SC Translation Machine

[Aria]

It's the principle of the thing!

I'm going to make your life miserable over an inexplicable five cent charge.

[Chazzie]

Regular!
*translator stalls, goes through slot machine roulette to decide what this means. Cycles several times between black, cream and sugar, cream and splenda, decaf, small, medium and large.*

Put in whatever you usually do!
Everyone drinks coffee the same way right I have no idea why people drink coffee I hate it it's dumb but if I want people to take me seriously I have to drink coffee but I don't know what's socially acceptable to put in my coffee or what I want it to taste like so do whatever it takes to make other people like me please i sleep alone

Triple cream, triple sugar!
Seriously how do people drink this stuff it's awful bean juice and literally everyone drinks it what is the secret how does it work why can't i make the bean juice good everyone else seems to enjoy the bean juice maybe if i fill the cup 9/10ths of the way with condiments that'll still count but I'm still gonna pay upwards of two dollars for this

A Latte with Cream and Sugar!
I literally have no idea what I'm even drinking anymore I just picked something that sounded fancy in a fancy coffee shop so that makes me fancy but it's a coffee right even though it says coffee on the menu and latte later on the menu at a different price with a different picture of a different cup it has to be coffee otherwise it wouldn't be in a coffee shop so i better order cream and sugar in it so i don't get a black colored latte and then where would i be

[MoonCat]

It's the principle of the thing!

I'm going to make your life miserable over an inexplicable five cent charge.

AKA...

It's not the money!!
It's the money.

[Lace Neil Singer]

There's no sign!
There is a sign, and I'm well aware that there is, but I'm choosing to ignore it.

[XCashier]

This is bad business!
I'm not getting my way!

Other Store does it better.
But I'm too lazy and stupid to go there in the first place, so I want you to do what they do.

It's the principle of the thing!
I don't have any principles, I just want my way!

[Kristev]

I need to get through there. I just need a minute.

I see that you've got wet floor signs, and that you're mopping up a big mess full of slippery liquid and broken glass. You will not deny me my chance to slip and fall and make a million dollars. Now get out of my way or I'll report you to the manager!

Oh, excuse me!

No, I don't care that I just rammed into you/ran over your foot with my shopping trolley because I wasn't watching where I was going. I am the most important person in this whole store!

Let me in that restroom, just this once.

He'll cave because management will make him. I've done this before, waiting until after someone starts cleaning the bathrooms to demand that I be let in, especially if they're starting to mop the floor. Yes, I know there are other bathrooms in the back that aren't being cleaned because he's the only janitor on staff until late afternoon, but I won't walk there! I want in now!

I didn't do it!

My wild kids did, and I don't care about the broken glass and the spilled liquid. It wasn't your problem, but it is now.

Can you just help me a minute?

I've got a personal shopper to go with me through the entire store now and I won't let you go! Never, never, never!

But you can't be out!

You simply must have an infinite supply of the most popular item in your store that you've advertised for a week now that I've finally gotten myself over here to buy it! Either magically produce one or I'll throw a fit!

Oh, it's so nice to see you here.

I didn't know they let workers out to go shop at or eat at other places! And I'll still expect you to cater to me, and if you don't, I'll go gripe to your manager even if it is your day off! Who let you have a day off anyway?

This is for someone else!

No, you did not see me and my buddies racing through the store on the electric carts as if we were running away from zombies. We really were going to give these carts up . . . when the batteries died.

[Lace Neil Singer]

It's not closing time yet! Let me in!
I refuse to go by Greenwich Mean Time like you peons do, I go by Customer Standard Time, and CST says that your store is still open, regardless of the real time.

I just want cigarettes...
... But once you let me thru the door, I'm just going to walk around looking at things for at least an hour before I buy my smokes.

[CorneliaMarieRocks]

It's the principle of the thing!

I'm going to make your life miserable over an inexplicable five cent charge.

Had some asshole pull something similar over .75 cents on 9/12/'01

yeah, that's right, 3,000 people were just murdered the day before & this dirtbag argues over .75 fucking cents

granted, it was our fault, as an old sale sign had accidentally been missed when the sale signs from the week before were pulled down, but still...damn dude, did you see the fucking news yesterday????

[MoonCat]

It shouldn't be MY responsbility if I made a mistake!*
I expect you to take the hit and make an exception for me!




*Yes, this actually happened *sigh*

[raudf]

I need my stove repaired RIGHT NOW!! I bake all the time and I have a party tomorrow!
My stove has out of commission for about a year now, but I've stupidly planned a party for tomorrow and just realized that I need my stove!

I'll be home all day.
I'll be dropping my kid off at daycare, then shopping for about four hours, then spending time at a friend's house for four hours! Then pick the kiddo up from daycare. Then I'll be home all day after that! (This happened all too often.)

I don't know what caused it to stop working...
Actually, I was drunk last night and lit it on fire. Didn't know VCRs were that flammable. (Yes, this happened. And yes, we told them to buy a new one, because the service contract wasn't going to cover it.)

No, the remote wasn't eaten by a dog.
I'm so hoping you're stupid enough to believe me, in spite of the teeth marks all over the remote. I know it looks like a big dog ate it, but honestly, it was just a Yorkshire Terrier.