The "Can I have your Bike?" thread reminded me of this one from this past weekend.
For the first time in quite a while I went to visit my Greatest Customer from my Bent Staple days (yes, this is another thread about the guy with the DeLorean. I won't be offended if anyone skips this. )
Anyway, he had me over to watch the LSU/Florida Gators game, and to see his 14-month old boy whom I had not had an opportunity to meet.
Anyway, he had me take the car out for a bit to exercise it since it had nto been driven in a few months (as evidenced by the pine needles, leaves, and other yard debris that had gathered around the wheels.....). We determined that the battery was shot and had to be replaced, so I had to jump start it and would not be able to shut it down.
After tooling around his neighborhood for a while I jumped on the highway and headed over to the hobby shop where I used to work to say hi to a couple guys there. I had to park in the fire lane because I didn't want to leave the car running unattended in a parking space. Yes I know, I still shouldn't have done that and I'm not making excuses.
My former boss and a former colleague came out and chatted for a few minutes, and then this guy and his two buddies parked and got out of their car and headed into the liquor store next door. One of them stopped to admire the car.
Random Idiot: Whoa....nice car! LOVE the suicide doors!
Me: Actually they're gull-wing doors. Suicide doors open backwards.
RI: Dude, don't talk to me like that. I know what I'm talking about. *gets on his phone and mentions to someone that he's standing right next to a car with suicide doors*
Me:
Then he heads towards the liquor store, stops, turns back to me....
RI: Hey, any chance I could drive that thing around the parking lot??
Are you fucking serious? OK, first of all, no. This isn't my car so I can't let some random asshole like you drive it. Second, even if it WAS my car I STILL wouldn't let you do that.
And most of all, you're an idiot who just told me off because I dared to say you were wrong about something. What possible incentive could there be for me to give you the honor of even SITTING in this car to say nothign of driving it?????
Me: Sorry, I can't do that. I'm borrowing the car myself so I can't let you do that.
RI: I'll give you $100 to let me drive it around the parking lot.
You mean you'll give me $100 to let you steal it? No thanks.
Me: No.
*RI goes into the liquor store, and I resumed chatting with my former colleagues. He comes out a few minutes later*
RI: I'll give you $500 to let me drive it.
Me: No, I can't do that.
RI: Fine fine....coudl you at least take our picture in front of it?
OK, I should've said no because you're an asshole, but in and of itself that's reasonable, and I'm a nice guy so I took his iPhone and snapped a picture of him and his buddies standing beside it (on the passenger's side) and that seemed to satisfy him, and they left.
Right after that I thought up the perfect rebuke for when he offered $500.
"I'll bet you $500 you don't even know how to drive stick."
For the first time in quite a while I went to visit my Greatest Customer from my Bent Staple days (yes, this is another thread about the guy with the DeLorean. I won't be offended if anyone skips this. )
Anyway, he had me over to watch the LSU/Florida Gators game, and to see his 14-month old boy whom I had not had an opportunity to meet.
Anyway, he had me take the car out for a bit to exercise it since it had nto been driven in a few months (as evidenced by the pine needles, leaves, and other yard debris that had gathered around the wheels.....). We determined that the battery was shot and had to be replaced, so I had to jump start it and would not be able to shut it down.
After tooling around his neighborhood for a while I jumped on the highway and headed over to the hobby shop where I used to work to say hi to a couple guys there. I had to park in the fire lane because I didn't want to leave the car running unattended in a parking space. Yes I know, I still shouldn't have done that and I'm not making excuses.
My former boss and a former colleague came out and chatted for a few minutes, and then this guy and his two buddies parked and got out of their car and headed into the liquor store next door. One of them stopped to admire the car.
Random Idiot: Whoa....nice car! LOVE the suicide doors!
Me: Actually they're gull-wing doors. Suicide doors open backwards.
RI: Dude, don't talk to me like that. I know what I'm talking about. *gets on his phone and mentions to someone that he's standing right next to a car with suicide doors*
Me:
Then he heads towards the liquor store, stops, turns back to me....
RI: Hey, any chance I could drive that thing around the parking lot??
Are you fucking serious? OK, first of all, no. This isn't my car so I can't let some random asshole like you drive it. Second, even if it WAS my car I STILL wouldn't let you do that.
And most of all, you're an idiot who just told me off because I dared to say you were wrong about something. What possible incentive could there be for me to give you the honor of even SITTING in this car to say nothign of driving it?????
Me: Sorry, I can't do that. I'm borrowing the car myself so I can't let you do that.
RI: I'll give you $100 to let me drive it around the parking lot.
You mean you'll give me $100 to let you steal it? No thanks.
Me: No.
*RI goes into the liquor store, and I resumed chatting with my former colleagues. He comes out a few minutes later*
RI: I'll give you $500 to let me drive it.
Me: No, I can't do that.
RI: Fine fine....coudl you at least take our picture in front of it?
OK, I should've said no because you're an asshole, but in and of itself that's reasonable, and I'm a nice guy so I took his iPhone and snapped a picture of him and his buddies standing beside it (on the passenger's side) and that seemed to satisfy him, and they left.
Right after that I thought up the perfect rebuke for when he offered $500.
"I'll bet you $500 you don't even know how to drive stick."
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