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Long time no post! I've got a few stored up, so sit back and enjoy the read. I'll attempt to be entertaining.
Me: Your local candy expert!
SC: Silly/Sucky Customer, depending
ST: Silly/Sucky Teenager, get lots of these
Thoughts in italics, actions in asterisks.
Dumb Questions
Each of these has happened on numerous occasions and my responses soon became less helpful and more to the point: think before you ask.
ST: Uhhh...How much is a quarter?
Me: Twenty five cents.
ST: *blush* No, I mean--
STFriend: Dude, she totally schooled you.
Me:
SC: How much does a quarter pound weigh?
Me: One fourth of a pound.
or
Me: Half of a half pound.
Depending on how quick they are, they either laugh and get down to what they meant or get flustered. Sorry, dumb questions get answers that make you feel dumber.
Now, my store sells tubes that you fill with powdered candy, not unlike Pixie Sticks or Raven's Revenge (I just dated myself), only you get to pick the flavors you like. These tubes come in 6, 12, 18, and 34 inch sizes. Due to people filling them and not paying, or filling and then dumping them out without paying, wasting the candy, we keep the tubes behind the register and only give them out after they pay.
ST: Hi, how long are your six inch tubes?
Me: Six inches.
ST: *blink*
Me: *waits for light to dawn in their vapid eyes*
ST: Umm...how long is six inches?
Me: Six inches is half a foot.
ST: *blinks again*
Me: *enjoying watching this human Blue Screen of Death*
STFriend: She doesn't know how long six inches is.
ST: Can I see one? *pink-faced*
Me: Of course! *shows one off*
Sucky Customer Stories
This happened on my last day before I switched to a different job (which didn't work out and I returned) but I forgot to post it. it was a busy Saturday at the mall where I work and our store was jam-packed. Considering this store makes five people feel crowded, that's saying something. It being my last day, I was feeling bold and not caring how I was treated because I'd feel free to respond. I wanted someone to try something, I did. I got my wish.
A young couple enter the store, about mid to late twenties, so young enough. Older than me. I earmarked them because they had "Entitlement Whores" written across their foreheads. So, I was watching them and they started making a bag to share and kept touching the candy with their grubby little hands. I tell them several times to not do so. They changed their minds and attempted to leave. I stopped them.
Me: Excuse me, but because you touched the candy, you have to buy it.
SM: No I don't.
Me: Yes, you do.
SM: Where's the nice girl who works here?
Me: She'd say the same thing.
SM: I don't have to pay.
Me: You do. Because you touched it I cannot sell it to other people. That's destruction of property and vandalism.
SM: Are you ****ing kidding me??
Me:
Do I look like I'm joking?
SW: You know what, we're leaving now.
Me: *sick of the game* Fine. Don't come back. Ever.
SW: We'll come back when the nice girl is here!
Me: No, you won't. You're banned. Get out.
They both left, shouting that they'd come back. I never did find out who they thought was the "nice girl" as, everyone was working that day.
Now, my store does not usually give out samples. We get a lot of people in who want a piece of free candy for being able to enter and breathing in our air. We don't do that. I am only allowed to give out samples when assigned (ie, stand outside with a pair of tongs and a tray) or when they have a bag in their hands (definitely going to purchase something) and the sample they want is roughly the size of a jelly bean or only slightly larger.
This conversation has happened a lot lately, in various forms and generally right after someone heard me tell someone the answer right in front of them. Invariably it's always a guy asking with some bimbo on his arm and trying to show his machismo by threatening my store and being cheap.
SC: Can I have a free sample?
Me: No, we don't give out samples at the moment?
SC: Why the hell not?
Me: We hate you. Company policy.
SC: That sucks! What if I want to know how it tastes?
Me: You can buy one piece and try it.
SC: I shouldn't have to pay!!!
Me: But you do have to pay. If you want free samples, try See's Candies.
SC: What if I just took one and ate it? Then what would you do.
Me: You'd either pay for it or I'd kick you out of the store and the mall.
SC: I'd just be back tomorrow.
Me: Not back in my store, you wouldn't. Or, if you insist, I will call the cops and we can all stand here so they can arrest you for theft, destruction of property, threats against said property, and vandalism.
SC: This is bull****!
Me: Sir, please leave. This is a family oriented store and we do not tolerate that kind of language.
SC: *he and his girlfriend leave, miming attempts at stealing from our displays*
I'm sorry you have a girlfriend and a chance to breed. I'm sorry you feel entitled to free stuff. I'm sorry you think being an ass over being told no will get you sex at night. I'm even sorrier that this probably will happen because some girl had the low self-esteem to date an ugly mug like you with your pants falling off your butt. Get a belt, get a life, and girl, be a woman and get a man.
Me: Your local candy expert!
SC: Silly/Sucky Customer, depending
ST: Silly/Sucky Teenager, get lots of these
Thoughts in italics, actions in asterisks.
Dumb Questions
Each of these has happened on numerous occasions and my responses soon became less helpful and more to the point: think before you ask.
ST: Uhhh...How much is a quarter?
Me: Twenty five cents.
ST: *blush* No, I mean--
STFriend: Dude, she totally schooled you.
Me:
SC: How much does a quarter pound weigh?
Me: One fourth of a pound.
or
Me: Half of a half pound.
Depending on how quick they are, they either laugh and get down to what they meant or get flustered. Sorry, dumb questions get answers that make you feel dumber.
Now, my store sells tubes that you fill with powdered candy, not unlike Pixie Sticks or Raven's Revenge (I just dated myself), only you get to pick the flavors you like. These tubes come in 6, 12, 18, and 34 inch sizes. Due to people filling them and not paying, or filling and then dumping them out without paying, wasting the candy, we keep the tubes behind the register and only give them out after they pay.
ST: Hi, how long are your six inch tubes?
Me: Six inches.
ST: *blink*
Me: *waits for light to dawn in their vapid eyes*
ST: Umm...how long is six inches?
Me: Six inches is half a foot.
ST: *blinks again*
Me: *enjoying watching this human Blue Screen of Death*
STFriend: She doesn't know how long six inches is.
ST: Can I see one? *pink-faced*
Me: Of course!
*shows one off*Sucky Customer Stories
This happened on my last day before I switched to a different job (which didn't work out and I returned) but I forgot to post it. it was a busy Saturday at the mall where I work and our store was jam-packed. Considering this store makes five people feel crowded, that's saying something. It being my last day, I was feeling bold and not caring how I was treated because I'd feel free to respond. I wanted someone to try something, I did. I got my wish.
A young couple enter the store, about mid to late twenties, so young enough. Older than me. I earmarked them because they had "Entitlement Whores" written across their foreheads. So, I was watching them and they started making a bag to share and kept touching the candy with their grubby little hands. I tell them several times to not do so. They changed their minds and attempted to leave. I stopped them.
Me: Excuse me, but because you touched the candy, you have to buy it.
SM: No I don't.
Me: Yes, you do.
SM: Where's the nice girl who works here?
Me: She'd say the same thing.
SM: I don't have to pay.
Me: You do. Because you touched it I cannot sell it to other people. That's destruction of property and vandalism.
SM: Are you ****ing kidding me??
Me:
Do I look like I'm joking?SW: You know what, we're leaving now.
Me: *sick of the game* Fine. Don't come back. Ever.
SW: We'll come back when the nice girl is here!
Me: No, you won't. You're banned. Get out.
They both left, shouting that they'd come back. I never did find out who they thought was the "nice girl" as, everyone was working that day.
Now, my store does not usually give out samples. We get a lot of people in who want a piece of free candy for being able to enter and breathing in our air. We don't do that. I am only allowed to give out samples when assigned (ie, stand outside with a pair of tongs and a tray) or when they have a bag in their hands (definitely going to purchase something) and the sample they want is roughly the size of a jelly bean or only slightly larger.
This conversation has happened a lot lately, in various forms and generally right after someone heard me tell someone the answer right in front of them. Invariably it's always a guy asking with some bimbo on his arm and trying to show his machismo by threatening my store and being cheap.
SC: Can I have a free sample?
Me: No, we don't give out samples at the moment?
SC: Why the hell not?
Me: We hate you. Company policy.
SC: That sucks! What if I want to know how it tastes?
Me: You can buy one piece and try it.
SC: I shouldn't have to pay!!!
Me: But you do have to pay. If you want free samples, try See's Candies.
SC: What if I just took one and ate it? Then what would you do.
Me: You'd either pay for it or I'd kick you out of the store and the mall.
SC: I'd just be back tomorrow.
Me: Not back in my store, you wouldn't. Or, if you insist, I will call the cops and we can all stand here so they can arrest you for theft, destruction of property, threats against said property, and vandalism.
SC: This is bull****!
Me: Sir, please leave. This is a family oriented store and we do not tolerate that kind of language.
SC: *he and his girlfriend leave, miming attempts at stealing from our displays*
I'm sorry you have a girlfriend and a chance to breed. I'm sorry you feel entitled to free stuff. I'm sorry you think being an ass over being told no will get you sex at night. I'm even sorrier that this probably will happen because some girl had the low self-esteem to date an ugly mug like you with your pants falling off your butt. Get a belt, get a life, and girl, be a woman and get a man.
When my boss showed me that button, I almost proposed to him on the spot. Granted, he's married with two adorable kids and his wife rocks, but hey. I can add weight to a bag to people who steal, drop too much candy, or piss me off in some way (cause a big mess, be rude, etc). The power...... 
I AM the evil bastard!
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