Thank you and I'm sorry

[morgana]

Kanalah,


That's for the people you were forced to grow up with.


That's for you.


And you have absolutely nothing to apologize for. You'd be a wonderful person even if you had grown up 'normally'. That you grew up with all that shit and are still the wonderful person you are . . . is amazing.

Amazing site, too . . . Just FULL of wonderful people.

[Seshat]

Kanalah,

many, many people have problems which are much lesser than yours, and yet choose to remain burdened by them.

You're letting yours go.

If you look around, and don't see yourself as strong, that's because you're bearing such a heavy burden already. Once you are rid of it, you'll still have those 'coping-muscles' you developed to carry it and shed it - and you'll be amazed at how strong you really are.

[Mishi]

*stage-whispers* Hey...hey! Hey Kanalah! Guess what!




*huge hugs* You're awesome and wonderful and all sorts of other cool things too.

[Kanalah]

Awww thank you guys

I apologized because I know it's going to be a long process to change how I think and I'm sure that people will get frustrated.

[Seshat]

I apologized because I know it's going to be a long process to change how I think and I'm sure that people will get frustrated.

Yes, we will. And so will you. But handling that frustration is part of perserverance. We, at least, can choose to stick with it or not. You don't have a choice - you either stick with it, or stay burdened. And the latter is an un-choice, because it sucks.

Think of this, though. For us, the frustration will be a momentary thing; passing as we remind ourselves how far you've come, and that you're damn well trying.

For you ... well, you're probably going to need outside reminders. Need us, or your true family, to remind you how much better you are than you were last week, last month, last year. To remind you that we can see along your road, and there's still better for you next week, next month, next year.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Kanalah, I for one am very glad you feel comfortable enough here to share both the good and the bad with us. You sound like a great person to me, intelligent, talented and caring and obviously that is all YOUR doing since it's obviously not genetic Just keep believing in yourself and know we are here for you!

[MoonCat]

Frustrated? No, not at all! I feel sad for you sometimes when you say you feel bad, or when you have to deal with your family, but that's because I like you and I know you're an awesome person. You are not your parents, you're YOU, unique and wonderful. Never doubt that.

And feel free to talk to us here about it when you're feeling down. I grew up with an alcoholic father, and we had lots of problems. Every time I say those words to someone--"My dad was an alcoholic"--another little piece of chain breaks off and falls away. I don't blame my current problems on him--I understand him a little better now, I think--but I know that the way I grew up left its marks on me. But they're only a small part of me. And for you, too---what your parents are is only a little part of you. YOU created the rest, and it's beautiful.

[Cazzi]

Kanalah, I won't repeat what everyone else has said. I will just say...

You're Amazing!

I wish I had the strength you've found

[blas]

You are a great person, and we value you very much. Never forget that.

[Der Cute]

Awww thank you guys

I apologized because I know it's going to be a long process to change how I think and I'm sure that people will get frustrated.

It's good you're self aware that "there are things inside that need to be changed a bit...oh boy" but why apologize ahead of time? In my opinion - it's more mature to go through your life doo de doot de doot, make a change..doot de different, have a blunder, and then apologize for that one blunder.
Not a blanket "I'm sorry, I will mess up"
Because you are doing your daily stuff, change behavior, oops and CATCH IT then say "sorry"; you can see you messed up in that spot. AND you're much more self-aware. Plus, I think you have better faith in yourself/confidence if you go about life like "Hey, doing good today, oopsed there, kept going" . A positive stream, mistake added, back to positive stream. Not like what you're doing now..positive stream + lots of dread = not so positive.
I know, pedantic. Shoot me
As a person who's doing some SERIOUS self work - super high five to you. You're starting. This might scare you - when I started this shit, I thought, eh, maybe a year. It's now been 18+ months and I'm not even close to being done (my definition of done is to be able to work again). YMMV. Oh, and don't give yourself a date like a diet sometimes has. Because if you push to get "done" by X date and you don't get there? You'll feel failure and start kicking yourself. I'm more on the 'behavior grade' on myself. I had to change from "I want to be done by X" to "hm, I want to behave that much better, let's shoot for that goal"

One of the hard things about fixing yourself is to advocate for yourself. On the outside, I look pretty normal/fine to a lot of people. I've had to pretty much yell at doctors to get me tested, to start the help. I've also had to tell docs/counselors - "uh no. That does NOT work for me. I'm sorry, I need someone else."

Listen. It AIN'T easy. It's going to have super sucky days. But I think you're 2^324938498234 the person you were last week - before you decided to work on this project.

Oh. I have to keep telling myself that "Leave it To Beaver" is such a fallacy it's ridiculous. Because my family wasn't that way is not bad- families like that don't exist in the first place.
just a thought.
Read these.13 Unrealistic Beliefs Emotional Upset.doc Autobiography in 5 chapters hole in sidewalk.doc

[morgana]

I have to keep telling myself that "Leave it To Beaver" is such a fallacy it's ridiculous. Because my family wasn't that way is not bad- families like that don't exist in the first place.

Actually, they do. Or did, at least. I grew up in one. Not my folks fault the other shite that happened to me. They did their best.

[Maria]

I understand what you mean about feeling like it causes others pain, just to be around. I feel the same way, a lot of times. It's not accurate, though, and I hope you realize that. I also feel similarly about the folks around here... everyone here is incredibly welcoming to so many people, no matter where we are in life, and that's something special.

And Seshat's right. It's a not-short process to clean up, and you'll probably frustrate yourself and others. I know I do. I'm a little paranoid about giving unsolicited advice, but I just want to say that for me, the greatest help in learning to grow and change has been that I have a person in my life who, about 18 months ago, kind of decided she was going to be the big sister. She's my most demanding teacher and biggest supporter in life (she's actually the person I talked with you about doing a quilt for). I've learned through her, how incredible it can be to have a brother or sister to look up to, someone who isn't also affected by the craziness I grew up with, and if you ever want one of those, you know, just ask... there's obviously plenty of people who'd be happy to reach out.

[dragon_wings]

Hey Kanalah, you are freaking awesome. That is all.

[Kristev]

I add my voice to their sentiments.

You are a fantastic person.

[RealUnimportant]

The fact you're even able to try & communicate to us shows how well you've done to get this far. Good luck on continuing your journey.

I always enjoy your posts, not least because your avatar picture cracks me up every time I see it.