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But Mum, I've done a wee! and other tales

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  • But Mum, I've done a wee! and other tales

    More tales from cinema paradiso! First up, not so much sucky customers as a little irritating due to the frequency this happens.

    People who need to visit the rest room during the movie, one I had just seconds ago did this very thing. You know the drill, you buy bucket-sized overpriced drinks and sooner or later, nature will be calling you urgently. So you get up and go to pay the rest room a visit, forgetting to take your ticket stub with you.

    Everyone does this, don't panic, your usher will remember you, especially if you're the only one who's wandering around and all the movies are playing.

    That's exactly what went on a moment ago, a middle aged gentleman wandered out of the auditorium and so I glanced up to see what he looked like in order to know I don't need to check his ticket all over again and slow him down. It took me a split second to register his face, but he's not convinced I will remember him, so he walks over towards me, still keeping his code of silent miscommunication. And what's more, he's doing the creepy stare.

    You know the stare, expectant, begs to be questioned yet you can't bring yourself to do anything except think "that's just creepy"

    And yet he still doesn't seem convinced I have seen him. So he gets closer, close enough that I can smell his stale coffee breath and finally asks "Will you remember me?"

    And I'm thinking; how could I FORGET you?

    He even asks me all over again when he returns not even five minutes after he left the auditorium.

    And now to a particularly disgusting tale that happened yesterday...

    A mother and her two little broodlings were in one of the screens for a kids show, these kids couldn't have been over the age of three, all fuelled up on sugary snacks and going mental. But that's ok, a bit of popcorn on the floor never harmed anyone. It's a kids screening, you come to expect it'll be messy.

    What you don't expect is for one of the kids to decide to relieve themselves in their seat!

    I jest not (as much as I would love this to be a joke).

    The first I became aware of this, was the mother leaving the screen at high speed, carrying one kid and tugging the other child along by her arm. And had it not been for the sizable stain on the girls leggings, and the fact she proudly announced "Mummy I've done a wee!" No one would have been any the wiser to the fact she'd just covered her seat in pee.

    So I tried and failed to stop her from evading cleaning that mess up, she was already half way out the door when I heard it. So of course, who has to clean up because HER child couldn't hold on any longer? Yes, good old LoT.

    Does the suckiness stop there? I should be so lucky. More toilet based shenanigans coming right up.

    Parent and baby morning should never have been mixed with old person afternoon. Whichever big wig at head office came up with that idea, needs to spend a little time here, dealing with all the sucky customers we get as a result of this invention.

    Our elderly customers aren't known for their patience, no do they flinch at being abrasive with others when they think they are entitled to something (everything). So after the parent and baby performance kicks out, I've got 15 minutes to clean up before the OAP one begins. Plenty of time, but first I needed to play an impromptu game of "Where's the full discarded nappy?"

    Parents. Like a responsible dog owner, you are ALSO expected to pick up your child's mess when it poops and deposit it in the nappy bins provided. Not, as you seem to think, shoving a full nappy down the side, back or underneath of your seat, or most grossly of all, the cup holder, for the staff to discover. Would you do that in someone's house? I think not.

    So I think my game of Doody mine sweeper is done with, I've been picking up the last of the rubbish when the door opens and an elderly man peers in.

    OM: "There's a large queue of people outside!"

    Me: "That's because I'm not finished cleaning this screen yet."

    OM: "We have been waiting ages!"

    It's worth mentioning that I was in there five minutes tops. The pensioners seem to love turning up extra early for everything and get annoyed when they can't go in and take their seats.

    And I am irritated at already needing to clean up poop.

    Me: You've been waiting for five minutes, the show doesn't start for another ten. Nothing is going to start without you, because I am the one who needs to start it."

    OM: "Well hurry up we've been waiting-

    This is the point I knew I was going to lose MY patience if he tried to tell me how looooong he'd been waiting. So I had to take a step back and walk away with a

    "Done! Feel free to take a seat" it's probably covered in baby poop but since your need to be seated is so great, be my guest.

    Ironic thing is, these are the very same people who make loads of mess, forcing the usher to clean for longer.

    And now I'm hearing this same man's wife screamed at the kiosk staff for accidentally giving her a decaf coffee instead of a regular. Lovely couple!

  • #2
    God, NOTHING is worse than parents who refuse to clean up after their children following a public bathroom mishap. Hey, they're kids, it happens, but you still have to take responsibility for the PUBLIC HEALTH HAZARD you're trying to flee from! And I'll just bet that poor little girl was telling her mother she had to go for half-an-hour before she was forced to go wee in her pants, just because Mommy didn't want to miss any of the movie. When a child under the age of five tells you they have to go, they are NOT going to "hold it" for very long.

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    • #3
      I never blame the kids. When they are under the age of 5 they really don't know any better, but the parents should. And as you said, they're the most honest bunch when it comes to the call of nature, if they say the need to go, they really need to go!
      I hate to think what her house is like if she just lets her kids per everywhere

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      • #4
        [mommy mode] I didn't even take my son to see a movie until he was about seven or eight. Little kids cannot sit still and focus for 90 minutes to 3 hours, are often scared of the dark and generally don't realize they need to use the bathroom until they're ready to burst. Besides, most movies today have frightening or too-intense scenes and are much too loud for little ears.

        Mums and dads of little kids, if you want to see a movie, get a babysitter or go when the kid is in school. It's just not a very good idea to take a small child to the movies, even if they're usually well-behaved. [/mommy mode]

        Sorry you had to go through that, Legacy. It would've served those old grumps right if you couldn't find the wet seat and they came in and sat down in it.
        Last edited by XCashier; 03-24-2014, 03:18 AM. Reason: misssspelllling
        I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
        My LiveJournal
        A page we can all agree with!

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        • #5
          I totally pictured the old geezer as Grandpa Simpson.

          There are more parents out there that will just walk away from the mess their kids have made than will actually say something. Over the holidays we had a huge display of Duck Dynasty stuff and an unsupervised little one dropped one of the tumblers and broke it. Mother of the Year just put it back on the shelf. It's not like we're going to make people buy stuff because they broke it, though when it comes to food a kid has ripped open I won't stop then from paying for it. For that the parents usually cough up the cash.
          I would have a nice day, but I have other things to do.

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          • #6
            Quoth XCashier View Post
            [mommy mode] I didn't even take my son to see a movie until he was about seven or eight. Little kids cannot sit still and focus for 90 minutes to 3 hours, are often scared of the dark and generally don't realize they need to use the bathroom until they're ready to burst. Besides, most movies today have frightening or too-insense scenes and are much too loud for little ears.

            Mums and dads of little kids, if you want to see a movie, get a babysitter or go when the kid is in school. It's just not a very good idea to take a small child to the movies, even if they're usually well-behaved. [/mommy mode]

            Sorry you had to go through that, Legacy. It would've served those old grumps right if you couldn't find the wet seat and they came in and sat down in it.

            It's worth mentioning this was a special kids show, so only lasted 30 mins due to short attention spans. We play the volume lower and leave the lights on half too. We fully expect accidents to happen, it's just parents who think it's ok for their kid to Piss and run, all she needed to do was say "Sorry my daughter had an accident" and we could have dealt with it, but leave a surprise wet patch for the next person? Now I wish I had told that old man to sit there!

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            • #7
              Quoth XCashier View Post
              [mommy mode] Little kids cannot sit still and focus for 90 minutes to 3 hours, are often scared of the dark and generally don't realize they need to use the bathroom until they're ready to burst.
              This, exactly -- the same goes for pets, too -- When the kid/dog/etc tries to inform you that they need to "go," it doesn't mean "after this cool fight scene" or "when I'm done talking to this guy about nothing in particular" -- it means RIGHT [EFF]ING NOW! It is on the parent/owner to see to it that their charge gets escorted to the bathroom/lawn/whatever, pronto.
              "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
              "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
              "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
              "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
              "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
              "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
              Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
              "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

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              • #8
                I mean...they make kids' pull-ups in sizes that wll fit up to 5 year olds or larger. If you are going somewhere with small children who aren't totally potty-trained (and even if they are, sometimes at 4 or 5 they don't always tell you when they need to go, especially if they're doing something fun...), then why not just put a pull-up on them for those couple hours?

                The mind boggles.
                https://www.facebook.com/authorpatriciacorrell/

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                • #9
                  Quoth XCashier View Post
                  I didn't even take my son to see a movie until he was about seven or eight. Little kids cannot sit still and focus for 90 minutes to 3 hours, are often scared of the dark and generally don't realize they need to use the bathroom until they're ready to burst.
                  I think it depends on the kids. The really little ones, you're probably mostly right, but I do think waiting until they are seven or eight is a bit much for the average kid. A lot of kids 3-5 and up can sit through a movie, if it's something they are into.

                  Myself, I went to my very first movie at the age of 3. Mary Poppins, which should tell you how old I am. And I must have been an angel in the theatre because no one ever mentions any mishaps from it. Of course, that may be because they DO frequently tell the story of how, on the way to or from the theater (my memory is hazy on this, as I was THREE), I thought it would be great fun to open my car door. From inside the car. While it was moving. At speed. Probably 40-60 mph. And checked out the cool view of the road going past under the car. It was so cool, in fact, that after several moments of watching it, I thought it would be cool to let my mom know about the cool view I had. "Mommy, check this out!" Cue near heart attack, cue near car crash and definitely due anxiety attack of my poor mother. It's a miracle she's aged as well as she has, I tell ya!

                  Of course, as I said, the kid has to be into it. I remember going with my friend Neets and my niece Bug to a spring training game when Bug was about four. That was the day that I would never ever EVER again attend a sporting event with a child under the age of eight. Because while Bug found many things that interested her all over the stadium, the game was clearly not one of them. (Years later, Bug and I would attend many Diamondbacks games together.)

                  "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                  Still A Customer."

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                  • #10
                    Cranky Old Person: I need to be seated RIGHT NOW!

                    Underpaid Unappreciated Worker: Sir/Ma'am, a small child has urinated in this room. That is a health hazard. Before I am allowed to let anyone into the theater, I am required to clean up this health hazard so it is not a detriment to anyone's health. Please allow me to do this, or I will have you escorted out of the premises for your own health and safety.
                    The customer is not always right. Most of the time, the customer is a clueless moron. If this offends you, you are this moron.

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                    • #11
                      Cranky Old Person: So? I'm gonna do that, too! Show me which seat, that way, you only need to clean up one!
                      "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
                      "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
                      "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
                      "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
                      "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
                      "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
                      Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
                      "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

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                      • #12
                        Quoth Jester View Post
                        I think it depends on the kids. The really little ones, you're probably mostly right, but I do think waiting until they are seven or eight is a bit much for the average kid.
                        It does depend on the kid. My kid was a little slow on the maturity side in his early years, that's why we waited so long. Some kids can handle a movie at three years old. Most, of course, are somewhere in between. You've really got to know the child to know what he/she can handle.
                        I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
                        My LiveJournal
                        A page we can all agree with!

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                        • #13
                          This little piglet cried wee-wee-wee all the way home...
                          I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
                          Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
                          Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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                          • #14
                            Quoth Jester View Post
                            Myself, I went to my very first movie at the age of 3. Mary Poppins, which should tell you how old I am.
                            Actually, it doesn't. Mary Poppins came out in 1964 (I'm a major Disney geek, so sue me. ), and I'm pretty sure you're not 52. You probably saw it on a re-release though, which is what studios did before VHS and DVD. (I distinctly remember seeing Dumbo in a drive-in, and that movie came out 22 years before I was born.)

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                            • #15
                              Besides, most movies today have frightening or too-intense scenes and are much too loud for little ears.
                              I had nightmares for a few years after seeing.... Bambi. Remember the forest fire? Yeah, nightmares about my house burning down, well into my teens. Bambi. Sheesh.
                              I don’t have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel about you.
                              - Twitter, via Boredpanda.com, via Youtube

                              Right. Well. When you manage to pull the concussed deer of your intellect away from the oncoming headlights of life let me know. - Grave keeper

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