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  • #1

    Everyday Absurdities

    Sometimes on the job, something weird just happens. Nothing sucky, nothing involving an idiot customer or coworker... just something weird. And then you realize that it's that special kind of weird that is to be expected in your line of work.

    This is the place to discuss those sorts of things. For example...

    Today, I was forced to explain to an autistic teenager the concept of Truck Nutz when we were stuck in traffic and saw a nice pair dangling from a car in the next lane over.

    "Those look like mine!" he exclaimed, to which I replied that I was not surprised and that all men have something that looks like that. All the while, I was cursing the person who thought it would be a fine idea to hang a chrome scrotal sac off the back of their cobalt blue Charger.

    But the fact remains: today I was forced to explain Truck Nutz to an autistic teenager.

    And you?
    Drive it like it's a county car.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    "Those look like mine!" You're a lucky young man, sir. XD

    In all seriousness... I want a bumper sticker that says "Spay Or Neuter Your Truck".

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    • #3
      Quoth Flying Grype View Post

      In all seriousness... I want a bumper sticker that says "Spay Or Neuter Your Truck".
      Just spent five minutes looking for the 'Like' button ...

      Antisocial Worker, I feel for you (great response, though!) I swear both my siblings saved "those" sorts of questions for me:

      Sib: "How do you have a baby?"

      Me: "Um [cursing mother who's not there ATM] ... well ... you get married ..."

      Sib: "But ... some girls have babies and they're not married ..."

      Me: *prays fervently for a meteor strike*

      (To those who see the "get married" bit as lame and moralizing, please remember that, first, this was several decades ago, and second, I was oh so completely NOT prepared for these questions. )
      Last edited by Pixilated; 05-01-2013, 04:24 AM.

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      • #4
        Not at work, but a while back in high school one of my classmates in the lunchroom asked BFF and I, very loudly, "WHAT'S AN ORGASM?"

        Cue the tables in our immediate vicinity going silent and people turning their attention to us to see how we responded. (BFF: "It's when you're with a guy and he makes you...erm..." Me: "...happy?" Clueless: "...oh....OH! I think I get it.")

        Another awkward high school social moment with the same group: we were arguing about the age of consent in our state (in relation to a news article we read), and the same Clueless friend called over the vice principal. He answered our question, and then started giving us a lecture about how even though something is legal doesn't mean we should go out with grown men...I wanted to hide under the table on that one.

        As for work, I think I mentioned in another thread how we had to have an entire staff meeting on the proper disposal of feminine hygiene products (after the breakroom toilet required a $400+ repair).
        Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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        • #5
          And thus why I hid my parents' truck keys in my pocket when I was at the boy organization functions and I had to borrow their vehicle. I'm just glad Mom didn't decide to get the ones that dangled on the truck instead...

          Both work places and at home, listening to the most innocent comment being turned into an innuendo and wind up having to clean up the break room table because soda is not neat when it comes out your nose. Then having to explain to said coworker, (at home the oldest gets, "Adult stuff, so don't ask if you don't really wanna know..") why everyone is laughing at him/her.
          If I make no sense, I apologize. I'm constantly interrupted by an actual toddler.

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          • #6
            Like the day Jenna Jameson came to sign her book at our store.

            People would stop, stare at the HUGE line winding all over the place, and ask who was signing.

            "Jenna Jameson."

            "Who's she?"

            "She's an...internationally known movie actress."

            I also went to the bathroom on shift and she was in the stall next to me. She's so tiny! If I ever write a memoir of my job it will be titled, "In the Bathroom with a Porn Star and Other Adventures in Bookselling".
            https://www.facebook.com/authorpatriciacorrell/

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            • #7
              Quoth bhskittykatt View Post
              Not at work, but a while back in high school one of my classmates in the lunchroom asked BFF and I, very loudly, "WHAT'S AN ORGASM?"

              *snip*
              A few years ago, niece (then just edging into adolescence) asked, "What's a hard-on?"

              At the dinner table.

              Sis's hubby suddenly remembers something he forgot to do that MUST be attended to RIGHT NOW and bolts from the table.

              Sis tops up her wine glass ...

              That was as far as her story went, but I'm assuming she explained. As a nurse, she's seen WAY too many pregnant 14-year-olds who honestly had no clue how they got that way. She always swore when her daughter asked a straight question, she'd get a straight answer.

              Though I'm not sure this was the type of question she had in mind.

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              • #8
                Sib: "How do you have a baby?"
                I'll share the explanation that Mom used for us when we were to young to know, "It comes from a special love between a Mommy and a Daddy."

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                • #9
                  Quoth Pixilated View Post
                  ... asked a straight question, she'd get a straight answer...
                  Talk about straight lines...

                  About a straight subject...
                  I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
                  Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
                  Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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                  • #10
                    Quoth PepperElf View Post
                    I'll share the explanation that Mom used for us when we were to young to know, "It comes from a special love between a Mommy and a Daddy."
                    That's a really nice way to put it, actually. The "special hug" explanation is kind of weird.
                    "Is it hot in here to you? It's very warm, isn't it?"--Nero, probably

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                    • #11
                      Today I told a boy to get back in the kitchen.

                      So let me explain. In the afternoons I help run a play group for 3-4 year olds. In the afternoons we have "rest time" where the kids lie down on a blanket or towel and try to talk as quietly as they can. I highly doubt anyone does any resting at all. One boy's spot was in the play kitchen area and he kept scooting over to get closer to his friends. I was right by him and I said "Name, get your butt back in the kitchen!" He scooted back quickly and the other teacher started howling with laughter.
                      https://purplefish-quilting.square.site/

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                      • #12
                        When mom and I were visiting some old family friends (they live next door to where we lived when I was born), one night at the dinner table the conversation between mom and mom's BFF inexplicably turned to a book on sex and sex toys. The 'audience' was myself, her son (both of us in our late 20s at the time) and her husband.

                        Weirdest dinner 'conversation' ever (the rest of us have learned to expect random bizarroness when they get together; I can now rein it in somewhat by threatening to record them). The telephone conversations can be equally odd.
                        "I am quite confident that I do exist."
                        "Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up." The Doctor

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                        • #13
                          Being at an away swim meet, and as we had some down time, we went to the local mall. I think my group and I were about 15 or so, and the younger ones between 11-12. So we all wander into Spencer’s and we are looking at stuff, and the younger ones somehow wandered into the “adult” area, and one picked up a vibrator, holds it up high, and yells over to her sister “Sister Name, what’s this for?” Older sister wanted to crawl under something as her younger one had one volume, loud.

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                          • #14
                            My youngest son when he was 3-5 years old, would see 'truck nutz' hanging from the backs of pickup trucks and loudly ask, "Why do dem boys have avacados hanging from their trucks?" Hubby and I could only hope we could get the car pulled over in time to continue our howl at how funny it was. He's almost 13 y.o. now and still calls them avacados!

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                            • #15
                              I laughed out loud reading several of these responses. The first thing that came to mind was my work's "smoking area."

                              Regardless of whether or not we smoke, everyone on my team congregates in the smoking area on breaks. Lately several different species of bird have taken up residence in the general vicinity. I was on a rant about how, yeah, birds are fine and all, but if a bird ever shat on me, I'd file an incident report and demand to go home WITH PAY.

                              It was all talk, mind. In the month and a half the birds have taken up residence, they have shat upon nary a worker. Anyway, a coworker says, "They'd probably just give you a company t-shirt, and let you have downtime to change in the bathroom," and I was like, "Those shirts are hideous."

                              At that exact moment, a bird shat...and it landed ON MY HAND. I desperately pulled napkins from my purse to clean it up, while everyone on my team laughed like maniacs at the irony. I was horrified and less than thrilled, but it actually was kind of funny in its way.

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