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The Tow Files: The Grinch who Towed Christmas.

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  • The Tow Files: The Grinch who Towed Christmas.

    Ah, Xmas, the insanity AFTER football where everyone becomes convinced the rules don't apply because it's "The Holidays", don't you know? And you can't charge people money for breaking the laws during "The Holidays", because reasons. And to top it all off, in the spirit of giving this Holiday, the Borough has jacked the impound fees an extra $20 if the car needed dollies to tow. Aw, your generosity knows no bounds, civic government It's now going to cost potentially $150 for a tow.

    Dis gon be guud.

    Dishonesty Potpourri

    I wish I could arbitrarily double the fines of people who lie, or add a per-instance liar's fee. We'd instantly outdo the GDP of every nation below about Switzerland on the big chart, I'd wager. Here's the best of the worst this month when it came to the "They've got to believe THIS one!" game:

    CONTESTANT 1

    -What'd I get towed for?

    -You didn't have a permit, that's a permit only lot, Sir.

    -Well, I have a permit. But I can't display it in my car....*expectant silence*

    -Sir, the permits there are hangtags, they hang from the rearview mirror. So your saying your car doesn't have a rearview mirror? Or a dashboard to just lay the permit on, in plain sight?

    -Well, I, uh uh uh...

    -Not that it would matter Sir, even if you did have a permit, you parked in the maintenance man's' spot, you would've been towed anyway. And tenants would know that. $150 cash or credit.

    ... ... where are you located?

    Giving up so soon? That was barely 15 seconds!


    CONTESTANT 2


    -Hey! What'd I get towed for?

    -That was a permit only lot sir, and the owner of the property sent us down for the car for not having one.

    -But, I bought a permit from him?

    -So where is it?

    -Well, I ... uh, I.... I bought the permit, but he never gave it to me.

    -So, the other 13 cars in that lot, he gave them their permits when they paid him? But for you, he took your money, and just refused to give you one? And now, 80% of the way through the semester, that same guy who refused to give you a permit is having you towed because you don't have the permit he didn't give you? If that's true, I suggest calling the Attorney General's office because that's GOT to be rental fraud...

    -I... uh... uh....

    -$130, cash or credit

    CONTESTANT 3-in-the-morning

    -Oh how I love these three in the morning calls....

    -Hey! You towed me for no reason!

    -Where were you parked?

    -Airstrip One!

    -The strip mall on 299 This Street? That's customer parking only sir, and you weren't a customer, that's why you got towed.

    -I was a customer! I was at Pinball Pete's Arcade!

    -They closed at 1am, Sir.

    -Er, not there, I was next door to them, at Substandard Taco!

    -They closed at midnight, Sir.

    -Er, not there, I was next door to them, at Tastes Like Addiction Coffee!

    -They closed at eleven, Sir.

    -I... uh... uh... *CLICK*

    Oh come on bro, there's two more businesses to try down there before you run out! I hate quitters! (And yes, for the curious, they closed at 10)

    CONTESTANT 4

    A meter is the safest place to illegally park in town, they can't tow you unless you leave the car at an unpaid meter for 4 hours straight. That rarely happens. They'll ticket you, sure, but no tows.

    Unless you have too many unpaid tickets, then it becomes an IMMEDIATE tow.

    Cue me on a car with 4 unpaid that the meter maid called in.

    Also cue guy running out of the Chinese Buffet to argue with me that he couldn't POSSIBLY be getting towed, there must be some mistake.

    I agree, people like you should never be let out of the house without adult supervision, but that wasn't the mistake we were discussing, it was the fact that since he had, just a nanosecond ago, put "lots of time" in it, the meter must be defective if it says he's out!

    Uh huh, show me, put a quarter in it and if if fails to work, I'll put the car down for just the cost of delinquent tickets.

    No, I said quarter, that was a dime.

    Yes, you don't get time for dimes, the only currency these things take are quarters, just like it says on the FRONT OF THE METER. If you'd just put a "lot" of time in there, you'd KNOW that.

    Oh, you have a quarter? Go ahead.

    No, the meter isn't broken, you have to put the coin in the slot and then turn that big handle.

    I said turn the handle

    No, it isn't broken, you, Sir, stop pounding the coin slot with your fist and turn that handle

    The big handle on the front, the only moving part on the whole machine, what other handle could I be referring to?

    No, the meter isn't broken.... you aren't turning the handle, I said TURN the handle, not touch the handle, TURN it ALL THE WAY TO THE RIGHT. ALL the way, not just a bit, no, it won't bite, stop poking it with a finger and GRAB IT AND TURN IT LIKE YOU MEANT IT.

    There, took the quarter, gave 15 minutes, everything works fine, you owe a drop and all your unpaid tickets.

    You know, for a guy who claims to have put a "lot of time" in that meter, you obviously had NO IDEA how to use it, it's almost like, you have NEVER PAID ONE in your ENTIRE LYING MISBEGOTTEN WASTE OF A LIFEEEEEEEE?

    That sure would explain all those tickets

    CONTESTANT 5

    Your little tirade about how we "pick on poor college kids" and you "can't afford" your tow and storage fees might, just might, have struck a bit of a chord with me... had you not been arguing with me about a Porsche Panamera that you, by admission, parked in the marked maintenance man's spot in the front row of the lot because the three open rows in the back were "too far" from your apartment to walk....

    YOU LOSE, good day, Sir.

    Relationship All Over

    A young lady came to get her car out of impound, and after paying, verbally detonated.

    You are scum! You are worthless! You are a jerk! You are useless! You make me so mad! I can't afford this kind of sh*t! If this affects my food stamps, you're in big trouble! Why didn't you tell me I had unpaid parking tickets?

    Surprisingly, none of this was directed at me

    It was all at her boyfriend.

    Well, apparently now ex-boyfriend.

    Who had told her "Sure babe, just park at my place, nobody gets towed from there"

    The sucky part was she blew up in the parking lot outside, where all other customers could still hear her, loudly enough to hear through TWO doors, man that was brutal.


    Credit Where It Isn't Due.

    You'd think liberating people from the need to carry cash would make the world work easier. Oh how wrong you are, those who want to use credit to pay their towing debts to us are frequently magnitudes worse than those with low tech cash on hand. Why? I dunno. Why do some people insist on eating kelp? Why do up-and-coming rock musicians keep getting on unsafe airplanes? It's just how the universe works, I guess. But what really surprises me is how some people react when credit cards are in play....


    Idiot #1 - Carrying a Quarter Ounce of Plastic is Hard Work



    -I'm here for my car

    -$150

    -$150? I don't have that kind of cash on me!

    -We take cards.

    -I, I don't have a credit card with me, it's at home.

    -Then it's cash only

    -There's nothing you can do? You can't just, take the numbers or something? I have them written down here in my phone.

    -No, we can only take cards that are in your name and physically present in front of us.

    -Can, can I just show you a picture of the credit card?

    -No, we can only take cards that are in your name and physically present in front of us.

    -Well, what if I just have my friend email the....

    -NO. The card HAS to be HERE in front of us PHYSICALLY.

    -Look, you don't have to be mean, I just want to know what my options are.

    -Your option is singular, you have the card on you right now and give it to us, that's the only way we'll take payment if that's what you want to use.

    -But... why?

    Why? Because we are not a participating location in the Please Rip Us Off VIA Credit Card Fraud Sweepstakes. That's why.

    You know, There are days when I wonder, really wonder, when the identity thieves are going to successfully get enough personal information to fully populate an entire fictitious country AND get it a seat on the UN security council to boot, the way some people treat their credit cards.....

    So, don't blame me when the Republic of Trashcanistan vetoes your humanitarian aid request, and decrees everyone must wear poofy pants or pay a fine. I tried to stop them from forming.... I really did.

    Idiot #2 Use My Card Without Using My Card

    Guy parked his car at 155 Birdbrain Alley

    Naturally, because he didn't have a permit to do this, like the sign he passed to get into that lot, his car lasted about as long there as your typical quarterback for the Browns lasts under center before being pulled. (about 15 minutes)

    Toboggan, our newest driver, was the man sent to do the pulling, and sure enough, no sooner was the car lifted than the owner ran out of the house and decided to raise a stink.

    Toboggan informs him he owes $90 for a drop.

    Guy forks over his credit card.

    Toboggan starts entering the info on his tablet.

    Soon as Tob flips the card over to get the security code on the back, our hero freaks out and snatches the card back.

    Toboggan tells him he wasn't finished

    Guy tells him he can't use the code on the back because "I know how this works! If you have that code, you can just charge anything you want on there!"

    Toboggan informs him that without that code, he can't run the card, so, is he going to get that $90 in cash now?

    Guy says no, use his credit card.

    Okay, Toboggan tells him to hand him the card, he needs that code number.

    Guy refuses, says we have to use the card WITHOUT the code, or else we'll just put phantom charges on his account, or something.

    Toboggan is now getting a bit frustrated and points out that the card CAN'T be used without the code, that's the whole POINT of it, how are we supposed to run a credit sale with incomplete information?

    Guy says that's not our problem, we'll just have to do without the code, and since he's not paying any other way, rough cookies.

    Toboggan, summoning more patience than his namesake would suggest (he got it because back in the day when he was dumb and reckless, he got into an altercation that resulted in four Boston cops having to ride him like a human toboggan down two flights of stairs before he was subdued) tells him that there's an ATM around the block, if he won't let us use his card, he can go there and get cash.

    Guy stands in front of the truck and explains, contemptuously, that he won't go get cash, he's ALREADY PAID, and it's our fault for trying to "scam" him.

    Toboggan has had enough and tells guy that if he won't pay, he needs to move, and since that's obviously not happening, the police will be called. (at the sound of the word "Police" Guy's friends who have now come out on the porch are screaming at him to just pay and get out of there, they don't want the cops showing up)

    Guy refuses and just folds his arms. Toboggan shrugs and dials the deadbeat assistance hotline.

    Guy, apparently thinking this is all a bluff does the stupidest thing possible when police are converging on your location... he whips out a bong and sparks it up Toboggan advises him to put that away if he doesn't want to get arrested, gets a rude gesture in return.

    Whelp, about 10 minutes later, a cop car pulls into the lot and Guy quick dumps the lit bong in his pocket and is, well, understandably more willing to use that credit card now (and now you know why his friends were trying to wave him off so vociferously )

    Yes, we got our payment, he gave us the last bit of card info, about 30 minutes later than we should have received it. If only karma had struck and caused his pants to combust while he was arguing with the officer, alas it was not to be. That would've been something...


    -Sir, are your pants on fire?
    -Uh, no, officer, I was just walking too fast in a pair of corduroys, that's all! I swear!

    Oh, and the kick to the jimmies? We have towed this guy TWELVE times for illegal parking. And he's already used his credit card TWELVE times with us, if we were going to do anything uncouth with it, don't you think it would have happened by now? Why he chose to get stupidly defiant on tow number 13 (lucky him) is beyond me.

    Wait, I know, he's just dumb..... yep, that's it. See you around, Guy, cuz you know we will be having tow number 14 at some point in the near future, we don't have a max tow limit in our programming you can hit and cause us to bluescreen on.



    Idiot #3 - Accepting Credit is Illegal

    Spitzilla was sent to retrieve a Mercedes from Porkington Place on account of lack of permit. Naturally, no sooner did it come up off the ground than the owner materialized out of the ether and told him to drop it.

    Spitz informed him of the $90 drop fee.

    Owner tried his best to haggle, accused Spitz of damage, all the usual waypoints were hit. To no success. Then came the payment part.

    The guy didn't have cash, but, also refused to hand over a credit card because: "How do I know you won't just KEEP THE MONEY?"

    Huh?

    Yeah, since we couldn't prove the $90 would go to Friendly Neighborhood Towing and NOT to Spitz, then we couldn't force him to pay!

    Spitz points out that the paperwork he's filling out right now, that our customer will get a carbon receipt of, has all the charges itemized and says "Friendly Neighborhood Towing" at the top of it, not "Spitzilla's Personal Slush Fund"

    Nope! NOT GOOD ENOUGH! We still haven't proved that if the owner pays, the money goes to the company and not us!

    Spitz sighs, and decides to just call the cops, becuase his customer is now getting beligerant and trying to take things off the truck (as collateral maybe?)

    Ossafer Friendly arrives in about 10 and is informed by our customer that "Friendly Neighborhood Towing is taking bribes!"

    Ossafer rolls HIS eyes and points out the same thing we've been saying, he'll get a receipt, and bribery usually happens OFF THE BOOKS and DOESN'T GET YOU A RECEIPT.

    I don't think our customer understood it any better, but he certainly did understand the threat to have him arrested if he refused to pay while taking things off our truck...

    So yeah, Spitz got his "bribe"

    Sidenote, when the responding officer drove into the lot, he drove past another tow victim arguing with our other driver Yup about prices as well The passing cop car was enough for his customer to instantly stop arguing and BEG Yup to take cash RIGHT NOW and when further informed the stack of twenties thrust into Yups fist was about $10 more than he owed for a drop, he said "keep the tip"

    Yeah, that's not admitting to shady behavior and a car full of contraband, not at all, no sir! ....

    Geeze, percentage wise, what chunk of this town has BURNING NARCOTICS IN THEIR POCKETS RIGHT NOW? Seriously, I want to know.

    Dude, Where's My wheely-horseless-thingy?

    I think you towed me

    What car and what color?

    Uh, I dunno.

    You don't know the kind of car you drive?

    It's black

    So are about 4 of the 5 cars I have here right now

    Well, I don't know what it is.

    Sorry to hear that.

    Well, what am I supposed to do then?

    Come down here and see if any are yours, I guess, if you know what it looks like, at least.

    You can't tell me if you have it?

    Not if you don't know what it is.

    But it's black!

    That doesn't help me.

    *CLICK*

    I'm just going to call it right now, 2017 was the year the Skynet threat officially became realized. Whichever one of these cars was his, it probably has GPS, knows exactly where it is, can diagnose it's own problems, remember certain places, and pretty soon will be able to drive without input from him at all. I now foresee a bleak future indeed, where emaciated husks of men wearing harnesses pull the cars from place to place, as they have outsmarted us at last.

    And it's all going to be HIS fault.



    Dude, What's my Car?

    You have my car

    What kind?

    I uh, don't know.

    You don't know what kind of car you drive?

    Well, I can never pronounce the name.....

    Or what? It comes alive and runs us down? That's been done to death. But it also makes me wonder, who would win a round-robin tournament among the most murderous cars in fiction? The Car vs. Christine is your first round matchup, followed by K.A.R.R vs Herbie's Evil Brazilian Cousin, and then, the main event, Killdozer vs the entire cast of Maximum Overdrive. Sponsored by the fine folks at Cthulhu Motors.

    Lazy People Win the Laziest of Prizes

    You apparently live at Sector 7 Townhomes, you have a window sticker for that lot.

    You apparently have friends at Sector 6 Townhomes, next door, you don't have a sticker for that lot. Not that you need one, you could walk there in about 45 seconds, it is literally next door.

    Nope, walkin' is for poor folk, you drove there. A feat that probably took longer than walking as you had to drive to your complex's exit in the far back of your property, then down the street in front, through a red light intersection, into the entrance to your friends lot on the far side of his property and then to his parking area which faces yours across that same street. The physical distance from lot to lot is 20 yards, maybe, but to drive it takes a good 1500 feet or more of travel, probably 5 minutes of work if you got the red light, it's notoriously long

    Speaking of long, so is the four miles our impound lot is from BOTH your abodes .

    You also left your windows down, for reasons I can't fathom in 12 degree weather, so you owe us for, a tow, dollies, protection, and after-hours release as you pulled this stunt after 11pm.

    The cost of not taking 50 paces just cost you $235.

    And you had the gall to ask "Can you, like, do something to lower that price?"

    Sure, add another $35 storage if the car is still here tomorrow.

    Lazy to the end I see.

    New Way to Fail at Life Found!

    Christmas shopping stress must've gotten to another poor blighter in the trenches who then lost his/her mind. There's no other reason why the cops would call us for an impound of a vehicle that rammed it's way through the two automatic gates at one of our municipal parking garages, apparently not believing the "FULL" sign was telling the truth and it refused to allow them entrance, whose owner apparently then walked away like they'd done nothing wrong....

    There may have been a good reason for it, the cops will tell us as soon as they find the owner as they're scouring the neighborhood with a description.... well, sing it with me boys.

    Jingle Bells... Shotgun Shells... From 50 yards away.... oh what fun it is to use those beanbag rounds today....

    I'd Hate to See THAT Credit Score

    Because it probably looks like the financial version of Pripyat.... Just a hunch. How do I know? Read on, but first, we're going to need outside help for this one.

    Okay Count, take it away!

    Vun! Vun expired and maxed out credit card! Ah AH!

    Two! Two expired and maxed out credit cards! Ah AH!

    Three! Three expired and maxed out credit cards! Ah AH!

    Four! Four expi... (MUPPH!!!!) Hey! Vat are you doink? Let me go! You can't do zis to meee! I have a lawyer, vun, vun lawyer! AH AHHHHCKCKCKGHH!!!!

    Sorry about that, but, his doctor says it isn't healthy for me to let him continue when he's in one of his "moods" so I had to force feed him that vun, vun pill of Risperdal and put him in bed.

    So, okay, cut to the chase, this gentleman went through SIX. Six credit cards trying to get his brodozer out of impound. He needed $195 (oversize vehicle rates suck, Bro, but take it up with the Borough) and the most any one of the cards had on it was $12 and some candy corn. Couldn't even daisy chain the right amount across a half-dozen of them.

    Yep, being broke isn't nessicarrily something you should be taken advantage of for Bro, but, I'd like you to consider that had you blown less money on Broaccessories for the Brodozer, like those enormous tires, chrome exhaust stacks and energy drink stickers, maybe you wouldn't be, well, Broke?

    And maybe you'd be at eye-level with those no parking signs instead of towering above them so you "couldn't see them?" And you probably shouldn't have burned up all that diesel getting to our town from yours because you "drove all the way from BFE, that's like two hours" doesn't change the fact that you still majorly screwed up that crucial last 20 feet....

    Nope, can't cut you a break, doesn't matter that now your buddy from BFE will have to drive over with the cash to get your dozer out of the impound.

    Yeah, sure, you can wait here for him, I don't see what else you'll be doing for the next... one, one hour! Ah ahh!

    Two! Two hours! Ah ahh!

    Darnit, there he goes again. Settle down back there. Don't make me call the "Big Bird" on you, cuz if I do he's bringing the straightjacket.



    Freakanomics

    Okay, you parked your car at your friend's apartment. Okay,"parked" may be pushing it, "expired on this spot" may be more apt for a "car" that looked more like a mobile rust depository. That's quite a feat considering that like most post 00' cars it's got more plastic in it than your average refrigerator. But, point is, you parked it somewhere where it needed a permit.

    It had none.

    You got towed and hit up for $130

    Now, most people at this point, would do everything they could to stop shelling out a lot of money for a car that blurs the line between "vehicle" and "lawn ornament" on a daily basis. Not that you look to have shelled out much money to get it. Those rear quarter panels look like they'd break down completely under harsh criticism, it idled about as well as a coffee can full of rocks when you started it up to wheeze out of the impound, your glaucoma-oxidized headlights were not putting up much, well, light, and something appeared to be dragging in the undercarriage.

    This car couldn't possibly have cost you much more than $150, and if it did, you poor Devil. It's an Acura, you could've done better buying the non-marked up Honda version of the same car. Probably could've gotten TWO in comparable condition!

    ANywho... having just had to invest in the poser-car for bad investments, you'd surely know to stay out of that parking lot, right? At least without a permit? Right?

    Ha, who am I kidding? You went back immediately, parked it in the SAME SPOT and then, LEFT TOWN. How do we know? Because we towed it the next night and it sat in our impound for TEN WHOLE DAYS before you came to get it again. The bill for that was $150 for a tow and $350 in storage....$650 of yours down the drain in two weeks....

    You know, last I heard, the national debit is at $22 TRILLION (with a "T"). If this is how the average person is wont to spend their money, is it any wonder politicians are even worse with spending YOURS? Didn't think so.

    Your Latest Fake

    https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net...df&oe=5AC47D17

    https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net...17&oe=5AC406A3

    Wasn't all that bad, wasn't all that GOOD either. A legit one of these is plastic and doesn't suffer from bleed-through, or bacon-strip-like waviness around the edges.

    And the kick to the spleen? One space to the left of where this guy parked were two open and no-permit-needed GUEST parking spots.

    There must be some perverse thrill in doing this, like visiting a whorehouse when you're already married, it's the fact we tell you not to that makes you do it, right? Okay then, listen closely: DO NOT GIVE ME $50! DON'T YOU DARE!!!

    Playing Ostrich

    We also had the boring kind, where the person tries to bump ahead their temporary permit's expiration date, and butcher it so badly that you can't tell what the new or old dates were. I'm talking stabbed to death by felt-tip pen kind of butchering. The kind so bad even the perpetrator knows it will never pass muster.

    But this kid had the perfect solution for his fark up. He'll flip the permit over and lay it face down on the dash so I can't see how badly the dates were butchered!

    Except that gets you towed for an improperly displayed permit And the ink bleed-through still made it quite possible to tell you had committed first-degree sharpie-cide on that poor thing.


    Lost Cause

    Car was in permit only lot

    Car did not have permit

    Car did have hand-written note on dash

    Note said "Lost Permit #339"

    Car of course, was towed

    Owner seemed confused as to why we didn't accept their note.

    Well, here's an idea, this April, when the IRS comes calling, send them a piece of paper with a hand-written note that says "Lost your check for $500" and see what THEY do. Trust me, if that doesn't make it clear where you went wrong, it will at least make you cognizant that we were much more gentile and at least put on a pair of gloves before violating you for our payment.

    BIFF! POW! SOCK! LITIGATE!

    Holy subpoenas Batman! It's the worst of them all, the LAWYER!

    Or at least they said they were a lawyer, I have no idea if it was true. The only skills they've demonstrated any proficiency in before my eyes was illegal parking and frisbeeing their credit card right into our manager's chest when he told them he needed $150 to let their car go.

    After picking said credit card up off the floor where it ricocheted to after hitting him in the chest, he handed it back to the alleged lawyer and told them "We're going to try that again, politely this time"

    Naturally, this caused a short circuit of epic proportions in the lawyer's brain, don't we know that lawyers are the apex predator of the human race? They're at the TOP of the cash pyramid, they shall extract from all below them and NEVER pay anyone above!!!!!!

    Keep telling yourself that pal.

    Of course, his humbling meant we surely had damaged his vehicle.

    We invited him to go take a look.

    Naturally, he found no golf-ball sized holes through it, but he was determined, he spent minute after minute pacing around the car, looking for something, anything, he finally found it.

    The mirrors were folded in, we do that to keep anyone from you know, damaging them....

    Not to lawyer since we "moved the mirrors" that was damage, and he'd sue Cha-CHING!

    Yes, he actually said "Cha-Ching" and pulled his arm like he was pulling the lever on an imaginary slot machine.

    We weren't impressed.

    Then he found more "damage" the front wheels were pointed in a DIFFERENT DIRECTION than he KNEW He left them in when he parked! Since we "moved it without permission" that was MORE damage and we got another "Cha-CHING" and handle pull.

    We still weren't impressed.

    He didn't see why we weren't impressed

    "I'm going to sue you guys, big time," he said "for a LOT of money, you understand?" We didn't react, he then did that imaginary counting bills move with his hands, rubbing his thumb and forefinger together while yelling "CHA-CHING!"

    Thankfully, he left after that, surprise, failed to impress.

    I'll bet he's a laugh at parties, though, that pantomiming and sound effect routine probably gets really interesting after you've sloshed him up on a few cocktails.
    Last edited by Argabarga; 12-10-2017, 06:25 PM.
    - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

  • #2
    I have met many graduates of the school where you live. There has always been a variation of intelligence. Things have SERIOUSLY gone downhill. But some dude is really rich from all the narcotics he sells.

    I looked up that Porsche. Begins at $78,000. I question why he is at that school in the middle of nowhere when he could probably afford anyplace. Maybe the reputation as a party school?

    Great tales though. I think Toboggan is a keeper.

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks for the great collection. I look forward to hearing from Toboggan again, and nice to know Yup's still around. No new Twitch sagas?

      Some great lines here:
      "we don't have a max tow limit in our programming you can hit and cause us to bluescreen on."
      "Jingle Bells... Shotgun Shells... From 50 yards away.... oh what fun it is to use those beanbag rounds today...."
      On someone's probable credit score: "Because it probably looks like the financial version of Pripyat"

      ETA: how could I have failed to pay proper tribute to this one?
      "a car that blurs the line between 'vehicle' and 'lawn ornament' on a daily basis"

      ETA: I think Spitzilla's new too. Looking forward to more from him as well.
      Last edited by Seanette; 12-10-2017, 08:40 PM.
      "Crazy may always be open for business, but on the full moon, it has buy one get one free specials." - WishfulSpirit

      "Sometimes customers remind me of zombies, but I'm pretty sure that zombies are smarter." - MelindaJoy77

      Comment


      • #4
        Yep, being broke isn't nessicarrily something you should be taken advantage of for Bro, but, I'd like you to consider that had you blown less money on Broaccessories for the Brodozer, like those enormous tires, chrome exhaust stacks and energy drink stickers, maybe you wouldn't be, well, Broke?
        LOL I have the great job of dressing up new Jeeps and Rams with as I will call them for now on Broaccessories TM
        AkaiKitsune
        Sarcasm dear, sarcasm. I’m well aware that dealing with civilians in any capacity will skin your faith in humanity alive, then pickle anything that remains so as to watch it shrivel up into an immortal husk thus reminding you of how dead inside you now are.

        Comment


        • #5
          An extra long post! Christmas has come early. Always enjoy your adventures.

          Comment


          • #6
            Don't forget the Realtree camo sun visor and "Don't tread on me" mudflaps with diamond plate accents.
            - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth Argabarga View Post
              I'm just going to call it right now, 2017 was the year the Skynet threat officially became realized. Whichever one of these cars was his, it probably has GPS, knows exactly where it is, can diagnose it's own problems, remember certain places, and pretty soon will be able to drive without input from him at all. I now foresee a bleak future indeed, where emaciated husks of men wearing harnesses pull the cars from place to place, as they have outsmarted us at last.
              With the above thought in mind, I wonder how the new fad of self driving cars will fare when it comes to illegal parking? Will their computers be able to read the various signs they are violating? Will they be equipped with some sort of ATM device to pay their own drop or impound fees? Inquiring minds want to know.

              You know it's bound to happen.
              "I don't have to be petty. The Universe does that for me."

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              • #8
                My heart always flutters a bit when I see a new Argabarga post, and this one did NOT disappoint!!! Love your stories, and you never fail to make me laugh out loud.
                The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away.

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                • #9
                  Quoth Argabarga View Post
                  we don't have a max tow limit in our programming you can hit and cause us to bluescreen on.
                  Based on my experience with various software, there probably is an effective limit, but you guys would get enough work to expand the lot before hitting it.

                  Quoth Argabarga View Post
                  Yeah, that's not admitting to shady behavior and a car full of contraband, not at all, no sir! ....
                  The one time my car got towed to an actual tow yard (final conclusion being an officially totaled car and my insurance company going after the other driver as subrogation), I noticed that the tow lot had two sections: My car was in the front section surrounded by a chain-link fence, and there was a back section with a privacy fence. The back section was apparently for police evidence, and I didn't press for further detail.

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                  • #10
                    Arga, you should seriously be writing a humor column for your local paper! This is one of your best (and they are all great!) "Brodozer" - I love it.
                    When you start at zero, everything's progress.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth Ironclad Alibi View Post
                      With the above thought in mind, I wonder how the new fad of self driving cars will fare when it comes to illegal parking? Will their computers be able to read the various signs they are violating? Will they be equipped with some sort of ATM device to pay their own drop or impound fees? Inquiring minds want to know.

                      You know it's bound to happen.
                      Most likely their preferred routine will be to drop their riders off, then go park themselves somewhere out of the way until called again. Expect to need subscriptions to local maps of parking, and perhaps to local garages.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth Argabarga View Post
                        -Can, can I just show you a picture of the credit card?
                        Yes, if you would like a picture of your vehicle in exchange.
                        To right the countless wrongs of our days... We shine this light of true redemption, that this place may become as paradise...Oh, what a wonderful world such would be...

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                        • #13
                          An Arga post! Christmas has come early! And I now have 1 word to substitute for my 2; "Penis extensions" will now be known as "Brodozers"! So much more efficient.
                          "It is traditional when asking for help or advice to listen to the answers you receive" - RealUnimportant

                          Rev that Engine Louder, I Can't Hear How Small Your Dick Is - Jay 2K Winger

                          The Darwin Awards The best site to visit to restore your faith in instant karma.

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                          • #14
                            History

                            Quoth Shyla View Post
                            I looked up that Porsche. Begins at $78,000. I question why he is at that school in the middle of nowhere when he could probably afford anyplace. Maybe the reputation as a party school?
                            More likely the good schools looked at his test scores and refused him.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Worse

                              Quoth Ironclad Alibi View Post
                              With the above thought in mind, I wonder how the new fad of self driving cars will fare when it comes to illegal parking? Will their computers be able to read the various signs they are violating? Will they be equipped with some sort of ATM device to pay their own drop or impound fees? Inquiring minds want to know.

                              You know it's bound to happen.
                              Maybe the cars will know they can't park there, so after dropping people off they drive to a legal parking spot, but the owners will still show up at the tow yards demanding their cars back. Cars that were not even towed.

                              It is clear some of these owners would lose track of their cars even if it moved itself from the maintenance parking spot to visitor's parking in the same lot.

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