Still in total shock....

[Kristev]

You did the best you could and you were there for them both. Nothing more can really be asked of any human.

[Akasa]

Make a casserole or a lasagna and take it over for him. It will make you feel better and it will help him not have to worry about cooking. I agree with who ever said it. If he wants you there, go. Be there. He'll sleep when he feels like it, he's trying to come to grips with it and all the support you can give him he'll be grateful for.

[RootedPhoenix]

I'm so sad for you and your dear friend. (((Kara & Friend))

I'll cry with you both. Or for you both, whichever is most needed.

[Food Lady]

I'm so sorry you all had to go through this. You are an excellent friend. Sending up a prayer for the family.

[RootedPhoenix]

Prayers sent. *more hugs*

[BroSCFischer]

I am very sorry to hear about this tragedy.

I do want to say good for you, telling him to lie down. While dealing with his grief, he is probably not going to be keeping up with his health, and will need his family and friends to make him do what is necessary. His heart condition could become much worse if he doesn't take the time to rest and sleep.

You might also want to make sure he is eating right, and taking whatever meds he's supposed to (I imagine he is on an Aspirin regimen at the very least). This might also help you, as I know that having something to do sometimes helps people deal with their grief, and you, too, are grieving.

Keep an eye on your own health, too.

SC

[fireheart]

I was going to go over there this evening, but when I found out he has not slept AT ALL, I insisted he at least lay down.

You are looking out for his wellbeing too, which to me, shows that you are doing all that you can for him.

I'm...never good with death, so all I can do is pass on some kitty bonks and hugs.

[bhskittykatt]

That's awful. But you did all you could. You were there to support him. I don't really have anything to add to the other suggestions here. Just remember to keep an eye on your own health. You'll be able to provide the best support if you take time to take care of yourself.

The only thing that will really heal the emotional wounds is time. There are no shortcuts. The best you can do is help keep the little things together while your friend grieves.

[Cat Herder]

I agree with the posters before me: You did everything you could do. John is very blessed to have you for a friend, Kara.

Hugs if you want them.

[Gizmo]

Hugs and thoughts Kara and everyone involved.

[MoonCat]

So sorry to hear this. Don't underestimat the value of just being there with him. Having friends by your side when something bad happens is priceless.

[dragon_wings]

I have no words just lots of ((hugs)).

[morgana]

Oh, Kara, honey!

I really don't have anything to add, except that I hope someone will do for me what you did for him, if I'm ever in a similar situation.

Hugs.

[Zaiida]

I'm so, so sorry. My sympathies and *hugs* to you all.

[MystyGlyttyr]

That's nearly exactly what it was like when my mother died two years ago. One minute, she was fine, walking out to the car with my dad because she felt a little sick from what she assumed was a complication from gallbladder surgery, and the next she had vomited on herself and passed out, making my dad grab me to come with her. It was so fast that I'm sure she had no idea what was happening.

Here's what really was awful about it. I did everything right. I used all the first aid and medical knowledge at my disposal to get her over, sweep her airway, tilt her head back so she could breath, while calmly on the phone with 911 while my dad drove his ass off to meet the ambulance...and it was just her time. But even though I know logically in my head that I did every single thing I could, I still feel like I didn't do enough. I don't know if that's a normal reaction, but you're definitely not alone in having the feeling.

I'll repeat what was said above about just being there. In the days after my mom I was just in a staggering fog of trying to muddle through, and even though my friends had absolutely no clue what to say most of the time, the fact that they tried to say anything at all made me feel better, because I at least knew they were there, and worried about me and wanting to help in whatever way they could.

There was something I was told about "the wall" of grieving. Shock stays for quite some time, and then numbness will come along after that, where you're kind of making the motions of regular life. Seven months out is the timeframe I was told when most people really feel the sting of it, that it's finally processed and they truly start to grieve. And this ends up being a big shock to friends who thought you seemed to be getting better and back to normal, and they don't get it.

But it does get better. It'll be two years in April, and even though not a day goes by that I don't still feel the pain, and even though my dad still has a bad day here and there, we've found our "new normal" and gotten along in it pretty well. I've had to take to chasing him around over his health, reminding him to take his medicine and not to work too hard, etc., because it's amazing how much a spouse really takes care of all that stuff. So if he needs that help, it might not hurt to offer it.

I don't know if you wanted to hear any of this, but I just thought maybe it'd be nice to offer the anecdotes, and I'll finish off by giving you a hug for being a good friend and tell you that it will be okay. It'll be a rough go for a while, but it will.