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  • Assorted Tales of Stupidity from the Bookstore . . .

    No overarching theme here, just a few random stories of stupidity that I've had to deal with during my years working at the bookstore. So let's just dive right in :


    So Glad We Could Help

    A guy called up our store, asking about a particular book. He didn't know the title or author's name, but he did know that the book had a blue cover (It's always a blue cover, isn't it?), with a picture of a dragon on it.

    Now, it's always annoying when people ask about a specific book and only give you one or two really vague pieces of information to go on to find it. But, in this case, I caught a lucky break : I actually knew the book he was talking about (Eragon, by Christopher Paolini).

    So this didn't really annoy me all that much. It was what happened next that got me :

    I offered to put a copy of the book on hold for him. And he replied :

    "Oh, no, I'm going to get it on Amazon. I just wanted to find out the title of it."

    . . . So glad we could help.


    Sure, What Do I Know About History?

    Okay, long story short : This woman was looking for books for her son's history project. He had to write a long paper on a major figure in U.S. history. However, the person he wrote about could not be any U.S. President. (Not sure why, but apparently those were the teacher's instructions.)

    Me : Does your son have a particular person in mind that he wants to write about?

    Customer : No, he hasn't made up his mind yet. I was thinking maybe Thomas Jefferson. Where are your books about him?

    Me : Ma'am, Thomas Jefferson was President.

    Customer : No, he wasn't.

    Me : Yes, he was.

    Customer : No, he wasn't!

    Okaaaay . . . Fine. He wasn't. Thomas Jefferson was not elected the third President of the U.S. in the year 1800. Whatever you say.


    I Do Not Know This Phenomenon To Which You Are Referring

    It was the middle of November, a few years ago, and we were playing Christmas music, as just about all retail stores seem to do as soon as Halloween ends.

    This woman walks up to me and says that it's too early to be playing Christmas music. She went on to say that since it's November, we should be playing Thanksgiving music instead.

    . . . "Thanksgiving music"?

    What exactly is "Thanksgiving music" . . . ?


    Apparently, We're Psychic

    In the past couple of weeks, ever since the death of Tim Russert, we have had a lot of people coming into our store, looking to buy the books that he had written. Understandable.

    However, prior to Russert's death, those books really weren't very high-selling items. Not at our store, at least. So we only had a small stock of them, which sold out very fast.

    It was largely the same story at every other store in our area. And pretty soon, even the warehouses ran out of stock on Russert's books. All we could do at that point was back-order the books from the publisher for the customers.

    Most customers understood . . . But, of course, there's always an exception.

    This one lady became rather irate when she was told that our stores and warehouses were sold out of Russert's books, and she would have to wait up to three weeks for a publisher back-order.

    She started berating the store for not being "prepared" for this. She said that we should have known that Tim Russert's books would be in high demand after his death, and so we should have stocked up on them in advance . . . She was saying that we should have ordered extra copies of Russert's books in the days prior to his death, so that we would be ready.

    . . . Do any of you really need me to point out the gaping, glaring flaw in that reasoning?

    "Ma'am," I said, quite calmly, "we didn't know that Tim Russert was going to die."

    Seemingly by reflex, she immediately opened her mouth to argue . . . but nothing came out. And judging by the rather charming expression on her face, I think that it was at this point that she realized what a monumentally stupid thing she had just said.

    She mumbled something that sounded vaguely like an apology, and asked us to back-order the books for her. No problem, we said.


    That's it for now, but there will be more coming soon. Sadly, I've accumulated quite a large supply of these stories during my years in retail . . .
    “Excuse me. Is this bracelet real jade?”
    “Ma’am, this is a thrift shop. The tag on the bracelet says $1.50. It comes with a matching mood ring. What do you think?”
    “I don’t know.”
    “Yes, it’s real.”

  • #2
    Don't you just looooove people who get intellectually snotty???

    *hides meat cleaver*

    Comment


    • #3
      Quoth Anthony K. S.
      What exactly is "Thanksgiving music" . . . ?
      "Turkey in the Straw" perhaps
      "Oh, by the way..." All of my HATE

      Ou kata nomon = Not according to the accepted norm

      Comment


      • #4
        *sings, horribly off-key*

        It's beginning to look a lot like Thanksgiving!
        Everywhere I go!
        The turkeys are getting fat ...

        And that's all I have ... Sorry.

        Comment


        • #5
          being in possession of a long memory and the training of a music teacher.....

          Come Ye Faithful People Come is a hymn

          Mr. Duck Went to Call on Mr. Turkey (cute cute cute song) well, ok, not really about Xgiving, but it does have a turkey in it...

          If I were less gimpy and less lazy, I would hunt up my hymnal. I can't think of any more elementary songs, but that sort of resource to look up I have not. Try any elementary music classroom set.

          Comment


          • #6
            May I ask what happened with the Thomas Jefferson woman?

            Had it been me I would have gotten her a book on him and found where it talked about his being President, handed her that to look at, then found a book on the Presidents and showed her his page.

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth Anthony K. S. View Post
              It was the middle of November, a few years ago, and we were playing Christmas music, as just about all retail stores seem to do as soon as Halloween ends.
              By that point they've been playing that crap for a few months. I'm sure the SC never noticed that, though. Being an idiot and all.
              Excuse me, good sir paladin, can you direct me to your EVIL district?

              http://www.dywhcomic.com

              Comment


              • #8
                Adam Sandlers Turky Song would be Thanksgiving music.

                Just gotta say I love the Thomas Jefferson woman.
                Honey and Thorns ~ Handmade Knit and Jewelry

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                • #9
                  As to the Thomas Jefferson woman: I would bet she got her son to do a report on Jefferson, the son got a poor grade for not following instructions, and the woman went to the teacher to either "correct" the teacher's history knowledge or to simply demand that her son get a better grade. And I'll bet she found a way to blame the bookstore in the process.

                  As to the Tim Russert woman, ! What I don't understand is why people insist on arguing with us when we've sold out of something. It doesn't matter why we're sold out. They'll find some way to complain about it and make it seem like either it's the employee's fault or it's a personal insult from the company directed at the customer. No amount of whining, complaining, telling us what we should have done, or proclamations of ridiculousness will change the fact that we are sold out. Will they ever learn this? (Sorry. That story struck a nerve. I had a guy yesterday complain to me for almost 20 minutes about a sold out computer that was in our ad, saying he held me personally responsible and using phrases like "false advertising" and "bait-and-switch" and "dishonest business practices.")

                  Quoth Anthony K. S. View Post
                  This woman walks up to me and says that it's too early to be playing Christmas music. She went on to say that since it's November, we should be playing Thanksgiving music instead.

                  . . . "Thanksgiving music"?

                  What exactly is "Thanksgiving music" . . . ?
                  My friend, K, loves Christmas music and would start playing it around the time the Back to School sales end if he could. His wife, A, won't allow any Christmas music or decorations until after Thanksgiving. One day in early November, it snowed lightly, and K got excited.

                  K: (singing) It's beginning to look a lot like Chri--
                  A: NO! No Christmas music!
                  K: Why not? It's snowing, and it's only two months away.
                  A: It's too early. If you have to sing something, sing Thanksgiving music?
                  K: Thanksgiving music?
                  A: Yeah.
                  K: You know any Thanksgiving songs?
                  A: ...
                  K: I didn't think so. (singing) Deck the halls with boughs--
                  A: (singing over K, loudly, to the tune of that "I got a dollar, I got a dollar, hey hey hey hey" from the Little Rascals movie) I like turkey! I like potatoes! I like pumpkin and pie and CRANBERRIES!
                  Me:
                  I suspect that... inside every adult (sometimes not very far inside) is a bratty kid who wants everything his own way.
                  - Bill Watterson

                  My co-workers: They're there when they need me.
                  - IPF

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    A guy called up our store, asking about a particular book. He didn't know the title or author's name, but he did know that the book had a blue cover (It's always a blue cover, isn't it?), with a picture of a dragon on it.

                    Now, it's always annoying when people ask about a specific book and only give you one or two really vague pieces of information to go on to find it. But, in this case, I caught a lucky break : I actually knew the book he was talking about (Eragon, by Christopher Paolini).
                    I was thinking "It must be an Eragon book". I'm surprised the SC didn't call the library with that question. I decided to type "dragon and blue cover" in the Amazon search box and didn't find it. I was hoping if I just typed in "dragon" it would pop up, but not right away. But a ton of blue books with a dragon on the cover popped up. I would have given the wrong title, hee. Like The White Dragon (Dragonriders of Pern Vol 3) by Anne McCaffrey, or That's Not My Dragon (Touchy-Feely Board Books) by Fiona Watt and Rachel Wells.

                    . . . "Thanksgiving music"?
                    I guess any religious song where people give thanks to God would fit. So the same SC would be complaining "When did you become a Christian bookstore?!"

                    Customer : No, he hasn't made up his mind yet. I was thinking maybe Thomas Jefferson. Where are your books about him?

                    Me : Ma'am, Thomas Jefferson was President.

                    Customer : No, he wasn't.

                    Me : Yes, he was.

                    Customer : No, he wasn't!

                    Okaaaay . . . Fine. He wasn't. Thomas Jefferson was not elected the third President of the U.S. in the year 1800. Whatever you say.
                    Bet they get ths books, the kid does the report, and when he begins "My report is on Thomas Jefferson" the teacher will say,"It's not suppose to be on a President. You get a D." And guess whose fault it will be

                    Also, in the first case, as in this case, the parent is doing the kids' work. I hate that.
                    Time! Time! Time is what turns kittens into cats.

                    Don't teach me a lesson; all I learn is that you are an asshole.

                    I wish porn had subtitles.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth Anthony K. S. View Post
                      So Glad We Could Help

                      A guy called up our store, asking about a particular book. He didn't know the title or author's name, but he did know that the book had a blue cover (It's always a blue cover, isn't it?), with a picture of a dragon on it.
                      To be fair *cough*devil'sadvocate*cough*, he could have been talking about "The Dragon Chronicles volume II". Which is blue, and has a dragon on it.


                      I'm going to leave now.
                      What if Humans are just Dire Halflings?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth Anthony K. S. View Post
                        So glad we could help.
                        Thomas Jefferson? Wrote the Declaration of Independence with all those other leaders of the United States/Colonies? I believe we need an injection of the Animaniacs here to help this woman... *ahem* "Heigh ho, do you know the names of the US residents who then became the Presidents and got a view from the White House Loo of Pennsylvania Avenue? George Washington was the first you see, he once chopped down a cherry tree, President number 2 would be John Adams and then Number 3, Tom Jefferson stayed up to write a Declaration late at night, so he and his wife had a great big fight, and she made him sleep on the couch all night. <etc.>"
                        Quoth Anthony K. S. View Post
                        I Do Not Know This Phenomenon To Which You Are Referring
                        The only Thanksgiving song I can come up with originates from Addam's Family Values.
                        "I am a turkey, eat me."
                        Happy, happy turkey day, hunger pains will go away, all our friends would like to say, it's happy turkey day.
                        It's short, but there.
                        Quoth Anthony K. S. View Post
                        Apparently, We're Psychic
                        There weren't even warning signs of Tim Russert's impending death, right? He was fit and lively up until he died... in the studio? I'm a bit foggy on the specifics.
                        "I call murder on that!"

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth HawaiianShirts View Post
                          My friend, K, loves Christmas music and would start playing it around the time the Back to School sales end if he could. His wife, A, won't allow any Christmas music or decorations until after Thanksgiving. One day in early November, it snowed lightly, and K got excited.

                          K: (singing) It's beginning to look a lot like Chri--
                          A: NO! No Christmas music!
                          K: Why not? It's snowing, and it's only two months away.
                          A: It's too early. If you have to sing something, sing Thanksgiving music?
                          K: Thanksgiving music?
                          A: Yeah.
                          K: You know any Thanksgiving songs?
                          A: ...
                          K: I didn't think so. (singing) Deck the halls with boughs--
                          A: (singing over K, loudly, to the tune of that "I got a dollar, I got a dollar, hey hey hey hey" from the Little Rascals movie) I like turkey! I like potatoes! I like pumpkin and pie and CRANBERRIES!
                          Me:
                          But father, I don't want any of that. I'd rather, just, sing!

                          Stop that! Stop that! You're not going into song while I'm here!

                          lol

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            "Turkey Lurkey, was a turkey..."

                            Maybe you could just get associates to make those hand turkeys that we all did in kindergarten to hang up around the store.

                            Seriously, in modern America, Thanksgiving is about eating until you pass out and then watching sweaty men in tights fight over a funny shaped ball. Or, as the great philosopher Garfield the Cat put it, "Thanksgiving is the day we celebrate having food by eating as much of it as humanly possible."

                            Who wants to sing about that?
                            "Even arms dealers need groceries." ~ Ziva David, NCIS

                            Tony: "Everyone's counting on you, just do what you do best."
                            Abby: "Dance?" ~ NCIS

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I read the thanksgiving music thing to my mom, and she suggested the dulcet tones of a turkey farm....with Yanni in the background. I suggested a lively tune of *gobble gobble* THWACK! *gobble gobble* THWACK!

                              Mom said add some Yanni, and I've got myself a hit.

                              I have a weird family.
                              "I've never had a heart attack, but it isn't for my son's lack of trying." - Me

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