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  • #61
    PICNIC error: Problem In Chair Not In Computer. Synonymous to ID10T error and PEBCAK errors and End Luser.


    Armchair Technician: This SC that spouts off claims that they're some big time network engineer or IT Guru and/or hold a degree in Computers, IT or have IT certifications but really are dumb as a sack of hammers with technology and 99.9% of the time are full of shit. They will argue with you till the cows come home about how wrong you are and how right they are about the prognosis of their computer if they feel it's not right.


    King/Queen of Denial: This SC spouts off claims like "It's a new computer!111!!!" "It was working fiiiiiiiiiiiiine for <insert insane claim of amount of time it was working>!!!1111!!!" and continually deny that your prognosis is wrong and blame it on the company.
    I don't get paid enough to kiss your a**! -Groezig 5/31/08
    Another day...another million braincells lost...-Sarlon 6/16/08
    Chivalry is not dead. It's just direly underappreciated. -Samaliel 9/15/09

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    • #62
      Documents everything: "Wlcome to $company, you are talking to RottenFruit, how can I help you"
      "What is your name?"
      "RottenFruit"
      "How do you spell that?"
      "The first name Romeo-Oscar-Tango-Tango-Echo-November, the last one Foxtrott-Romeo-Uniform-India-Tango."

      (very creepy when I encountered this for the first time, but generally harmless)

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      • #63
        Layer 8 error - see PICNIC error, ID10T error, PEBCAK error and End Luser.

        UTBE - User To Blind Error
        No trees were killed in the posting of this message.

        However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

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        • #64
          Layer 9 error: an error on the administrative layer.

          ie: a user to stupid to click on the IE logo to open a website is a Layer 8 error, a user who cannot get online because the network was apparently designed by drunken monkeys on hallucigenic substances is a Layer 9 error.

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          • #65
            High-End

            In an end-user's vocabulary this refers to a $400 Walfart special. Laptop.

            In marketing materials - especially a paid-for "review" - this means it has a reasonably fast CPU. Pay no attention to the 350W PSU, last year's bottom-rung graphics card, lack of spare RAM slots and minimum-capacity mechanical hard disk. Bonus points if this is supposed to be a gaming computer.

            (And yes, I really have come across someone who bought one of these to run a game. I had to give him the choice between returning it to the shop citing the Trade Descriptions Act, or buying a new graphics card *and* PSU to being them in line with the CPU's capabilites.)

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            • #66
              RAM: Not what we'd think. Apparently, the best way to install sensitive components so they "get the signals". If this results in something not working the part must be defective (if you mean the human 'part' that tried to install the other part, then yes).

              If this results in bent pins on a CPU, I'm supposed to 'fix it, it's just wire you can bend it back right?' with pliers (I'm not touching that as I have never done it before and have no way of knowing what else you borked).
              "I am quite confident that I do exist."
              "Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up." The Doctor

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              • #67
                <zombie sticky thread resurrection spell> It's alive!

                "Can you just" = "I have spent hours trying to do this, have comprehensively banjaxed the computer by trying. I now want you to do it for me, I know it is very tricky, but I want you to think it's easy so you don't refuse, and don't think I owe you one for this because I magically want it to be part of your job."

                "The System"= The assortment of things we hide in the server room, which must stop you from banjaxing something or doing the wrong thing. Implies magical properties. Also the blame sink, as in "The system's down"= any fault anywhere on anything, up to and including user that deleted a desktop shortcut and lacked the wits to open a browser without it, or "The system screwed that up"= User screwed that up but was using a computer at the time.

                My example- "Why can't the system (form letter templates in MS Word in this case) stop me from putting the wrong address in, or sending the wrong letter out?." My answer? "It does exactly what you tell it to. If it didn't, you'd have arseache about that, telling me the system stopped you doing your job and threatening to tell the CEO, just like you did earlier when you tried to <something bad with invoices> that the CFO forbade. So, I'm not even going to look into building an electronic arse-wiper, you will just have to not make those mistakes in the first place." Yes, it was a repeat offender who always blames "IT" or "The system" to customers, how did you know?

                There was a one-way high-volume conversation about pandering to idiots (or appropriate language, I forget which) later that day with my boss. I made the point that anything less than a blunt "no" would have been turned into "but bunrotha PROMISED he'd fix that," and my approach guaranteed expectations had been properly set, i.e. not my problem, user is a f**kwit.
                Last edited by bunrotha; 08-13-2014, 08:35 AM. Reason: Profanectomy.

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                • #68
                  Sims Card - A little card that makes your phone work and has all your contacts on it. If you can't take out your battery, your phone doesn't have one.

                  (Actual object: SIM card. Most cellphones have them, and they don't have any data on them. They do make your phone work, though.)

                  It won't let me - Any process that won't respond to the user's commands or returns an error message.

                  Do what? - A phrase used to ask the agent to repeat themselves without letting them find out that you weren't paying attention in the first place. See, you know they wanted you to /do/ something, you just didn't quite catch the instructions!
                  Example: "How long ago would you say this issue started?" "Do what?"

                  It won't do anything! - When referring to a phone, means that the device won't power on or that they're not getting cellular service.

                  Hard reset - Any force reset performed on a phone, either by pulling the battery or by pushing the appropriate combination of buttons. Tier 1 understands that this is an important troubleshooting step, but good luck getting them to figure out what it's for.

                  Factory data reset - A waste of time and energy that will cause you to LOSE EVERYTHING!!! while buying time for your warranty to expire so tech doesn't have to replace your phone.

                  (Actual action: Factory data reset. The process of erasing everything from a phone and restoring the settings to factory defaults. Like formatting a computer. Make sure your important information is backed up first.)

                  Everything is backed up - Code phrase. Literal translation: "I don't even understand what needs to be backed up, much less how to do it."

                  Refurbished - Someone's gross used phone that has been abused and broken, then repaired and pawned off on you in place of the new phone you CLEARLY deserve.

                  Brand new - Your phone after you've had it for six months.

                  Used - Someone else's phone after they've had it for six months.

                  Contract - A magical document that promises you endless free replacements, satisfaction with the phone of your choice, and perfect coverage and signal quality for a full two-year duration.

                  Insurance - A means of guaranteeing that you will be supplied with free, brand-new replacement phones for life.
                  (In reality: Insurance may only cover phones that are lost, stolen, or damaged. And the phone you receive as replacement may be refurbished - see above. Oh, and you'll probably need to pay a deductible.)

                  Supervisor - God.

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                  • #69
                    "The Thing" - this could be anything. Noun, verb, part, process, or data. Nevertheless, you are expected to know what is meant, and what's wrong with it, as well as how to fix it.

                    e.g. "The thing doesn't work, and doesn't do the thing when I click."

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                    • #70
                      Quoth Sugarpuff View Post
                      Sims Card - A little card that makes your phone work and has all your contacts on it. If you can't take out your battery, your phone doesn't have one.

                      (Actual object: SIM card. Most cellphones have them, and they don't have any data on them. They do make your phone work, though.)
                      Not quite correct. So far as I know, NONE of the PhrootFone series have (user-)removable batteries. ALL GSM phones have SIM cards. My PhrootFone 6 Plus is on a GSM network - it's got a little drawer on the side, with a hole beside it where you push in a pin to open the drawer and get to the SIM card.
                      Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

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                      • #71
                        Quoth wolfie View Post
                        Not quite correct. So far as I know, NONE of the PhrootFone series have (user-)removable batteries. ALL GSM phones have SIM cards. My PhrootFone 6 Plus is on a GSM network - it's got a little drawer on the side, with a hole beside it where you push in a pin to open the drawer and get to the SIM card.
                        This is true. But additionally, most SIM cards are in fact capable of storing a limited number of contacts, and this was the usual place to do so on early GSM phones (up to and including the 3310, at least). This saved having to put writable, non-volatile storage in the phone as well.

                        Modern phones tend to store contacts in their own storage instead.

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                        • #72
                          "I don't understand why..." - I don't care why, and shall be offended if you attempt to explain; I just want to look like I'm making a vital contribution in the discussion.

                          (Not a co-irker as such, but a fellow officer of a club that I'm currently on the organising committee.
                          This was one of those times where my mouth says "have a nice day" but my brain says "go step on a Lego". - RegisterAce
                          I can't make something magically appear to fulfill all your hopes and dreams. Believe me, if I could I'd be the first person I'd help. - Trixie

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                          • #73
                            Extreme Short-Term Memory: You have literally just given a piece of information to your customer. And the customer follows up by asking you for that same piece of information.

                            Ready or Not: Rep: Okay, tell me when you're ready
                            SC: I'm ready
                            Rep: The # is....
                            SC: Hold on!

                            What's Your Name?: You are having a pleasant conversation when, out of the blue, the SC demands your name and starts talking about rude you are being. It comes out of nowhere.

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                            • #74
                              The Projectionist: Comes on the line or inside with an attitude for the ages. Before you are done, you will be the one accused of rudeness.

                              Easy Mark: The customer calls your company, signs up for your product, is given the standard scripting in which your company name is disclosed three times, gives you payment information and, after it's all said and done, wants to the know the name of your company. Something tells me this person can be scammed easily.

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