The Greatest Thing I've Ever Attempted...

[Tama]

I get the feeling that being near the ocean makes people crazy. Florida, California...

[dalesys]

I get the feeling that being near the ocean salt water makes people crazy. Florida, California...

... Utah ....

[Jester]

Then how do you explain the wackos in Arizona (my home state), Texas (which is mostly not near water), and other parts of the country? And all the seemingly normal people from other coastline states? Just wondering.

[Scorpodael]

Then how do you explain the wackos in Arizona (my home state), Texas (which is mostly not near water), and other parts of the country? And all the seemingly normal people from other coastline states? Just wondering.

Mermaids carrying the oceans inland. It's the most logical explanation.

[BroSCFischer]

Now THERE'S a fun project! I am about to learn more than I probably ever wanted to about every State's adult adoption laws.

Maybe start with CA, NV, NY, MA (in that order). I think those are the more likely to have them, if any have them at all.

SC

[Jester]

Not Really An Update Update:

The phone conference with the lawyer is tomorrow. Definitely has me on edge. Was very cranky at work today, which is highly unusual, though to be fair, the tidal wave of douchebags that washed into my bar today didn't really help.

Putting together some notes so I can discuss this with the lawyer intelligently. Hoping I get everything covered, and he has some good thoughts on the subject, and isn't just having this conference to try to sell me on his services. Yes, I would like to do this without a lawyer (more on that below), but if I find that I DO need a lawyer, I don't see myself hiring someone who is just all about a hard sell and damn the clients, if that makes sense.

Talked to my somewhat brilliant lawyer friend tonight, and she definitely thinks I am overanalyzing all of this. Which is certainly possible, but I figure I would rather go into this with too much knowledge than not enough. She thinks we can do this without a lawyer, as if one goes into court pro se (without a lawyer), part of the judge's job is to help you through the legal process. Since there is no opposition to this, and thus no opposing lawyer, I'm not too worried about some legal shark making mincemeat out of me. That being said, I still plan on going into court with as much information as I can, as I am trying to sidestep two legal issues:

1. The Florida law against two unmarried people adopting. I think we can get around this because (a) this is an adult adoption and (b) Abbey would not technically be adopting Dragon, as she is already her mother.

2. Florida law, as most (though not all) state laws do, says that adult adoption of someone severs their legal ties to their birth parents. Of course, that is not what we want, and since Dragon, Abbey, and myself are all on the same page about this, and it IS an adult adoption, logical thought would dictate that the State should not oppose this. Of course, logical thought often has nothing to do with laws, courts, and bureaucracies, but we shall see.

I spent some time last night and today researching the viability of pursuing the adoption in another state, if we could find one that did not require that either of us be a resident of that state, as a brilliant person here suggested. Now, while that may well be the case, I am going to put that idea on the back burner for now, and concentrate on making this happen through the Florida courts. If we fail, and an appeal fails, then I will look at other possibilities. But for now, Florida is the main option.

Still have some emails and notes to look at before I finish my notes for tomorrow's phone call, but thought I'd bring y'all up to speed.

And I don't say it often enough, but thanks for all the support. I really appreciate it, perhaps more than you guys realize.

Okay...back to work!

[Jester]

Freakin' hell.

So two weeks ago I set up this conference call with a lawyer, and today, at the appointed time, I call his office number....which goes to a directory, and his name doesn't seem to be part of it. Weird, but whatever. He did say that if he didn't answer that line, to call his cell. Which I did...and got his voicemail.

Damn it, dude, if you say you prefer 5:00 to 6:00, and know I'm calling, and know it's important to me, why the fuck aren't you answering your phone? I know lawyers are busy, but YOU set this thing up TWO WEEKS ago. So now, I'm in limbo. Hate this shit.

To add to it, I got out of the toy store later than I anticipated, and so rather than try to get home during rush hour before the appointed time (I want to be able to look at my notes during the call), I stopped into a quiet little bar I'm a regular at to use it as an office. This time of day no one's here, and they have no issue with me doing this.

So now, having left a message on the guy's voicemail, I am stuck with a decision: do I sit here and wait for him to call back, or do I jump in the Jestermobile and race home, through rush hour traffic, hoping I make it there before he calls? Thing is, if he takes too long, there's going to be a private party here and this will no longer be a quiet little bar.

God, I hate when people can't live up to their commitments. Especially when they're trying to get my money. Mr. Lawyer, at the moment, you are spectacularly NOT impressing me.

Grrrr....

[Jester]

Tried Mr. Lawyer again at 5:30, and this time he actually answered his cell!

We had a nice little conference, and while he didn't tell me this definitely could or could not be done (there are no guarantees, and I knew this going in), he did express his belief that this could, in fact, be something that could be done. He answered a few of my questions, gave me a couple of ideas, and also gave me the number of another lawyer he knows that is in the same judicial circuit as me (Mr. Lawyer is in Florida, but not in the same judicial circuit), and overall it was a pleasant chat. He did say he would check into one thing he wasn't sure about regarding jurisdiction, which I think I may have discovered through my own research, but I don't mind him doing it for me. And then, not surprisingly, he told me that for them to actually do anything with this case, it would be $X, plus costs. I am not too worried about costs, as there would be very few, as there is no one to track down or anything; Dragon's father is dead, and as long as we can find a death certificate (I am sure we can), everyone else is on board. And the amount of $X didn't surprise me. It's not a small amount, and I may have to pony it up, but as I've said previously, my lawyer friend has expressed confidence that I can attack this whole procedure pro se (without a lawyer), and just shell out the various filing fees.

Nothing worth doing is easy, and this is definitely worth doing, and it is definitely not easy.

[rose_metal_nz]

Wow, Jester, just found this thread & thought I'd say I think this is really freakin' awesome Good stuff, both you & Dragon

[Jester]

So I told Priestess, my Semi-Niece, about this tonight. What's a Semi-Niece? Well, my Semi-Niece is my oldest niece Princess's friend from high school, who I kinda unofficially adopted as another niece. Even though she doesn't talk to Princess much anymore, and Princess honestly doesn't talk to me much anymore, Priestess and I are still relatively close....she was my "date" at the Minimal Regatta, an event we have every May here in Key West that I may have commented on somewhere in this site.

In any case, I told Priestess about the whole adoption thing, and she was beyond thrilled. She adores Dragon. And, naturally, thinks I am the coolest uncle ever. (Because she's smart like that.) In any case, after I told her about the whole thing and she read the original post here, she said, and I quote, "and for the record, you have 5 nieces lol." To which I replied, "Yes, but. Hush. Semi-Niece." To which she said, "semi niece is still niece."

I really am the luckiest man alive.

Made my night, she did.

[Arcus]

Somehow I missed this. Jester, what you are doing is wonderful. Things don't always have to make sense to others for it to be right. I can see that your heart is in the right place and good things will come of it in the end.

And for the record, your semi niece is wrong. You have 4 nieces and a daughter.

[Jester]

No, she's right. I have 5 nieces. One is/will be/has been my daughter as well, but I've made it real clear to her that I am still her uncle, that if she starts calling me "Dad" I am going to smack her upside the head. Pretty much said that in the original post here, I thought.

That being said, thanks for the sentiment.

(This may sound like a contradiction, but it's really not. I love being an uncle, and I'm just not giving that up, just because of this new wrinkle, which does not in any way negate the whole uncle/niece thing. Yes, I'm stubborn. What's your point?)

[Jester]

Semi-update:

As of the moment, no paperwork has been filed towards this. This is not due to laziness on my part (which is always part of anything I do, to be honest), but moreso because before I file anything with the courts, I want to get notarized statements or affidavits from Dragon, her mother, her mother's husband, her maternal grandfather (he and I get along famously, and I'd be shocked if he was anything but supportive) and, if possible, her paternal grandmother. I honestly think that if her father's mother, who she is on good terms with, can be convinced to support this, it's going to take one hardass judge to say no. Dragon was actually surprised when I told her I'd have no problem traveling to South Carolina to meet with Grandma about this. I was surprised Dragon was surprised.

And why haven't we done any of that initial paperwork? Well, for the last few months, Dragon's life has been in a bit of turmoil, and I would rather it get settled a bit before we start all this. She was waiting on financial aid (got it), waiting to start college (started it), looking for a job (found a lousy one), and looking for a new place to live (found one). Now she needs to go through some steps (more than most, for reasons I won't go into here) to get her driver's license, so she can start using the used car her mother and stepfather have for her. Once she has that new car, she will be able to get to work more easily, and be able to find a much better job than the craptacular one she has and hates now. I hope to actually start a lot of the actual paperwork by December or so.

Towards that I have not one, not two, but three lawyers willing to help me craft the documents necessary. While none of them are actually family law experts, two of them are lawyers in Florida, which is a bonus. And when I say they are "willing to help me," I mean for free; most lawyers would be willing to help me--for a hefty fee.

And then there is the thing I haven't really mentioned, or don't think I have: the reactions of other people.

Most of my friends and family have had a quizzical, confused, "Why are you doing this again?" kind of attitude. They like the idea that it makes Dragon and I happy, but they don't truly understand. They actually think it's a bit strange. This includes my best friend Neets, my parents, and my younger sister.* Most of Dragon's friends and acquaintances have had the same reaction. Dragon and I have discussed this, and both agree that this doesn't matter. We both are the type of person to move to our own drummer, and most of the people who knows us know this. And while we do understand why most people would react like this, we are soldiering on, for two very simple reasons: it makes her happy, and it makes me happy. And damn the torpedoes.

(You'll notice I only speak of my friends and family, not acquaintances as I did with Dragon. That's because I have only spoken of this with my friends and family, and not even all of them. And not any of my coworkers. Because, frankly, for most of them it's none of their business, and I have enough on my plate without adding random bullshit from people that are not in my close circle. Especially some of my coworkers. And of course, if you tell one coworker, you've told them all. Which is why I've told none.)

Now, there have been a few people that have been very positive and not so neutral about this, notably her mother (whose support I feel we absolutely need), my friend Little Red (who is adopted, so this makes sense to me), and my Semi-Niece, who is friends with Dragon's older sister, and who thinks this whole thing is AWESOME.

But yeah, most of the people have been cautiously curious. And I think I know what many of you are thinking: "But Jester, WE'VE been SUPER supportive." Yes, those of you who have commented here have, for the most part, been amazingly supportive. I actually feel bad for Dragon that she doesn't have the same awesome online support network that I do. But I've been thinking, and I'd be willing to wager that many CSers read my story, and had the same reaction as most of our friends, but just haven't commented, especially once they saw how those who were commenting were reacting. And that's okay. I have no problem with people on here not "getting it." It IS a strange situation, it IS unusual, and not everyone WILL understand it. I bear absolutely no hard feelings towards anyone who doesn't get it, or to those who outright question it, as some, including my parents, have. Generally speaking, those people are merely looking out for the best interests of myself, of Dragon, or of both of us. Because they care. And how could I question THAT?

So, yeah...it's been an interesting ride, and I'm sure it's only going to get more interesting. But I felt I should bring you fine folks up to date on the latest news, or non-news as I guess it is. I will try to keep you posted as things actually DO start happening.

And, if I didn't say it before, to everyone, those who have wholeheartedly supported this, and those who have questioned it, thank you. Thank you for your support, for your questions that helped me understand this even better, and for your willingness to listen to a whacky uncle with a crazy idea. Muchas gracias, mis amigos.


*I have not yet discussed this with my older sister. Mostly, we just comment on facebook or text each other, usually about beer, cooking, or sports, and I feel this is something I should tell her personally. (Well, over the phone, but you know what I mean.) I expect her reaction to be similar to that of my younger sister, healthy and cautious skepticism. Then again, knowing how my older sister can be ("difficult" is a charitable word here), I would not be surprised by scorn or ridicule. But she seems to be less derogatory, disdainful, and contemptuous of me of late, and actually seems to be making an effort to be social and friendly, so anything's possible. We shall see.

[Seshat]

This is not the greatest thing you have ever tried..though it is the second. The greatest thing you have ever tried is trying to make her feel safe, cared for, and to help raise her (in your own way). The greatest thing you ever tried is to make sure she knew you would be there for her, could count on you, and that regardless of what else happened .. she would never be alone. The greatest thing you ever tried was to BE her dad, paper be damned. THAT is the greatest thing you have ever tried. This...this is just the culmination of that..and it will be the second greatest thing you have ever tried.

I couldn't phrase it better. This is what I wanted to say.

On a more practical sense: adjust your will. NOW. Today. And at the first opportunity, get it signed, witnessed and registered as your current will. Put the copies of the recipes and any other 'family treasures' suitable for it, into a bank strongbox, with a codicil to the will stating which strongbox in which bank.

Due to marriage laws, my two beloveds and I can't marry properly. Instead, we've set our wills up to provide us with that much security, and talked to GBT friendly lawyers about issues like medical power of attorney.

It should be possible for Dragon to set up stuff like the medical POA so that her boyfriend, her mother and you are her chosen next of kin for medical purposes; and so forth. You'll probably have to talk to a lawyer about that, too; but LGBT friendly lawyers are used to having to sort that stuff out for their clients. Your request will be unusual; but not way out of left field for them.
And the paper dust in the room will get into your lawyer's eyes.