'm sorry, I have no idea what the babies in your life look like, but I sure hope they don't look like Cabbage Patch Kids."

Honestly, there are some very, very ugly babies out there. My niece Bug is a gorgeous women, and was a gorgeous child and teenager. But as a baby? OMIGOD, she was hideous. Looked like a lizard. Just not attractive. Ditto all of the above for her younger sister Bear, who is an absolutely adorable 9-year-old angel these days. (Okay, Bear wasn't an ugly baby, but she wasn't pretty, either. She is now, but early on? Oh, HELL no!)

"After all, it's not going to last forever, so you might as well get some use out of it..." I want to take a clue-by-four to their heads for filling their daughters' heads with that nonsense.

Don't know that it's nonsense. It's immoral, it's unethical, it's not something I would ever want any of my nieces believing or doing....but again, from a purely practical standpoint, the shit does work, meaning it's not nonsense. Sad, but true.

Its the latest chain post thing.

Beyond stupid.

I made the mistake of falling for it twice, with two of my female friends.

When I got that PM telling me I now "had" to participant and continue it, my response to each of them was somewhat along the lines of, "Um...no. Fuck this idiocy."

What an idiotic meme. What exactly is the point of posting an obnoxious and untrue message on FB? I must be getting old, I don't understand this type of "humor".

I have posted bullshit statuses before, and not just on April Fool's Day either, for which I am notorious. But just to occasionally fuck with people. But it stops there. "You did what, Jester?" "No, dude, I'm just fucking with y'all."

Amusingly, one time I posted that I was "out having dinner with my friend's wife." Assuming my friends would get the joke. Some didn't. And thought I was actually having an affair with said woman, when in reality I was out with her having dinner with his full knowledge, but he was working and couldn't join us. There was nothing secretive or untoward or even amusingly scandalous that was going on. Unless you're scandalized by Mexican food.

Damn dirty beans!

Eventually she'll run into either a gay male officer or a "make the stereotype of boy scouts look crooked" straight male officer (unlikely she'd try that one on a female officer) and wind up with not only a speeding ticket but an arrest for indecent exposure.

To be fair, a woman can use her boobs to get out of various things without ever getting to the point of violating exposure laws. Personally, I love tops that allow such usage. And encourage more women to wear them, and more often!

I thought so too, at first. Actually, my uncle's exact words to me were "you are a person with a good moral center and a strong sense of ethics, which means you will suck as a laywer. A good lawyer has to look a judge, procecuter and jury in the eyes and tell them your client (who has not only done what he's been accused of but _much_ worse) is one step away from sainthood and good to their mother. And do it without laughing or puking on the floor."

Yeah, tapdancing around the truth was not his strong suit...

A great lawyer would not only tap dance skillfully around they truth. They'd also mamba, samba, waltz, stomp, break dance, swing dance, lambada, limbo, mosh, line dance, and polka around the truth, the entire time swearing they didn't even know the music was playing.

[mathnerd]

I can't imagine intentionally trying to use my female attributes (as generous as they are) to weasel my way out of trouble. I have benefited from the combination of their size and a stupid cop, and I wasn't going to say anything to stop him from dropping the felony speeding charge down to a verbal warning, but there's no way on earth I would have actually attempted to sway the result like that.

Lesson learned: if you're going to attempt to find out just how fast a 93 Mustang (5L V8) will go, make sure you're wearing a moderately cut tank top and get pulled over by a cop who thinks with his other head.

[Jester]

That begs the question: just how fast did you get that 93 Mustang (5L V8) going before Officer Barbrady pulled you over?

[Jetfire]

A great lawyer would not only tap dance skillfully around they truth. They'd also mamba, samba, waltz, stomp, break dance, swing dance, lambada, limbo, mosh, line dance, and polka around the truth, the entire time swearing they didn't even know the music was playing.

That would make a great comic; Open with a standard courtroom scene with the lawyer starting to speak. Then each panel showing him/her dancing in a particular style (complete with costume garb); last panel showing the judge ruling for the lawyer. Granted it's a comic cliche, but the imagery is effective and usually fun to see/imagine.

[mathnerd]

That begs the question: just how fast did you get that 93 Mustang (5L V8) going before Officer Barbrady pulled you over?

130 mph. Down Krome Avenue.

[dalesys]

130 mph. Down Krome Avenue.

Why am I grounded? You did it too, Mom...

[mathnerd]

Yeah, about that...my mother did something similar. She just didn't get caught.

[Jester]

130 mph. Down Krome Avenue.

Isn't that a 30 or 40 mph zone?

Fastest I've driven a car was my friend's car, which was a former cop car, on I-10 between Tucson and Phoenix. Got it up to 140 while he was upside down under the dash trying to fix the radio. Naturally, with the grille and headlights of a cop car, other cars were getting out of our way quickly, and didn't realize we weren't cops until we were long past them, if at all. If you want to know what it's like to drive 140 around and between cars going 70, try driving 70 through a parking lot. Same thing.

Fastest I've gone in town was 120, when my coworker decided to get his 200SX hauling ass down the freeway, with me in the passenger seat. That was interesting.

Though probably the most interesting drive I've been on as a passenger was one that topped out at no more than 30 or so. In a Volkswagen. Through the ASU campus. For those unfamiliar with the ASU campus, it is mostly closed with no streets. This drive was through sidewalks and grass. At night, so almost no one around, but it would have been a glorious way to get arrested. And no, we didn't get caught on that one, either.


Actually, come to think of it, all my speeding tickets have been rather modest compared to some of the stuff I've actually done that they never caught me for.

[mathnerd]

Krome Ave changes between 30mph (through downtown Homestead) and 55mph (north of Tamiami Trail/Dade Corners), with it mostly being in the 40/45 range. Not that anybody pays attention to that. This was on the chunk between Tamiami Trail and Kendall Drive. I believe the posted speed limit is 50.