Just ridiculous.

[MournBlade]

This is more accurate by far :

I'm a Bitch I'm a Lover
I'm a child I'm a Mother
I'm a sinner I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between

[OfficeSlug]

For every jackoff who leaves in a huff and swears he/she will never be back, another jackoff walks in. It's a never-ending parade....

[Racket_Man]

of all of the self-centered, EW, narrassitic, egoticical, delusional ....... crap.

this sounds like a manager wrote this OR some EW over at PFB or my3cents.

after that I am at a total loss for words.

[wagegoth]

....wow. Really? O_o Wonder what color the sky is in their world.

It's whatever they want it to be at that moment, dammit!

[Shmuggly]

This is just disgusting.
How can corporate honestly think this is helpful or motivating?!

[RealUnimportant]

I've seen this before, it's not a corporation-specific piece of shit but something from one of those better-business seminars that take your money & return nothing but obvious platitudes... And yes, whoever wrote it has no experience of what employees face on a daily basis.

[Nemesis44UK]

My ego needs the nourishment of a friendly, personal greeting from you.

Sweet Jesus. My EGO needs the NOURISHMENT - fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

How about a charter for the retail workers?

We are many, but never enough for you
We are underappreciated and berated daily,
Yet we help and serve you without complaint

We work hard for minimum wage,
But are expected to be grateful for even that

You try to con us, trick us, sometimes steal from us
Yet when called upon it, act with outrageous indignation

Verbally and physically abuse us, threaten our livelihoods
"Get me your manager" is your well-worn cry

At the end of a hard-worked day, we look forward to leaving
Just for a customer to shriek "Why are you cloooosssing?"

Respect is where it's at. Here's ours, where's yours?

[Jay 2K Winger]

Sweet Jesus. My EGO needs the NOURISHMENT - fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

How about a charter for the retail workers?

We are many, but never enough for you
We are underappreciated and berated daily,
Yet we help and serve you without complaint

We work hard for minimum wage,
But are expected to be grateful for even that

You try to con us, trick us, sometimes steal from us
Yet when called upon it, act with outrageous indignation

Verbally and physically abuse us, threaten our livelihoods
"Get me your manager" is your well-worn cry

At the end of a hard-worked day, we look forward to leaving
Just for a customer to shriek "Why are you cloooosssing?"

Respect is where it's at. Here's ours, where's yours?

This needs to be published out there for all to see. Bravo.

[Aria]

I'm going to amuse myself dissecting this...

I am your customer. Satisfy my wants, add personal attention and a friendly touch, and I will become a walking advertisement for your products and services. Ignore my wants, show carelessness, inattention and poor manners, and I will simply cease to exist as far as you are concerned.

OK... this I can sort of go with, although I would take issue with the personal attention and friendly touch thing. Some customers want as little interaction as possible. But it is true that many people just won't come back if they don't like a place.

I am sophisticated, much more so than I was a few years ago. My needs are more complex. I have grown accustomed to better things. I have money to spend. My ego needs the nourishment of a friendly, personal greeting from you. It is important to me that you appreciate my business. After all, when I buy your products and services, my money is feeding you.

Oh please. Sophisticated? Better things? Not unless you're selling Gucci handbags. Ego? We're supposed to feed the customer's ego? That sounds like feeding a monster.

I am a perfectionist. I want the best I can get for the money I spend. When I am dissatisfied, then take heed. The source of my discontent lies in something in you, or the products you sell, have failed to do. Find that source and eliminate it or you will lose my business and that of all my friends as well; for when I criticize your products or services, I will talk to anyone who will listen.

This completely ignores that customers can be 'discontent' over things that are entirely their own fault. Happens ALL the time.

I am fickle. Other businesses continually beckon to me with offers of “more for my money”. To keep my business, you must prove to me again and again that I have made a wise choice in again and again that I have made a wise choice in selecting you and your products and services above all others.

Actually, most people are stuck in a rut and reluctant to change. My dad works for a bank and he's seen that. If it takes any effort at all to change accounts, people will be reluctant to do it despite favorable interest rates. Not that you should take them for granted, but most people are not that fickle.

So anyway, this poem is full of tosh. Ugh.

[XCashier]

How about a charter for the retail workers?

Beautiful! Nicely done and 100% accurate!

(we need an "applause" smiley here!)

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I am sophisticated, much more so than I was a few years ago. !

I wear pajamas to the store. What would much less "sophisticated" than that be?

On second thought, scratch that. Unkie Irv doesn't want to know.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I wear pajamas to the store. What would much less "sophisticated" than that be?

On second thought, scratch that. Unkie Irv doesn't want to know.

Perhaps shopping nekkid?

But then that would open up a whole new can of worms. Or something that I probably wouldn't have the proper scientific equipment to view.

Electron microscopes ain't cheap, ya'll.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

I'm now slightly paranoid that this will show up at my workplace soon. Fortunately, as much as I believe they're capable of it, being that we are a call center for multiple clients, they each make individual rules about how their own customers are treated...some are much more lenient in their policies than others; some couldn't care less about their customers (except for their money, or course) while others make a modicum of effort to care. The client I work for tends to cater to its customers but even they have had to cut back. That actually makes me happy since I'm empowered to say "NO" now and again

[BroSCFischer]

I AM THE EMPLOYEE

I am the employee. I will do my best to satisfy your needs and wants in a polite and professional manner, and will bend over backwards to help, all that I ask is for some common courtesy. Ignore basic human decency and you risk a rigid conformist, not willing to assist you further than absolutely necessary.

I am a human being, not any kind of pet. I do not respond to whistles or yells of “Hey, you!” I have grown accustomed to dignity and will not relinquish it to grovel at your feet. I will provide a friendly greeting, but I also have a healthy ego, and expect to be treated in the same manner you would like to be treated. I believe this is the Golden Rule. It is important that you appreciate the assistance I render to you. Remember, my product is feeding you.

I am a perfectionist. I seek to provide the best service I can as it is my job. If you are dissatisfied, address your concerns to me in a calm and polite manner, and I will address them as quickly and thoroughly as possible. Go on a screaming rant, and I see no reason to subject myself to further offense and wish your future store the best as dealing with you is a nightmare. Loss of your business may well be the best for ours.

I appreciate that you have other choices for your needs and wants and thank you for choosing to shop with us. That does not mean that we are slave to your whim. Be appreciative of the fact that we may have things that are not available elsewhere at all, or at the same price. We know that you will return eventually, and that your threats of never coming back are empty. You may call corporate and receive what you feel you deserve, but, like the Terminator, you will be back.

SC

[wolfie]

Wow... sounds like an entitlement whore's twitter post.

Naw, can't be that - it's over 140 characters.