I'm a bad man (but you love me anyway)

[smileyeagle1021]

So, I got yet another scammy job email today, I mean, seriously, really bad.

Hi dear Smiley Eagle,
Our company is happy to inform you that there is a vacancy in your region to be filled. We’re ready to supply you with all the necessary information so you can occupy it right away.
None of our competitors can offer individual training courses, working conditions or higher salaries.
You run your own business? Then we have something special to offer you.

Make sure that you as a seeker meet the requirements listed below:
Discipline, excellent English writing skills, zeal, school-leaving certificate, the age of 25 or older

Our corporation warrants you the best working conditions in the sphere, great experience and knowledge along with excellent compensation package.

I'm getting sick of these, so I responded to the email thusly:

im interested in this position i have discipline english righting abilities much zeal a school-leaving certificate and am over 25 please me give more details about youre company

oh, I will enjoy playing this game if they actually take that horrible bait.

[Andara Bledin]

A school leaving certificate? Really?

That's nearly as bad as the phishing emails that can't spell their own supposed company's name.

^-.-^

[Chanlin]

Age 25 is oddly specific too until you realize that's the age you need to be to sign for your own financial accounts in the USA.

[Kagato]

I recently got a similar email, I'm actually wondering if they are pulling email addresses from the forums.

[KhirasHY]

You ARE a bad person, Smiley But I'll forgive you for it, just this once

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

A "school-leaving certificate"? I can have one of those made up right away!

This certifies that

INSERT NAME HERE

Dropped out of school in the 9th Grade/ Was expelled from school for (insert major transgression here)

(Also available in lower grades for the, ummmm, "country" crowd.)

Hey, they didn't say how I had to leave school, just that I left it! I can haz job nao?

[cindybubbles]

Hey, why don't you respond to them in a different language? Just use Google Translate, and copy and paste the translation into your email. If the email is particularly annoying, you can swear in the other language and hope that they don't understand you.

[Dilorenzo]

Nicely played, Smiley. Very nicely played.

In Ireland the final set of exams you take before finishing school really are called the Leaving Certificate. You get college places depending on how well you do and a lot of jobs require it, so it's a pretty big deal here.

Still, pretty bad form if they're from anywhere else.

Yeah, but I got a Leaving Cert, not a Cert of Leaving when I finished up.

And to add to what cindybbubbles said, translate in google translate, translate back to english, repeat, then send. The joyous nonsense you can come up with that way.

[smileyeagle1021]

Age 25 is oddly specific too until you realize that's the age you need to be to sign for your own financial accounts in the USA.

You actually can sign up for your own accounts at 18. 25 isn't a legal requirement, it may be policy for some of the private institutions, but there isn't a law that says you have to wait until then.
Also, 25 is a somewhat common number in that 25 is a common minimum age to be added to corporate insurance policies (again, 18 is the legal minimum age... well 21 if you will have enough passengers to require a passenger endorsement, but that is because you have to be 21 for a passenger endorsement, not anything to do with insurance. 25 is a common restrictions that companies place though because that is when insurance rates go down for most people because at that point most people who are driving will have been doing so for 10 years).

[Pixilated]

Nice response! The ones I love are the erstwhile notices from banks (that are outside my country and/or I have never heard of) telling me my account has been frozen and I must give them my account details immediately in order to un-freeze it. I've been tempted to type in gibberish and random numbers but I don't want to encourage them once they realize they've hit a genuine, oft-used email address.

[El Pollo Guerrera]

Hey, why don't you respond to them in a different language? Just use Google Translate, and copy and paste the translation into your email. If the email is particularly annoying, you can swear in the other language and hope that they don't understand you.

Or, type out a nice letter explaining your qualifications, then run it through Google Translator a couple of times (from English to Japanese, copy, paste, Japanese to English, copy, paste, English to German, copy, paste, German to English, etc.).

(There was a radio show that would do that as a weekly contest... run the lyrics of a popular song through Google and see if any of the listeners could figure it out)

[Kagato]

A friend got a call from a scammer a couple of days back and had a bit of fun with them ala userfriendly before they finally took the hint and hung up on him =p He had the call on speakerphone so I could hear the convo.

Scammer: Hello, this is <false name> calling from your bank, how are you today?
Friend: Fine, thanks for asking
Scammer: We have reason to believe that someone may have compromised your account and need to verify your details before we continue to make sure we are speaking to the account holder
Friend: sure, fire away
Scammer: First of all, what is your name?
Friend: *gives obviously fake name* J. Christ
Scammer: (continues without missing a beat, a dead giveaway) And your date of birth?
Friend: This incarnation? December 25th, 1950
Scammer: And who do you bank with?
Friend: The bank you are calling from.
Scammer: (is thrown for a second, but seems to recover quickly) *slightly nervous laugh* It's just a security question, to ensure you are an authorised party. So, who do you bank with?
Friend: I don't have a bank.
Scammer: You just said you bank with us!
Friend: That is because you said you were calling from my bank. So how much money do I have?
Scammer: *hangs up*

Or, type out a nice letter explaining your qualifications, then run it through Google Translator a couple of times (from English to Japanese, copy, paste, Japanese to English, copy, paste, English to German, copy, paste, German to English, etc.).

(There was a radio show that would do that as a weekly contest... run the lyrics of a popular song through Google and see if any of the listeners could figure it out)

Using babelfish is much better for that kind of thing, Google Translate is actually semi-accurate with certain translations, Babelfish always has been and always will be ridiculously inaccurate.

[MoonCat]

Friend: *gives obviously fake name* J. Christ
Scammer: (continues without missing a beat, a dead giveaway) And your date of birth?
Friend: This incarnation? December 25th, 1950

Well, Jesus saves....and gets 5% interest....

[smileyeagle1021]

Well, Jesus saves....and gets 5% interest....

What bank does Jesus go to... I'd love to get 5% interest on savings.

[dalesys]

Well, Jesus saves....and gets 5% interest....

My old church said he always got 10%...

Or you'd go to hell.