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The Tow Files: June, bugs.

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  • The Tow Files: June, bugs.

    Good news! Got a new hire who passed his drug screen (the fact I told him "You fail the piss test, and I'm coming for you" might have had something to do with it)

    THe bad news? He quit yesterday when he was offered a better job someplace else....

    I should've been more specific with my threats....

    Anyway, to keep from flying off the handle, here's a lovely destressing of my psyche via the written (or typed as it may be) script. Enjoy.


    Lost in Translation

    Well, Miss, the reason you got towed was because you parked in a spot that's reserved for a delivery driver. No, you did not recieve no warning, there's a huge sign on the wall:

    PARKING FOR CHINESE GARDEN DELIVERY DRIVERS ONLY: ALL OTHERS TOWED

    And below that, is what I suspect is the same message, in what I suspect is Chinese....

    So, you had TWO chances to get the message and still managed to cock it all up.

    And that's why the signs are only printed in English. As you can see, adding other languages like those ones at the airport, will do you no good as there are always those out there convinced that if they try and read a sign, it'll swallow their soul and leave them a shambling zombie doomed to wander the Earth forever more without purpose.

    How else can so many people get towed for parking RIGHT IN FRONT of ones that say so?


    Night of the Living Fake

    Wow, took longer than I thought before the first fake of this semester turned up. I was certain that with the expiration date on all of Global Domination Reality's spring permits being"5-31-15" that at least ONE person would be tempted to "cinder block" the "5" into an "8" and get caught because the legit "natural" 8 has that sexy wasp waist going on, not the soulless digital LED-clock style "8", and, 8-31-15 isn't a legit expiration date because summer permits all expire on 8-18, you know, when classes are over? As opposed to when you're projected to just run out of class? BA-ZING!

    So, to my shock and awe, it took six whole days before I found one.

    To my further shock and awe, the owner came running after I had the car lifted. Why was that odd? It was 1am (Yay for 3rd shift rotation! ) , most people aren't up at that hour to even NOTICE their car getting towed, you pretty much never get a drop between 1 am and 6 am. Looks like this is the exception to the rule. It's also good for a laugh to see young ladies fly down fire escapes in their pajamas, gives me a fairly accurate idea of what a police raid on a sleepover party that got a bit too rowdy would look like.

    So, now comes the "play innocent" part, as our heroine wants to know why I'm towing her car.

    "I have a permit"

    "Yeah, a tampered one, fakes don't count"

    ...

    ...

    ... "How much?"

    Well, that de-escalated quickly.

    Of course, you wouldn't be sucky for just that alone, not with everything I've seen lately. Nope, like the inexplicably invincible serial killer on the movie screen, the real scare only happens when you think you've killed him (and the garden rake through the skull was only the LAST place you punctured him) and yet he STILL waits until you're happily safe and hugging your girl/guy friend before bursting through a wall with a chainsaw that, honestly, you BOTH should have heard coming from a block away....

    So accordingly, when I thought it was all over, and paid for she asks:

    "So, I can still park here tonight, right?"

    ...

    ...

    ...

    Uh, No! As soon as you are unhooked you will have to move this car!

    She seemed bummed, but at least complied without a fuss so I could go tow someone else.

    Boy, good thing I don't have faith in humanity anymore and down generic Xanax by the bottle-full over breakfast, otherwise, that display of utter social incompetence might have actually depressed me....


    Wherein I Channel Cops

    Found another car with a "bricked" permit where they attempted to make the "5" an "8" with the same ammount of success as the first one (i.e. none).

    Again, despite the fact it's been here all darn day, the instant I start looking it over, the owner sticks his head out the window.

    "Can I help you with somthing?"

    "Nope, I got this"

    "Well, what's going on?"

    "This car's getting towed"

    "Uh..... it has a permit"

    "A fake permit"

    "Huh?"

    "The dates on this permit have been tampered, it was good until the 31st, someone tried to change it, and did a really bad job"

    "Oh, uh, it's not my car"

    And he goes back inside.

    A few minutes later, I hear him yelling again

    "Uh, do you, work for the apartment complex?"

    *Hmmm, I drive a truck with the name of ANOTHER COMPANY on the door, and am wearing a Hawiian shirt, does it LOOK like I work for a reality company? In any capacity?*

    "No, I work for Friendly Neighborhood Towing, we're contracted to tow out of here"

    "Oh, well, that's not my car"

    And he cuckoo-clocks himself back in the window.

    Not your car huh? And let me guess, that isn't your stash in the glovbox, and those aren't your bench warrants in the system? Right? You sure seem interrested in something happening to someone ELSE'S car, pardner. Almost like you KNEW it was breaking the law, but didn't want to get involved?

    Just like how on the old episodes of "COPS", everything illicit in the world seems to be owned by someone's "Friend". Without exception.

    Everything illegal from guns to knives to grinders to pot to spoons, to coke, you know? Everyone the police ever talk to seems to have a legion of law-breaking friends who keep storing it in their buddy's car and are never around, funny that, huh?

    Well, tell your "Friend" he owes me money, when you see him next, which will probably be in the bathroom mirror.... just a hunch. And then tell him to either get a new permit or park on the street, because I can play my half of this chirade a lot better and a lot longer than "him".



    I'm Expired?! You're Expired! This whole CONVERSATION has expired!!!

    Guy raps on the front door, apparently he's here to pick up his recently-towed car. He wants to know why it was towed, a logical enough question, so I look at the paperwork.

    "It was towed for having expired permits for that lot"

    "What? What do you mean?"

    "The permits were expired, looks like they ran out in the end of May, so they had you towed. It's $145, $130 for the tow, and a $15 ticket"

    "What?! Ticket?! For what?"

    *pulling ticket off paperwork*

    "It says "Violation 101:2 Expired Permits", they ticketed the car for expired permits, and then towed it."

    "I don't understand, I have a permit."

    "It expired"

    " "Expired?" What'd ya mean "Expired"?" ( I swear, you could almost hear the finger-quotes even though they weren't used directly)

    "It ran out at the end of May."

    "But, I have a permit!"

    "And it's not valid anymore, today is the 6th, and it expired on the 31st."

    "But nobody told me"

    "It says right on it "EXPIRES 5-31-15" " (and it's in the lease)

    "So I have to get ANOTHER?!"

    "Yes"

    "But I live there!"

    "Doesn't matter, you need one for each semester, those are the rules of the property owner."

    "That's BULLS*IT!"

    Well, Son, we live in a world that's always a-changin', time, she is moving. Nothing lasts forever, except that green stain on the rug in the foyer, I have no idea what it is or why it's resisted all attempts to chemically remove.

    For everything else, given due time, it reaches it's cosmic "sell by" date and expires, from the stars in the sky, to the beasts of the Earth to canned hams, prop stand-up comedians and, parking passes.

    Yours was no different.

    He grumbled and fretted a bit more, but eventually paid and left.

    And, let it be known, the permit he had wasn't even the durable window-sticker kind, but a temp pass that was good up to the same date. On the back glass of said car WAS a long-term permit, for another apartment complex in town.

    I can't prove it, or say it with certainty, but, I could make a very compelling case in front of a jury that you don't "live there" as much as you "crash there because it's my buddy's place and they evicted me from mine"

    And I dare you to use that logic on the next cop who pulls you over for an expired vehicle registration, whaddaya mean "expired"? I gotta get one EVERY YEAR?! BUT I DRIVE THIS CAR! DIS' BULLS*IT!

    See where that gets ya, and, spoiler, don't call me for bail money.



    So Close, and yet, So Far

    You actually bought yourself a permit for a lot you'd be using.

    Wow, I'm impressed

    You must have been particularly proud of your accomplishment, for once in your life you followed the rules! And you won't get towed!

    Why, you were so darn impressed with your achievement, you decided not to put that permit up on the rearview mirror, but stuck it down across the instrument cluster on your dash where you could look at it all day long when you're driving, reminding you of your trumph over both commerce and regulation... a triumph! A marvel! Why, you ought to have bought it a ring and propose! It was so darn Beautiful!!! It's MUCH better to look at than those guages and warning lights that certainly don't serve any meaningful function aside from warning you of your excessive lateral speed... or the fact your engine is currently slowly turning it's gears into powder on account of lack of lubriaction.....

    Nope! This is just PERFECT!

    Until you parked, and left it there, below the dash, where we couldn't see it, and towed you.

    Yeah, you forgot to HANG IT UP. Went to all that trouble of buyin' it, ya' shoulda gone and USED it!

    And though management cut you a break on the release fees, I can only hope the walk over here taught you a valuable lesson about how vanity can easily lay one to waste... you modern-day Narcissus, you.
    - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

  • #2
    Quoth Argabarga View Post

    Not your car huh? And let me guess, that isn't your stash in the glovbox, and those aren't your bench warrants in the system? Right? You sure seem interrested in something happening to someone ELSE'S car, pardner. Almost like you KNEW it was breaking the law, but didn't want to get involved?

    Just like how on the old episodes of "COPS", everything illicit in the world seems to be owned by someone's "Friend". Without exception.

    Everything illegal from guns to knives to grinders to pot to spoons, to coke, you know? Everyone the police ever talk to seems to have a legion of law-breaking friends who keep storing it in their buddy's car and are never around, funny that, huh?

    Well, tell your "Friend" he owes me money, when you see him next, which will probably be in the bathroom mirror.... just a hunch. And then tell him to either get a new permit or park on the street, because I can play my half of this chirade a lot better and a lot longer than "him".
    I wonder if he'll finally drop the charade and come in to pick up "his" vehicle?
    "If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant

    Comment


    • #3
      The sign from the first story seems oddly specific. So drivers from pizza restaurants have to park somewhere else?
      To right the countless wrongs of our days... We shine this light of true redemption, that this place may become as paradise...Oh, what a wonderful world such would be...

      Comment


      • #4
        I think the sign is at the restaurant, so the delivery driver belonging to that restaurant always has somewhere to park between runs.
        Pain and suffering are inevitable...misery is optional.

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth NecessaryCatharsis View Post
          I think the sign is at the restaurant, so the delivery driver belonging to that restaurant always has somewhere to park between runs.
          We have a winner, and to top it all off, they didn't even have the decency to patronize the store they were taking the delivery space for,they went down the street or to class, or somewhere else for a couple hours before what happened clicked for them.
          - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth NecessaryCatharsis View Post
            I think the sign is at the restaurant, so the delivery driver belonging to that restaurant always has somewhere to park between runs.
            Or it could have been where they get deliveries, and don't want the various food trucks to be parking in the street and blocking traffic -- or just leaving without dropping off the daily supplies.

            And I'm betting the guy who doesn't own the car comes by and tries to get it out "for his friend" before he cops to owning it, just to see if you guys found anything illicit in the vehicle... or discovered those bench warrants for the owner.

            Arga, as for the pajama party sorority girl, at least she asked about parking there after you dropped her car. That showed at least a modicum of thought. You've had people put the car right back where you pulled it from right in front of you before, so she should at least get a cookie for this one.
            Sorry, my cow died so I don't need your bull

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth EvilEmpryss View Post
              ... so she should at least get a cookie for this one.
              OK. There's a been an open bag of choco chips under the seat since the blizzard...
              I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
              Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
              Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth NecessaryCatharsis View Post
                I think the sign is at the restaurant, so the delivery driver belonging to that restaurant always has somewhere to park between runs.
                I've seen those at takeout places in this neck of the woods.
                I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my keister!

                Who is John Galt?
                -Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth dalesys View Post
                  OK. There's a been an open bag of choco chips under the seat since the blizzard...
                  Yeah, that's about the right prize.
                  Sorry, my cow died so I don't need your bull

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth Argabarga View Post
                    Everything illegal from guns to knives to grinders to pot to spoons, to coke, you know? Everyone the police ever talk to seems to have a legion of law-breaking friends who keep storing it in their buddy's car and are never around, funny that, huh?
                    Seeing that a certain company based in Atlanta is doing their "share with a friend" promotion again (names printed on labels): that 20 ounce bottle with my name on it? Yep, that's MY Coke.

                    Quoth Argabarga View Post
                    they went down the street or to class
                    Argabarga, you've been in the business long enough to realize that inventory like this doesn't have ANY class.
                    Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Woot, my month Arga fix is here....... Heh, I deal with druggies all night long, and I still don't feel bad saying that.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Do you guys take pictures for evidence when there's no tag? So when they come in and bitch that you guys illegally towed their car and it totally was hanging where it was supposed to, you can pull out the picture and say, "Point out where the parking pass is."
                        "I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone, that someone is probably the last person you should ask." - House

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth Greenday View Post
                          Do you guys take pictures for evidence when there's no tag? So when they come in and bitch that you guys illegally towed their car and it totally was hanging where it was supposed to, you can pull out the picture and say, "Point out where the parking pass is."
                          Since the car is in the impound lot I believe they just go out to the car and say "so where is the permit?" I don't know if they have any leeway for if it's, say, on the passenger seat, but I think not. Permits generally don't just fall off of rear view mirrors, or come unstuck from the window. It took me a razor blade to get my Good to Go pass off my windshield.
                          Replace anger management with stupidity management.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Quoth notalwaysright View Post
                            Since the car is in the impound lot I believe they just go out to the car and say "so where is the permit?" I don't know if they have any leeway for if it's, say, on the passenger seat, but I think not. Permits generally don't just fall off of rear view mirrors, or come unstuck from the window. It took me a razor blade to get my Good to Go pass off my windshield.
                            Yea but it'd prevent people from paying, then going to their car and fixing it and claiming it was there all along or coming back later and saying it.
                            "I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone, that someone is probably the last person you should ask." - House

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Quoth Greenday View Post
                              Do you guys take pictures for evidence when there's no tag? So when they come in and bitch that you guys illegally towed their car and it totally was hanging where it was supposed to, you can pull out the picture and say, "Point out where the parking pass is."
                              We let them into the lot and basically do what others have guessed/suggested, say: "Okay, where is it?"

                              Of course, that isn't the end of it, because when they find it in their glove box/console/under seat/wherever it was, they want to argue that they didn't put it there, WE must have broken into the car and done that... or it miraculously fell in there and then shut the lid, the bitching NEVER ends, it just changes tunes.
                              - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

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