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I am SO pissed off right now.
Not so short bit of background. My older brother is something of the black sheep. We found out when he was 17, he has a different biological father, who was a druggie and pretty much ran away when he found out my mom was pregnant. My dad actually adopted him, so on paper, and in all ways that legally and otherwise count? my dad IS his dad.
Well, at 16, his crazy bitch grandmother (biodad's mother) writes him and gushes about hwo long she searched for him, how evil my mother was for taking him away, yadda yadda. His biodad died (drug related illness, apparently.), and she SO wants to reconnect to the fruit of his loins! (Actual verbage. This woman claims she's a white witch defender of earth and claims that going skyclad in ceremonies is how she works to keep evil at bay! And that's just ONE of the conversations my mom told me about years ago)
So he goes to visit them, and suddenly his OTHER family is SSSOOOO GREAT. Fantastic. Wonderful. My mom talked with him, and we thought he'd moved past it, and she NEVER said a word to HIM about the crazy or anything, she let him make his own way. Out of respect for her, I hid from Brother how much it HURTS to be compared to his OTHER sisters who are so wonderfully fabulous and great, and how his grandma is just so fantastic and he LOVES them all, they're so SUPER!
Brother's a drifter, couch surfing pothead, to be perfectly blunt. An incredibly talented artist with a horrid persecution complex and absolutely no drive to do ANYTHING with his life, and claims that people keep yanking him down when he does try. Well, mom does her best to stay in touch with him, but he bounces all over the country.
Recently she found out, via FB, that he's engaged.
Yeah, that didn't go over well, but she figured it was one of those "we're so excited let's announce it right now!" sorts of things. Mom's like that. She believes in the best of everyone, especially her children. She's the first to tell me when i'm being an idiot, but with Brother, she's more careful. He ran away from home when he found out about his biodad and was gone for days, that ripped at her and worried her and she's never recovered. he did it again at 17, when he was legally an adult and we didn't hear from him for months. So she knows he'll drop off again and does everything she can to support him when he'll let her. She loves him.
Well, I get a text from mom today. Guess who got married on Friday?!
Yup, Brother. Now, he's in Ampgard, so it may only just be a "character" wedding, as it were, but reading his FB timeline his new "wifey". Ugh. Oh, dear gods, the drivel, and the crazy and the "I LOFFS YOU 4EVAR MY BESTEST MAN, U R MAH DREAMS COME TRU!!!" posts she leaves on his timeline multiple times a day? Makes me think it's not just "characters in Ampgard".
Guess how my mom found out?
Facebook. added insult to injury? the "wedding" was only an hour away from where my mom lives. She's telling me this and I am LIVID. I see red. I decide, that's it. He's going to get a rant from me, that will be epic and full of vitrol and righteous fury, how DARE he do this to our mother!? How DARE HE!?
So I sent him the following FB message, and I realize it's not quite as wrath filled as I'd imagined, it's mostly babbling:
I hit send. Mom asked me not to fight with him, and this isn't a fight. This is just me telling him what I've kept quiet for years and what an epic asshole he's being. I didn't swear at him. I didn't call him names. I just laid it out. I told her I won't respond to any further messages from him, because it won't be an argument, but dammit. I'm so upset right now. I've got tears streaming down my face and they won't stop.
I freakin' HATE this. How dare he? That's what I keep coming back to. How DARE he do this to mom, does he really hate her that much? Does he hate us?
What a day.
Well, at 16, his crazy bitch grandmother (biodad's mother) writes him and gushes about hwo long she searched for him, how evil my mother was for taking him away, yadda yadda. His biodad died (drug related illness, apparently.), and she SO wants to reconnect to the fruit of his loins! (Actual verbage. This woman claims she's a white witch defender of earth and claims that going skyclad in ceremonies is how she works to keep evil at bay! And that's just ONE of the conversations my mom told me about years ago)
So he goes to visit them, and suddenly his OTHER family is SSSOOOO GREAT. Fantastic. Wonderful. My mom talked with him, and we thought he'd moved past it, and she NEVER said a word to HIM about the crazy or anything, she let him make his own way. Out of respect for her, I hid from Brother how much it HURTS to be compared to his OTHER sisters who are so wonderfully fabulous and great, and how his grandma is just so fantastic and he LOVES them all, they're so SUPER!
Brother's a drifter, couch surfing pothead, to be perfectly blunt. An incredibly talented artist with a horrid persecution complex and absolutely no drive to do ANYTHING with his life, and claims that people keep yanking him down when he does try. Well, mom does her best to stay in touch with him, but he bounces all over the country.
Recently she found out, via FB, that he's engaged.
Yeah, that didn't go over well, but she figured it was one of those "we're so excited let's announce it right now!" sorts of things. Mom's like that. She believes in the best of everyone, especially her children. She's the first to tell me when i'm being an idiot, but with Brother, she's more careful. He ran away from home when he found out about his biodad and was gone for days, that ripped at her and worried her and she's never recovered. he did it again at 17, when he was legally an adult and we didn't hear from him for months. So she knows he'll drop off again and does everything she can to support him when he'll let her. She loves him.
Well, I get a text from mom today. Guess who got married on Friday?!
Yup, Brother. Now, he's in Ampgard, so it may only just be a "character" wedding, as it were, but reading his FB timeline his new "wifey". Ugh. Oh, dear gods, the drivel, and the crazy and the "I LOFFS YOU 4EVAR MY BESTEST MAN, U R MAH DREAMS COME TRU!!!" posts she leaves on his timeline multiple times a day? Makes me think it's not just "characters in Ampgard".
Guess how my mom found out?
Facebook. added insult to injury? the "wedding" was only an hour away from where my mom lives. She's telling me this and I am LIVID. I see red. I decide, that's it. He's going to get a rant from me, that will be epic and full of vitrol and righteous fury, how DARE he do this to our mother!? How DARE HE!?
So I sent him the following FB message, and I realize it's not quite as wrath filled as I'd imagined, it's mostly babbling:
You know, I realize that a lot of the time, you probably don't want to claim us as family. and some part of you probably even hates us, but i thought you'd moved past that and at least forgave mom for whatever wrongs you think she may have committed.
I've stayed quiet for years, listening to you claim how wonderful and fantastic your other family is, how great they are as a REAL family and seen you treat mom like dirt, whether you realize it or not. I've stayed quiet because that's what she wants. All she ever wanted was her children to be happy. She won't say anything, but you know, you really hurt her? Worse, you've made her feel low. She keeps putting a brave face on it, but at the end of the day, you've completely broken her heart.
Congratulations on getting married. No, seriously, I do want you to be happy. But at the same time, mom deserves more honor and courtesy than to find out on FB along with the rest of the world. Further, she doesn't deserve to have someone who's a stranger to her respond to her in a "well duh!" manner by having THEM tell her "I think this is his way of telling us"
I don't care that I found out that way, I know we're not all that super close. but you know what? This is a move worthy of <Sister>. Remember her? our sibling that we rant and rave about for treating mom like complete garbage? Yeah, you're at her level now. Way to go. You may not have a phone, but you obviously have internet in some way? No email? No Facebook message a day in advance? Hey, what about day of? You obviously are able to use it well enough to announce it to all and sundry. You do know that there are private ways of alerting people ahead of time, don't you?
Or is it just that you want to completely cut her, and by extension everyone on this side of the family off? Are we no longer WORTHY to be related to you? Or did you think she wouldn't want to celebrate with you? I honestly don't know what went through your brain, if anything, and yeah, I'm insulting and bitchy, and quite frankly I don't care. I'M the one talking to her right now and listening to her feel lost and upset and wonder what she did to piss you off so massively, you don't want to recognize her as your mother anymore.
She's hurting. She feels like she's failed. If that was your goal, congratulations, a direct hit. If this was just an Ampgard marriage or a handfasting, and not a recognized "legal union", she still deserves to know ahead of time. Or, you could always try announcing THAT on your facebook page, so she's not left wondering and hurting. Because she is hurting. But even in her hurting, she asked me not to send this, because she didn't want to upset you? Wow, what a horrible woman, right? She's still putting your happiness, your mood, your well being first. Yes, I'm disobeying, but this outweighs it by a mile.
In your selfishness, you've hurt the one person who's always defended you, always believed in you and always, and will always love you. So go ahead, get mad at me if you feel like it. But don't you dare take this out on my mother. Don't you dare try to justify it by some past instances where you felt she could've done more. She's only human. She had 3 kids to worry about feeding and raising, and she did everything she could that she thought was best for us.
You've said time and again she doesn't deserve the way <Sister> treats her. You've surpassed that. You're way beyond anything <Sister> would have done, because at the end of the day, <Sister> still loves mom and wouldn't pull something like this. I would have believed she'd be the one to do it, not you.
At the end of the day, nothing left to do, really, and nothing left to say. It's over and done with. Many happy years with the wife, whom you never told anyone about, or even introduced to us. That speaks volumes. You really don't want anything more to do with us, we're not you're real family, are we? We're not important. You can't just rewind and say "oops, my bad". I don't even want you to call or talk to her, honestly, because that may only just hurt her more.
"Hi, mom, sorry, forgot to tell you something like this, you can just find out with everyone else. We're cool, right?" would only make her feel worse, and feel like an afterthought. She worries about you, thinks about you everyday, and this is how she's repaid. I don't even know what else to say. I'm so disappointed, I'm so angry on her behalf, and still she tries to defend you to the end.
Whatever. Congratulations anyhow. I hope it's worth it.
I've stayed quiet for years, listening to you claim how wonderful and fantastic your other family is, how great they are as a REAL family and seen you treat mom like dirt, whether you realize it or not. I've stayed quiet because that's what she wants. All she ever wanted was her children to be happy. She won't say anything, but you know, you really hurt her? Worse, you've made her feel low. She keeps putting a brave face on it, but at the end of the day, you've completely broken her heart.
Congratulations on getting married. No, seriously, I do want you to be happy. But at the same time, mom deserves more honor and courtesy than to find out on FB along with the rest of the world. Further, she doesn't deserve to have someone who's a stranger to her respond to her in a "well duh!" manner by having THEM tell her "I think this is his way of telling us"
I don't care that I found out that way, I know we're not all that super close. but you know what? This is a move worthy of <Sister>. Remember her? our sibling that we rant and rave about for treating mom like complete garbage? Yeah, you're at her level now. Way to go. You may not have a phone, but you obviously have internet in some way? No email? No Facebook message a day in advance? Hey, what about day of? You obviously are able to use it well enough to announce it to all and sundry. You do know that there are private ways of alerting people ahead of time, don't you?
Or is it just that you want to completely cut her, and by extension everyone on this side of the family off? Are we no longer WORTHY to be related to you? Or did you think she wouldn't want to celebrate with you? I honestly don't know what went through your brain, if anything, and yeah, I'm insulting and bitchy, and quite frankly I don't care. I'M the one talking to her right now and listening to her feel lost and upset and wonder what she did to piss you off so massively, you don't want to recognize her as your mother anymore.
She's hurting. She feels like she's failed. If that was your goal, congratulations, a direct hit. If this was just an Ampgard marriage or a handfasting, and not a recognized "legal union", she still deserves to know ahead of time. Or, you could always try announcing THAT on your facebook page, so she's not left wondering and hurting. Because she is hurting. But even in her hurting, she asked me not to send this, because she didn't want to upset you? Wow, what a horrible woman, right? She's still putting your happiness, your mood, your well being first. Yes, I'm disobeying, but this outweighs it by a mile.
In your selfishness, you've hurt the one person who's always defended you, always believed in you and always, and will always love you. So go ahead, get mad at me if you feel like it. But don't you dare take this out on my mother. Don't you dare try to justify it by some past instances where you felt she could've done more. She's only human. She had 3 kids to worry about feeding and raising, and she did everything she could that she thought was best for us.
You've said time and again she doesn't deserve the way <Sister> treats her. You've surpassed that. You're way beyond anything <Sister> would have done, because at the end of the day, <Sister> still loves mom and wouldn't pull something like this. I would have believed she'd be the one to do it, not you.
At the end of the day, nothing left to do, really, and nothing left to say. It's over and done with. Many happy years with the wife, whom you never told anyone about, or even introduced to us. That speaks volumes. You really don't want anything more to do with us, we're not you're real family, are we? We're not important. You can't just rewind and say "oops, my bad". I don't even want you to call or talk to her, honestly, because that may only just hurt her more.
"Hi, mom, sorry, forgot to tell you something like this, you can just find out with everyone else. We're cool, right?" would only make her feel worse, and feel like an afterthought. She worries about you, thinks about you everyday, and this is how she's repaid. I don't even know what else to say. I'm so disappointed, I'm so angry on her behalf, and still she tries to defend you to the end.
Whatever. Congratulations anyhow. I hope it's worth it.
I freakin' HATE this. How dare he? That's what I keep coming back to. How DARE he do this to mom, does he really hate her that much? Does he hate us?
What a day.
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