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I've jumped out of an airplane.
I've bungee jumped.
I've tried more rums than I know.
I've tried more beers than I can count.
I've been educated by some of the best bartenders in the world, and danced with one of the most famous movie stars alive.
I've been a DJ in a clothing optional bar, and run for Mayor of my home town.
And what I am embarking on now is perhaps the craziest, farthest out of the box, wackiest, most wonderful things I've ever attempted. And surprisingly, it doesn't involve defying physics, cheating death, or revolutionizing the political landscape.
(WARNING: This will be long-winded and very open, and those who think I reveal too much of myself in this forum will want to move along now. This post is VERY personal. So if you don't want to read a long post, and/or if you are not very interested in pretty much the most personal post I've ever made in this forum, please, for both of our sakes, move along to the next post about rabid man-eating ferrets and their adventures in the Corporate Land of Bilk and Money.)
Background: As many of you know, I have several nieces, and am fiercely proud and dangerously protective of all of them, even when they screw up; yes, even when they screw up badly.
My four nieces are not my sisters' or brothers' children, but the four daughters of my two friends, Abbey and Neets. Some people would say they are not, therefore, my nieces. These are the people I've been known to tie to overpasses during rush hour. For these ARE my nieces, biology be damned. And I've mentioned them all here before.
Princess, 21, Abbey's eldest, who is currently living in the Midwest with her boyfriend, twice her age and very close in age to her father, who she worshipped, who died shortly before she got involved with her boyfriend who is very close in age to the aforementioned father. Who doesn't really talk to me or Abbey or any of her friends or family down in these parts anymore. Yeah, that. Meh. I still love Princess, don't get me wrong, but she is doing everything she can to separate herself from those who love her. And, well, it does not endear Mr. Douchebag to her mother, myself, or anyone else that gave a shit about her before she met Mr. Douchebag.
Bug, 19, Neets's eldest, who had brain surgery a few years ago, and who just last autumn gave birth to her son, Z-Man. And who is not really the nicest person to her mother, and who for some reason thought I would take her side in a fight she had with her mother when I was back home in Arizona a couple months ago, despite the fact that, as I mentioned to her, I've been best friends with Neets since before Bug existed....WHY would she think I would side with her over Neets? (Especially when Bug is creating unnecessary drama that causes the fight....) I adore Bug, but can't figure out where all her anger comes from.
Bear, 7, Neets's younger daughter, who is probably semi-autistic, but who is without question an absolute angel. Those who don't like Bear don't like sunshine, puppies, lollipops, or any aspect of being alive. She is basically the sweetest thing even to appear on the earth since sugar...and sugar is quaking in its boots.
And then there's Dragon. Abbey's youngest. 18. Smartest of the lot, and sadly, knows it. And the one most like me, in so many ways. She is the one I went to Texas to see graduate, and the one that I jumped out of an airplane with.
All of my four nieces have four different fathers. (Welcome to Modern America.) Three of them know or knew their father. Dragon never did. Her father, by all accounts a drug addict and major fucktard, died when she was four, and her mother, much to Abbey's credit, never let Fucktard actually see Dragon. So they were never in the same place at the same time. Ever.
Which makes Dragon my only niece that grew up without a father in any way. (Bug and Bear know their fathers, and Princess knew her father, but he was killed in a tragic accident she witnessed when she was 19.)
I met Abbey when I first got to Key West, about 12 years ago. At that time, Princess was 9, Dragon 6. I bonded quickly with both of them, but especially with Dragon. More than any of my nieces, she reminded me of me. She still does. In ways that I am continually realizing, she is so much like me it is scary.
At many times over the last 12 years, Dragon has said that I was the closest thing to a father she ever had, and I have thought, and said, that she was the closest thing to a daughter I ever had. And if I had had a daughter, while I could not know how she would turn out, I would like to imagine that, even with all her flaws, she would be very much like Dragon.
Well, a few weeks ago, Dragon had a medical emergency. Emergency Room shit and all that. And she called me. Scared. Frightened. Terrified. The most fearless chick I've ever known was panicked beyond belief. And over the phone, she told me once again that I was the closest thing to a father she ever had.
Dragon pulled through that scare without any problems, but that night got me thinking. And I started doing some research online, and asking questions, and probing, and wondering, and poking and prodding, and thinking, "What if?" and "Why not?" And I came to a decision.
I wanted to legally adopt Dragon.
"But Jester, Dragon is 18. She is an adult." Yes, she is. But as I discovered in my research, adult adoption is not only a legal reality in most states, it is actually not uncommon. And not only for people adopting disabled adults, or those with great fortunes seeking to legally solidify their chosen heirs (neither of which applies here), but also to those who have a parental relationship with another adult that they want to formalize, legally.
And so I set about my research. Talked to a lot of lawyers. Researched the laws in three different states to find out if I could do this, how I could do this, and what would be the obstacles to doing this. And I learned a lot about a lot. (More on that later on.)
The first thing I learned was that this was, potentially, a possibility. Which made me realize the first thing I would have to do to get this started was to ask Dragon if this was something that she actually wanted.
The second thing I learned was that, in just about every state that allows adult adoption, when done, it severs the legal ties of the adoptee to their birth parents. This was a problem, as I did not want to sever Dragon's legal ties to her mother, with whom she has a good (for a teenager) relationship, and with whom I am a good friend. So I determined to find out if it was possible to do this without her ties to Abbey, legally speaking. But that also told me that, if I was to have any chance of success, I would need to broach this subject with Abbey and get her approval.
The third thing I learned was that different states had different rules and restrictions about adult adoption, and a lot would depend on in which state's courts I pursued this.
But that was somewhere down the line. First and foremost, I had to talk to Dragon about this. And I fretted, stressed, and thought through this a hundred thousand times before I even got to Houston. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say I imagined my conversation about this with Dragon more times than I've imagined various conversations with first dates or potential first dates....and that's a lot.
I stressed, and I worried, and I envisioned a million different scenarios. Finally, after spending most of my first day in Houston with Dragon on the coast, and having thought about this virtually nonstop (I wanted to broach the subject over lunch, but the restaurant didn't really lend itself to that as much as I hoped), I finally turned to her and said, "We need to have a serious discussion." So we sat down on an unoccupied stage at the boardwalk, and I could tell that Dragon was worried that I was going to lecture her about her boyfriend (great guy) or her living situation (living with boyfriend, his mother, and his grandmother in a pretty nice suburban home). She definitely did NOT see what was coming.
Thinking of it now, I can picture every last detail of where we were and what we were doing, including the dead spider that was bouncing around on its last spun thread that was driving Dragon nuts. Finally, I told her what I was thinking, and asked her what she thought of it. She was, as it turns out, fantastically in favor of it. And was kind of surprised that I had considered there would be any other possibility. At which I pointed out that she had told me how she sometimes doubted her boyfriend, who as far as I could see (and as far as she knew) was a pretty wonderful guy, and yet she sometimes had doubts. And so had I, about her answer.
When she told me that she wanted me to adopt her, to become her father (at least legally), that was without question one of the absolute greatest moments of my life. Just typing it now brings tears to my eyes at the memory.
But this wasn't the end of it. It was not even really the beginning. Because we still needed Abbey, her mother, on board. And I made it abundantly clear to Dragon that if Abbey in any way opposed this, we would not pursue it any further. Dragon agreed without question on this point, much to my surprise. The girl is a smart cookie, after all, and even pointed out something I had not considered in my weeks of pondering and research: could this potentially affect her financial aid prospects in college?
Did I mention that she's scary smart?
So for the rest of the vacation, including the skydive and the graduation, neither one of us mentioned this to Abbey. Dragon told her boyfriend, and his mom and grandma (and she told me they were all in favor of it as well), but I just never found the right time to talk to Abbey privately about it. At least not in Houston.
The rest of my time in Houston--well, actually, the vast majority of my time in Houston--was pretty amazing. Dragon and I jumped out of a functional airplane, which I've posted about already. She graduated high school, and I told her how proud I was of her, to which she replied rather matter-of-factly, "Graduating high school is easy." She was right....as it turns out, if it had not been for her medical emergency, she almost definitely would have graduated in the top 10% of her class and earned Cum Laude recognition. I still almost smacked her. Damn smug kid. And oddly, she never got carded in any place we drank. Even at our last bar, after we left the Space Center on my last day there, where her 23 year old boyfriend got carded, she did not. Very odd, considering the fact that she is 18 and looks to be about 14.
A few Houston footnotes....first, after her graduation, when we were hanging out with her friends, shortly before my old exhausted ass left to go back to my hotel, I asked her, "Do you know what the most amazing part of my trip was?" And she said, "Jumping out of an airplane, of course." And I said, "No. That was the second most amazing part." And she looked at me, and suddenly she realized what I was saying, and went, "....Oooooohhhh...." Second, when I left her and her boyfriend at that last bar on my last night, when she walked me out to my car, she said, "Bye.....Dad." And I chastised her, and told her, as I had told her previously, she is ONLY to call me by my first name, as she always has. But to be honest, when she did that, that absolutely melted my heart. And finally, on Sunday, which was Father's Day, I hoped and hoped and hoped for, but never asked and never expected, something from her. And on that Sunday I got a text from her that read, quite simply, "Happy Father's Day."
I don't cry easily. But I won't lie. I teared right up at that. I tear up at it now just typing it. That was pretty much the most awesome text I've ever gotten.
A few days after I got back to Key West, I called Abbey. I explained what I wanted to do, and made it very clear that I wanted her support, and that quite frankly, Dragon and I needed her support, and would not in any way move forward without it. I also sent her an email outlining the various possibilities we had, and re-emphasizing that Dragon and I were not trying to run and end-run around her, and that if she decided she was against this, we would both drop it, period, no questions asked. As I've said, Dragon and I had agreed on this point.
And I sweated out the next week plus waiting for some word from Abbey, worrying that she would bring down the hammer and say no, and Dragon felt the same way....and the two of us were very, very anxious. Tom Petty was dead on; the waiting really IS the hardest part. But neither Dragon nor myself wanted to rush or push Abbey in any way, so we waited. And waited. And waited.
This morning I got an email from Abbey, which had some concerns (of course), but which basically gave her blessing for us to proceed. Pretty much one of the greatest beginnings to the day that I've ever had.
And now here I am, telling you, as I've been telling some (but not yet all) of my friends. I have not yet told my mother, either, as I think I should probably wait until I know if it is legally viable to do this. But keeping this in, only having told a very few (five) friends about this has been driving me crazy, as I am a very open person, and have trouble keeping things that are concerning me from my friends. But I did it this time pretty well, having only told five people, and until last week, all of them outside of Key West.
It feels great to get it off my chest, but this is really just the beginning of an uphill legal fight. Why uphill? Well, there are three potential States we can try to do this in, and all of them have laws that may cause us problems.
1. Texas. Where Dragon lives. Unfortunately, Texas law regarding adult adoption requires that both the adopter and the adoptee be residents of Texas. As I live in Florida, Texas is not a viable option. But the fact that I actually considered moving to Texas should show how serious I am about this. Of course, I only considered that move for about ten minutes, but that's about ten minutes more consideration than I would normally have considered the idea.
2. Florida. Where I live. In Florida, only one of the parties needs to be a resident. However, Florida has a law that prohibits two unmarried poeple from adopting someone. But I (and some lawyers I've talked to) think that we can get around that law because (A) this is an adult adoption, and (B) technically speaking, Abbey would not be adopting Dragon, as she is already her mother. And (C) all three parties, Dragon, Abbey, and I, all of whom are adults, are in favor of this. So, logically speaking, this should not be a problem. Of course, logic and Florida often take two very different roads from one another.
3. Arizona. My home state, and where I plan on living sometime soon. Arizona only requires one party to be a resident, and has no "unmarried" restriction as Florida does. However, Arizona law only allows adult adoption if the adoptee is between the ages of 18 and 21. Which means our deadline in Arizona would be October, 2015, Dragon's 22nd birthday. And that last part is significant, because if my adoption of Dragon would negatively affect her ability to get financial aid for college, we would postpone that process. Because frankly, I want was is best for Dragon, and hurting her chances at attending college is clearly not the best thing for her.
Beyond the various state laws, there is another potential problem with this idea. Specifically, adoption by a non-relative (such as this), whether done for a child or an adult, generally means the severing of the adoptee's legal ties to their birth parents. But Dragon and I don't want to sever her legal ties to her mother, we merely want to make me the father of record, effectively legally separating her legally from her biological father. (Did I mention that he's dead and she never knew him?) Now, while this would also sever her legal ties to her paternal grandmother, there are very few ways that would really come into play. And Dragon has already talked to Grandma about this, and much to my surprise, Grandma kinda understood it all.
So our best chance seems, oddly enough, to be Florida, as long as we can get around severing Dragon's legal ties to her mother, and that pesky ban on unmarried couples adopting. (Abbey is married to Way, who Dragon has only known since Abbey got involved with him, about 4 years ago, and he has no objection to any of this.)
My good friend Popcorn asked me a very poignant question. "What is your end game? What do you hope to accomplish with this?" Well, there is no end game per se. There is no ulterior motive, no over-arcing goal I am aiming for. This is, as I said, merely formalizing an already existing relationship. But if there were some ulterior motive, it would be to let Dragon, who has never known a "true" father, know that no matter what, I am always going to be there for her. She knows that know, of course. And if this never happens, if the legal procedures fall through, she will still know it. And, while it is almost completely symbolic (other than major medical emergencies, and issues of inheritance which, let's face it, all she's going to inherit from me is a bunch of recipes*), it still says a lot, and is still something we both want very, very much.
(*When she found out that she was the one that would get my recipes, including my secret recipes such as my chili, she asked me not to tell too many people about this, as she thought she might have to fear for her life if too many people knew she had those recipes. And some wonder why I love this kid?)
So, there it is in a nutshell. I am looking to be (legally) a father, and will still not have to change any diapers or miss out on any football days at the sports bar. (Hell, on my birthday, I managed to induce my niece's first ever hangover!)
Some people would say I'm nuts. And I don't just mean my friends who know me and KNOW I'm not quite right in the head. I mean sane, logical, rational people.
But I don't care. This is what I want, and this is what Dragon wants. If it's at all viable and possible, we WILL make it happen.
I am more than open to suggestions from the peanut gallery, and even criticism of this plan. But if you come to criticize, remember that you will be criticizing a fatherless girl who found her father, and a childless man who found his daughter.
Good luck with that.
Me, I'm going to bask in the glory that is my life, that is my reality, that is my today.
Why?
Well, it's simple, really.
I'm a Dad.
I've bungee jumped.
I've tried more rums than I know.
I've tried more beers than I can count.
I've been educated by some of the best bartenders in the world, and danced with one of the most famous movie stars alive.
I've been a DJ in a clothing optional bar, and run for Mayor of my home town.
And what I am embarking on now is perhaps the craziest, farthest out of the box, wackiest, most wonderful things I've ever attempted. And surprisingly, it doesn't involve defying physics, cheating death, or revolutionizing the political landscape.
(WARNING: This will be long-winded and very open, and those who think I reveal too much of myself in this forum will want to move along now. This post is VERY personal. So if you don't want to read a long post, and/or if you are not very interested in pretty much the most personal post I've ever made in this forum, please, for both of our sakes, move along to the next post about rabid man-eating ferrets and their adventures in the Corporate Land of Bilk and Money.)
Background: As many of you know, I have several nieces, and am fiercely proud and dangerously protective of all of them, even when they screw up; yes, even when they screw up badly.
My four nieces are not my sisters' or brothers' children, but the four daughters of my two friends, Abbey and Neets. Some people would say they are not, therefore, my nieces. These are the people I've been known to tie to overpasses during rush hour. For these ARE my nieces, biology be damned. And I've mentioned them all here before.
Princess, 21, Abbey's eldest, who is currently living in the Midwest with her boyfriend, twice her age and very close in age to her father, who she worshipped, who died shortly before she got involved with her boyfriend who is very close in age to the aforementioned father. Who doesn't really talk to me or Abbey or any of her friends or family down in these parts anymore. Yeah, that. Meh. I still love Princess, don't get me wrong, but she is doing everything she can to separate herself from those who love her. And, well, it does not endear Mr. Douchebag to her mother, myself, or anyone else that gave a shit about her before she met Mr. Douchebag.
Bug, 19, Neets's eldest, who had brain surgery a few years ago, and who just last autumn gave birth to her son, Z-Man. And who is not really the nicest person to her mother, and who for some reason thought I would take her side in a fight she had with her mother when I was back home in Arizona a couple months ago, despite the fact that, as I mentioned to her, I've been best friends with Neets since before Bug existed....WHY would she think I would side with her over Neets? (Especially when Bug is creating unnecessary drama that causes the fight....) I adore Bug, but can't figure out where all her anger comes from.
Bear, 7, Neets's younger daughter, who is probably semi-autistic, but who is without question an absolute angel. Those who don't like Bear don't like sunshine, puppies, lollipops, or any aspect of being alive. She is basically the sweetest thing even to appear on the earth since sugar...and sugar is quaking in its boots.
And then there's Dragon. Abbey's youngest. 18. Smartest of the lot, and sadly, knows it. And the one most like me, in so many ways. She is the one I went to Texas to see graduate, and the one that I jumped out of an airplane with.
All of my four nieces have four different fathers. (Welcome to Modern America.) Three of them know or knew their father. Dragon never did. Her father, by all accounts a drug addict and major fucktard, died when she was four, and her mother, much to Abbey's credit, never let Fucktard actually see Dragon. So they were never in the same place at the same time. Ever.
Which makes Dragon my only niece that grew up without a father in any way. (Bug and Bear know their fathers, and Princess knew her father, but he was killed in a tragic accident she witnessed when she was 19.)
I met Abbey when I first got to Key West, about 12 years ago. At that time, Princess was 9, Dragon 6. I bonded quickly with both of them, but especially with Dragon. More than any of my nieces, she reminded me of me. She still does. In ways that I am continually realizing, she is so much like me it is scary.
At many times over the last 12 years, Dragon has said that I was the closest thing to a father she ever had, and I have thought, and said, that she was the closest thing to a daughter I ever had. And if I had had a daughter, while I could not know how she would turn out, I would like to imagine that, even with all her flaws, she would be very much like Dragon.
Well, a few weeks ago, Dragon had a medical emergency. Emergency Room shit and all that. And she called me. Scared. Frightened. Terrified. The most fearless chick I've ever known was panicked beyond belief. And over the phone, she told me once again that I was the closest thing to a father she ever had.
Dragon pulled through that scare without any problems, but that night got me thinking. And I started doing some research online, and asking questions, and probing, and wondering, and poking and prodding, and thinking, "What if?" and "Why not?" And I came to a decision.
I wanted to legally adopt Dragon.
"But Jester, Dragon is 18. She is an adult." Yes, she is. But as I discovered in my research, adult adoption is not only a legal reality in most states, it is actually not uncommon. And not only for people adopting disabled adults, or those with great fortunes seeking to legally solidify their chosen heirs (neither of which applies here), but also to those who have a parental relationship with another adult that they want to formalize, legally.
And so I set about my research. Talked to a lot of lawyers. Researched the laws in three different states to find out if I could do this, how I could do this, and what would be the obstacles to doing this. And I learned a lot about a lot. (More on that later on.)
The first thing I learned was that this was, potentially, a possibility. Which made me realize the first thing I would have to do to get this started was to ask Dragon if this was something that she actually wanted.
The second thing I learned was that, in just about every state that allows adult adoption, when done, it severs the legal ties of the adoptee to their birth parents. This was a problem, as I did not want to sever Dragon's legal ties to her mother, with whom she has a good (for a teenager) relationship, and with whom I am a good friend. So I determined to find out if it was possible to do this without her ties to Abbey, legally speaking. But that also told me that, if I was to have any chance of success, I would need to broach this subject with Abbey and get her approval.
The third thing I learned was that different states had different rules and restrictions about adult adoption, and a lot would depend on in which state's courts I pursued this.
But that was somewhere down the line. First and foremost, I had to talk to Dragon about this. And I fretted, stressed, and thought through this a hundred thousand times before I even got to Houston. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say I imagined my conversation about this with Dragon more times than I've imagined various conversations with first dates or potential first dates....and that's a lot.
I stressed, and I worried, and I envisioned a million different scenarios. Finally, after spending most of my first day in Houston with Dragon on the coast, and having thought about this virtually nonstop (I wanted to broach the subject over lunch, but the restaurant didn't really lend itself to that as much as I hoped), I finally turned to her and said, "We need to have a serious discussion." So we sat down on an unoccupied stage at the boardwalk, and I could tell that Dragon was worried that I was going to lecture her about her boyfriend (great guy) or her living situation (living with boyfriend, his mother, and his grandmother in a pretty nice suburban home). She definitely did NOT see what was coming.
Thinking of it now, I can picture every last detail of where we were and what we were doing, including the dead spider that was bouncing around on its last spun thread that was driving Dragon nuts. Finally, I told her what I was thinking, and asked her what she thought of it. She was, as it turns out, fantastically in favor of it. And was kind of surprised that I had considered there would be any other possibility. At which I pointed out that she had told me how she sometimes doubted her boyfriend, who as far as I could see (and as far as she knew) was a pretty wonderful guy, and yet she sometimes had doubts. And so had I, about her answer.
When she told me that she wanted me to adopt her, to become her father (at least legally), that was without question one of the absolute greatest moments of my life. Just typing it now brings tears to my eyes at the memory.
But this wasn't the end of it. It was not even really the beginning. Because we still needed Abbey, her mother, on board. And I made it abundantly clear to Dragon that if Abbey in any way opposed this, we would not pursue it any further. Dragon agreed without question on this point, much to my surprise. The girl is a smart cookie, after all, and even pointed out something I had not considered in my weeks of pondering and research: could this potentially affect her financial aid prospects in college?
Did I mention that she's scary smart?
So for the rest of the vacation, including the skydive and the graduation, neither one of us mentioned this to Abbey. Dragon told her boyfriend, and his mom and grandma (and she told me they were all in favor of it as well), but I just never found the right time to talk to Abbey privately about it. At least not in Houston.
The rest of my time in Houston--well, actually, the vast majority of my time in Houston--was pretty amazing. Dragon and I jumped out of a functional airplane, which I've posted about already. She graduated high school, and I told her how proud I was of her, to which she replied rather matter-of-factly, "Graduating high school is easy." She was right....as it turns out, if it had not been for her medical emergency, she almost definitely would have graduated in the top 10% of her class and earned Cum Laude recognition. I still almost smacked her. Damn smug kid. And oddly, she never got carded in any place we drank. Even at our last bar, after we left the Space Center on my last day there, where her 23 year old boyfriend got carded, she did not. Very odd, considering the fact that she is 18 and looks to be about 14.
A few Houston footnotes....first, after her graduation, when we were hanging out with her friends, shortly before my old exhausted ass left to go back to my hotel, I asked her, "Do you know what the most amazing part of my trip was?" And she said, "Jumping out of an airplane, of course." And I said, "No. That was the second most amazing part." And she looked at me, and suddenly she realized what I was saying, and went, "....Oooooohhhh...." Second, when I left her and her boyfriend at that last bar on my last night, when she walked me out to my car, she said, "Bye.....Dad." And I chastised her, and told her, as I had told her previously, she is ONLY to call me by my first name, as she always has. But to be honest, when she did that, that absolutely melted my heart. And finally, on Sunday, which was Father's Day, I hoped and hoped and hoped for, but never asked and never expected, something from her. And on that Sunday I got a text from her that read, quite simply, "Happy Father's Day."
I don't cry easily. But I won't lie. I teared right up at that. I tear up at it now just typing it. That was pretty much the most awesome text I've ever gotten.
A few days after I got back to Key West, I called Abbey. I explained what I wanted to do, and made it very clear that I wanted her support, and that quite frankly, Dragon and I needed her support, and would not in any way move forward without it. I also sent her an email outlining the various possibilities we had, and re-emphasizing that Dragon and I were not trying to run and end-run around her, and that if she decided she was against this, we would both drop it, period, no questions asked. As I've said, Dragon and I had agreed on this point.
And I sweated out the next week plus waiting for some word from Abbey, worrying that she would bring down the hammer and say no, and Dragon felt the same way....and the two of us were very, very anxious. Tom Petty was dead on; the waiting really IS the hardest part. But neither Dragon nor myself wanted to rush or push Abbey in any way, so we waited. And waited. And waited.
This morning I got an email from Abbey, which had some concerns (of course), but which basically gave her blessing for us to proceed. Pretty much one of the greatest beginnings to the day that I've ever had.
And now here I am, telling you, as I've been telling some (but not yet all) of my friends. I have not yet told my mother, either, as I think I should probably wait until I know if it is legally viable to do this. But keeping this in, only having told a very few (five) friends about this has been driving me crazy, as I am a very open person, and have trouble keeping things that are concerning me from my friends. But I did it this time pretty well, having only told five people, and until last week, all of them outside of Key West.
It feels great to get it off my chest, but this is really just the beginning of an uphill legal fight. Why uphill? Well, there are three potential States we can try to do this in, and all of them have laws that may cause us problems.
1. Texas. Where Dragon lives. Unfortunately, Texas law regarding adult adoption requires that both the adopter and the adoptee be residents of Texas. As I live in Florida, Texas is not a viable option. But the fact that I actually considered moving to Texas should show how serious I am about this. Of course, I only considered that move for about ten minutes, but that's about ten minutes more consideration than I would normally have considered the idea.
2. Florida. Where I live. In Florida, only one of the parties needs to be a resident. However, Florida has a law that prohibits two unmarried poeple from adopting someone. But I (and some lawyers I've talked to) think that we can get around that law because (A) this is an adult adoption, and (B) technically speaking, Abbey would not be adopting Dragon, as she is already her mother. And (C) all three parties, Dragon, Abbey, and I, all of whom are adults, are in favor of this. So, logically speaking, this should not be a problem. Of course, logic and Florida often take two very different roads from one another.
3. Arizona. My home state, and where I plan on living sometime soon. Arizona only requires one party to be a resident, and has no "unmarried" restriction as Florida does. However, Arizona law only allows adult adoption if the adoptee is between the ages of 18 and 21. Which means our deadline in Arizona would be October, 2015, Dragon's 22nd birthday. And that last part is significant, because if my adoption of Dragon would negatively affect her ability to get financial aid for college, we would postpone that process. Because frankly, I want was is best for Dragon, and hurting her chances at attending college is clearly not the best thing for her.
Beyond the various state laws, there is another potential problem with this idea. Specifically, adoption by a non-relative (such as this), whether done for a child or an adult, generally means the severing of the adoptee's legal ties to their birth parents. But Dragon and I don't want to sever her legal ties to her mother, we merely want to make me the father of record, effectively legally separating her legally from her biological father. (Did I mention that he's dead and she never knew him?) Now, while this would also sever her legal ties to her paternal grandmother, there are very few ways that would really come into play. And Dragon has already talked to Grandma about this, and much to my surprise, Grandma kinda understood it all.
So our best chance seems, oddly enough, to be Florida, as long as we can get around severing Dragon's legal ties to her mother, and that pesky ban on unmarried couples adopting. (Abbey is married to Way, who Dragon has only known since Abbey got involved with him, about 4 years ago, and he has no objection to any of this.)
My good friend Popcorn asked me a very poignant question. "What is your end game? What do you hope to accomplish with this?" Well, there is no end game per se. There is no ulterior motive, no over-arcing goal I am aiming for. This is, as I said, merely formalizing an already existing relationship. But if there were some ulterior motive, it would be to let Dragon, who has never known a "true" father, know that no matter what, I am always going to be there for her. She knows that know, of course. And if this never happens, if the legal procedures fall through, she will still know it. And, while it is almost completely symbolic (other than major medical emergencies, and issues of inheritance which, let's face it, all she's going to inherit from me is a bunch of recipes*), it still says a lot, and is still something we both want very, very much.
(*When she found out that she was the one that would get my recipes, including my secret recipes such as my chili, she asked me not to tell too many people about this, as she thought she might have to fear for her life if too many people knew she had those recipes. And some wonder why I love this kid?)
So, there it is in a nutshell. I am looking to be (legally) a father, and will still not have to change any diapers or miss out on any football days at the sports bar. (Hell, on my birthday, I managed to induce my niece's first ever hangover!)
Some people would say I'm nuts. And I don't just mean my friends who know me and KNOW I'm not quite right in the head. I mean sane, logical, rational people.
But I don't care. This is what I want, and this is what Dragon wants. If it's at all viable and possible, we WILL make it happen.
I am more than open to suggestions from the peanut gallery, and even criticism of this plan. But if you come to criticize, remember that you will be criticizing a fatherless girl who found her father, and a childless man who found his daughter.
Good luck with that.
Me, I'm going to bask in the glory that is my life, that is my reality, that is my today.
Why?
Well, it's simple, really.
I'm a Dad.
He is my Black Dragon (and yes, a good one) strong, protective, the guardian. I am his Silver Dragon, always by his side, shining for him, cherishing him.
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