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Wherein I traverse more levels of Textbook Hell (Yep, long! And some language)
Behold, children. Tales from the dark, dank pit known as Textbook Hell. Herein lie stories of harrowing adventures of one woman’s struggle for survival in this soul stealing morass of sucktitude!! All personal thoughts, and what I wished I could say at that moment are in parentheses.
(In other news, I used my first Wherein title! I feel so oddly proud!!)
Phone Follies
A few phone call gems I fielded over the last few days. The first one has the SC all in caps because he literally started the call screaming at me. Thoughts are in parentheses.
#1
Me: <opening spiel>
SC: WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, CHARGING MY FUCKING CARD?!
Me: Er…I beg your pardon, sir, what seems to be the problem?
SC: YOU CHARGED MY FUCKING CREDIT CARD! I NEVER BOUGHT ANYTHING FROM YOUR FUCKING WEBSITE! YOU WILL FIX THIS OR YOU WILL BE SORRY! I’VE NEVER HEARD OF <Old Store name – which we changed years ago, but for some reason, still appears when buying online - prolly cuz the web address hasn’t changed>!!!!!!eleventy1!!!
Me: Sir? That’s our old store name from <National Company> We’re now called <Bookstore> Have you recently purchased books or merchandise for <University>?
SC: <To another person (AP) in the background> HEY. DID YOU BUY MY BOOKS ONLINE?
AP: Yeah, from <Bookstore>’s website…
SC: FUCK!! <Click!>
Me: Right back atcha buddy…
#2
Me: <Opening spiel>
SC: Yes, do you have a book for a psychology class taught by Dr. A?
Me: I’m sorry, it appears we’re out of stock.
SC: Well, I was told you’re the only store that carries it. When will you have more.
Me: That’s a question for our textbook manager, and he’s currently on lunch. I can take your name and number and have him call you with information when he gets back.
SC: That’s hardly helpful! I have an assignment due in two hours! What am I supposed to do???
Me: (Buy the book a month ago when classes started?) I’m sorry, ma’am, that’s all I can tell you.
SC: Well, fine, thanks for nothing! <Click>
Never got her name or number. And to add insult to injury, she called back when my manager was back, and claimed that I hung up on HER without taking the information down. My manager, whom I’d told the situation to already informed her he had more books coming in, but they wouldn’t be here for a few days, and that if she insisted on claiming that I hung up on her, he could always go check the call recordings for QA. Funny how quickly she hung up on HIM after that. AFTER leaving her name and number. Can’t wait until the books get here and she comes in to get one.
#3
This one peeved me off because it was another fuckwaffle who was attempting to use the hurricane to get out of following policy.
Me: <opening spiel>
SC: hi, I bought a book a few weeks ago, and wanted to know the return policy.
Me: I’m sorry, ma’am, all book sales have been final since September 6th.
SC: <Snidely> Oh, so, even though I just came through a HURRICANE, you’re not going to help me?
Me: I’m sorry, ma’am, but I have to follow policy, and policy stated that the last day for returns happened before the hurricane.
SC: Well you’re policy sucks! Your store sucks, and you suck especially. What’s wrong with you, not being sympathetic to hurricane victims? <Click>
Me: Ugh…
Your scamming, it is flawed…
This happened while I was on registers. Had a guy come up to cash out his buyback. Now, I’m a hardass, and I don’t give change. Period. We’ve had too many people come into my store and bamboozle other cashiers out of lots of money. So, managers said no giving change, unless the situation is warranted, and it’s at your own discretion. (That actually sounds kind of flawed logic to me, but what do I know?)
Anyways, my routine for doing buybacks is I read the slip, punch it in the register, count the cash as I pull it out, then count it again to make sure I didn’t mess up. Then I close the till, THEN I count the cash out to the customer. This situation works for me. Sounds time consuming, but it’s actual rather quick. So quick, in fact, that I had already closed my drawer while this guy pulls a wad of crumpled bills and “accidentally" drops them on my counter as I finish up counting his buyback money to him onto the same counter. He then proceeds to pitch a bitch fit that I somehow managed to short him on his buyback, and now I have open my drawer and recount everything, while he slides all the bills on the counter towards him. This actually amused me and I took great joy in the following conversation.
SC: so, yeah, <as he puts the whole wad of bills in his pocket> Can I have my buyback money now?
Me: <in an amused voice, I just can’t help it> Sir, I already gave you your cash. It’s in the bunch you just put in your pocket.
SC: No it’s not! You’re trying to scam me!
Me: (Pot…kettle…what?) No, sir, I’m not.
SC: Gimme my money!
Me: I already did.
SC: Gimme my money, bitch!
Me: (oh, yeah, THAT’S going to convince me…) Sir, I already have!
SC: Gimme your manager!
Me: <A bit exasperated by now, and not really thinking before I speak because my patience is running WAY low> Sir, I pulled the money out of the till. You watched me. You watched me count the money out for you onto the counter. You then dropped a pile of money on top of what I counted for you, and are claiming I shortchanged you without counting the money AND that I somehow managed to conceal said money without reopening my drawer. I can go ahead and call my manager. He can review the security tape. He can recount my drawer. And when it balances, he can then ask you to leave the store and possibly ban you. Would you still like me to call my manager?
SC: <Slinks off without replying>
CW: <Who was manning the register next to me> Did that really just happen?
Me: Yeah. The stupid is strong with that one.
Tag-team stupidity
While my store mainly services a big state university (BSU) it will occasionally carry books also being used by a smaller private university in the same area (SPU). However, we need to look the books up by title, author, or ISBN, since our textbook section is organized by BSU classes and departments. So, these two girls (SC1 and SC2) come in and ask for a biology book, and neglect to tell me it’s for SPU. And I lose the next 20 minutes of my LIFE, and a few million brain cells.
SC1: Hi, I need a biology book.
Me: Sure, for what class?
SC1: Uh…the first one?
Me: By Campbell?
SC2: oh, she’s good. Yeah, that’s the one our professor said we needed.
Me: <Pulls the book and hands it to them>
SC1: This doesn’t look right.
SC2: Yeah, we need the one with the bug on the cover.
SC1: The white one.
Me: (At least it’s not the blue one!) Um, ok, do you have your syllabus with you, so I can look and see what class you have?
SC2: No. We already said it’s the Campbell one. With the bug.
Me: Well, yes, but Campbell writes a lot of biology books, so I’m trying to narrow it down, if it’s not this one, I don’t know what one it is.
SC1: It’s with Professor _________ <A prof I’ve never heard of>
Me: I’m not familiar with that name.
SC2: <Sighs dramatically> Look, can you just find our book?
Me: I’m trying, ma’am, but I don’t have a lot of information to go on. You can’t tell me what the class number is, and I don’t recognize the professor’s name. All you’re telling me is that it’s a biology book.
SC1: SPU isn’t THAT big. You should be able to find the book!
Me: SPU? Then I need the actual title, ma’am, our textbook section is organized according to BSU’s classes and required texts.
SC2: Why? Are you prejudiced against our school?
Me: (Say WHAT Now?!) Um, no. That’s just how it’s set up, since we’re right across the street from BSU.
SC2: Whatever, you’re useless.
SC1: I guess we’re going to have to go to SPU’s bookstore for it. <Heavy sigh>
Me: (Like you should’ve in the first place!!!!) Well, thanks for stopping by. Have a great day.
Seriously!? Sweet Tequila Christ, Woman!!!! What do you think I am, PSYCHIC?! A mind reader?! Someone who knows every biology book written by someone with the last name Campbell?!?! We have SIX in our store alone!! What the hell. You fail. Go away! Gyaaaaah…
When in doubt…blame Ike…even though you’re a cobweb-brained carbuncle!!
Had a guy come in. Said he bought a book during the week of the hurricane and now wants a return. Now, the hurricane hit landfall September 12/13th. He bought his book on the 10th. Last day for returns was September 6th. I informed him of this.
SC: <In a heavy accent I couldn’t place> But I never open it.
Me: Sir, I’m sorry, there isn’t anything I can do for you.
SC: But I never open it. I bought during hurricane!
Me: Regardless, sir, your receipt clearly states all sales on printable materials is file. That includes books.
SC: But I never open it! I bought during hurricane
Me: (Gah! He’s stuck on repeat! Click next track! Click next track!!!!) Er…
SC: I want manager.
Me: (Hey, it worked!) Yes, sir, one moment, please.
I go and get MOD K, who gets subject to the same stuck on repeat argument. MOD K tells him if he wants to exchange the book, he MUST get equal or greater value of the book. And the offer is only good today.
So, I ring up the exchange, and after a word with MOD K, I write across the receipt that all sales are final on the items, there will be no returns or exchanges on everything. I got the cat butt face, which only proved our suspicious that he was planning on coming in again to return everything he exchanged the book for to get his money back.
I’ve already ranted on this before, but damn am I tired of people using hurricane Ike as a pity button, saying how they’ve been through a hurricane, etc, etc. Guess what, sunshine!? We’ve ALL been through a hurricane, you’re not the only one. Suck it up, shut it up and get the hell out of my face.
And that’s all I have for now. Between this and my post in sightings, I’ve typed a lot. My fingers. They ache.
(In other news, I used my first Wherein title! I feel so oddly proud!!)
Phone Follies
A few phone call gems I fielded over the last few days. The first one has the SC all in caps because he literally started the call screaming at me. Thoughts are in parentheses.
#1
Me: <opening spiel>
SC: WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, CHARGING MY FUCKING CARD?!
Me: Er…I beg your pardon, sir, what seems to be the problem?
SC: YOU CHARGED MY FUCKING CREDIT CARD! I NEVER BOUGHT ANYTHING FROM YOUR FUCKING WEBSITE! YOU WILL FIX THIS OR YOU WILL BE SORRY! I’VE NEVER HEARD OF <Old Store name – which we changed years ago, but for some reason, still appears when buying online - prolly cuz the web address hasn’t changed>!!!!!!eleventy1!!!
Me: Sir? That’s our old store name from <National Company> We’re now called <Bookstore> Have you recently purchased books or merchandise for <University>?
SC: <To another person (AP) in the background> HEY. DID YOU BUY MY BOOKS ONLINE?
AP: Yeah, from <Bookstore>’s website…
SC: FUCK!! <Click!>
Me: Right back atcha buddy…
#2
Me: <Opening spiel>
SC: Yes, do you have a book for a psychology class taught by Dr. A?
Me: I’m sorry, it appears we’re out of stock.
SC: Well, I was told you’re the only store that carries it. When will you have more.
Me: That’s a question for our textbook manager, and he’s currently on lunch. I can take your name and number and have him call you with information when he gets back.
SC: That’s hardly helpful! I have an assignment due in two hours! What am I supposed to do???
Me: (Buy the book a month ago when classes started?) I’m sorry, ma’am, that’s all I can tell you.
SC: Well, fine, thanks for nothing! <Click>
Never got her name or number. And to add insult to injury, she called back when my manager was back, and claimed that I hung up on HER without taking the information down. My manager, whom I’d told the situation to already informed her he had more books coming in, but they wouldn’t be here for a few days, and that if she insisted on claiming that I hung up on her, he could always go check the call recordings for QA. Funny how quickly she hung up on HIM after that. AFTER leaving her name and number. Can’t wait until the books get here and she comes in to get one.
#3
This one peeved me off because it was another fuckwaffle who was attempting to use the hurricane to get out of following policy.
Me: <opening spiel>
SC: hi, I bought a book a few weeks ago, and wanted to know the return policy.
Me: I’m sorry, ma’am, all book sales have been final since September 6th.
SC: <Snidely> Oh, so, even though I just came through a HURRICANE, you’re not going to help me?
Me: I’m sorry, ma’am, but I have to follow policy, and policy stated that the last day for returns happened before the hurricane.
SC: Well you’re policy sucks! Your store sucks, and you suck especially. What’s wrong with you, not being sympathetic to hurricane victims? <Click>
Me: Ugh…
Your scamming, it is flawed…
This happened while I was on registers. Had a guy come up to cash out his buyback. Now, I’m a hardass, and I don’t give change. Period. We’ve had too many people come into my store and bamboozle other cashiers out of lots of money. So, managers said no giving change, unless the situation is warranted, and it’s at your own discretion. (That actually sounds kind of flawed logic to me, but what do I know?)
Anyways, my routine for doing buybacks is I read the slip, punch it in the register, count the cash as I pull it out, then count it again to make sure I didn’t mess up. Then I close the till, THEN I count the cash out to the customer. This situation works for me. Sounds time consuming, but it’s actual rather quick. So quick, in fact, that I had already closed my drawer while this guy pulls a wad of crumpled bills and “accidentally" drops them on my counter as I finish up counting his buyback money to him onto the same counter. He then proceeds to pitch a bitch fit that I somehow managed to short him on his buyback, and now I have open my drawer and recount everything, while he slides all the bills on the counter towards him. This actually amused me and I took great joy in the following conversation.
SC: so, yeah, <as he puts the whole wad of bills in his pocket> Can I have my buyback money now?
Me: <in an amused voice, I just can’t help it> Sir, I already gave you your cash. It’s in the bunch you just put in your pocket.
SC: No it’s not! You’re trying to scam me!
Me: (Pot…kettle…what?) No, sir, I’m not.
SC: Gimme my money!
Me: I already did.
SC: Gimme my money, bitch!
Me: (oh, yeah, THAT’S going to convince me…) Sir, I already have!
SC: Gimme your manager!
Me: <A bit exasperated by now, and not really thinking before I speak because my patience is running WAY low> Sir, I pulled the money out of the till. You watched me. You watched me count the money out for you onto the counter. You then dropped a pile of money on top of what I counted for you, and are claiming I shortchanged you without counting the money AND that I somehow managed to conceal said money without reopening my drawer. I can go ahead and call my manager. He can review the security tape. He can recount my drawer. And when it balances, he can then ask you to leave the store and possibly ban you. Would you still like me to call my manager?
SC: <Slinks off without replying>
CW: <Who was manning the register next to me> Did that really just happen?
Me: Yeah. The stupid is strong with that one.
Tag-team stupidity
While my store mainly services a big state university (BSU) it will occasionally carry books also being used by a smaller private university in the same area (SPU). However, we need to look the books up by title, author, or ISBN, since our textbook section is organized by BSU classes and departments. So, these two girls (SC1 and SC2) come in and ask for a biology book, and neglect to tell me it’s for SPU. And I lose the next 20 minutes of my LIFE, and a few million brain cells.
SC1: Hi, I need a biology book.
Me: Sure, for what class?
SC1: Uh…the first one?
Me: By Campbell?
SC2: oh, she’s good. Yeah, that’s the one our professor said we needed.
Me: <Pulls the book and hands it to them>
SC1: This doesn’t look right.
SC2: Yeah, we need the one with the bug on the cover.
SC1: The white one.
Me: (At least it’s not the blue one!) Um, ok, do you have your syllabus with you, so I can look and see what class you have?
SC2: No. We already said it’s the Campbell one. With the bug.
Me: Well, yes, but Campbell writes a lot of biology books, so I’m trying to narrow it down, if it’s not this one, I don’t know what one it is.
SC1: It’s with Professor _________ <A prof I’ve never heard of>
Me: I’m not familiar with that name.
SC2: <Sighs dramatically> Look, can you just find our book?
Me: I’m trying, ma’am, but I don’t have a lot of information to go on. You can’t tell me what the class number is, and I don’t recognize the professor’s name. All you’re telling me is that it’s a biology book.
SC1: SPU isn’t THAT big. You should be able to find the book!
Me: SPU? Then I need the actual title, ma’am, our textbook section is organized according to BSU’s classes and required texts.
SC2: Why? Are you prejudiced against our school?
Me: (Say WHAT Now?!) Um, no. That’s just how it’s set up, since we’re right across the street from BSU.
SC2: Whatever, you’re useless.
SC1: I guess we’re going to have to go to SPU’s bookstore for it. <Heavy sigh>
Me: (Like you should’ve in the first place!!!!) Well, thanks for stopping by. Have a great day.
Seriously!? Sweet Tequila Christ, Woman!!!! What do you think I am, PSYCHIC?! A mind reader?! Someone who knows every biology book written by someone with the last name Campbell?!?! We have SIX in our store alone!! What the hell. You fail. Go away! Gyaaaaah…
When in doubt…blame Ike…even though you’re a cobweb-brained carbuncle!!
Had a guy come in. Said he bought a book during the week of the hurricane and now wants a return. Now, the hurricane hit landfall September 12/13th. He bought his book on the 10th. Last day for returns was September 6th. I informed him of this.
SC: <In a heavy accent I couldn’t place> But I never open it.
Me: Sir, I’m sorry, there isn’t anything I can do for you.
SC: But I never open it. I bought during hurricane!
Me: Regardless, sir, your receipt clearly states all sales on printable materials is file. That includes books.
SC: But I never open it! I bought during hurricane
Me: (Gah! He’s stuck on repeat! Click next track! Click next track!!!!) Er…
SC: I want manager.
Me: (Hey, it worked!) Yes, sir, one moment, please.
I go and get MOD K, who gets subject to the same stuck on repeat argument. MOD K tells him if he wants to exchange the book, he MUST get equal or greater value of the book. And the offer is only good today.
So, I ring up the exchange, and after a word with MOD K, I write across the receipt that all sales are final on the items, there will be no returns or exchanges on everything. I got the cat butt face, which only proved our suspicious that he was planning on coming in again to return everything he exchanged the book for to get his money back.
I’ve already ranted on this before, but damn am I tired of people using hurricane Ike as a pity button, saying how they’ve been through a hurricane, etc, etc. Guess what, sunshine!? We’ve ALL been through a hurricane, you’re not the only one. Suck it up, shut it up and get the hell out of my face.
And that’s all I have for now. Between this and my post in sightings, I’ve typed a lot. My fingers. They ache.
Thanks! Some of my CWs have actually started a Favorite Lupo Quote List at the store. I'm honored, considering all it really is, is my brain spewing words out without taking time to process them first...
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