Bitterness.

[Kara]

That was so fantastically stupid on so many levels I may actually need to purchase a Blackberry to begin to organize them. Which I will purchase from Kara. As she seems to have fabulous deals on them. Then I will "move to China."

Ass.

SC: "Make sure it's a lucky one! Teehee!"

I used to get this all the time when I was a cashier at Kroger. I've never wished for anything as hard as X number of losing tickets to each and every asshat that said that. Like I really hope that I helped you attain wealth beyond your wildest dreams Yeah, I wouldn't go home afterwards from my $7 an hour job and slit my wrists because I enabled you to achieve your lifelong goal of filling a swimming pool with lime Jell-O.

The faintly mewing kitten of renewed hope that was wavering delicately in his heart was hit by the lawn mower of disappointment and sprayed brutally across the lawn of defeat.

That is the single most beautiful (and awesome) thing I've ever read.

Anyone else think the following: "Well what elssse doess it have in itsss pocketessss? Eh my pressscccciousss? Yeeesssss."

That's exactly what I was thinking of

[JustADude]

Title made me think of a cologne commercial for some reason:

Imagine, if you will, stylish black-&-white shots of a car-park, various expanses of beer-can covered snow, and flashes of a sky-train passing through the night, ending with the train pulling into the station and the doors opening to reveal the bottle.

Now, overlay all this with the following dialog:

Bitterness...

Sarcasm...

Stupidity...

187...

By Gravekeeper

[Becks]

[Me: "Good evening, <corporate office for pizza chain>."
SC: "This a pizza place?"
Me: "Yes, did you need the number for orders?"
SC: "No, I wanted a cab."
Me: "Oh, the-"
SC: "Can you give me a ride?"
Me: "….no."

That's it? Just "no"? Nothing wittily cynical and psychotic? I'm bummed.

The faintly mewing kitten of renewed hope that was wavering delicately in his heart was hit by the lawn mower of disappointment and sprayed brutally across the lawn of defeat. Once again, his life shattered, he hung up.

May I steal permanently borrow that?

Me: "Are you a client of <this lawyer's office>?"
SC: "No. Well, I guess I am now."

I must be tired, or something, because I oddly found that mildly amusing. Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. I need sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Imagine, if you will, stylish black-&-white shots of a car-park, various expanses of beer-can covered snow, and flashes of a sky-train passing through the night, ending with the train pulling into the station and the doors opening to reveal the bottle.

Now, overlay all this with the following dialog:

Bitterness...

Sarcasm...

Stupidity...

187...

By Gravekeeper

You forgot to mention flashes of color, to better show off XXXL pink camo.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

You forgot to mention flashes of color, to better show off XXXL pink camo.

With Cheetos-stained fingers.

[Becks]

With Cheetos-stained fingers.

You're right.

And something about a locked parking lot/garage?

[ThePhoneGoddess]

Anuscake.

Oh happy day! I now have a new word added to my repertoire. This is the most deliciously insulting word I've seen these many years. I will use it faithfully, Oh master of the written word, towards those whose parents are too closely related.

Oh, yes, and the image of someone going down on Mr. Clean is now struck in my very brain cells for all eternity. It will undoubtedly make me giggle fiendishly at inopportune moments. Curses!

[Imogene]

[B][U]
"You know, Its Raining Pianos or something."

...
It's raining pianos, on your wedding day,
It's GK saving your life, then he takes it away.
It's a free-ee ride, on the Sky-ytrain!
And who would have thought, it figured.

Aren't you moronic?
Do you think?
A little too moronic.
And you really do stink...

Etc.

[Gravekeeper]

Well there is the third option that they are an aspiring porn star

Considering it was middle aged east Indian woman with the horrifically thick accent thats a terrifying mental image for me. Thank you.

Anyone else think the following: "Well what elssse doess it have in itsss pocketessss? Eh my pressscccciousss? Yeeesssss."

Oh believe me I thought it, but I try to keep my LOTR references to a bare minimum of 1 per week or so. >.>

Perhaps he was a.... (Gods, I hate to admit it...) an otherkin? Humanity/being stuck as human tends to set Otherkin off, from what I've experienced of them. (Yes, I admit to being Otherkin as well. However, I shower.)

No, he was just drunk. ;p

Also, Chu-Chu rocket was awesome.

That's it? Just "no"? Nothing wittily cynical and psychotic? I'm bummed.

I can't pick on the wrong numbers. Only the crazies. -.-

May I steal permanently borrow that?

If you so wish. ;9

Oh, yes, and the image of someone going down on Mr. Clean is now struck in my very brain cells for all eternity. It will undoubtedly make me giggle fiendishly at inopportune moments. Curses!

There's no way Mr Clean bats for the home team... -.-

[Naaman]

Anyone else think the following: "Well what elssse doess it have in itsss pocketessss? Eh my pressscccciousss? Yeeesssss."

My first thought was a LOLcats line

[Becks]

I can't pick on the wrong numbers. Only the crazies. -.-

Fair enough.

If you so wish. ;9

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!! Thank you.

There's no way Mr Clean bats for the home team... -.-

[Sliceanddice]

Considering it was middle aged east Indian woman with the horrifically thick accent thats a terrifying mental image for me. Thank you.





There's no way Mr Clean bats for the home team... -.-

4th opition- she wanted to get those big kissable lips! (plump lips? get it....) in which case send her to me i can help her ( i sell a lipsticky thing that microinjects colligan or something......)

and the second one-
*falls over giggling*
omg...
when i read that i suddenly had the mental image of Mr. Clean 'snuggling' Snuggles the fabric softener bear!!!

[Gravekeeper]

4th opition- she wanted to get those big kissable lips! (plump lips? get it....) in which case send her to me i can help her ( i sell a lipsticky thing that microinjects colligan or something......)

and the second one-
*falls over giggling*
omg...
when i read that i suddenly had the mental image of Mr. Clean 'snuggling' Snuggles the fabric softener bear!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RU2ck3r7odc

<cough>

[DGoddessChardonnay]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RU2ck3r7odc

<cough>

*watches video*

I don't think I'll be able to walk down the detergent aisle without giggling ever again.

[Sliceanddice]

yes but is it a big bald guy? no.