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How to photograph a puppy

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  • How to photograph a puppy

    (Shamelessly stolen from one of my MySpace groups!)

    ** Remove film from box and load camera

    ** Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash

    ** Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle

    ** Choose a suitable background for photo

    ** Mount camera on tripod and focus

    ** Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth

    ** Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera

    ** Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees

    ** Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand

    ** Get tissue and clean nose print from lens

    ** Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash

    ** Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose

    ** Put magazines back on coffee table

    ** Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head

    ** Replace your glasses and check camera for damage

    ** Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside!
    No, outside!"

    ** Call spouse to clean up mess

    ** Fix a drink

    ** Sit back in Lazy Boy with drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and
    "stay" the first thing in the morning
    Quote Dalesys:
    ... as in "Ifn thet dawg comes at me, Ima gonna shutz ma panz!"

  • #2
    Awww....

    I miss my baby's puupy stage now.

    Almost.

    If you have to ask, it's probably better posted at www.fratching.com

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    • #3
      Flash cube?! Holy shit batman how old is this joke!?

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      • #4
        I have an 8 year old silky terrior cross mongrel thingy.

        To do this date I do not beleive anybody has ever taken a decent picture of him.

        To do so I think I'll need a D3, set to 6400ASA, and a 50mm 1:1.8 - that should allow 1/500th of a second shutter speed and then I might just catch him...
        I think, therefore I am. But I am micromanaged, therefore I am not.

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        • #5
          The best pics of my dog are taken via a computer camera. I found that if you give a dog a reflection of their self they tend to focus on that allowing you to take a good picture.
          The Grand Galactic Inquisitor hears all and sees all.

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          • #6
            I swear Pablo poses.

            When I'm trying to get a pic of a certain bit of cuteness, and he notices that I'm getting ready to take a picture, he'll look up and then he won't go back to the position he was in that was so cute cuz he's waiting for me to take the picture!
            I don't go in for ancient wisdom
            I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
            It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

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            • #7
              Quoth Retail's Bitch View Post
              Flash cube?! Holy shit batman how old is this joke!?
              I understand the concept of a flashcube, but what the hell was it?
              A PSA, if I may, as well as another.

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              • #8
                Quoth BookstoreEscapee View Post
                I swear Pablo poses.

                When I'm trying to get a pic of a certain bit of cuteness, and he notices that I'm getting ready to take a picture, he'll look up and then he won't go back to the position he was in that was so cute cuz he's waiting for me to take the picture!
                My cats refuse to look at the camera until after it's made the noise it makes when you take a picture. By the time it's ready for another photo they've gone back to not caring.

                (although the other day my brother used a fish to distract them while I got the shot I wanted)

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                • #9
                  Quoth edible_hat View Post
                  My cats refuse to look at the camera until after it's made the noise it makes when you take a picture. By the time it's ready for another photo they've gone back to not caring.

                  (although the other day my brother used a fish to distract them while I got the shot I wanted)
                  Oh, my cats do the same thing....but if I don't want them to look at me they'll sit there staring at me until I give up
                  I don't go in for ancient wisdom
                  I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
                  It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth crazylegs View Post
                    I understand the concept of a flashcube, but what the hell was it?
                    A flashcube was a setup with 4 flashbulbs. When you advanced the film, the cube would rotate to a fresh face, so you'd only need to change your flash every 4 pictures rather than every picture (as with bare bulbs such as the AG-1). There were 2 types of flashcube - the regular electrically-triggered one, and the "magicube" (when you tripped the shutter, a finger in the camera would poke a spring in the cube off its stop, causing it to whack an impact-sensitive primer in the base of the bulb).

                    From this, you can probably guess that flashbulbs were one-shot devices (instead of an electric discharge through Xenon, like in modern flash units, they were filled with magnesium wool and oxygen). Some of the really old (for slow film) flashbulbs used an Edison base and a slightly smaller than standard (about the size of a refrigerator/oven bulb) glass envelope. Too bad they were before my time - if they had still been available, they would have been great for practical jokes (put them in a regular light fixture and wait for someone to turn it on).
                    Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

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                    • #11
                      I remember one of my parents cameras having a flashcube - around 1980.....

                      Now this would have to read "Replace Ni-Cad batteries with set fresh from the recharger." and "Set photo option to "Motion."
                      Testing
                      "I saw a flock of moosen! There were many of 'em. Many much moosen. Out in the woods- in the woodes- in the woodsen. The meese want the food. The food is to eatenesen."

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