Tweet
Hello everyone! I am going to rant about Christmas music, and here is why.
For those of you fortunate souls who are not subjected to the same 2.5 hour Christmas track over and over again for 6-10 hour shifts almost every day, let me explain. The simple thing is, I've heard these songs just too much. When you are completely frustrated and dealing with very stressed out customers, it tends to grate a just a little to hear about what a lovely time of year it is. Over and over. I already memorized these songs when they were played non-stop five years ago.
Not only that, but at our particular mall, they tend to play them very loud, since people everywhere are talking all the time. The worst time was when the fire alarm went off, and they played the music even louder. It was quite painful.
So I recently discovered that I unconsciously snark at these songs when they play in an attempt to keep my sanity, so today I decided to consciously snark at them.
Here we go kids, grab a hot chocolate and some cookies, its going to be a long one.
MS = Mall speaker
----------
MS: It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Really song? You were most certainly correct in your statement back on November 1st, when about 75% of the mall was in Christmas mode. Now all you are doing is lying. About 10 times a day.
MS: Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock
Okay song, quite the creative suggestion you have there. Certainly walking through mall holding a holiday-themed boulder would be an interesting weapon of choice. A+ for creativity.
MS: Faliz Navidad, Faliz Navidad, Faliz Navidad, Prospero ano y Falicidad
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas, I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas, from the bottom of my heart
Oops, I missed some of that, can you please repeat that about seven more times?
Seriously though song, you are incredibly devious and sinister. Your insanely repetitive and simple lyrics will drill themselves into a hidden part of my brain. And then tomorrow at lunch before work I'll be boiling water on the stove, and to the complete surprise of both myself and some roommates, I will shout out at the top of my lungs: "FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEEEEARRRT."
MS: Silent night, holy night
First of all song, the mall is never silent at night. Second of all, Christmastime, the only time when you play this song, is most definitely 8 times as loud.
MS: All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth
Ok, Ackmeow briefly covered this in another random post, but this song is awful, probably the worst in the world. Its sung by an adult who is trying to sound like an annoying child. The adult/child is singing while constantly whistling through the holes in his teeth.
Recently I was chatting with a food court cleaner, when I asked her if she liked the song playing. She said she hated it, and it sounded just like that old pervert guy from Family Guy. I froze. Holy crap. IT DOES.
MS: Santa looked like daddy,
Or daddy looked like him.
It's not the way I had him pictured,
Santa was a' much too thin.
He didn't come down the chimney,
So momma must have let him in.
Santa looked a lot like daddy
Or daddy looked a lot like him.
x 18
Please song, you and Faliz Vavidad have now tied for the most repetitive song ever. Please stop. Last night while I was setting my alarm clock I blurted out "Or daddy looked a lot like him."
MS: Deck the halls with bells of holly
Oh I sure want to deck something.
MS: All I want for Christmas, is you
Dude, seriously just date this chick. Please just once so that she can stop singing this song every year. I promise it won't be terrible, just humor her. I can pay you if you want.
MS: We wish you a Merry Christmas x3, and a happy New Year.
Okay okay! I promise my Christmas will be Merry, now please SHUT UP. It will, I swear.
MS: Now bring us some figgy pudding x3, and a cup of good cheer.
Buwuh??????
This song happened to be playing in Chapters while I wandered in during my lunch break:
Everyone's a child at Christmas
And looks for presents under the Christmas tree.
Everyone's a child at Christmas
And loves the happy holiday "jollitee".
Wow song, you have captured the Christmas spirit of the mall within those amazing lyrics. People tend to have no patience, have tantrums, and stick to a bizarre and immature set of logic. Bravo song, you by far the most appropriate song the mall can play.
Thanks for letting me rant everywhere, I am a bitter hollow scrooge.
EDIT: Uuuuh oops there are no sucky customers in this story. Please forgive me?
For those of you fortunate souls who are not subjected to the same 2.5 hour Christmas track over and over again for 6-10 hour shifts almost every day, let me explain. The simple thing is, I've heard these songs just too much. When you are completely frustrated and dealing with very stressed out customers, it tends to grate a just a little to hear about what a lovely time of year it is. Over and over. I already memorized these songs when they were played non-stop five years ago.
Not only that, but at our particular mall, they tend to play them very loud, since people everywhere are talking all the time. The worst time was when the fire alarm went off, and they played the music even louder. It was quite painful.
So I recently discovered that I unconsciously snark at these songs when they play in an attempt to keep my sanity, so today I decided to consciously snark at them.
Here we go kids, grab a hot chocolate and some cookies, its going to be a long one.
MS = Mall speaker
----------
MS: It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Really song? You were most certainly correct in your statement back on November 1st, when about 75% of the mall was in Christmas mode. Now all you are doing is lying. About 10 times a day.
MS: Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock
Okay song, quite the creative suggestion you have there. Certainly walking through mall holding a holiday-themed boulder would be an interesting weapon of choice. A+ for creativity.
MS: Faliz Navidad, Faliz Navidad, Faliz Navidad, Prospero ano y Falicidad
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas, I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas, from the bottom of my heart
Oops, I missed some of that, can you please repeat that about seven more times?
Seriously though song, you are incredibly devious and sinister. Your insanely repetitive and simple lyrics will drill themselves into a hidden part of my brain. And then tomorrow at lunch before work I'll be boiling water on the stove, and to the complete surprise of both myself and some roommates, I will shout out at the top of my lungs: "FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEEEEARRRT."
MS: Silent night, holy night
First of all song, the mall is never silent at night. Second of all, Christmastime, the only time when you play this song, is most definitely 8 times as loud.
MS: All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth
Ok, Ackmeow briefly covered this in another random post, but this song is awful, probably the worst in the world. Its sung by an adult who is trying to sound like an annoying child. The adult/child is singing while constantly whistling through the holes in his teeth.
Recently I was chatting with a food court cleaner, when I asked her if she liked the song playing. She said she hated it, and it sounded just like that old pervert guy from Family Guy. I froze. Holy crap. IT DOES.
MS: Santa looked like daddy,
Or daddy looked like him.
It's not the way I had him pictured,
Santa was a' much too thin.
He didn't come down the chimney,
So momma must have let him in.
Santa looked a lot like daddy
Or daddy looked a lot like him.
x 18
Please song, you and Faliz Vavidad have now tied for the most repetitive song ever. Please stop. Last night while I was setting my alarm clock I blurted out "Or daddy looked a lot like him."
MS: Deck the halls with bells of holly
Oh I sure want to deck something.
MS: All I want for Christmas, is you
Dude, seriously just date this chick. Please just once so that she can stop singing this song every year. I promise it won't be terrible, just humor her. I can pay you if you want.
MS: We wish you a Merry Christmas x3, and a happy New Year.
Okay okay! I promise my Christmas will be Merry, now please SHUT UP. It will, I swear.
MS: Now bring us some figgy pudding x3, and a cup of good cheer.
Buwuh??????
This song happened to be playing in Chapters while I wandered in during my lunch break:
Everyone's a child at Christmas
And looks for presents under the Christmas tree.
Everyone's a child at Christmas
And loves the happy holiday "jollitee".
Wow song, you have captured the Christmas spirit of the mall within those amazing lyrics. People tend to have no patience, have tantrums, and stick to a bizarre and immature set of logic. Bravo song, you by far the most appropriate song the mall can play.
Thanks for letting me rant everywhere, I am a bitter hollow scrooge.
EDIT: Uuuuh oops there are no sucky customers in this story. Please forgive me?
Comment