Strange questions at work!

[Sandiercy]

I work at a retail store that doubles as an internet cafe. We get people coming in all the time asking dumb questions.

SC: Obvious!
Me: Yours truly!

Me: Hi, how can I help you today?
SC: Do you guys like do internet here?
Me: *points to very large bright sign that says "Internet Cafe"
Me: No, we do not do internet here

*****

SC: Can you change this $10 bill for me?
Me: Sorry sir, we are currently out of change
SC: You are a retail store, you have to have change, its the law!
Me: Sorry sir, cant help you there.
SC: I'm calling the cops on you!
Me: Get the out of my store (taking some liberties but my boss always backs me up) now!
SC: I am going to knock your lights out right here!
Me: Go ahead, there are plenty of witnesses.
SC: *backs off and leaves* swearing at me all the way down the street.

*****

SC: Do you guys do like games here?
Me: *Looks at 500 or so games lining the walls, and the big store sign that says Games* Sorry sir, we dont have games

[dragon_wings]

Wow. The dumb is strong with these idiots.

[Sandiercy]

One more on the same note.

SC: *Pointing at the price list for our internet times where it says 60 mins for $2* Is that like 1hr?

[dalesys]

SC: Do you guys do like games here?
Me: *Looks at 500 or so games lining the walls, and the big store sign that says Games* Sorry sir, we dont have games

We do sell Real Lifes™ in the shiny boxes on the wall, sir. Would you like toi get one?

[mharbourgirl]

We do sell Real Lifes™ in the shiny boxes on the wall, sir. Would you like to get one?

Dammit, Dale. I'm glad I'd already finished my coffee.

[cashierbex]

I wish I could be a smartass at work. Funny enough, a lot people expect it.

[mikoyan29]

Geeze...in what country are there laws that require a store to have change? I love these phantom laws that crop up.

[XCashier]

SC: You are a retail store, you have to have change, its the law!

Since when?!

SC: I'm calling the cops on you!

"Officer! This jerk doesn't have change for a ten! That's against the law, isn't it?"
"No, but filing a false police report is. You'd better come with me..."

[taxguykarl]

The stupid is strong with this bunch.

[lvceline]

Haha one of my BIGGEST pet peeves is when people say "it's the law" or "it's against the law," as if they have any clue what the laws are. Usually if they pull that with me I ask them what law they're referring to and that shuts them up.

[BroSCFischer]

Sorry sir, we are currently out of change

Me: Actually, we're not required to give change at all, as far too many times people pull scams on inexperienced retail workers and get more than they give. If you need change, buy something.

SC

[veniteangeli]

One more on the same note.

SC: *Pointing at the price list for our internet times where it says 60 mins for $2* Is that like 1hr?

Answer: It's LIKE one hour, but not as good as the real thing.

[Jester]

There is no law requiring any business to have change. Of course, if you take cash payments at all, it is probably in the business's best interest to HAVE change. But then, they are making change for their CUSTOMERS. Which the people just seeking change are NOT.

At my bar, we used to not give change to non-customers. Now we do, but in a limited way. So many people want change for parking meters downtown, it's not a bad idea to help them out....within limits. Depending on the employee, we will either give up to $2 or $3 in quarters to non customers. (I limit it at $2. I'm evil.) I especially love the people who, with a straight face, ask me for EIGHT DOLLARS in quarters. "Sorry, sir, I can give you up to two bucks in change." Well, what are they supposed to do about the parking meters? Gee, that isn't MY problem, now is it?

As for stupid questions in general, good lord....try working in a tourist town and see what kind of idiotic questions you get. My favorite recently was when a customer was telling me about their trip to Hawaii. While standing in the hotel lobby, a woman (I'm guessing a hotel guests) came in off the beach and asked the desk clerk for three jars. Why did she want three jars, you ask? So she could "collect the three different colors of water."

My latest one was one I had heard about from many other locals, but had never been asked of me, until a couple weeks ago. Guy comes in to ask for directions to the Southernmost Point, which I happily provide. He then asks, quite seriously, "Is it true that you can see Cuba from there?"

I just stared at him for a moment.

"Dude, have you EVER seen anything that was 90 miles away that WASN'T straight up in the sky?"

To his credit, and unlike most of the tourons we deal with, he immediately realized how stupid he had just been.

And now a quick recap of some of the stupid tourist questions we get on a regular basis.

"How long is the Seven Mile Bridge?"
"How far apart are the Mile Markers?"
"Does the water go all the way around the island?"
"How many times a day do they have the Sunset Celebration?"
On the glass bottom boat: "Where's the glass bottom?"
"What kind of fish can we catch under the island?"
"Do you take American money?" Key West is in Florida. Which, last I checked, is still one of the States.
People walking in off the street asking about the open air roof deck: "What's the weather like up there?"
"The streets here are kind of narrow...how do the snow plows get down them?" Coldest recorded temperature in Key West history was 41F.
Touron pointing to Sunset Key, an island a few hundred yards off the coast of Key West: "Is that Cuba?" My friend had a great response to that years ago: "Yes. It's much further than it appears."
"We missed the sunset...will there be another one tonight?" My friend who rents jet skis gets that one constantly.
Asked by someone standing on Duval Street: "Where's Duval Street?"
Asked by a customer of someone WORKING at the establishment: "Do you live here?" No, I commute from Phoenix every day.
"Where does someone who lives in Key West go on vacation?" Wherever the hell we want, thank you very much. Since, you know, we like to get away too.
"Is there a gift shop at the reef?"
"Can we drive our scooters out to the reef?"
"Why is it raining?" It's a TROPICAL island.
On a cloudy or rainy day: "Will there be a sunset today?" My actual response just about every time: "Damn well hope so, or we're all in trouble. Whether or not you'll be able to SEE it, however, I don't know."
Asked of a bartender standing in front of a back bar with literally hundreds of bottles of booze on it: "Do you sell alcohol?"
"Can we eat at the bar?" My normal response: "Only if you order food."
Asked by people standing in front of the stairs. "How do we get upstairs?"

And of course, the two best stupid questions I've gotten over the last two years. Runner up, from this very month: "Can you make me a virgin Shirley Temple?"

And the winner over the last couple years, from May, 2010, asked very seriously: "That Mount Gay Rum...is that a rum designed for gay people to drink?"

[Web_Pict]

One from me...
I always answer the phone "Xxxx's Laundry". So people ask: "Is this the laundry?" Some even ask, after I have told them that, yes, this is in fact a laundry: "Do you wash clothes there?"
What do you think we would do? Tie them as a rope and escape?

[Jester]

My coworker Hello Kitty seems to be a magnet for dumb questions. This is the same coworker who a few weeks ago had a customer angry at her because she wouldn't do multiple discounts, and the customer actually said, "Well, the Cheesecake Factory does it!" To which my coworker gave the blatantly obvious answer: "We're not the Cheesecake Factory."

The other day someone asked her "Do you have a bathroom?" NOT, "Do you have a bathroom I can use?" NOT "May I use your bathroom?" No, they actually asked, "Do you have a bathroom?" No, we're a restaurant and we have NO bathrooms!

But that paled next to this one. Background: about two weeks before the Super Bowl.

DUMB CUSTOMER: "So, who are you rooting for in the Super Bowl?"
HELLO KITTY: "The Patriots. I'm from western Mass."
DC: [thinking] "Yeah...I guess that's near New England."
HK: "Actually, it's part of New England."
DC: "Are you sure?"
HK: OH: