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Need advice regarding something that is bothering me
  #1  
Old 04-27-2019, 04:40 PM
snugglegirl05 snugglegirl05 is offline
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Default Need advice regarding something that is bothering me

My husband and I belong to a bible study group consisting of several members of our church. This bible study group meets once a week at one of the members house, and food is served. The bible study began late summer 2018 and has continued this year. Group bible study discussion occurs after the meal. Individual comments are supposed to be encouraged.

The older retired married couple:
There is an older retired married couple who has adult children and grandchildren. For the past several years I have noticed that this couple likes to correct the behavior of my husband and me either at church or during group bible study.

Examples are:

A group of us are gathered together, and the husband comes up behind me and says to only me “stop hogging the drinks, I cannot get to where the drinks are.” But I am not the only one who is in the way. Other people are in the way. But I am the only one he says this to.
Several of us would be getting the food that was made for the bible study meal, and the wife tells me husband “elbows down” when he is holding a plate of food in his hands while on the way to the table. But he is not the only one doing this.
I have noticed that my husband and I are the only ones who are treated this way by them.

Both of us are old enough to be their adult children.

The group bible study:


A male member leads the group bible study after the meal.

The group discussion is a free for all. Individual comments are supposed to be encourage by all, but for my husband it has not been this way. Beginning last year this male member has dismissed my husband several times either verbally or non-verbally by his body language. That bothers both of us. But other members can comment.

And we are supposed to be a family according to the group members.

Any advice or suggestions from the customers suck.com members?

How should we handle this?

Last edited by snugglegirl05; 04-27-2019 at 04:43 PM.
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  #2  
Old 04-27-2019, 08:29 PM
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csquared csquared is offline
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For the old guy, you should smile and explain how manners work. How if he asks politely, you are pretty sure that someone will step aside and allow him to access the drinks. However, if I remember correctly, you have anxiety issues of some type? If that is the case, he is probably picking on you as he knows you won't fight back.

As for the lead picking on your husband, are you certain he is singling him out? You are naturally going to be more sensitive/aware of comments made to him. Pay extra attention next time to how the lead is treating other. Have you talked with any of the other members about it? Has anyone else noticed it?

On the whole, it sounds like you need to find a new bible group.
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  #3  
Old 04-27-2019, 09:59 PM
snugglegirl05 snugglegirl05 is offline
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Quote:
Quoth csquared View Post
For the old guy, you should smile and explain how manners work. How if he asks politely, you are pretty sure that someone will step aside and allow him to access the drinks. However, if I remember correctly, you have anxiety issues of some type? If that is the case, he is probably picking on you as he knows you won't fight back.

As for the lead picking on your husband, are you certain he is singling him out? You are naturally going to be more sensitive/aware of comments made to him. Pay extra attention next time to how the lead is treating other. Have you talked with any of the other members about it? Has anyone else noticed it?

On the whole, it sounds like you need to find a new bible group.
My husband told me that other group members noticed this, including the leaders wife.

As for the old guy, why would he do that?

Especially when we are "supposed" to be a family.
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  #4  
Old 04-28-2019, 04:54 PM
Mental_Mouse Mental_Mouse is offline
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Quote:
Quoth snugglegirl05 View Post
Especially when we are "supposed" to be a family.
Yeah, that's the problem. This sounds like dysfunctional family behavior.
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  #5  
Old 04-29-2019, 03:10 PM
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Kristev Kristev is offline
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Yeah, this is not something you need.
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  #6  
Old 05-02-2019, 03:08 AM
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MoonCat MoonCat is offline
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You could ask to sit down with them privately and when you do, ask them why they are singling you both out for "correction." You are adults, contributing members of society and of the group; comments on your manners are not necessary, and as they aren't your parents and you are not children, these comments are also unwelcome. All stated in a polite but firm voice.

But, only do this if you value studying with this particular group enough to want to stay. Sometimes you have to call people out on their passive-aggressive bullshit, and after that, they will either respect you or clam up and leave you alone.

If you would not miss the rest of the group enough to angst about it, then perhaps see about finding (or starting) another group.
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