Crazy Mama Drama Update

[BearLeeBadenaugh]

The No Trespass letter is the best before-the-fact option you have.

Everything else, weapons, camera, etc, are all during the event/after the event. They're still some level of deterrent, but you have to make them known, otherwise they serve more for protection during the event and evidence for criminal charges after the event.

I suggest you speak to a lawyer in regards to the no-trespass letter. I would also see about having said notice served to him while he's still resident at the prison facility.

[Caffienated_Caramel]

Do you have any neighbors you know well enough to trust? As a precaution, you might want to give them the heads up on this guy if he comes over on your property unannounced while you're away and they're around.

[mjr]

Do you have any neighbors you know well enough to trust? As a precaution, you might want to give them the heads up on this guy if he comes over on your property unannounced while you're away and they're around.

Not really. I live in a fairly new development, and I am basically surrounded by empty lots. My neighbors down the street on the corner are moving out, and there's also an empty lot directly across the street.

I don't really know any of the other people in my neighborhood.

I keep my back gate locked, and my back door locked, and I doubt he could climb the fence (6 foot wood fence), since I've seen a picture of this guy, and not only does he look dumb, he doesn't look in the best of shape, either.

We do, however, have a sort-of bay window in the front of our house, and the back of our house has six windows.

This is one reason I was considering a surveillance system.

If course your mother doesn't believe it. She thinks you're drinking the koolaid this jailbird is making.

Well, my mother doesn't know that I know (at least I don't think she does).

But I think her line of thinking is this:

Once they (my sister and I, and our families) meet him, they'll see he's really not a bad guy...

Maybe she thinks she can convince us of that if we'd just give him a chance.

Sorry, that's not happening.

The No Trespass letter is the best before-the-fact option you have.

Gonna definitely think about this.

They're still some level of deterrent, but you have to make them known, otherwise they serve more for protection during the event and evidence for criminal charges after the event.

Dual purpose is definitely the intent, though I'm hoping I wouldn't need them for the latter. I'm hoping that just making it known that I have security cameras (should I decide to go that route if necessary), and baseball bats I'm not afraid to use. I'm hoping that would be enough of a deterrent.

It's kind of like the reason a lot of people learn martial arts. A lot of people learn martial arts because they like it, and so they can protect themselves. They never intend to use it, and they don't necessarily want to use it, but it's there if they need it.

I suggest you speak to a lawyer in regards to the no-trespass letter. I would also see about having said notice served to him while he's still resident at the prison facility.

Another good idea. I might have to bring this up with my wife. I think I'd rather have the s**t hit the fan all at once, rather than over a period of the next year and a half. Especially since then my mother would know that I know. And my sister has asked me to pretend that I don't.

[Seshat]

The security system would be useful only as after-the-fact evidence.

Replacing your windows and doors with more secure versions would provide more prevention-security than a cameras-and-recordings sort of system. Even so, security is always a balancing point: every security system can be avoided, evaded, or broken, by a clever enough, determined enough intruder.

Come up with a budget, then study your options. Decide how much prevention you want, vs how much evidence, vs how much alerting.

You might find that your best defence is to get a dog from a breed which looks intimidating but which is good with children: but only if you don't think Prison Dude will shoot or otherwise attack the dog!
And if you do get such a dog, you'll need to commit to both yourself and your wife doing daily training exercises with him, and to having a pet for 10+ years.

There have to be many other people who have been in your situation before. There's almost certainly an online community of such people: look for it.
Other groups who will have security suggestions are stalker victims, and also people who have been victims of house-intrusion crimes.

[mjr]

Of course, all of my thinking right now is of the VERY pre-mature chess move kind, but...

The security system would be useful only as after-the-fact evidence.

This is very true. Though part of my concern is that my wife stays home during the day (Stay-at-home-mom), and also home-schools our kiddo. I work about 35 miles away, so I couldn't get home quickly if I needed to.

Come up with a budget, then study your options. Decide how much prevention you want, vs how much evidence, vs how much alerting.

This is indeed the balancing point. I mean, I don't need to be alerted every time a cat runs across my yard. I just want him off my property and away from my family.

You might find that your best defence is to get a dog from a breed which looks intimidating but which is good with children: but only if you don't think Prison Dude will shoot or otherwise attack the dog!

Well, we're really not "pet" people. I mean, I've had cats before but that's back when I still lived at home, and it was more of a "family" pet than my cat.

There have to be many other people who have been in your situation before. There's almost certainly an online community of such people: look for it.
Other groups who will have security suggestions are stalker victims, and also people who have been victims of house-intrusion crimes.

That's a good idea. Thank you. I'll look into that.

[Sapphire Silk]

Here's the other thing. You're working yourself into a frenzy over bad things that may never happen. Don't do that to yourself.

I think it far more likely this guy will sponge off your Mom, and try to sponge off you through her, than he will try to break in to steal from you or do you any harm. Simply refusing to associate with him or rescue your mother when she starts crying poverty is the best defense.

A no tresspass letter will keep him away from your property; he won't want to violate parole and go back to jail, and if he's not there to intimidate you or use emotional blackmail through Mom, there's not much he can do to you.

Seriously: you are way overthinking this, and you could end up spending good money to prevent a problem unlikely to ever happen.

[Gizmo]

Thought about keeping the baseball bats around in case he does turn up - remember that a weapon within reach of someone not willing/trained to use could be considered more dangerous than being without it. Not only does picking that weapon up make you more of a target but it provides the potential attacker with a weapon should he be able to take it away from you.

I remember you said further up that you are concerned about your wife being home alone - is she truly prepared to use this if she needs to? If not then chat to her about what she IS comfortable with.

[mjr]

Here's the other thing. You're working yourself into a frenzy over bad things that may never happen. Don't do that to yourself.

I think it far more likely this guy will sponge off your Mom, and try to sponge off you through her, than he will try to break in to steal from you or do you any harm. Simply refusing to associate with him or rescue your mother when she starts crying poverty is the best defense.

A no tresspass letter will keep him away from your property; he won't want to violate parole and go back to jail, and if he's not there to intimidate you or use emotional blackmail through Mom, there's not much he can do to you.

Seriously: you are way overthinking this, and you could end up spending good money to prevent a problem unlikely to ever happen.

You're more than likely right. There's a high probability that none of what I'm talking about will ever happen.

I don't know how the federal penal system works, but I do know that in the state where he is incarcerated, they did away with parole in 1995, just a few years before he got put in prison.

So I'm not sure if "violating his parole" could happen.

I'm more worried about mom trying to play the "If you'll just talk to/meet him..." card. Or playing the "scripture" card, which she's done from time to time. Trying to guild me/my family that way.

My wife told me that her ideal scenario is that mom meets someone more respectable, and divorces prison boy before he even gets out. That, or prison boy gets out and just disappears, where mom can't find him.

It would be harder for mom to get a divorce in the second scenario, because of abandonment laws, though.

[April]

I'm more worried about mom trying to play the "If you'll just talk to/meet him..." card. Or playing the "scripture" card, which she's done from time to time. Trying to guild me/my family that way.

My wife told me that her ideal scenario is that mom meets someone more respectable, and divorces prison boy before he even gets out. That, or prison boy gets out and just disappears, where mom can't find him.

It would be harder for mom to get a divorce in the second scenario, because of abandonment laws, though.

Keep in mind that quite a few people in prison have 5 or 6 "loves" who send them money. The prisoner writes to them, tells them how much they love them and will say and/or do just about anything to keep the money coming in. even getting married. Once he is out, he may break it off on his own, especially if your mom doesn't have the funds to keep him up in the style he thinks he should be in. I live in a state with parole, and although I am in the justice field, I have no clue how a state with no parole works. I think that's probably a cause for a higher recidivism, but who knows?

[MoonCat]

If you don't mind the question....Why doesn't your sister want your mother to know you know? Or to put it another way, why doesn't your mom want you to know? Because that sounds as though she's perfectly aware of what a bad idea this relationship really is.

[gremcint]

you know what you've got some time here maybe some self defence classes for you and wife might help.

[mjr]

If you don't mind the question....Why doesn't your sister want your mother to know you know? Or to put it another way, why doesn't your mom want you to know? Because that sounds as though she's perfectly aware of what a bad idea this relationship really is.

I don't mind the question at all. It's a good one.

I'm not really sure why. I never followed up with my sister as to why.

In the original thread I posted on the topic, I recall that my sister and aunt did try to stage a preemptive intervention, but to no avail.

[Sapphire Silk]

I don't know how the federal penal system works, but I do know that in the state where he is incarcerated, they did away with parole in 1995, just a few years before he got put in prison.

So I'm not sure if "violating his parole" could happen.

It could happen only if his state granted early release to relieve overcrowding. Otherwise, when he gets out he's done his time.

I'm more worried about mom trying to play the "If you'll just talk to/meet him..." card. Or playing the "scripture" card, which she's done from time to time. Trying to guild me/my family that way.

Bank on that happening. Be firm. Rehearse what you will say. Stand your ground.

My wife told me that her ideal scenario is that mom meets someone more respectable, and divorces prison boy before he even gets out. That, or prison boy gets out and just disappears, where mom can't find him.

It would be harder for mom to get a divorce in the second scenario, because of abandonment laws, though.

It's quite possible he's playing your mom, which would be good for her in the long run though she'll be poorer for it in the short term. But she won't meet someone more respectable and dump the jailbird. She chose this relationship because it's safe (he's locked up) and "she can fix him."

[mjr]

It could happen only if his state granted early release to relieve overcrowding. Otherwise, when he gets out he's done his time.

He's been in there for a while (since the late 1990's). 1999, I think, is when he was incarcerated. My assumption is he's going to serve his full sentence.

Bank on that happening. Be firm. Rehearse what you will say. Stand your ground.

I'm definitely going to have to "prepare a defense".

It's quite possible he's playing your mom, which would be good for her in the long run though she'll be poorer for it in the short term. But she won't meet someone more respectable and dump the jailbird. She chose this relationship because it's safe (he's locked up) and "she can fix him."

This is what's most unfortunate to me. I believe he has her absolutely convinced that he did nothing wrong, and the entire thing was a setup by his ex-wife and his ex wife's family. My sister even told me that prison boy tried to make the claim that the ex-wife lied about the whole thing, and that he (prison boy) was just going to "scare" her (the ex-wife). It's some weird-ass convoluted story about money his family had in some sort of account, that he didn't want his ex-wife getting her hands on. Or some other such nonsense. And my mother bought it. But when three of the charges are attempted murder, breaking and entering, and forced sodomy, well, don't expect a lot of sympathy or trust from me...

[cindybubbles]

Lock up your kitchen knives and anything sharp and pointy. Also, put as much cash as you can in the bank and see if you can rent a safety-deposit box for some of your valuables.

Do have a bat around, but also have a glove and a ball nearby to throw off suspicion.